Jessl
Iowa State University
3140 Storms Starbuck
50013
515 572 1795
jessl@email.com
jessl@email.com
Before I start, heres how to get back: Home My Lists My Pics Quiz page My Calendar
Dec 6, 2002 Okay so I didn't get around to writing this up. Yesterday I basically did nothing. Got up, ate lunch, went to class, came home. There was nothing to do even though it was a Friday night. I went by Spinney and I'm pretty sure Dave doesnt like me at all although Chris said hi to me when he went past me earlier. I dont know what their problem is maybe theyre mad because Derek told them what I said to him but I feel it was justified even if it was a little mean. Hes in Minnesota for the weekend anyway so I wont be able to see if hes still talking to me until Monday. I almost went to the hockey games with Megan and her roomate but then I thought it will probably be boring not very many people will be there. So I decided to play sad songs and lay around in the dark for a while. Later my roomate came home and we watched America's Sweethearts which was an okay movie. It had Billy Crystal in it which is usually plus. Amy fell asleep halfway through it so I got up when it was over to rewind it and then decided to go to sleep with all my clothes on. Dec 7, 2002 We got up this morning without the aid of an alarm clock, surprisingly enough. We went down and had breakfast and so far thats all Ive done today. Okay so I basically did nothing all day. I went to lunch by myself because my roomate was having serenade pratice with her sorority and I didnt know when she was getting back although as it turns out she was going down to lunch when I came back up. Oh well. I talked to Luke a little bit but as usual he wasnt very attentive. Then Derek's girlfriend signed on under his name and I thought it was him at first but I realized he should still be in Minnesota, so when she asked me who I was and I could tell she was suspicious I was this close to saying "I'm Dereks' girlfriend" just to cause him trouble, but I didnt so I guess I'm nicer than I was a few days ago. We talked for a little bit and I found out she's in Minnesota with him. Oh well I really don't care if he wants me or not I just think it's funny messing with him. There's nothing else to do. And if he's willing to go around cheating on her with anything that breathes then he deserves it. Then I told Luke about what happened and somehow we got to talking about how he's had three-ways with his girlfriend before and he would want to have one with me. I don't know I mean sure I think about it when I want to get myself off sometimes but I don't know if I would actually do it. Anyway now he wants to start netmeeting with me only he doesn't want to do it when his girlfriend can hear which I find a little suspicious. Plus it's still hard for me to do that I've just gotten to where I can talk to Jay on the phone. And speaking of Jay I love him and I don't know if I want to have sex with anyone else he was jealous of Luke before and I told him there was nothing to be jealous about which at that time was true but if he keeps talking like this....I dont know. It looks like I'm not going out tonight either, which is depressing. And the people below me are really starting to bother me with their loud stereo/tv. I cant even have a quiet night in my own room once in a while. I have a headache anyway. And whats with Amy leaving her napkins and socks and shoes and shit all over the place she expects me to clean up after her? I dont think so. She can be such a bitch sometimes just because you can get away with that at home doesnt mean you can do it here I'm not one of your little sisters. I bought Jays Christmas present today. I wish I could get him something better but I really need to stop spending money. I already know I dont have enough to pay for next semesters tuition but I expect my parents to pay for that since they said they would owe me money for letting my brother live at home. My mom said that my grandparents sent my Christmas check, which is usually around $100, so that should help pay for books. My mom said she bought me some stocking stuffers too so I hope that means candy and movies. I've been getting a little too lazy lately, I've forgotten about three essays for Psych 102 and I forgot to go to Soc recitation again. I better go next week so I can find out where the exam is. I really should do homework and study but I feel too bored to do anything. I guess Ive ben getting more depressed with so many of my friends not wanting to do anything anymore. Or maybe thats just how I perceive it. Its kind of hard when you live farther away but it doesnt seem that far to me I'm used to being way out where no one even knew where I lived and it just doesnt seem like they make any effort to include me. No one ever calls me. I dont know. It just makes me mad. And then they complain that they havent heard from me in so long. What am I supposed to do? Im not going to go up there every day just to see if they want to do something with me because most of the time they dont. Anyway I think thats all I have for now. Dec 8, 2002 Okay so heres what happened last night. Amy got home from work and we were watching SNL and we decided to get ready for bed. So I took my contacts out and got undressed and everything and she went into the bathroom. Then suddenly I hear someone bang on my door so I was like who would be banging on my door? So I looked out the peep hole but I couldnt see anything because I had taken my contacts out. So I opened the door and this girl is like Are you banging on the floor? And I was like no...so she said well stop banging on the floor because people are trying to sleep. Which I dont think they were because she was fully dressed and I could hear someone playing a guitar down there anyway. But she left and I closed the door and was trying to decide if I should turn off the tv when she comes back and starts banging on my door and I didnt know what to do so I just locked it. Well she heard it and started banging harder and then she started to leave so of course I couldnt leave it at that. I opened the door at yelled after her that I wasnt doing anything and to leave me the fuck alone, and then I slammed my door. Well she comes back and starts banging on the door again so I yelled at her through it to stop pounding on my door bitch. And I guess she just went nuts on it and then left. Then everybody started coming out to see what was going on and I was like no I dont know who she is and all that. She hasnt come back since then I dont think but Amy and I were just like a little freaked out for last night. I dont know what she thought she was doing anyway because theres no way she could be living in the room above or below us because those are guys rooms. I dont know but I do know they are really loud and obnoxious a lot of the time so I dont feel sorry for them at all if someone was disturbing their 'sleep'. Anyway today is the start of dead week so they have to start being quiet. Nothing else has happened yet but its not even noon, so you never know. Dec 14, 2002 Okay so I haven't written in a while. I meant to I just never got around to it. So now I have to try to remember what's happened over the past week. I think most of it was pretty uneventful. We did things with our house during the study break, like eating snacks or pizza or going to see "Signs". All week James and I have been playing messenger tag. We never seem to be online at the same time. And yesterday he came on just as I was leaving. It was very sad and I felt pretty bad leaving him. We went out to dinner at Hickory Park and it was nice but later I felt a little sick. I went out looking for something to do and there was nothing. I really need to find a new group of people to party with. I really should study but I havent been doing much of that. And I still havent gone to a club meeting for this assignment so I dont know what Im going to do about it. I should go to the bank and then to the post office to mail Jays present. I dont know what I was going to write about I really dont remember. Maybe this will teach me to procrastinate on my journal. Dec 15, 2002 So last night we went to meet Sara and Emily and some guy at Santa Fe and we decided to go back to Emily's room and get drunk. Which we did eventually. Amy drank her first drink really fast and then had a shot and she didnt take it very well. I went with her to say hi to her friend who lives in that building and he was a little naked and messed up. I wasnt feeling anything and wanted to get back to drinking and since she was determined to just lay there I decided to go back. She had gotten drunk with this guy before and never talked about having any problems with him so I figured she would be fine. Anyway I went back and drank some more and we were just hanging out and we decided to go up and check on Amy. When we got up there nobody answered the door and Emily called Sara to say that Amy was down there and maybe we should come get her because she was sick. So we went back down and Amy was on the futon and she told us about how her friend had been poking her to make her throw up. So she stayed with us all night but mostly she just layed there saying stupid things with us laughing at her. When she wanted another drink we pretended to mix one for her but really just gave her plain orange juice. She totally bought it. Sara went home earlier because she had to get up to take the other Jessica to work. Sara doesnt drink because I guess she's allergic to it but she's the only one of us old enough to buy alcohol. Anyway we just hung out for a while watching a movie and when it was over we all decided we were pretty tired so I got Amy up and we came back home. This morning she seemed fine but I was sick. I was so close to passing out in the shower it was not cool. I'm still not feeling real great. I need to do my laundry today so Im hoping Ill have a chance to do that. I also need to start studying since I havent done anything all week. I feel like crap which sucks because its supposed to be a really nice day outside. Anyway, thats it for now. Dec 16, 2002 Today we got up early because we both had the Psych final at 7:30. I thought it was fine and I was never really worried about it but Amy studied a lot and she said she had trouble with it. I guess thats why its my major. We came back from that and slept and then ran and I went to my Soc final which I was a little late for but I was still the second person to finish with it. I probably did not get a good grade on that because most of the questions I really guessed on. Should have remembered to go to class. Oh well. Then I went and talked to Megan about her joining a sorority and she was sick and unhappy so I stayed to comfort her a little bit. Then I came back and hung out and made signs for the books Im selling. Oh we went to sell Amy's books back to the bookstore and they totally ripped her off. And she almost ran over her "boyfriend" Warren. We went to the bank but since I dont know what my account number is I didnt get to deposit my check. We went to dinner and it was make your own banana split night so of course I was excited for it but when I was making mine the guy behind me was all messing me up so I got chocolate ice cream all over my sweatshirt and I have no idea if its going to come out. Yeah Im not talking to Derek any more because he's being a complete jerk. I talked to Jay for a while this morning he said his lights had gone out which sucks. Anyway I have to go check on my sweatshirt soon and nothing else really happened today so..Oh yesterday I was so mad about the laundry. I went and put all my stuff in the washers and then found out that the stupid thing wasnt working and they wouldnt come to fix it until Monday so I had to go over to Knapp, make sure they had washers open, then come back, get my stuff, go to Knapp and put it in there. And their stupid dryers didnt even get my towels dry so I have wet towels for this week. Yeah, it sucks. Okay time to check on sweatshirt. Dec 19, 2002 Well, I took my last final today. Finals are over and Christmas vacation has started but I don't feel it. Since the last time I wrote nothing much has happened. Of course I always say that when really things did happen but I dont remember them. Ive been trying to get a hold of Jay and Im worried because his phone has been giving me a busy signal for two days. I sent his present the other day. And Amy has been really annoying me these past few days, so Im glad to be getting away from her. Anyway, I dont know. I guess I dont have much to say. Dec 29, 2002 Okay dont have much to say but thought I should check in. At home now, Christmas break. Christmas went okay, although this year my mom was the worst at giving presents. Oh well. Got an email from Jay finally the other day, so Im not worried about that as much anymore. Talked to Luke a little bit but my mom wanted to look at her email and turned it off without letting me say goodbye. Jerk. Looked at my grades. Im getting like a B average, which is okay, but I expected better. Bought some new clothes. Just hanging out now. No job, no car. Just crap. Anyway, thats all for now. Jan 6, 2003 Not much has happened lately. Sat around a lot. Today Jay goes back to work, Im hoping to talk to him soon. I'm going back to school either Thursday or Friday, depending on the weather. My mom bought me one of those organizer things that are so popular now. Im really thinking about buying a cordless phone since Amy took hers home, but they still seem a little expensive to me and I have brought almost everything to that room. I took back some of the clothes I bought so I have a little bit of money in my pocket. And mom is going to put around $4,400 in my bank account so I can pay for tuition and room and board and everything. Im still pissed that she's saying this is a loan when they promised to give me money for letting my brother stay at home. He gets 2 years of free room and board I think I should get the same. Anyway, Ill have to buy my books and everything. I hope Ill be excited and happy again with the new semester starting, like i was at the beginning of the year. Hopefully it will start getting warm again. I hate cold weather. Im excited about next year, too. Ill probably be living in Friley, so I wont be as far away from everyone. I started talking to this guy again that I stopped talking to a while again. Or rather, he started talking to me. He was a jerk to me so I didnt miss him, but if he's going to be nicer now then I dont mind chatting. He has cancer anyway which makes me feel kind of bad for him, but he says he's getting better so thats good. Anyway, I dont know. Im starting to get bored (and horny). And I forgot to bring home the remote to my dvd player so watching movies is a little more difficult and annoying. My back and stuff is starting to hurt more everyday that Im here. I dont know what it is. I guess this is it for now. Peace out. Jan 10, 2003 So I moved back in yesterday. It felt good I guess. I dont know. It just was. I talked to Jay for most of the day, when I wasnt putting money in the bank and when he wasnt running. We fooled around (as much as you can on this). I think he thought I felt bad but I didnt. I kind of looked like I did though. He seemed kind of worried about me being alone for the weekend. I feel like Ill be fine though. Not feeling really bad or anything. Maybe I shouldnt watch that movie I bought but...I dont feel anything with it right now but I can just see my darker side watching it over and over again and really taking hold of it. Its freezing in here. They still havent turned the heat on and its damn cold. I hate it that the minute I get back people have to start being annoying. Really puts me off. Singing in the shower and screaming in the hall and turning up Eminem who is totally out now. Pisses me off. The fridge was all full of masty mold so I used Amys washcloth to clean it out. I couldnt find mine. I dont feel too bad about that she uses the fridge too and she uses my washcloth. Grrr Im freezing. That makes me mad too. Maybe Ill see about getting a space heater. Amy also got a call from Panera but I dont plan on telling her. She probably didnt want to take it. And I had to dig all her mail out of the box today. She ordered information from a whole bunch of other colleges. I dont see how she thinks shes going to be able to go to any of these places. Shes already taken out emergency loans here and her grades are shit. I really dont think shes too bright. I dont know what I want to do. I want to be warm. I got some free samples. From Revlon and Astroglide but the Astroglide was empty :S stupid thing. I still have some K-Y though. Not much. Oh I was talking to Luke yesterday and he invited me in to talk to this other friend of his I had met before, and then he invites Katie Heck. I didnt know what to do at first but I mostly just ignored her and she didnt say much. I wondered if he still talked to her but I never asked. I was just myself and maybe she was shocked at me or maybe she was jealous. I dont know. I just know she hasnt moved on to anything better. Shes one of those people. And Luke had the nerve to ask if I missed anyone from high school. I didnt answer him. Its not that I hated everyone from high school but I dont think about them much. No one ever had much to do with me. I wouldnt mind seeing some of them if we happened to run into each other, but Im not pining away about any of it. I am now free to live the life I would have lived then if it had been possible. I dont feel like Ive changed very much, not on the inside. Its just that now I can bring that to the outside. Anyway, Im freezing so I will stop trying to think of things to say. Jan 11, 2003 Today I.....did nothing. I guess Jay went home for the weekend because I havent seen him. I worked on a few things around here, like the door and window. I called my mom and talked about nothing for a long time and in the process accidently dropped the phone on Amy's Disneyland mug. Its basically dead now. And I cut myself picking it up. So I get to look forward to telling her about that. I spent some time watching people move their things in and just enjoying having nothing to do. I talked to Luke a little and got into an argument with him about America and England and who's ethnocentric and all of that. It kind of ended up talking about volcanoes somehow though. Then, while I was working on picking up a quarter with a pair of scissors, I decided that everyday I would make a new and interesting discovery. First I discovered that picking up a quarter with a pair of scissors is impossible, then I proved myself wrong. I also discovered today that when you turn the refridgerator off for winter break you have to leave the door open or it gets moldy inside. Anyway yeah thats it for now I guess. Okay so forgot to say that I was sort of upset that Jay left last night and didnt come back all day, so I watched the movie. And I was okay then but now... And Jay came on late, drunk. We've been talking about sex mostly and what we did yesterday. At least Amy should be home tomorrow. I hope I can get through tonight okay. Last night I did hear a few..anyway. Better not to think about it if thats possible. Looks like another lights on all night deal. And I did talk to Luke for a long time tonight. Which was nice. And Matt came on for a little bit to say hi and that he broke up with his girlfriend. I need to buy my books. Maybe. And sell some books. Well. Yeah. Jan 12, 2003 So today I got the stuff for the birthday things and put some up that were over the break. And then I was talking to Luke and I asked him a question and he didnt answer me so I was like fine then and he was like what? and I was like you arent answering me and he was like well im talking to other people so I was like fine bye Im not going to wait for someone to talk to me like theyre so much more important screw him if hes going to be like that. I havent bought any of my books and I dont know when I will. Maybe never. I dont care. I think ill go back to bed. Jan 13, 2002 So yesterday Amy got home and I helped her bring her stuff in while I was arguing with Luke and she got a new cordless phone for us (good thing). But when we hooked it up we couldnt find the battery so we went out to see if Radio Shack was open and they werent so we went to see if Wal-Mart had it and they said they did but really they didnt. So we came back home and hooked up the other phone again and then we found the battery so we put it in and hooked everything up again and spent a long time trying to figure out what message to put on the answering machine. Later that night, while we were in bed, I woke up and heard people banging on the ceiling and the phone ringing like every two minutes. It was really annoying. Jerks. Anyway, this morning Megan came to pick up her book and I had just gotten up so I couldnt go down to show her where the computer lab was but Im sure she figured it out. I went to Anthropology which its really an Archaeology course. It was okay. We're going to buy our books later this afternoon. So anyway thats most of everything so far. Jays sent me some pictures of him and his friends out on the town. Which is cool. Yeah thats all for now. January 23, 2003 Okay so I havent written in a while and I dont really care. Had some fights with people. Dropped my Pol Sci class. Went back to Derek. Got mad at my roommate many times, had to replace a book with another book that needs to be replaced...etc etc etc. same old shit but it still gets to me. Only have part of the loveseat so far. Moved furniture around. Did nothing last weekend and probably wont do anything this weekend. Havent talked to Luke since having a problem. Almost got to talk to Jay today but Amy just had to use the computer right then and he left. Thats my biggest problem at the moment. Very upset about that. Cold outside makes me unhappy too. Just grr. Grr grr grr. Thats all. January 26, 2003 Found out today that Jay is being sent to the Gulf on Feb 9, the day after my birthday. How horrible is that? I dont know how Im going to deal. Thats all I have for now. Feb 3, 2003 Oops, havent written in a while. Been feeling a little depressed and lonely lately, for various reasons. Went to a hockey game friday, more on that later. Today i was talking to Jay, and I was really happy that he remembered my birthday was coming up even if he didnt know the exact day. But when I came back fro a class and continued talking to him I asked him to netmeet just for no reason, and he just kind of assumed that I wanted to get frisky and I wouldnt have minded but it just made it seemed like thats all he wanted me for. So I said I wanted to stop and he didnt really get the hint but later I said again that I wanted to stop and he said okay but I knew he was still going, and hes done that to me before. So I dont know what to think. It makes me kind of angry with him and I havent really decided why but it does. Anyway, after that I went out in the snow- yes lots of snow in very little time and I dont know why because it finally got kind of warm this weekend- and I went to class. So theres this guy in my class actually hes part of my group for this paper we have to write and I never really thought much about him because he never seemed too interested in me. Well when I went to the hockey game I noticed he was on the team and I think he noticed me there and that I was really into it because today he was talking to me a lot even though we were only there for like five minutes because we found out class was cancelled. So Im not getting my hopes up but I think he could be a possibility. Im just going to play it cool for a while. Still havent talked to Luke for a long time, I dont know if hes avoiding me or is just busy. Oh and I guess this happened a while ago but it didnt end up in here, Amy moved out so I have my own room now and I really like it. I think I might even be sad to move out. Anyway, Ill wrap this up for now because we're going to Hy-Vee pretty soon. Feb 6, 2003 Err now I forgot what I was going to write. I had a test today in Biology which its lucky I showed up for. We went to run and Sara just wanted to walk so I walked with her and we were talking about what we wanted to do for my birthday (which is on Saturday) and I said I didnt know so we asked Amy what she thought and all she said was that she didnt want to drink anymore so it couldnt be anything with alcohol which made me mad because she knows that I still drink and I want to have a party not just sitting around thats boring. So I dont know what to do because I didnt say anything so I dont know how to tell Sara that I still want to drink because Sara doesnt drink either shes allergic. Anyway, cant wait until I get my present from Jay. Im excited. yeah lost my train of thought. hmmm I dont know. Come back to it later I guess. Feb 15, 2003 Yeah so I decided I didnt really care about writing here anymore so a lot of stuff is going to be missing. I had sex with Derek on my birthday :S stupid thing to do but what else was there. We saw Chicago on I dont know what day but it was good. LAst night we stayed in and played games and had some entertainment from a drunk. It snowed for 18 hours straight so wasnt planning on doing much today but I guess we're going out to Big Shots soon which is exciting; my first experience in a bar. I look nice too have all day which is cool. Jay hasnt left yet which Im glad for. Yay yay yay. I dont know but yay anyway. I think ill put on my snowboots when we go out. I downloaded the VH1 100 love songs for valentines day. Been feeling really deprived with this holiday. I just want to be with Jay and forget everything else. I keep feeling like every minute that goes by is one less we get to spend together. I just want him to hold me and smile at me and kiss me. I dont care about making money or being famous I just want to live my life with him. And now its all slipping away. What the hell kind of life am i going to have. A lonely one. Well time to go out and meet guys. That sounds so shallow. Talking about how much I love Jay and then going out and hooking up with other guys. I dont know what else to do though. Okay, lets make a pact with ourselves. Tonight we're just hanging out with the girls, not trying to pick up guys. Okay? Good. Lets see what we end up writing tomorrow.