Colonel Lyman O'Dell, USMC (ret)
Subject: <b>Who Would Jesus Bomb?</b>

I assert that our Lord Jesus, were he Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces of the United States of America -- a job that would also make him President, which he couldn't be as the Savior was not born in America, but for the sake of argument let's say he was because, well, Jesus has for all intents and purposes become an American if you really think about it because we have come to own him in important ways that no one else has, I mean, hell, where else but in America can Jesus play a role in presidential politics?

Anyway, if Jesus were the President and CIC (and how I wish he were! Oh God how I wish my precious Jesus were in the Oval Office using his divine wisdom and foreknowledge to get the US out of the slough of depravity into which it has sunk!), I am sure that he would bomb the living daylights out of the California Department of Motor Vehicles, those bastards who want to "review" my license to drive simply because I am 91 and had a small accident yesterday on the freeway in which a few folks -- and the DMV is trying to say that 45 people is a lot of people and it ain't when, as I have, you've commanded thousands of men -- got hurt, some of them more than others.

It wasn't my fault. I was driving the bus from the Senior Center to the field trip to Knott's Berry Farm where we were going to see where they make those preserves. Now I'm not in the least bit goddamned interested in jelly-making, but Lucille Montegard was going and I am as hot for her as an iron turned all the way up to "full steam." So I am driving along the Santa Ana Freeway when suddenly a giant Jesus starts coming at me. I thought I was dying, Turns out it was a movie prop that fell off a truck. Yes sir, a thirty foot Jesus hit the bus and I lost control and some people got hurt. I was fine except for the fact that my dentures flew out of my mouth and got lost somewhere there on Interstate 5 near the Magnolia exit.

I didn't get a ticket and yet I still have to go in and prove to the goddamned DMV that I should be allowed to drive! They think I should have been able to dodge Jesus by turning the bus faster. They said my reactions were too slow. Too slow! Hah! "Hell," I told my grandson, "I'd like to see any man who is quick enough to outmaneuver Jesus! It ain't gonna happen. Not even Bill Clinton could do it, that rat bastard, pot smoking, womanizing, draft-dodging piece of crap!"

So I guess my questions to you folks are these: Was this God's will for this to happen to me? If so, shouldn't God be the one having to answer to the DMV? And shouldn't God be paying for my new set of dentures?

Why me O Lord? I am thy servant, Colonel Lyman O'Dell, USMC (ret).

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Author: Reverend E. Dwayne Looper
Subject: Re: <b>Who Would Jesus Bless?</b>
In reply to: Colonel Lyman O'Dell, USMC (ret) 's message, "<b>Who Would Jesus Bomb?</b>" on 21:02:01 07/20/01 Fri

"Who sinned, this man or his parents that he is blind?" asked the Pharisees.

"Neither," saith Jesus. "For this man was born blind that the glory of God might be made known." Thus speaking, Jesus touched the blind man and he was made whole.

Colonel, what this scripture tells us is that the giant Jesus fell off of the truck and struck the bus you were driving that the glory of God might be made known through you. You mentioned that you have no teeth. Sir, I believe God is telling me to lay hands upon you that ye may receive new teeth as the blind man was made to see again. Do not be astonished at my saying. Do not look to either the left or right. This is God about whom I speak and he has restored teeth, filled cavities with gold, and fixed chipped teeth, for God is the creator of teeth in his role as Heaven's Dentist.

If you have faith, Colonel, God will give you a new set of teeth. I will be in Los Angeles in August for The Looper Miracle Healing and Deliverance Rally next month. If you but come in faith believing, I say that God has a miracle in store for you and that you will come in with gums and leave with teeth.

The invitation is open. Please let me know if you accept as the seats I reserve for the infirm and crippled fill up fast and I need to reserve a special seat for you. Also, ye Drunks pay heed to my words! I come offering the salvation, healing, and deliverance of Jesus. Please make your requests made known unto God by posting here and I will bring your needs before the altar of Almighty God at my rally! And you are all invited to sit in the VIP seats and to join me afterwards at the Pentecostal Holiness Temple in Newhall, CA, for a reception where the special guest of honor will be none other than Mr. T himself. Mr. T will share his moving testimony of how Jesus guarded his heart from the many temptations the world offered him when he was the star of that fabulous show, "The A Team." And let me tell you, "I pity the fool who don't get saved, healed, and delivered by Jesus!"

Do you have faith? If so, then you can move mountains in the name of Jesus. I did. I once moved Mount Shasta in Northern California over nine inches simply by praying. I did this to shake the mountain and scare the aliens and New Agers who were living inside of this occult mountain. They fled in terror of my holy God as their dens and burrows inside of that mountain crumbled under the weight of God's glory and power.

You would think the world would know of this miracle God wrought through his servant Looper, but it was not to be. It seems that atheistic geologists have suppressed the truth and have redone maps and survey charts to hide the miracle. These people who claim that there is no God also claim that Mount Shasta never moved. But as surely as God Almighty will give new teeth to Colonel O'Dell, so too he moved Mount Shasta and also made the sun go backwards in the sky -- and I am not lying about that story because it is in the Bible! That means it is absolutely true beyond any shadow of doubt or turning! AMEN!