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This should make you laugh...hopefully.

Here is just some things that will make you laugh...hopefully...

Response To Telemarketers:

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . .

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company." You wait for a second and, with a real husky voice, ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me neither!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up ...louder ...louder...

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Take "The Quiz"

You don't have to write anything down, don't worry, just answer these 4 simple questions. Don't get mad and quit if you get some wrong, it doesn't count for anything, and Don't Cheat!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?

The correct answer is:     
Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe
and close the door. This question tests whether
you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated 
way.


2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the 
elephant and close the refrigerator.
Correct Answer:   Open the refrigerator, take out the 
giraffe, put in the elephant and close
the door. This tests your ability to think through the 
repercussions of your actions.


3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All 
the animals attend except one. Which
animal does not attend?

Correct Answer:  The Elephant. The Elephant is in the 
refrigerator.
This tests your memory.
OK, even if you did not answer the first three 
questions correctly, you still have one more
chance to show your abilities.


4. There is a river you must cross. But it is 
inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You swim across. All the Crocodiles 
are attending the
Animal Meeting. 

This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Andersen Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most professionals have the brains of a four year old. Send this out to frustrate all of your friends.