BABAE: Honey, mag-69 tayo.
LALAKE: Ano yon? B: Ituturo ko sa yo. (nakaposition na sila e napautot ng 4x si babae).
LALAKI:ayoko na diko na kakayanin ang 65 pang utot!! ========================================== Pinoy Poem

Thing none knew see in die
Who bought, who bad
The hill key none taught see in die
Last fog see in die
Fog must done knew see who one
Thin knee tea gas sun
Cash sea see in die
Who bought, who bad
Bull ball money peace.
In knee love bus knee who one
Dean act money in die
Key knee league see who one
The hill be not tea knee in die
Knee love as son see who one
Be thin see in die!
========================================== "FATHER & SON"

A father confeses to his son that their farm in the province may not produce enough crops to see them through the rainy season, so he tells him that they seek work in Manila. As they prepare to go, the father packs cooked rice as "baon" for lunch. On to Manila they went - around and around Metro Manila. Lunch came, with no job available to them, the father decides to eat lunch first, he tells his son "anak, bili ka nga ng sardinas, dun o, an' laking tindahan!" pointing out to a gasoline station. the son sets out, and being not able to read, buys a 2T motor oil and gives it to his father, who also cannot read. The father says, "'nak buti malaki 'tong nabili mo, gutom na gutom na ako e, sige, buksan mo na!" as the son opens the can, he notices something, "'tay, bakit ganito, puro mantika?!", the father replies, "ganyan talaga anak, mukhang statside pa nga, nadurog lang siguro, sige kain!" After eating they move on to their job-hunt and as they walk, the son farts and again, he notices something, "'tay bakit ganito, umutot ako - amoy usok ng trysikel?!" the father replies - "ganyan talaga anak, kanina pa nga ako umuutot - amoy usok ng TRAK!!!" ========================================== "CANADA"

A Filipino guy from Bicol tries very hard to come to Canada. In doing so he spent all his money and sold all his valuables so after he gets out of the Canadian airport he takes the bus to go stay at his relatives' house He thinks to himself, "Galit na galit ako parang gusto kong pumatay." So he takes a out his knife and flashes it at some white guy standing there on the bus, The white guy then says, " Yo ! BE COOL man be cool!" Then the Filipino guy says, "Oh Pasalamat ka, taga Bicol ka kundi pinatay na kita!!" ========================================== "ENGLISH SPEAKING"

In the Philippines, most kids in private schools are forced to speak English at all times. A kid who just came from the province and who barely speaks the language tried his best to do so. One day, the kid needed to go to the bathroom so bad but he didn't know what to tell his teacher. He raised his hand and said, "guro, pwede po bang pumunta nang banyo?" (meaning, teacher may I go to the bathroom?') Since the boy didn't speak English, the teacher pretended that she didn't hear him. The boy said to himself, "what should I say (in Filipino, of course)". Then suddenly, the boy raised his hand and said, "FATHER, MOTHER, I", and quickly rushed out the door and to the bathroom. The teacher wondered what the boy meant. 15 minutes later, the boy came back. The teacher asked him where he went. He said that he went to the bathroom and he needed to go really bad. Then she asked what he meant when he said 'FATHER, MOTHER, I'. The boy then explained, "FATHER in filipino meant TATA, MOTHER in filipino meant INA and I in filipino meant AKO". =========================================== STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you. ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes. STANLEY HO: I'll just sell it to you for P100. ERAP: Okay, I'll get two =========================================== There once was a Filipino man who worked at the grocery store and noticed that someone left their lights on their vehicle. He decided to be a good Samaritan and announced the following over the intercom system: "excush mae, der eez a ca wit de lights on, license phlate numbearrr, LBQ123, El as in elepant, vee as in victory, and q as in cucumbearrr ========================================== "MS UNIVERSE BEAUTY"

The SETTING: Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion
THE FINALISTS:
Ms. America Ms. Spain Ms. Britain Ms. Iran Ms. India Ms. Philippines
QUESTION: Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA: Well, I would say that , male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION: Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA: Because it stands every time it sees a woman.
(Applause...Applause)
QUESTION: Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION: Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN: Because it charges every time it sees an opening.
(Applause....Applause)
QUESTION: Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors.
QUESTION: Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN: Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause...Applause)
QUESTION: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN: Well. I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.
QUESTION: And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN: Because they always enter through the back door.
(Applause...Applause)
QUESTION: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA: Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a laborer.
QUESTION: Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA: Because it works day & night.
(Applause...Applause)
QUESTION: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES: Ahh... well, opcors, hihihi... I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis!
QUESTION: Chismis?
MS. PHILIPPINES: Ayy! Sorry... it's ano, ahh kuwan... it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION: Hmm... interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS. PHILIPPINES: Ayy... dyahe! Hihihi! Kasi... I mean... Because... it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION!)