Super Sensuous
Mood:  amorous
Topic: Sensual Woman
Today my thoughts drift to everything and anything sensual, sexual, sexy, free-spirited love. You name it, I want to be there. I am not normally an in it for the moment kinda girl, but right now - I am feeling a lot HOT. Thinking about how great the touching and caressing is. How I love to have my breasts gently caressed. Almost NOT being touched, but so tender and exquisite. Yearning for more. Warm gentle MAN hands stroking me. Starting at my face, traveling down my neck across my throat and between my breasts. Lingering there, moving and then gently kneading first one and then the other. I want my man behind me so I feel he is anonymously stroking me and I do not know who it is that is tenderly leading me toward ectasy, the promise of that defining moment when we are connected so completely. Now trailing across my belly and down into the valley of my most delicate woman areas. Stroking and caressing me into a moment of not being in control of myself. Pressing my body into his hand urging him to continue. Turning my face back toward him and he tenderly kisses my lips that I offer eagerly to him. Wanting him, to feel all of him. His face is in my hand and I stroke his check and pull him close to me. Greedly we kiss and suck and chew each others lips. Tongues touching, exploring, searching for more. His hand upon my hip, he turns me completely toward him, he suckles at my breasts and I feel his hard cock is ready to thrust into me deeply, totally in control of me. I have no means of denying him, not wanting him to stop, eager to feel the length of him. My thighs are wide around him, my hips reach up toward him as he thrusts full into me. A gasp from me, echoes from his lips. The pleasure of his hard deep thrusts are reverberated from my lips as they part and my breath trembles out of me. I don't realize that my legs are wound tight around him and for a moment he seems to fear that I have him so tightly in my grasp, but such a heavenly place to be. He can't help but stroke into me long and hard. Suddenly we are both gasping for air as we reach our climax together and his face is in my hands as we shower kisses upon each other. Total exhaustion, total satisfaction all at once. Where are you my darling when I need you so much?

Been a couple of days
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Lack of Interest
I haven't made an entry in a day or so. Guess I had decided to chill out and not think about anything major of a few days. I did meet someone new on-line. Had been playing email tag for a couple of days and hit or miss on yahoo. Finally chatted IM thru yahoo of Friday. Nice that he's in Columbus. That's almost LOCAL from what I have/had been pursuing. Texas, Pennsylvania, Georgia. This may be a refreshing change from the norm for me. I have also discovered that increasing my activity level has GREATLY aggravated my back problem. Couldn't sit or walk comfortably for the majority of Friday. Tried to go and tan after work and couldn't lie flat for very long. So when I got home I had to lie with my left leg over my right shoulder. Give that a try will ya? Looks like I am practicing a position out of kama sutra. Tantric anyone? Ha Ha. So later a relaxing hot bath, which made me HOT for something else. Oh well. Not right now thank you. That will have to wait until my back feels better. DRAT!!

Better
Mood:  hug me
Topic: Better everyday
Spoke with him by phone last night. Why does he act like HE made the decision to end the relationship? Cause that's how he normally operates, so he copes by telling himself that he was in charge. He made the decision. He did not. Found that he had dated someone else before me and had behaved the same way. OH well, guess you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I am better off. Something and SOMEONE very special is waiting for me. That is an AWESOME thought to keep me going. Yes, it is going to be better.

Why do I torture myself?
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Torture
Why do I torture myself? I just have to send him an email. This is it-

Just touching base with you.

I have removed you from my yahoo IM since I don't need to be seeing your name on there if I sign in. I will not initiate contact on IM. If you feel you would like to talk I will accept your request to chat if that is what you want. I can't be looking for a relationship from you that you can't or don't want to give to me.

I did request you as a friend on Hi5. That is all it is. Friendship request. If you don't want that - it's ok. I will cancel the offer tomorrow.

I express mailed a calendar to my friend in Texas and we are talking about him flying me there to meet. I imagine this will happen in early April. My Georgia friend will also be getting a calendar. I am reconnecting with men that I had been in contact with before we met.

March is for me to recoup and see friends that I have neglected while I was trying to establish something special with a man I thought cared for me. I have been trying to do more yoga and trying the exercise bike and situps again. I am limited with the condition of my back, but I will still try.

I am very serious about having a loving committed relationship and eventually marriage with a man who wants and isn't afraid to have those things with a woman who wants to give completely of herself only to that man. I can't let past relationships stand in the way. I deserve those things as do you. I cannot be afraid. I will not be afraid.

I love you, but I have to know where the limit is.

I do deserve these things. Don't I? I am home for lunch and an IM comes from him. "I am sorry for hurting you." I don't think I can bear it anymore. A brief conversation and I sign off and head back to work. I really DO love him. But he doesn't want a future with me. Fun yeah, future no.

Solace of chocolate
Mood:  sad
Topic: Solace
Ahhh, today I eat chocolate. GREAT comfort food. Need a little solace and chocolate will fill the bill today. Wonderful chocolates from a confectionary in Findlay, Ohio. Family owned and operated. I had picked up a couple pounds of bridge mix, chocolate covered raisins and peanuts for my rondez-vous this weekend. As we know- it didn't happen. So what's happening now --- MASS QUANTITIES OF CHOCOLATE. Eventually I will run out. Eventually I will be almost unconscious. And then I think we switch to another comfort food- MACARONI AND CHEESE. Gotta have something to dilute all that chocolate!! Tomorrow will be better, I will be over it and on with my life. Here's to living - REACH FOR THE STARS.

Weekend
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: working the weekend
This was supposed to be my weekend off. But instead, I went to work as usual. Was going to spend a romantic weekend with my guy. Sorry- not going to do that. Afraid to make a committment is what I was told. I asked him if he remembered the lengthy email he had sent me before we met. He didn't. I emailed it to him. Said how we were building a foundation for a permanent structure. Guess that structure was a playroom. Certainly not a home made from the love two people have for each other. Best to know now. I can move on.

betrayal or fact of life?
Mood:  sad
Topic: betrayal or fact of life
I do not understand what men want. Why would a man want to spend an intimate weekend with me and at the same time tell me he had dinner with an ex-girlfriend. His college sweetheart from over 30 years ago. He sees her frequently.

I point blank asked him "I want you to not think and just answer with what is in your heart.", 'If things don't work out for C with J - would you want to be with her again?'The answer - "I don't think so." What should the answer have been? "NO."

Well that says everything. It's not the answer I wanted, but the answer I expected to get. I am so sad. Cried while I waited for the IM to appear. I knew what the answer would be. Can't get it out of my head. Did I spoil it? NO- HE DID.

something for your most powerful sex organ
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: sex organ
So you know what your most powerful sex organ is? That's great. Mature men and women do know. You seem like a mature individual. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially worrying about sex, lack of sex, getting sex, enjoying sex, avoiding sex. So many moods all pertaining to sex. I love sex. Even better when its connected deeply and intimately with love. I love being in love. I don't think I could live a relationship based on sex. It needs to be deeply rooted in love. To be fulfilling, to be rewarding, to be the BEST. Isn't there a man out there looking for the BEST? Or do we all just settle? Not me- never have, never will.