Such a shit weekend
-This weekend has been soo boring lol. Just like last weekend, I sat at home all Saturday and then today I went to see my grandad. Fun! Ah well. I best get out next week cos I have shit loads of shopping to do. I need to buy presents and all that crap. Eurgh.

Simon has a new girl! I was chatting to him and he was saying how he was going on this un official date with some girl he's liked for ages. He said he was gonna ask her out so good for him! Hehe.

I hate sitting at my grandads cos I get so bored and then all these weird songs are on the radio about love and shit. It's so depressing lol. Then someone will always get stressed (normally my dad) and it's all schmoo. Today I spent the whole time thinking about things that I don't really wanna think about. It's starting to get worse, just eating away at me. That's the biggest reason why I need to get out at the weekends. Sitting at home is driving me mad... literally.

Watching that programme on Charles II again. It's quite good really. There was a lot of scandle in the life of a king lol. Well I'm beginning to ramble on so I might end this entry for now.

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Hmm
-Well it's Friday today and a lot has gone on since I last wrote, even though it's only been 2 days. I don't really wanna discuss it on here though so I won't.

Had my heafs today. It didn't hurt at all lol, I can't believe I was worried about them this morning. Ah well. Yesterday I went to psychology which was pretty interesting, and then I had to go help out at scouts, which was ok. We made scones and played games with them and stuff.

Going to some lecture on gynacology (I think that's how you spell it :p) on Wednesday. Should be erm... interesting? Lol. Suzie asked us to go and I thought it would be alright having a whole day off timetable. Well it isn't exactly as good as I thought. I gotta take my maths test 2 days early now, AND at lunch. Great! Ah well. Had to see Miss Goddard about it, and she freaks me bad lol. Guess it'll be a laugh.

Been practising like mad for this Christmas concert, had to lug my guitar up to school and everything. It sounds alright at the moment (the guitar ensemble thing), so we'll see. Got an email from Pheeb's today! She's staying at her aunt and uncles atm and I now have an address to send her letters. That'll be cool :)

Well I'll be off. I had loads to say but I have forgotten half of it. Probably be back later to fill you in. Well later on!

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Hehe
-Just got back like an hour ago from orchestra, it was funny as usual. Chatting to Sarah and Kirsti atm online. Went on my hotmail account to check for emails, and it turns out that hotmail has had some crazy facelift, very odd lol.

Yesterday was odd too. Went and met Simon in Brentford after getting completely soaked walking to Emma's. I had to borrow an umbrella and a coat lol, it was so embarressing. Then on the way to explorers on the 267, we saw James and Harry and all that lot. It turns out that they had been to see Tom who is in hospital after getting hit by a car on his bike. I sorta laughed from the shock, I felt really bad after, it just sounded so silly. We made him cards lol. I wrote 'Brake next time (just not your leg!)' hehe. Then we walked Simon to the bustop and waited with him for the bus. I chatted to him loads and it was cool. He makes me laugh so damn much lol.

We decided that we wanna set up Elias and this party Clare is having. It's gonna be this MASSIVE house party and will be the highlight of xmas lol. Anyways, we have to find him a women cos he so deserves one. Then I just found out from Sarah that Simon wants to be set up aswell, so we got our work cut out lol. Also, we want to set up Mia with either Roberto or Chris. Well apparently she likes Chris :S but also apparently her and Roberto would be good together lol. I feel very sorry for her :p

Parentals are out at tescos atm so I got free house. Lol, but what good is that without people to share it with? Ah well, I'll sit here with my Reese's cups (mmmm) and listen to some crazy music. Sounds good non? :p

Still missing Pheebs loads. It's so odd without her. I got this lovely picture of her on my phone though, and I can have a look at it whenever I want :) Sent her an email like yesterday just about crap that's happening and the weather lol. So silly. Just got a call from Alex but was only about the science h/w. Hmm lost my thread now...

Yer so this house party of Clare's is gonna be cool. I dunno if I should invite people from Orleans or something. They need a good time atm, but my mates are kinda a bit intimidating :S I'll see. Also been invited to Hayley's house party this Saturday. Don't even know her that well, so might not go if I'm not in the mood. ARGH got this xmas concert a week on Thursday. Not looking forward to it lol. I hate the whole pressure thing, it's so crap.

Was looking online for xmas ideas and came across the DV3. It's like the DV2 that Ed, Gus and Ally have, but just a bit better (and it's gold lol). I might ask for it for xmas, it'll be funny to record people, and this one can take like 30 mins of recording with a big memory card. I'll see. Anyways, I'll be off now.

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Such arses everywhere lol
-Today was alright really. Had a laugh in science and english was easy. Nothing really that different there lol. Got explorers tonight, and I'm taking Simon along so that should be cool. Kinda worried who he'll hang out with though. I mean I don't mind if he sticks around with me, but I'm not sure if Emma and people will mind. I can't shove him with the guys cos they won't be very nice to him. Ah well, we'll see :p

Parents had the day off today, so I dunno when they will get back. Tried to shove the fact that they didn't have to do any work right in my face. Well dad did anyways, but what's new there? He is such an arse at times.

Hehe, was on the bus on the way home with Thalia and Rach sitting on the top at the back. I saw Kayleigh at one of the bustops waiting for a bus to Richmond I think, and waved to her. I had to bang on the window to draw her attention and some other guy thought I was waving at him lol. He started waving back and he looked well chuffed with himself. Silly arse :p Feel kinda sorry for him lol. There was some other weird guy on the bus, shouting about how he had some 'hot date' to go to. I was so trying not to laugh too loud. I mean he was totally up himself and such a minger too :p

Well I'm off to practise some guitar and blah, blah. Hope explorers is ok tonight, might be weird without Phoebe :( Later on.

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Sunday
-Well yes it is Sunday and for once I didn't go and see my grandad, not sure why but hey. I was hoping that this was my chance to get out and actually do something this weekend lol, but I was sadly mistaken. Everyone was too busy and blah blah, all the reasons you can think. Hopefully valid ones to. Ah well. I did what I did yesterday, sat on my arse and vegetated lol. I spoke a couple of times to people online, played my guitar, had soup and listened to music. Oh yer and cried a whole lot more. So nothing new there.

Argh I need to get out, I hate sitting here in this god damn house rotting. The most exciting highlight of my day was learning some TAB lol. Text Tom this morning a load, turns out he is proper ill poor guy. Haven't seen him for time so I reckon that me, him and Claudia should meet up sometime. Oh yer! Dean text me last night. Well you can imagine my confusion at like 11:30 at night, feeling my phone vibrate and seeing that my ex had text me. I thought it was some kinda freaky dream. Anyways, he was just saying hi and everything. Very random but nice all the same. He asked why I never came out anymore and I told him it was cos I am hardly ever invited. He said that he would invite me next time which is nice. Made me smile anyways, I think he finally wants to be mates again :)

Forgot yesterday to tell you about Alex, the Johnny Wilkinson look-a-like hehe. I turned up in Richmond on Friday night with Emma, Sarah, Holly, Phoebe and Kirsti and he was there with a load of people waiting. It struck me instantly that he looked like someone famous and after a while I began to realise who. I told him and we compared with the picture that I just happened to have in my pocket (oh the shame lol). He soooo does! It was kinda freaky but cool all the same. He's a nice guy too, and I talked to him a bit. Seemed really genuine.

Also saw loads of people who I haven't seen for time. Lorna was there, Alice too and Theo which was cool. And it was nice to know that so many people cared for Pheebs and was there to say farewell. There were no hard feelings shown from the sleepover which was a bonus. Also met a couple of new people and saw Dom, Luke and Daniel for a brief amount of time. Oh yer and Ollie, but lets not go into that (SUCH A DICK :@).

Lol well that's all for now really. Feeling kinda sick from eating a WHOLE tin of tomato soup lol. Stupid yes but extremly yummy. Still missing Phoebe greatly and wishing that she was still here. I reckon the pain will fade slowly though, atleast I hope so...

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-Today has been one of those weird days where you don't go out and then are trapped inside with hardly anything to do. I get all fidgety lol. So I played a load of guitar and cried lots and listened to loads of music (thus the name :p) But now I am feeling quite a lot better.

Fell asleep for about 30 minutes and had the weirdest dream about Edd :s But lets not go into that lol. Then I woke up and made him a copy of Chloe's cd which is even stranger. Ah well. Mum and dad just got in with a load of stuff they bought so I better go say hi. Laters.

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For you
-This is for Phoebe. I know you like U2 so I changed some of the words to two of their songs for you. Miss you so much.

I would climb the highest mountain
I would run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I would run
I would crawl
I would scale these city walls
These city walls
Only to be with you

***

And love is not the easy thing
The only baggage that you can bring
Not the easy thing
The only baggage you can bring
Is all that you can't leave behind
And if the darkness is to keep us apart
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off
And if your glass heart should crack
And for a second you turn back
Oh no, be strong

Walk on, walk on
What you got, they can't steal it
No they can't even feel it
Walk on, walk on
Stay safe tonight

You're packing a suitcase for a place far away
A place called New Zealand
You could have flown away a while ago
A singing bird in an open cage
Who will only fly for freedom

Walk on, walk on
What you got you can't deny it
Can't sell it or buy it
Walk on, walk on
You stay safe tonight

And I know it aches
How your heart it breaks
You can only take so much

Walk on
Walk on

Keep on walking Pheebs. Logging out-

She's gone...
-Phoebe has gone now, and I doubt that I will ever see her again :( Last night was one of the most emotional nights of my life. Practically everyone was crying and after a while even I couldn't hold back the tears. We just hung around in Richmond, and although people were saying it was boring I didn't care. It was our last ever gathering together with Pb there and that was so special. I'm gonna miss her so so much. It hit home when me, Emma, Sarah and Phoebe were leaving to get the car back and some of the others were leaving to get the bus. Everyone was saying goodbye and I had managed to keep the tears back, then Phoebe said 'Omg, Gemma I haven't hugged you goodbye!' and the tears just came. I realised that the moment they let go of each other they would never hug again and that was a horrid thought.

When I hugged her and got outta the car I didn't cry because I wanted her last memory of me to be smiling and happy. Even writing this is making me cry. The last time I ever saw her was as she drove off in the car, and I waved to her from the pavement. It's something I'll never forget. It feels like I've lost her, even though I haven't really. It so surreal knowing that right now she is on-route to somewhere the other side of the earth, that is such a long way away. Everytime I think that I'm never gonna see her face again and be able to hug her and watch her smile and laugh, the tears just come flooding back. I've lost one of my best friends.

She played such a big part in my life even though she didn't even go to my school and she's been cruelly taken from us. I was the last person ever to see her out of all her mates. It's the weirdest thought. When we were in the car dropping Sarah off at the bus stop, we got there and Sarah and Phoebe were by the two doors with me and Emma between and Sarah reached past us to hug Phoebe and said 'I can't even hug you goodbye properly' They just held hands and cried. I felt so bad for them, and when we drove away leaving Sarah at the bus stop just crying and crying I felt the full force of what was happening. And then at Emma's when Emma and Pheeb's said goodbye I couldn't watch as Bev had to seperate them. I'll never forget the grief shwon as best friends said goodbye forever.

This is to Phoebe. I love her so much and I never said it to her face. I hope she know's how much she is cared for by her friends, and I hope to that she has the best life possible in New Zealand. I know that she'll be happy. I miss you already my darling :(

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:(
-Omg, I can't believe that Phoebe is actually going tomorrow. I'm probably never gonna see her again and it is THE weirdest feeling. Meeting up with her and everyone today to see a film and stuff. Hell it's going to be so odd without her :(

On a better note, been pretty happy today apart from the whole Pb leaving thing which is crap. Had all my h/w done (gasp all you like - it's true :p) and was just having a right laugh with people. English was crazy hehe and the only bad lesson was history (sighs) but that's only expected now. Also, Dan text me :D and so that was cool. Um yer well I'll be off now, byeee!

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Day of the test
-Lol well took the module exams which weren't too bad and then that weird yellis test which was all bollox really :p Been a pretty boring day mostly, except for psychology which was kinda interesting. We're doing some pretty complex stuff atm which is cool.

Watching that holiday swap programme right now, it's so crap really. I don't like all the reality stuff, just gets old you know? Ah well, 'till next time.

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