********************************************** * Initial post * ********************************************** From: Dionysus To: Voyagers Mailing List Subject: My TMI experience Date: Saturday, October 31, 1998 12:08 PM Well, I'm back. I will now proceed to transcribe the last few pages of my journal, in which I attempt to sum up my experience at TMI. ------------------- Day 7, evening, back home - Post-game wrap-up: Well, what more can I say? It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was both ecstasy and agony, elation and despair simultaneously. Looking back on the whole thing with a semblance of objectivity from the security of my home, I must say for starters that I'm happy and thankful that I went, despite the fact that, from my point of view at least, I didn't have any "transpersonal experiences" to speak of. Once again, I have to cry poor over how the tapes are not "idiot-proof," at least not for me. But, there is a caveat to that. I was told by numerous others that even if you don't consciously perceive yourself to be having experiences, you almost certainly are having them, and you have the capacity to recall them when the appropriate time comes. So I am clinging to that hope. And just the group experience is worth the price of admission, as Andy said. It's funny-- I was told time and again that expecting to have experiences of a certain type only serves as a blockage to the experiences that are actually engendered. But nevertheless, that's exactly the boat I found myself in. I expected full-blown visions or lucid dream-type events, but instead just got floating in the blackness accompanied by tactile sensations in the body and emotional responses. Maybe it was a case of not seeing the forest through the trees-- I'm not quite sure. I suppose the best thing about the week for me was how I was finally (I think) able to put to rest some deep-seated emotional issues related to ***'s death. I also came to the realization of the following: *change* is the driving force of the universe, be it death, personal development, whatever. And the key is to transcend change-- to maintain a perspective above change and to not get caught up in it. I'm not sure if the tapes had anything to do with me gaining this insight, but I suspect they did. So, to sum up, even though I consider myself to have been a failure due to a lack of having experiences of the kind I was hoping for, it's a failure I have no problem living with. Now, for a few words about the Gateway program itself. After talking with others in depth, I'm of the opinion that what people undergo during the program can almost exclusively be attributed to something called "aspecting," or exploring your own imagination/subconscious. Now, while that may be all well and good, it seems to me that Gateway should provide people with much more than that, which to me is tantamount to daydreaming and fantasizing, albeit very vivid fantasizing. I feel there's too much of an entertainment quotient to the experiences, and not enough of a sense that what happens is "real." I myself saw hypnogogic images sometimes, but so what? As Neil Peart wrote: "We sometimes catch a window A glimpse of what's beyond Was it just imagination Stringing us along?" In closing, I'd like to say that I feel proud of myself for actually pulling this off, despite the adversity in my life. I looked life right in the eye and challenged it, and I think I made a pretty decent showing for myself. =) And I do plan to go back to TMI for another program, or even for a repeat of Gateway, once I gain some competence in what I feel are the basic skills. As Neil Peart wrote: "Though I've reached a signpost It's really not the end Like Old Sol behind the mountain I'll be coming up again" =) Dionysus Chicago, IL October 30, 1998 ********************************************** * 1st follow-up reply * ********************************************** From: Dionysus To: Voyagers Mailing List Subject: Re: Andy's TMI experience Date: Tuesday, November 03, 1998 9:04 AM I can testify that everything Andy described in his account is true (as far as he knows). And he didn't even change the names to protect the guilty. Someone else (Richard P., I think) asked me to amplify more on my Gateway experience. But I won't be doing that. Andy's account contains all of the mundane activities and other minutia that went on, so anything I add would just be superfluous. And the experiences he relates stand on their own. I personally was glad to finally know what went on just a few feet away in that other CHEC unit (by the way, my CHEC unit was much nicer ... now I know what it's like to ride in a train berth). The truth be told, I didn't really have that great of a time at TMI-- I was missing *** terribly, and I was perceiving myself as not being successful, although, with hindsight being 20/20, I now concede to the possibility that I was more successful than I initially gave myself credit for. But at the time, I was very frustrated and agitated, and was not a happy camper. And to be honest some more, I'm having difficulty even now that I'm home. Even though I've reconciled myself with ***'s demise, I still miss her (I was supposed to stay with her this whole week). And on top of that, I'm suffering from something akin to "TMI letdown" or something-- I feel alone, and I've found myself crying for no good reason these past few days. Sigh. Take it light, VML. Dionysus "From first to last ... The peak is never passed Something always fires the light that gets in your eyes One moment's high ... And glory rolls on by Like a streak of lightening that flashes and fades in the summer sky" - Rush -----Original Message----- From: AW0989@aol.com To: voyagers@monroe-inst.com Date: Monday, November 02, 1998 4:11 PM Subject: My TMI experience >I wasn't sure I was going to share this because after writing it the day after >I got back and reading it now, you can tell I wasn't quite "grounded" just >yet! :-) But, perhaps that is the way to share it. It is quite long I will >warn you, but enjoy it. Remarks are welcome. I will post some pictures in a >few days when I get a moment. > >Andy > >http://members.aol.com/aw0989/TMITrip.html ********************************************** * 2nd follow-up reply * ********************************************** From: Dionysus To: Voyagers Mailing List Subject: Post-TMI Letdown Date: Wednesday, November 04, 1998 12:57 PM I hope the other parties involved don't mind, but I feel it important to share this with the list. It may shed some light on things for somebody. I have omitted references to any names. Dionysus -----Original Message----- From: Dionysus Date: Wednesday, November 04, 1998 12:41 PM Subject: Re: just me again >Wow, ****. How thought-provoking! I will attempt to respond. What I think >goes on at TMI is the following: you are in a cloistered, loving environment >in which you are exclusively focused on your self-evolution and self-growth. >And then, just like that, you're thrown back into the world of big money and >mass production, where people are treated like machines. And it's very >wrenching and painful, because you realize how much of a gilded cage the >"real" world truly is once you've been exposed to a deeper, more vivid, more >substantial reality at TMI. That's how is is for me right now, and I suspect >that's how it is for ****. I would appreciate if you share this conversation >between us with ****. I don't see how he could be offended. It can only help >him. And at TMI, they did stress that you try to *integrate* what went on >there into your "normal" life. But like a lot of things, it's easier said >than done. Take it light, ****. > >Metta > >Dionysus