Once upon a time there was a family of six Spanish-speaking ducks that lived on Plum Island in Massachusetts. There was a red duck named Blue, a yellow duck named Pink, a green duck named Orange, a purple duck named White, a black one named Red, and a teal one named Magenta. They were poor and very much in need of jobs. So they went out searching. The ducks hated themselves and said "Josh do your homework!" Oh no! That's so sad! So, Blue stowed away to France and made a fortune as a designer and all of his clothes were silver. Blue's silver clothes had a brand name of "khaki". Then Blue had a duckling with Ms. Ducky and they named it Silver even though it was magenta in color. While this was happening, Red was having a traumatic mid-life crisis due to the responsibilities of being manager of a small town greasy fast food restaurant. Meanwhile, poor White flew over a group of hunters on purpose (as a really bad suicide attempt). White is now purple mush. Ewwies! So let's get this straight. Blue is famous, Red is having a crisis, and White is purple mush? Exactly! AND Blue married Ms. Ducky and had Silver. So Magenta is an uncle to his nephew/niece Silver, who is magenta in color. What do you think Beth? I'm thinking this is really cool and funny! Ok guys! Back to the damn story!

Any who, Pink (the yellow duck) was having a grand old time with her new found occupation. She was a mooky for Mr. Freeze in Gotham City! She loved to peck and quack obscene Spanish things at all of the innocent citizens. But alas, she finally drove herself to insanity and Freeze produced the first duck Popsicle ever! NEWS FLASH! Due to Red's crisis he goes on a killing spree hunting down pop stars like Christina, Britney, and N*Suck and poking them excessively with thumb tacks! Whoa nice! Major poppage! Oh they popped all right! And there was a giant explosion when Britney's fake boobs got punctured. Silicone everywhere! They're still cleaning it up! A direct quote from Red was "Yo quiero Taco Bell!" for his demands to not kill the Backstreet Boys. Ok, while Red goes on his spree, let us venture around the world to China! Magenta (the teal duck) worked in an itty bitty fish market. Eventually his little ducky eyes began to point up at the corners and he began to mix his Spanish with Chinese. He would say messed up things like "Saki, saki, cinco dolla!" Then after a few years, Magenta finally met the lady of his dreams, married her, and had many ducky children. Ducks with people heads. They were multi-colored and all named Bob. What the heck?! We forgot all about Orange, the green duck! Well, orange is a green duck that had no talents and never traveled and was always invisible to his family of rainbow ducks. Though he had no talents, he was a very sexy duck. He got a job being a brainless waiter at the PlayDuck Mansion. He waddled around serving cocktails to people in whirlpools with jet bubbles. This is getting so screwed up. Yes it is. One year later...

Red was shot in a hostage incident, by a cop!!! ARG!!! By the way, the pop stars were all brutally killed as intended, with thumbtacks. Justin Timberlake was the only survivor, but due to extensive damage, plastic surgery could not restore that squeaky geeky look. He now lives as a hermit with Obiwan Kenobie in a far away galaxy. But Red was reincarnated, as a Bruce Willis look-alike and is now stalking Haley Joel Osmend. I see dead people! And just to let you know, Magenta is now married and is really a prostitute on the side. Her pimp is the Bruce Willis (every 3rd Wednesday). Who'da thought huh?! Not me. Well now, what an interesting turn of events!

Let's see. Orange and Pink got together and went to an Elton John concert and had a grand old time. Blue rented a different prostitute every night because he thought he was all big and important considering he was a fashion designer and all! But UH OH! He accidentally had Magenta one night because she had dyed the color of her feathers Platinum Blonde instead of the normal dirty yellow. So Magenta was no longer yellow but Platinum, and went by Lola and wore purple contacts - instead of natural brown. Orange and Pink were coming back from the concert and were staying in the same hotel as Blue and Lola. They all paid for the night, and at the counter they all saw each other. Lola got pissed when she found out that Blue was a man-whore. As they were fighting, Orange and Pink proceded to walk over. Then, out of nowhere, Lola beaned Blue in the head with a telephone, Blue fell back on Orange and Pink, and Pink and Lola got all hell bent out, pecking each other and pulling out feathers. As the four ducks were in a massive pig-pile, bellhops and managers ran over from all corners trying to split the mess up. But someone grabbed Pink's ass and she got more riled up. Lola got poked in the eyes and Orange and Blue beat the crap out of each other so bad they ended up passing out.

Blue and Orange finally awoke in a 10x12 cell with Pink and Lola. Their feathers were ruffled and their eyes were bloodshot, but they started to work out their differences. How are they going to get out of this jam, you ask? Well... a smashed reindeer and a high as a kite cow rammed into the room while having an orgy with some spotted guinea pigs. This was all planned by the cool duck from the Bubble Yum commercial with the pink mohawk and spiked collar! (Blow your own bubble). So, they're free! That was fast! But then they decide to deal with each other and flee the country to the safest place they could find. (A third world country in South America). What were they on?!

They missed their country by a long shot and ended up in the North Pole with all the purty penguins (which were really hungry polar bears in disguise). Will they survive? Find out on next week's episode of "The Rainbow Ducks". Woo! Go Rae! And now a word from our sponsors! I'm spent! Come see Bertha the dyslexic ephelant! Haha you guys. And now another word from yet another sponsor: Have a preferred weekend!!!! Have a preferred weekend everyone! Well anyways, back to Survivor...

Well they're not on a comfy little beach, but smack dab in the middle of the North Pole, with the killer polar bears! Well Blue got into a poker game with the head polar bear and bet Pink, but lost, so everyone ate Pink. Blue, Orange, and Lola (Magenta) all hitch hiked back to Spain. They drank vodka to celebrate. (They might as well have been drinking rubbing alcohol!!!) (She was now a ghost.) She took a disco ball and chucked it at Blue. Blue is now in the Springfield Hospital suffering from a coma. The rest stand around his bed singing "Koom-bye ah my lord". Soon Blue awoke from his coma, and started screaming for everyone to stop singing that horrendous song!!! Pink was still pissed at Blue, so he got Beetlejuice to scare the crap out of him by making every one of his shirts black and white striped. The epitome of fashion. Blue spazzed out and was then institutionalized by Orange and Lola. Pink haunted Blue for the rest of his psychotic life.

Wait! What about Silver?! You guys. Hold up. Pink has died like a bunch of times. What the hell are we doing? First she was a popsicle and then she got eaten! What's going on?! Thanks Rae.

Anyways, Pink got bored haunting Blue so she started to haunt Fred Savage, the freaky kid from Wonder Years. Not like anyone cares! His career was down the drain anyways! (Just like the clown from "It" hiding in your skin!) What about silver? Well, Silver couldn't find anyone to date, so she's now going out with Mr. Potato Head. They live in a cottage in New Hampshire. Oh no! Josh is choking!!! Wait, nevermind, he's all better now. Lola is now thinking about becoming a professional violinist, touring the Atlantic. Go Lola! Go Lola! But Silver ended up having a potoduck (half duck half potato) that was gold in color and named Chang. Chang was a bad potoduckling and he decided he was going to rob a Chinese bank. He smashed the window only to find the bank was open anyway, and walking in through the front door was none other than the Dorito's lady with a cheese triangle on her forehead. Her boobs kept on getting bigger and bigger with every commercial she made.

I wonder if they've ever made her fall over..!

So chang decided to break into the cheese vault and steal some cheddar. Lola was tired of being a prostitute so being that violinist was the only thing left to do. Silver was very sad that her little spudling was a cheese criminal. So Silver turned bitter and joined a punk rock band called Petunia's Dead, and they made Courtney Love look like the little cry baby she is. Orange gave up his job at the PlayDuck Mansion and went to college to major in communications. But it's a mystery as to what "communications" really is. And the plot thickens... Well not really, haha. I'm like a bird! Guess what. Video killed the radio star! Well it turns out that video DID kill the radio star. So then all the ducks in the radio business suddenly died. And they weren't even radio related! They just dropped dead. So the ducks left in this story are Orange, Silver, and Chang the spudling. Pink is still a ghost but she came back in her next life as a Hello Kitty. They all went on a cruise that was an exact re-enactment of the Titanic. Go Figure! It went under and all the ducks drowned a slow horrible death!

Don't ducks swim...?

The ducks were dead, and they all... spoke... Spanish. AMEN.