*****DISCLAIMER*****
The content of this part of my website may not only be offensive to some, but triggering if you have dealt with some of these issues before. I do not in any way, shape, size, or form condone fads such as "Pro-Eating Disorders" and the like. So be warned, but also be informed that this page is NOT intended to provide self-destructive material. Go somewhere else if you're looking for someone to help you kill yourself.
...My Story...
The more that I think about it, the harder it is to pinpoint an actual start of my eating disorder. I was molested at age 11. After that things were just not the same. I recall being 14, in a foster home (during the beginning of 9th grade), and being overly preoccupied with my body. It just wasn't good enough for me...
...A broken childhood, and failed relationship after failed relationship caused a devastating hit to my self-esteem. I somehow determined that losing weight would make me magically happy. The kind of happy that I'd always dreamed about. So, I got some diet pills, and started my diet. I got into the whole Pro-Anorexia fad online, joining online groups and such...It wasn't too long after that, that things spiraled drastically downward. "Who me? Anorexic? Never." You see, I wasnt like Them. Soon, I was purging and starving and drugging myself into a very dangerous state, all the while completely oblivious to the amount of weight I was losing. I plummeted from my healthy, beautiful figure of 110 lbs, to a sickly shadow of 83 lbs in mid-July after my Sophomore year. I slept, dreamed, lived, and breathed food. Obsessively counting calories and exercising...Thin was never thin enough. It took a near heart attack in August to open my eyes to the reality...I WAS DANGEROUSLY SICK...
...I stumbled along a road of self-attempted recoveries in vain. Each time I've just relapsed, and gotten worse than before. To this day, I still fight that voice in my head that tells me I'll never be good or thin enough for anyones love or approval...
...This story is far from over. To all of you who know the pain and suffering of an eating disorder, please know that you are not alone. That voice has no weight attached to it. I guaruantee you know at least one person suffering from one of these diseases, and you may not even know it. These diseases are very secretive, and painful. If you or someone you know has one, I implore you...Get the help you DESERVE. No one deserves to suffer and hurt because of these horrible disorders. And you WILL die. Don't fool yourself into thinking just because you're not emaciated beyond belief, and you just look like "an average person" or "too fat to have an eating disorder", that this can't kill you. You don't have to weigh 50 lbs to die. Quite the opposite. Think about this: How many 50 lb girls OR boys (Because sorry to burst your bubble, but this problem is becoming very prevalent in boys and men, and on the rapid rise statistically...) do YOU see walking around? Not many I bet. Yet, Anorexia Nervosa kills 10% of its victims. Please, just take this all into perspective, and remember...You are worthy of love and peace just like any other human being. Don't ever let anyone convince you differently.
Finally, I must give you one link that has helped some of my friends, and actually inspired me to recover. This is not a life-style, a fad, or a "cool new diet plan"...It isn't cute or fun, it hurts and it KILLS. Don't let "the demons"(as I call them) win without a fight. (Despite lack of proper care by various Physicians, Hospitilizations, Insurance companies, etc, I am (sadly) still fighting this sick and twisted disease.)
Give it a look...It can't hurt, right?
İRobyn Victoria Sparkes
