To make sure this embarrasing episode never ruins your holiday, here's a guide to ordering meat in French.
(*Zigzag is Chicane in French you uncultured fool.)
Chicken = Le poulet
Beef = Le boeuf
Lamb = L'agneau
Pork = Le porc
Sausages = Les saucisses
Ham = Le jambon
Cooked sausage = Le saucisson.
As opposed to....
Steak = Le biftec
Fish = Le poisson
There. You're suitably Frenched up. Now go gettum.
Main meat Mecca