-- Christians Looking for Christian Romance --

Christian man seeks Christian woman for LTR. 

Likes: Singing; dancing; romancing beautiful adult women; collecting abnormal physiological specimens and exotic animals; military-style costumes bedecked with sequins. 

Dislikes: Court appearances; "white" jokes; record companies; cruel jokes about my love for children; sad clowns. 

Quote: "I am a twice-divorced, single father who loves Jehovah God and his Son, Jesus Christ, who is my Lord and Savior. Each and every night I read the Bible to my children. If they do not heed God's Word, I dangle them from the balcony.  I am very conservative except for when it comes to the ladies -- and then watch out! I am a Romeo around the ladies. No, really, I am. I just go wild for the ladies, and, as I said, I was married to two actual women. That in and of itself proves that my love is only for women. One of my wives was very pretty and the other not so pretty. When you average their looks, I like average looking women. I am really confused about many things in life, this even though I am wealthy. I think. I had to pawn a diamond wristwatch so I may not be as rich as I once was. I spent my money on a lot of weird things such as my own amusement park. I know I'm rambling, but I am just so lost without you in my life. Please call me and help me. Maybe we can get married.  Dear God, what happened to me?"

______

Kewl Christian grrrl seeks Cute Christian Guy for Hugs & Bible Reading

Turn-Ons:  Holy Spirit Raves, cigarettes, nylon mittens, and boys with big black Bibles.

Turn Offs:  Other Christian grrrls who are too fat to wear spandex, but they still do! It is soooo gross and unkewl to see cellulite under spandex!!! Too bad an Oreck eight pound upright vacuum cant suck cellulite because I know, like, seventy girls, and like, five hundred moms in my church who could use it!!! What a bunch of whale-butts, thunder thighs, and cottage cheese!!!

This is me from behind. Take a look at my butt:

I don't have any cellulite. And I look way cool like a supermodel!!! And boyz, I know what you're thinkin' and the answer is no, because love waits! That's right: You will have to marry me before you can wear my panties and bra!

_____

Hi! I'm a man who loves Jesus, serving in the pulpit, preaching the gospel message, and old fashioned picnics with a pretty lady in the country.  I'm 34, 6'0", 300 pounds -- I'm an old defensive lineman who played at Liberty University! I have been saved since April 16, 1988 when I accepted Jesus Christ at a Kenneth Copeland "Old Time Revival" in Shawnee, Missouri.

I am divorced -- my sluttish ex-wife left me -- and have been single for five years. Scripturally, it is now okay to date because my ex-wife remarried and committed adultery because she is a slut. I am not hung up on her in anyway and have forgiven her. If I call her everyday it is only to curse at her and insist that she get saved.  I very aggressively believe that everyone should get saved and be a Christian. I will not associate with non-Christians for they are pigs and deserve HELL, particularly for the shameless way they use the internet to sexually tempt Christians!! The internet is an invention of the Devil as far as I am concerned!!!

The lady I'm looking for loves Jesus and her life is Jesus and she will put Jesus before me or anyone or anything else. Jesus must be her first, middle, and last. Jesus should be her breakfast, lunch, dinner, and midnight snack. Jesus must grab her violently and shake her when she disobeys God's Word, the Bible.

The lady I seek likes holding hands on long walks through the countryside and talking about the Bible and Jesus and she likes the Country Fair in June and riding the Ferris wheel.  My friend Gene Skinner runs that old Ferris wheel and sometimes he'll make it stop when I am at the top with a lady friend so we can see the whole countryside and maybe I can steal a kiss -- but it stops there and stays there! I know that intimacy is reserved by God for marriage! Any woman who tries to sexually tempt me before marriage will get what's coming to her!!! So don't even bother writing to me if you are a slut like my ex-wife who is a so-called Christian.

I have my own home, my own car, and am financially secure and in good health. I have a big heart and a lot of love to give to the right Christian woman who loves Jesus. Please write if God moves you to do so. I live in the Pinellas County area of Missouri and have a second trailer home in Joplin that I use once a month when I go there to teach the Bible to juveniles who are incarcerated at the Joplin Youth Correctional Facility. I was one of the first ministers in the USA to get funds from President Bush's faith-based initiative program and I am trying to set young people straight on the road to God and away from dope. I try to help boys when they are young so that they do not grow up to become adult criminals.  I hate criminals, but I hate them in Christ which means that I love them. Plus, they must obey me when I go to see them at the jail or they will be beaten by the guards. This is especially true if they try to sexually tempt me! Never do that: Never try to sexually tempt me before marriage or you will so regret it!!! I mean it.

________

Christian inmate seeks Christian phone whore

They got me locked up for sumthin I dindnt do!  I hadda borrow a car so I cuwd go richusley preach at Bobby T's pool hall and confront dopers and bikers with tha WORD of GOD and sosn thay says I stole it.  An the the Police planted dope on me -- a lot. Dude, it was like a lot of dope. There is no way I coudda bot that much coke at once!!! I am lookin fer phone fun on lonlee nights with a Christshun chick who loves Jesus. She must be clean.