Long time, no write. I typed an update three or 4 days ago and it ended up in cyberspace (or erased because my computer crashed shortly there after)...it is somewhere and I can't retrieve it.
Let's try this again. Things here are puttering along. Some aspects of life are returning to some 'semblance of "normal" while other areas of my life are WAY out of balance. I really haven't done a lot of cleaning or sorting yet. For those of you who knew Morgan....you knew what a pack rat she was! Reminders of her are everywhere! When she was alive, we would talk about how Morgan dropped verbal "bombs". Like the time she was coloring and listening to a conversation amongst 2 other friends regarding what life would be like when her brother and his friends started dating. Out of the blue, she said something to the effect that she will not be around to see that so please pass the purple crayon! Well, I'm still dealing with "bombs" all over the place. For example, I found a sealed note to a friend in an old box of notes, I also found a drawing, in the car, that I didn't know existed (yet it had names on it so I knew who to give it to). This seems to happen on a daily basis. Man-o-man, Morgan certainly knew how to make impact, and so it continues. It may be quite a long time before I get myself "sorted" out....both within the physical realm as well as my emotional realm. I am still planning on getting away in order to get more "in balance"....I just do not know when yet.
I have gone back to work on a "what I can handle" basis. What an awesome position to be in....thank you Jeff, Craig and Heather for being there and being so understanding. I am finding that going back to work has been a little harder than I expected. I knew I was in a very public position, I was sort of prepared for the "I'm Sorry...etc" comments. I was not, however, prepared for the avoidance I have been experiencing. I realize and TOTALLY understand why folks are acting this way...I truly do.....but it is ignoring the reality of "what is". Ignoring reality, within itself, is harmful. I know - easier said than done. Morgan is not among us physically - and I am still having a lot of difficulty with that - but acknowledgment helps. If anyone still checks on this site, please, even if you don't know what to say...say "I don't know what to say...", or smile. Please do not ignore/avoid. Lets' make this easier, for EVERYONE involved.
Ryan and Karl seem to be doing pretty well. Ryan is back into school, soccer and skiing. He gets off kilter at times, but he seems to be moving in the right direction. Karl is working and seems to be OK were he is at. Izzy B is doing well. I know she still misses Morgan, but she is moving on. She has become MY cuddle bug. What a wonderful thing - to love and cuddle with something as much as Morgan did!
Oh, I did not tell you about the new addition to our family. It was the agreement that Morgan could get her pup and Ryan, his kitten, when the older animals passed on. You all know we broke that with the addition of Izzy B. for Morgan. We figured that our lives are so topsy turvy right now that the addition of a kitten wouldn't add any more chaos to what we are currently experiencing. Besides, we felt it would be beneficial for Ryan. Gingersnap, a 9 week old orange tabby joined us on Feb. 3rd. Ryan picked her out at the Humane Society with the help of his grandmother. It was a good decision. Gingersnap sleeps with Ryan every night. Within a weeks' time, all 4 animals (2 cats and 2 dogs) were getting along very well. Izzy and Gingersnap are great friends. Morgan would love the fact that her pup has a new playmate, they are so cute together!!
On a sad note, we lost one of our menagerie today. Okoela, our 14 year old Siberian Husky, had to be put down. She developed some sort of an intestinal block and the prognosis - even with surgery - was poor. I can see Okoela and Morgan now......running and playing in the meadows up in heaven. She has one of her dogs back. This time is different though, she now has the strength and endurance to deal with the size and all the energy that a husky has!
This MAY be my last update because "How's Morgan Doing?" is no longer relevant. I have the feeling that she is in a very happy, joyful and loving place. This journey has revealed tons of heartache, yet there have also been an equal number of graces and good memories. This path of cancer sucks - and no child should ever have to endure what Morgan endured....but please remember the good times, the life lessons, the love for life that Morgan demonstrated and experienced. Even if you cannot, please make something up - find a reason for the past 3+ years....something to honor her memory. Remember the importance of kindness, the value of friendship, and the strength of courage. Don't just remember, act on it. Demonstrate "random acts of kindness" for it really, truly does produce good energies within yourself. Shoot for the stars...bigger is better for there is more to share. Please give your child an extra long hug. Listen, truly listen, to what they have to tell you...it is amazing what one can learn from a child. During Morgan's 6 months of isolation, I learned a lot. As bad as the isolation period may sound...it was the opposite. We got to slow down life and enjoy the "here and now". We discovered a lot of little gifts....gifts that would have been missed in the current hustle and bustle of activity we call life. Slow down a little, I think you'll discover a lot of those little gifts also. They may be little, but I consider them priceless.
Morgan, I miss you soooo very much. I feel like there is a HUGE hole in my chest/in my heart. I hope I can fill that hole with all of your wonderful gifts and memories. Hopefully, in time. Hopefully, I can carry on everything you taught and demonstrated in your short time here on earth. I am going to try anyway. You are truly an amazing angel - one that I am so very blessed to have had and known here on earth. I will love you forever and always....with all my heart and soul....forever.
Thank you all, for all that you have done!
Take Care and God Bless,