Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving! We did. It was very low key- (and very YUMMY) at my parents' house. The next day, I ended up cooking a turkey and had a few friends over for another Thanksgiving...I must say though, that my Mothers' turkey dinner was much tastier. Now I need to start working out!
On the medical front, Morgan continues to do pretty well. She attended school every day this week. We have gotten into the relatively new routine of letting her sleep in and she goes to school whenever she wakes up. Yesterday morning was a record...she woke up at 11:35 am! Needless to say, she only spent a couple hours at school. The only transfusion she received was the Wednesday before Thanksgiving - she needed platelets. Otherwise, she seems to be holding her own. This is a good thing. The next round of chemo? I do not know yet.
Emotionally, Morgan has been on a spiritual quest, of sorts, this week. As I type this I may get philosophical and if you don't want to go there, thanks for checking in, but it is time to log off now.......
We have been struggling to provide Morgan as normal a life as possible - despite the cancer. Every mother wants her child(ren) to be happy and content...with the solid belief that they are safe and well loved. While most of these bases have been covered within the parameters that we have been given...she has had a huge fear of the afterlife, God and her role in "why" she has this cancer etc etc. She has expressed her anger towards God because "if He has a hand in everything...then He must have caused her cancer". Morgan has asked some questions that I truly don't have answers for (and some of her viewpoints I cannot fault her for!).
This was a week where I put my own fears aside in order to try to calm hers. We had a "breakfast date" with the assistant pastor (Sarah) of our parish on Tuesday. Morgan knew that a minister has close ties with God...and since she was mad at God....she had nothing to say to any ministers. Simple. Yet, those of you who know Morgan well, won't be surprised that she ended up talking the whole time. It went really well. Nothing of significant substance came out of it, but a foundation was established...a foundation that can be built upon. She was very comfortable with Sarah. This foundation is for a bridge to help her over some of her fears. The bridge is far from finished - but at least it is being worked on.
I have talked about the workings of the cosmos before...well, it is amazing what you receive when you are open to it!
After the breakfast date was set, Morgan got a card in the mail. The card was from Callie's mom, Shelley (Callie is the 12 year old who passed on from cancer right after Easter of this year - they also live in Peterborough). HUGE BREATH. Even though I could barely read the card myself that night, I read it to Morgan the next morning. It contained a very powerful offering. Shelley was offering to talk to Morgan about Callie's passage to heaven and answer any questions that she may have. She feels Callie's presence all the time and wanted to share some of that experience with Morgan. Another huge breath. Morgan was more than happy to see Shelley and the baby cows (which surprised me)....as long as I didn't go (this didn't surprise me at all). OK then......
Off we went, after school, on Wednesday. Needless to say, I was more than a tad nervous/scared...but if it could relieve her fears and make her feel safe....then it would be well worth it. At first, Morgan asked that I stay. We tried to get the attention of the calves, talked about cows etc before going into her house. Morgan and Shelley went up to Callie's room to show Morgan around and talk. I was downstairs for 15 or so minutes when Morgan came out of Callie's room, leaned over the banister, and asked if I could go home now (without her). Wow. Morgan actually came home in good spirits.
What does this all mean?? It means nothing more than a couple contacts have been made to help address some of her fears, on a spiritual level. Yet, it means EVERYTHING if Morgan is willing to listen and learn....and if it helps her to minimize her fears and replace those fears with an abundance of security and love. I believe the reason that she doesn't want me around when having these types of discussions is that she wants to protect me as well as others she doesn't want hurt. Leave it to her to look out for others! She never ceases to amaze me.....
Needless to say, this week was huge in her emotional/spiritual development. It is far from over...but the first steps have been taken. Where am I with all this?? I am deeply saddened that these discussions are occurring for the reasons that they are....but if it puts her mind at peace, it is sooooo very well worth it. The reality of it all is that "what is...is" and I want Morgan to feel some sort of security in the future....whatever that may be.
Amidst this long rambling of her past week, Morgan's Spirit and Will remains very strong. Today, after a bowling birthday party...she went to do some pottery with a friend with more activities scheduled for tomorrow. Outside of sleeping in, her hair and paleness, she really shows few signs of the war she is waging inside of her. An incredible thing to witness but I think that is about enough for now.
On another note, please add our friend Caroline to your prayers. They just found out that the chemo regimen that she was on (the same one as Morgan with 2 additional days) really isn't working. A tumor has grown, despite the chemo. They will be doing further testing next week to see the extent of the disease. My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you guys.
Take care and God Bless,