Sister Mary Catherine's Sassy Skirts

Raise Eyebrows and Trousers in Church!!!

      "This woman is not a wanton, sassy harlot as some wagging tongues in the church have claimed," declared Reverend E. Dwayne Looper as he spoke concerning the scandal at Looper Ministries International. Sister Mary Catherine is Looper's "Executive Assistant" and has of late been seen wearing very seductive garments that are not biblical. These garments can cause impure thoughts in men and jealousy in other women and have ignited controversy, especially as Rev. Looper has not ordered Sister Mary to quit wearing these worldly clothes.

     Looper defended his position by stating that, "God loves her and I am personally counseling Sister Mary Catherine in hopes that she will consider repenting. However, these things take time. I mean, it takes time for a person to change and I don't want to rush this matter. She needs to make the decision of her own free will, and really, who am I to 'order' anyone to do anything? This is a matter between her and Jesus."

Looper added that, "Sister Mary Catherine does vital work here at Looper Ministries International, for example, she is working on fund-raising programs with foreign investors that could bring our ministry millions of dollars. Why, just last week Sister Mary Catherine was contacted by a foreign investor who offered us 30% of fifty million dollars if we would help them."

Despite Looper's attempt to dissuade Sister Mary's critics, catty religious gossip continued until today when Reverend Looper produced this evidence of Sister Mary's efforts:

      "This luxury trunk box is full of money that belongs to Jesus," Looper explained. "And this money will help buy powdered milk for the poor and that new Mercedes that I so desperately need. Sister Mary Catherine is working on getting us this money  which is languishing in a security company somewhere overseas. This picture of so much money has quieted down Sister Mary Catherine's critics," Looper remarked, "because all good Christians are forgiving when so much money is involved."

When asked why he needed a new Mercedes, Rev. Looper replied that, "My present Mercedes 500 is two years old and God promised me when I was a young minister that he would buy me a new Mercedes every two years as long as I continue to serve him. Personally, I think I've done a pretty good job for God, especially with my protecting Planet Earth from a violent invasion of satanic space aliens. Indeed, the fact that we have not been invaded by violent satanic space aliens proves that my ministry as a prayer warrior has been effective and so what is a new Mercedes given my work on behalf of man?"