ALBUM REVIEWS
*Here are some select reviews of THE 20 WORST RECORDS OF 2002 from buddyhead.com*
Kelly Osbourne - Shut Up
Record company bigwig: "Awww isn't it cute when the two spoiled little brats beat each other up every 5 minutes? Let's give the one with the least zits a record deal. She can't sing, and doesn't know anything about rock music cos she was a diehard N'Sync fan a year ago, but we'll auto-tune the fuck out of her voice in pro tools, and dress her band up in some flavor of the week nu-punk threads, and the 13 year olds won't know the difference."
The Vines - Highly Evolved
Never before has the word "poser" seemed so relevant. We're supposed to think this kid is "crazy" cos he crosses his eyes and smokes out of a bong? Our only conclusion is that he's "Highly Retarded". I bet Silverchair is bummed on these guys for stealing their "Australian band ripping off Nirvana" shtick. Does this kid own a shotgun yet? Let's hope this guy continues to mimic Kurt Cobain to a T.
Audioslave - Audioslave
If I have to see that assclown with pigtails and half his
body tattooed black playing bass ABOVE his nipples in
one more band, there's going to be dead bodies
everywhere. At least when Dio joined Sabbath they
could always partially smokescreen the wackness by
jamming out oldies like "Sweet Leaf" or something.
What are these guys gonna do?
Moby - 18
Please take this goofy tone-deaf wiener off my TV.
Moby needs to take the millions he's made off car
commercials and buy an island really far away where he
can eat all the little veggie sausages he wants, update
his website 17 times a day, and spare us from his
Sesame Street soundtrack bullshit. Who wants to bet
those guys who beat up Moby were just Spiritualized
fans pissed at him for ripping off Jason Spaceman's
spacesuit getup?
Avril Lavigne - Let Go
+
Sum 41 - Does This Look Infected?
+
New Found Glory - Sticks And Stones
+
Boxcar Racer - Boxcar Racer
+
Simple Plan - No Pads, No Helmets, Just Balls
Mall punk was everywhere in 2002. Thanks to Blink182,
we have 7,892 cute and cuddly bands whose music
videos look like Saved By The Bell episodes. Silly, cute,
safe, and goofy good times for the entire family! With
Hot Topic accessories no less! Punk Ruuulez! These
bands are the reason that punk is deader than Sid
Vicious.
Bowling For Soup - Drunk Enough To Dance
We would have put these dipshits in the grouping of all
the other mall punk bands, but we wanted to point out
that on top of these guys swallowing as much as the
others, these guys happen to have the most obese
person to ever pick up a guitar in their band. This fat
ass makes the dudes in Korn look like citizens of
Rwanda.
Good Charlotte - The Young And Hopeless
These geeks should have also been in the grouping of
all the other mall punk bands, but deserved a smidge
more attention for subjecting us to their "rock show" on
mtv... strangely enough, a show that had nothing rock
n' roll about it whatsoever. Way to go dudes, talking
about Nofx in between playing Disturbed videos lit our
world on fire. 11 year olds in Nebrahoma are hanging
onto every word these morons are saying, thus sealing
their cute and cuddly mall punk destinies. These clowns
make Sum 41 look like Black Flag.
*Here are some select reviews of THE 20 WORST RECORDS OF 2001 from buddyhead.com*
Limp Bizkit - New Old Songs
Fart on a mic. Sell millions of records to steakheads everywhere
under the guise of "underdog". Lose a guitarist… the only dude in the
band with any slight musical talent whatsoever. (when we say slight,
we mean extremely slight) Now try to smokescreen the public into
thinking you're actually being productive by re-mixing the farts you
previously laid down on mics by getting "big names" to remix your
farts. Let's not forget the fact that this will also make you even more
money by milking the era of your band when you actually still had a
band. We all know what the verdict is on this one. You still can't
polish a turd, even if the people trying to polish it are "big names".
Give it five years and this album will look a lot like Poision's double
disc live record.
P.O.D. - Satellite
Jock metal meets Jesus in southern California. Just because it's
positive doesn't mean the music is better. HEY DUDES, EVEN
JESUS THINKS YOU SUCK.
Slipknot - Iowa
The WWF meets jock metal. A bunch of fat white trash dudes from
the midwest dressed up like clowns with masks and jumpsuits on,
who actually take themselves seriously while looking this way and
think they're the fuckin saviors of rock n' roll or some shit. These
guys have too many people in the band. It's kinda like the ska
version of death metal.
Creed - Weathered
This is one of those bands that sells like 40 million records, but you
never know a single person who owns one of them cos all the people
who do live at a truckstops somewhere in rural Arkansas or
something. This is what people who normally listen to Garth Brooks
listen to when they wanna get "crazy". Hey dudes, Jesus thinks you
guys suck too, and somewhere in heaven he's being nagged by John
Bonham about your shit band ripping off Zeppelin.
Alien Ant Farm - Anthology
Fat dudes making funny faces and trying to make a name for
themselves like every other shitty flash in the pan band does… by
getting big off a novelty cover. Weak. Now they realize there aren't
any other single worthy songs on the album, so they have to re-shoot
a video of their first single that flopped and work that angle. People
who own this album deserve to be pistol-whipped. We'd kick our
own asses if we liked this shit.
Nickelback - Silver Side Up
Watered down Creed sung by a guy who could pass for the return
of Jesus Christ after he got beat down severely by the ugly stick.
Puddle Of Mudd - Come Clean
Not only is this a fabricated band, but it's a band that was fabricated
by Fred Durst. Double shitty
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