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The Diary of Frodo Baggins

Just so you know, everyone in this story is attracted to Frodo. Frodo is a bisexual so he doesn't mind very much. He is also a hobbit so he doesn't really notice either! Hobbits are espessially touchy-feely...
DAY ONE:

Poor stupid Bilbo. He gave me this ring that he's had for years. It's a pure gold mood ring! (I feel like a hippie!) Gandalf was mad, because it kept saying he was passionate, and I was pressuring him to tell me who his lover was, so he threw it into the fire. It didn't burn at all, and then we found out it was magic. Now some stupid guys in long black cloaks are following me. Don't they know those are out? They look soo tacky! Gandalf says I just don't understand their evil ways, and then slapped my butt. Why does everybody do that to me? Must go, Pippin's just skipped off to buy himself a pint, and he gets drunk so easily!
PS, I lost Gandalf somwhere. He probably found a cheap hooker. He can never pass them up.

DAY TWO:

Last night those men in tacky capes came into our room to stab me to death. I really don't remember much before they came because I was playing strip poker with a ranger named Strider and the other hobbits. I should have thought more about the ring, but Striders "manly parts" are very attractive! I also couldn't help but notice that Pippin's got the tightest booty I've ever seen! See how I could get so distracted? Must go, Sam is offering a foot massage and he is so good at it. I love the way he nibbles my toes!
PS- I won a manicure kit in the poker game!

DAY THREE:

We had to leave early today, as we were fleeing the tacky capes. (I did my nails along the trail. I also did Merry's nails.) Sam doesn't run well when he's scared, so I told him that we were taking a healthy jog and I would do him when we got to Rivendale. Suddenly he was ahead of everyone. After a while Aragorn offered me a ride on his pony. He is such a nice guy! He held me extra tight just so I wouldn't fall off! (At least I think that's why..) I think the ring may be getting to him. Oh, and I learned something on the horse today. Aragorn may be a nice guy, but all that body shine is a MAJOR turn-off. When I asked him why he wore it, he said that it wasn't body shine, it was real grease and sweat. I'm sure he was joking... I hope he was joking.... HE'D BETTER BE JOKING!

DAY FOUR:

I was stabbed today. I have a crusty mouth... I am on a horse with some kind of long eared alien.

DAY FIVE:

I am unconsious.

DAY SIX:

I woke up in a bed with Gandalf. It was scary, because I couldn't remember where I was, and Gandalf had no pants on. When I sat up he fell off the bed and one of the aliens came into the room. It's actually an elf, and was most likely Gandalf's cheap hooker that had.. uh..detained him. My nails looked atrocious after that tacky stabbed me, so i gave myself a manicure with my nail kit. Oh well, there was always Sam and I did say I'd do him. He had been so excited the first time I said it, but he seemed dissapointed that I meant I'd paint his nails. What did he think I meant by do him? Must go, there are elves in need of manicures!

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