FUNNY QUOTES:
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
Mark Twain
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. "
- Sir Winston Churchill
“I’ll stop procrastinating…first thing in the morning!”
- Jeff Tickle
"If you are going through hell, keep going."
- Sir Winston Churchill
"The covers of this book are too far apart. "
- Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. "
- Al Capone (1899-1947)
"640K ought to be enough for anybody. "
- Bill Gates (1955-), in 1981
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees. "
"Half this game is ninety percent mental. "
- Yogi Berra
"Woman was God's second mistake."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"He would make a lovely corpse."
- Charles Dickens (1812-1870)
“It is a piece of shit. Don’t worry about it. I don’t even have a piece of shit. I have to envy yours.
- Ferris Bueller
“I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck.”
“I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.”
“Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.”
“Make it idiot-proof and someone will create a better idiot.”
“A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn”
“I took the road less traveled and got lost.”
"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
- Tiger Woods
"The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved'-the pig was 'committed'."
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
-- Robin Williams
“Sex is not the answer, sex is the question. The answer is yes.”
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx
"Well, It's one year later, I'm one year older, and one more year closer to being dead..."
Dave 12/31/94
"The only boo your going to be giving me tonite is bootie!"
Dave 7/5/96
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
George Carlin
I think someone could make alot of money if they set up a little stand at the Grand Canyon and sold Yo-Yos with 500-foot strings.
George Carlin
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
George Carlin
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
Think of how we strange we'd look if all the cuts, burns, scrapes, bruises, scratches, bumps, gashes, and scabs we've ever had suddenly reappeared on our bodies at the same time.
George Carlin
In Maine, in order to save energy, there are several lighthouses that are closed at night.
George Carlin
If people climb Mt. Everest because it's hard to do, why do they go up the easy side?
George Carlin
"Say what you want, the white boy is the best player in the NBA"
Jamie from "She got game" about Larry Bird
Why is it that most the people who are against abortion peole that you wouldnt' wanna fuck anyways?
How is it when it is people it is abortion, but when it is chickens it is an omlet?
George Carlin
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who
believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
---Robert Benchley, Benchley's Law of Distinction
Did you...
I would like to thank Jason for the quotes he contributed. Callie should be working on some new images for me to put on this page and the poem page.