Paladin - written in 2002
It was awfully cruel how they treated me. I never looked forward to what would come tomorrow and hated to think back to yesterday, until someone special came along and changed my life forever. Perhaps angels don't have names, only pretty faces. He was my angel.
I was sitting in my tenth grade biology class. We were watching a video on the cycles of nature. This particular one was about mother birds. They departed from their young once they were skilled with all they needed to know to survive. Uninterested, I started thinking back to my past.
I ran my hand through my long, light brown hair. Tangled in a knot, was a huge pink wad of gum. I turned around to find the twins, Tara and Patty Green, giggling at the sight of the sticky mess they had planted in my silky mane. I was frequently tripped in the halls; my books and papers went everywhere. There was never anyone there to help me pick them up. I guess you could say I was an outcast. I had no friends. I didn't know what it was about me that scared everyone off. It could've been that I was shy. I never talked to anyone or spoke out in class. I didn't want any reason for further embarrassment. Perhaps it could have been that I was ugly. My dull brown hair and gray eyes faded my appearance. My glasses were thicker than the average girl's were, and it would've been another year before I was allowed to wear contacts. I was never pleased with the repulsive image in the mirror. This placed a deep feeling of disgust in my heart.
I walked into my second period math class expecting the worst, but entered only to view a new face. He was tall, about 5'8", with broad shoulders and dark hair and eyes. His overgrown bowl-cut fell into his mysterious face, covering his glistening eyes. He tucked the fallen bangs behind his ears and glared up, into my eyes. It was only a few seconds of contact that we had made, but it seemed like a lifetime. It seemed like I had just offered my whole life's story to further his knowledge. He gave a little smile, and I returned it, sliding into the seat directly behind him. My teacher, Mrs. Tyler, introduced him as 'Paladin.'
After class, the new kid waited for me in the hall.
"So, your name's Amanda?" I nodded. He smiled and said, "Listen, I'm new here, so I was wondering if you would show me around. I want to get to know the place and all."
I didn't know what to say. Why would this gorgeous guy choose me, out of any girl in school, to help him out? Although puzzled, I quickly agreed and started to show him the major ups and downs of Hillbrook High School.
Paladin was interested in the classes I took, and when I mentioned painting, he insisted on viewing my latest pieces.
"Wow, this is incredible. You really have some talent, Amanda."
"Thanks," I said. My painting was of an elderly man sitting in a rocking chair. The muted blues and grays showed my innermost feelings. I was lonely. I was unhappy. Paladin sensed this. He seemed concerned, but wasn't too worried.
"I don't really think when I'm painting. I'm in this zone where my feelings control the motion of my hands. The brush just flows and the colors it picks up are beyond my control. The picture on the canvas is all of my emotions from inside. This is me." I pointed to the dark-toned painting. "So, what's with this name, Paladin?" I quickly changed the subject.
"Actually, it's a nickname."
"What's your real name?"
"Everyone calls me Paladin. Just call me Paladin..." Throughout all of the time I knew him, Paladin never told me his real name. Never having many friends, I quickly took to Paladin and eagerly called him my best friend. We hung out after school a lot, studying and watching movies together. We talked a lot about me. he knew an awful lot about being picked on. Paladin told me of how I should not let the other girls treat me cruelly like they do. I was taught to stand up for myself and speak my mind. With much help and guidance from Paladin, I think I finally caught on. I told him I was self-conscious about my appearance. He took me out shopping and influenced my wardrobe. I got my hair cut in a layered bob and got thinner, sleeper glasses. Paladin said that if I looked good on the outside, I would feel good about myself on the inside.
I often visited Paladin's house for what we called 'Lessons à la mode,' or in other words, he tried to teach me how to be "cooler." His guidance and assistance boosted my confidence numerous levels.
At school, things changed. I no longer tried to blend in with the wallpaper. Mrs. Tyler, especially, was surprised to see me participate in class. During my lunch period, a girl named Susana came up to me.
"Hi, is this seat taken?"
"No," I replied.
"Did you write down the math homework by any chance?" Susana questioned.
"Of course, it's right here."
"Thank-you so much Amanda!" Someone finally seemed grateful for my existence. "I've noticed that you've been hanging around with that new kid, Paladin. What's he like?" She sounded interested.
"Oh, he's wonderful! I mean, do you see what he did for me?" I motioned towards my hair and clothes. "I feel so good about myself."
"He seems really nice. Do you think you could introduce me sometime?"
"Sure, Paladin's my best friend. Any friend of mine is a friend of his." She smiled at me, accepting our friendship. This was my first of many new friends. They came slowly, but the important thing is, is that they came.
One man cannot change the ignorance of every human being, so there was still the occasional name calling and tripping in the hallway. The difference is that now, there was someone to be there and help gather my fallen belongings with me.
One night, Paladin came over to look at my project, and although he was overly impatient to examine my work, I knew something else was on his mind. He studied my landscape of a warm sunset on a tropical island and smiled.
"Amanda, sit down. I need to tell you something." I sat on the rickety old stool that my dad had built when he was just a child. A giant pause filled the room, and it's eerie silence left me in suspense. Finally, he choked up the words. "I have to go."
Not fully aware of the entire situation, I replied with, "So soon? Well, I'll see you tomorrow."
"No, it's time."
It was time. Time for what? At that point, I didn't understand. Paladin was leaving, for good. I didn't realize that this was the last time that I'd see my best fried. The friend that made me become accepted. The friend that, well, the first true friend I had ever had.
"This is sure a change, isn't it Amanda?" He was talking about my painting. It was no longer gloomy grays and depressing scenes. This was a warm, bright, and happy painting. "Oranges and yellows and pinks," he commented. "They fit you well." He smiled and I managed to let a tiny grin squeeze through my newfound sadness.
That night after Paladin left my house, I stormed up to my room and cried. I didn't know what I would do without him. I felt a huge sense of loss. My best friend was leaving. It just wouldn't sink in. I didn't believe it. I glanced over to my nightstand, and there stood a dictionary.
***
I walked into my math class, hoping that from some little miracle, I'd see Paladin's sparkling face. I wished that I could see him again, just once, to thank him for what he did for me. I wanted to tell him how much I appreciated him for helping me become stronger.
As I entered the room, I saw no Paladin, only the usual popular girls chatting in the back of the classroom.
"Did you hear about that Paladin guy?" asked one of the girls.
"Yeah," another answered, then she giggled in a taunting way. "What does that name mean anyway?" Paladin taught me to speak up, to allow my voice and opinions to be heard.
"Hero," I answered. "Paladin means hero."
The girls immediately turned around and stopped talking. I don't think they expected me to stand up for myself. They especially didn't expect me to stand up for others. Paladin's name didn't matter. It wasn't supposed to be important. I believe that he was sent out to help me. Paladin was my angel. To this day, I still remember Paladin, his glistening eyes and dark hair flowing around his mysterious face. I remember all the effort he had put into helping me, and I remember how deep my emotions were towards him. Thinking back to the days of Paladin only makes me smile.
The movie ended, baby chicks, being stronger, chirped as their mother left them. She knew they were skilled enough to survive and they they were ready to be out on their own. She knew her little chicks would be okay. I will never forget Paladin, my mother bird, my angel, my hero.