In my journey toward healing, I have grappled with the issue of self-forgiveness. The guilt and shame that I experienced, is so deeply embedded in my psyche, that I have not been able to weed it out of my system. Logically, I understand that I have nothing to feel ashamed or guilty about. It was not my fault. But, I have not been able to believe that or convince myself otherwise.
During my therapy, I constantly complained that I was stuck on a plateau and could not make strides toward healing. I just could not get past that mental block and I was very frustrated, angry and depressed. My Therapist suggested that I write down a script for self-forgiveness which would enable me to bring out into the open, the issues that were bothering me. She instructed me to read this out to myself for 5 minutes each time, three times a day. This conversation with myself, she said, would help me to practice self-forgiveness. "Try, Try, Never Say Die" was my motto and I wrote the script below to help me forgive myself. I also found that whenever I felt depressed, looking at the positive aspects in my life, put perspective on the entire situation. It also helped me separate the present from the past.
Has this script helped me? YES! Did I religiously follow the three times routine each day? No! However, I do go over this script in my head whenever I feel overwhelmed with sadness or frustration. I cannot say that I have completely forgiven myself (even though there is nothing to forgive) but I am not assailed by the guilt and shame as frequently as before. Is that progress? Undoubtedly Yes--because it helps me to get on with my life in a normal manner.
I should forgive myself because: