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#why can't you feel?..###

my only true unanswered question. *# only in these words can describe the frustration of a mind so flustered by the actions of peers and passers by. #*#* just read/




january
the end.
So this is the end
this is how things fall apart
this is what you have become
you've built a cloud of immaturity
only to block out the fact that your wrong/#

if you think that I'll pass this one, I think your wasting time.



summers waiting
watching sunsets in your eyes
understanding time, isn't standing still
and i'm reading your letters
feeling better, making amends
with you...

springtime washes away my wounds
and warms my heart
from the cold endured through my fall
and summer seems unreal to me
until autumn falls on me...

and through all this, I still miss
the sound of your voice
and when night time falls can you bare to sleep?

and does it hurt, did it make you cry,
do you wonder why we even tried
but i don't regret a thing...

when this cold breaks and i feel alive
when saturday night meets up with july
and through it all, I'll laugh and cry for you/



sometimes life comes crashing down, but you have to press on...

as he fades


03;20;03
moments scatter like fireflies
like butterflies building up inside my chest
anticipation falls like rain, but eases the pain
when you run your hand through my hair
and kiss my cheek like so many times before///
I haven't felt this way for so long
(you eyes are like diamonds)
It won't be the last time


Now fall

++Why wake up tomorrow, when it can't be the same as today?---

come to my house, we'll watch the clouds go by
we'll hang out late and watch the sunset fade into stars
and linger into the sky

*&Your voice breaks through the ashes

"I am the biggest mistake you will ever make"


Incomperable beauty*


(blue)
understand that this is what makes me feel
grasping for air/just relax and breathe for me/listen/
thats all i've ever wanted/ listen and hold me
because thats all I ever wanted you to do
understand why I am here breatihing and standing at your door/
I climb up to your window and watch you sleep/
now I realize what I wanted is gone/
as I drive away from your house I leave you a letter/
written in a language no one understands because this script is compassion/
my words try their best to reach you, but most are left out, a lot like myself
a long drive home ahead of me and regret behind me as I creep home in this dark
Can you find it?
(/blue)

--------
remember that night when I held your hand,
and told you everything your longed for but you still ripped out my heart?
Well now I'm taking it all back.
--------

blood red....set it all ablaze.....MY GOD SET IT ALL ABLAZE
I'LL SPIN UNTIL I CAN'T SEE, WHY WOULD I EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN??
I FUCKING HATE YOU, MY GOD, I FUCKING HATE THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE,
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME LIVE MY LIFE AND LET ME DIE ALONE..... but
no...
i don't want that...please stop...

why am I like this...
why am I the person who I have become...

#I am my own shot gun#

remember those summer nights,
blue lights, under city skies, counting on my star tonight
as you let go of my hand, and i looked into your eyes
you said goodbye, with no reply you slip away like grains of sand...


04;14;03 - Interview day#*
So what the fuck do you want? my life?
yeah, i'm a fucking joke aren't i....
just look at yourself you fake piece of shit

04;15;03 - Empty
/thinking of you is something that comes naturally
but I don't know who you are/
I have never seen your face,
and do not know who I am thinking of/
It's not lonliness/I'm just looking for someone who doesn't exist
and something thats not there/+

04;23;03
xlxi'm so sick of making my image so pure for your eyes,
when its your eyes that make me so filthyxlx

4;25;03 - brown eyes
when i first saw you i knew, but fell in anyway
incomperable beauty matched with a heart so pure,
but if only she knew/if only she could appreciate the beauty
of sunrises and sunsets, and the refreshing scent of a cool breeze/
/hanging on/
so i walk along a beach and wonder; (crashing waves, crashing down)
how should I feel about her tomorrow, (letting go)
when i can't even gather memories of today/
but i will press on and away from the false beauty and in the morning watch my golden sunset/

04;27;03 - no more
i'm so tired of running away from every lie and i won't stand for this shit any longer/
if it means death i will die for what i feel because what i FUCKING feel is so pure,
and I won't let you take that away from me, and use me, and suck every last breathe of air out of me...

going......home?
end paradise*


04;28;03 - nothinglastsx
i am on my own for this one and you know i'm only glass...
i break just like stars/ even stars can't last forever...
I see it in your eyes and you know;
I am not what I seem and you are the only one who knows/
you know the truth; so why run?

4;30;03
waiting for something that may never come
on a building watching the sun go down
deep brown eyes under the bluest sky
makes me want to try again...
if I had just one more day
it be a monday so i could see your face
your so distant, but the distance can be gone
if you just follow your heart

to feel alive again

05;01;03 - turningaroundgoinghome
I just want to let go and fly like I used to do
if only i could soar into the deep blue skys and dream of how things could be
now I'm left with myself and no where to go/
feeling better is my only option because i've fallen as far as I can go/
I can only pick up the pieces and pray for a better tomorrow/
so as i lay down to write my final words of the day,
i can only turn around and go back the way i've came
its time to go home..x

05;02;03 - run.
this is the last time/x
this is the final hour/x
i will make my move tonight, and not come back/x
its time to go home/x
..a new day will come and i will be alive..
this is the bottom; CLIMB.

05;02;03 - thank you.
my appreciation is something you'll never understand/
so big yet so hard to see or comprehend
if you could feel it you would know/
you've stood by me and picked me up too many times, and all I have done,
is sat aside and taken you for granted
no more/
i'll always love you, whether you feel it or not//#*#*##

##$#**%%*#cut*transmission***##%%%###

Just imagine everything went black.
as far as you could see, nothing but black; darkness
nothing. no one. everything is captured in this moment of stillness...
now
breathe;./

05;16;03 - .amibleeding.?
time is only as long as you make it
the hourglass only stops when you let it
so why don't I even know my name?
why can't I find my sould in the place where I left it?
honesty is no way out as I have learned/
it might be my only way into breathing refreshing air and fall into the ocean/
But why am I here?
why is this pain so fierce that it can take my breathe away?
my praise will be left unsaid,
because it is not worth screaming and exausting my tired lungs
and wounded heart.

--------
sunday came singing against the wind
too much to hold for such a small child
but is was so cold, (autumn leaves singing)
why can't she just say my name?
why am I seeing all of these shades of blue...

--------

05;27;03
so sick of the blook stains defacing your skin
I've crawled so long for something this disgusting...
why?

[if i ever get that chance...]

05;30;03
Hello, october sky; how have you been?
its been so long since I have seen your crimson face.
for once in my life, i'll set things straight for the first time...
and the last time...

--------
if it hurts you, I'd rather not be a part of your dialated intentions//
--------

Do you ever watch the coulds and dream of days that brighten the grayest skies?
but what are dreams made of anyway...

for every faint moment, I could write it down
words spread to thin
I know its out there; the silence I long for...


but for all its worth...what does it matter anyway?

end.