i can't find the real me the me inside. wish i knew what it was. laugh at the incongruity of myself. i don't know what's going wrong or has gone, why i'm daunted by happiness. i'm surprised how effortlessly i slip into this state, how natural it seems to exist. i malfunction yet again, i go wrong. i don't wish to relinquish my grip on myself, but now i think this self is long gone. carefully i set out my aims to strive for, to love like it will never lead to pain. once or twice, i have lived. am i exhausted dopamine machine
