Mood: not sure
First and Foremost, I want to wish Ryan a very Happy 11th Birthday!! Even though today is the "official" day, we are going to celebrate it tomorrow evening. Thanks to my Mom for baking cupcakes for his class....we were very busy yesterday so that was a huge help. I cannot believe how time flies! Morgan heard that he wanted a massage, and, given that today is his actual birthday, she wouldn't wait until tomorrow to give him his certificate for one. He was so psyched!
I was going to update yesterday, but yesterday evening found us at the local hospital for a transfusion. Her red cell count was incredibly low. This was the first transfusion locally. After a few glitches were worked out, it went well. A friend brought in some dinner and a "beverage". We sat around and talked for the duration of the transfusion....with Morgan putting in her two cents worth every so often. Thanks Donna W! Morgan's pediatrician also joined us...we had a little "party." We ended up getting back home late last night. Karl was down in MA, overnight, for his aunt's funeral.
What a couple of days. Morgan is still holding her own, even though she is very tired. They have seriously "upped" her pain meds again (and again and again) since my last update, but I think she is now comfortable. Despite the meds, she is still going outside every day, having friends visit...she even painted some pottery this afternoon. Her latest and greatest is that when she wakes up she is famished and wants food NOW or she wants to stretch her legs and walks around the house NOW. Who am I to argue??
Yesterday was crazy due to the meds and the transfusion...but it was also a hard one because Ryan and I had THE TALK. Ryan knew that Morgan is very sick...he knew that she may die.....but this talk was about taking out the "may" and "probably". I always tried to leave a decent opening for a miracle, and this may be how I kept some of my strength that folks seem to see. But...I also talk and live the "here and now".....and given that, was it fair to be telling Ryan that she would "probably" die or "may" not get any better? Probably not. In our talk, I did leave that door open a crack for there always can be a miracle, but he needed to know the eventuality of it all so that he could make peace with himself and between the two of them. Huge Breath!
Ryan took THE TALK pretty well. He was being quite the optimist versus the realist, so I'm glad we talked. He asked a lot of good questions & expressed his opinions of heaven and the spirit, just to name a few. He seems pretty grounded in the belief that we never lose contact with the spirit...for a piece of it always lives within us. This afternoon, as we were washing Izzy B., he started talking, out of the blue, that he will miss Morgan when her time comes...but he knows that "she will be in a pain free place full of love...and that would be good for Morgan". Another huge breath. He is such a good duck...I am so very blessed to have these two as my children! And who says that only adults can be our teachers??!?
Does this update mean that things are eminent? Morgan's hospice nurse doesn't think so because she is still eating, walking, playing etc....but one never knows. I guess we just take things as they come, and treasure what we can.
Well, hope you all have a great weekend....we are certainly going to try to!
Take care and God Bless,
P.S. Kim, I just got your most recent email, if you sent others, I'm sorry - but we didn't get them. As far as Izzy's behavior, she is with Morgan 24/7 - keeping a watchful eye out on her. Any/all of Izzy's vocal expressions of irritation is directed only towards our husky. I swear she knows that the husky annoys Morgan and Izzy wants to make sure the husky doesn't bug her more than she has too! She still remains a social, loving cuddle bug to other people :)