If you're in college and if you feel like you "don't belong" or if you feel left out and really lonely, this is the article for you!
College, at least in the United States is suppose to be this wild party. You're suppose to be going wild, going to parties, getting laid, making friends and having fun. Let loose there dude, it's time to shed your inhibitions and be "free"! The Media and MTV focus on this theme constantly. Every young person in pop culture is basically the same. When was the last time you saw a 22 year old in the media who was not into drinking/partying/drug use/hooking up with women/having fun/etc? Normal people have died out on TV.
Believe me, I was like everyone else and got hypnotized and seduced into this thinking. When you don't drink, when you don't party, when you don't do drugs, you feel like you don't fit in. I wasn't a part of the frat guy crowd, I wasn't into athletics, I wasn't a surfer or skater dude. I wasn't into theater. What's left? You end up not doing anything, not talking to anyone, feeling like you donít fit in with anyone.
The world is not as black and white as the media makes it out to be. There's not just the frat guys or sorority girls or the student government preppies. Believe it or not, there are other people out there who are pretty cool, who are into their own thing. You're not going to find these people on TV though! The media's view on college students is pretty warped. Everyone is so one dimensional, you forget that there are 3 dimensional people in college. Turning off the TV improved my life alot.
If you're looking to find friends, look in different places. Look to groups outside of college. Whether its a church group, a Star Wars group, a Business related group, drawing, martial arts, Toastmasters, a hiking group, rock climing, whatever the case may be. I've met some cool people that I never really thought existed before. I had to open my eyes up. At college, there are tons of groups as well. Instead of feeling like "I don't fit in", maybe I can find a group where I do fit in. What a concept.
I'm sitting here typing this on January 13, 2004. I had this great epiphany a few weeks ago. See the world as it is, and you can change your life. I didn't really see the world as it was during my really shy and lonely days. I was too focused on the stories in my head.
For example, I've met 4 girls in real life that I first met online (just casual meetings, not dates). The first girl was nice, but I didn't really like her in person, and didn't want to hang out with her again. With the second girl, I could sense that we didn't really click. She was more into the sorority girl/party girl world. The 3rd girl was cool, but I didn't feel like I fit in. With the 4th girl, I thought we had a fun time, but I never heard from her again (disappointed).
Being depressed and really shy, this is how I saw it. "Great, I've met these girls, and no one really likes me. I can't believe I had fun with the 4th girl, but I never heard from her again. I wonder if anyone really likes me. Why doesn't anyone invite me out?"
See the world as it is. Rejection is bound to happen. I'm not going to click with everyone. It was only 4 different women. Just because I didn't click with them doesn't mean that all women are the same way.
The 2nd girl did invite me out! But I didn't really pay attention to it. She invited me out to a club after we had dinner. But I had never been to a club before and was kind of embarrassed about it.
Those stories in my head simply weren't true. They were not a true representation of what was going on in reality. Forget the freakin stories!!
It comes down to just liking who you are as a person. I had heard that cliche probably dozens of times in books or on shyness related websites. But it's really true. I've learned how to accept compliments. I've learned how to focus on the great qualities I have.
It's a different reality for me. You get so focused and wrapped up on what you're doing wrong, and how people don't like you and finding all the reasons you can think of to back up your view. I can remember turning on MTV a few years ago, and watching one of those Real World reunion shows. And they gave all the air time to the loud frat guys, and the more quiet and mellow guys weren't shown much (a guy like me!). And yep....it just confirmed my view that everyone should be a frat guy, and the intellectuals are dying off. I was getting angry, just after watching 10 minutes of a TV show.
Forget the MTV crap! Forget the stereotypes, or this other BS. There's a really big world out there. There's alot of different kinds of people to meet. Have fun with it!
Also, a great book that I've learned alot from is by Dr Wayne Dyer titled "Your Erroneous Zones". It's gotten great reviews on Amazon. I'm also a big fan of Tony Robbins books. "Awaken the Giant Within" was one of the best books I've ever read.