i won't bore you with the story of how i got like i did, because it's largely full of incidental details and imaginative paranoias. i'll just skip straight to my daring night-time escape, and subsequent capture by the authorities. they tortured me of course, but they were quite right to do so, this state's citizens can't just get away with irresponsible behaviour like mine. i was scorching down the fast lane at a truly terrifying speed, with a mind like an abbatoir and lips itching for a cigarette. i was still pumped up with so many drugs that my brain couldn't work out whether it was up or down, and kept shutting off, cutting me free from reality. the headlights rose slowly towards me, speeding up at the last minute to shoot past me too fast to follow, making me feel like i was diving down into a stream of tracer fire. i checked nervously in my mirror, but could see nothing keeping pace with me. the flak kept coming, bursting around me in little flashes, but i stayed on course, plunging towards my target. the gaping mouth of my dead crewmember told me we were at bombing altitude, his eyes implored me not to make the same mistake he did, his lifeless hand rested on a lever which i now pulled into place, releasing our payload spinning down to an invisible destination as we pulled up and away into the star-crowded sky, beautiful, indifferent, serene. faced with this empty canvas, my over-accessible subconscious went into overdrive, painting horribly confused dreams of cold stone monuments, bleeding hearts, children with knives, someone holding my arm from behind and before i could react i was shot down, thundering to earth trailing greasy smoke and ugly memories, before landing squarely on the tarmac by some miracle. i wrestled with the steering wheel to pull myself away from the verge while a police car did battle with my bodywork. he waggled his wings at me, lost control, and disappeared down the bank. i considered getting a 'How's My Flying' bumper sticker. everything was now quiet. the cars blinked past like guiding lights. up ahead i could see the road snaking away forever. a hundred miles away the wind hummed past my windows, and i dreamt about being a lamb, nuzzling up to mummy. huge electricity pylons briefly threw their shackles over the sky, loop after loop of steel pinning it to heaven, and i skipped on, looking for greener grass. voices in the back of my car woke me up again. i recognised them as the voices of all my ex-girlfriends, who had for some reason decided to throw a coffee party on my back seat. i realised with irritation that they were all discussing how bad i was in bed, which struck me as very rude seeing as i was in earshot, and at such an important moment as well! i resolved to drop them off at the next sliproad, and if they refused to get out then i would do so instead. banks began to rise on either side of the road, blotting out the stars one by one. i glanced back to see a door slide up through the tarmac behind me, blocking my exit. the girls tittered nervously like kids turning off the lights, then screamed as a wall of hail exploded around the car with bumps and clatters. obviously deeply suspicious of my navigational skills, they recommenced chattering loudly amongst themselves. attempting to ignore their malicious mutterings, i leaned forward to try and see the sky, but got only a sickening rush of vertigo at the sight of the towering walls. the wipers working furiously, i sped on into the bowels of the earth through a mounting crescendo of noise, the hail crashing down onto the roof with terrifying ferocity, and twenty embittered females spitting out insults like gasoline. claustrophobia gripping my head like a vice, i covered my ears with my hands, then grabbed hold of the wheel again as the walls disappeared and a yawning gulf opened beneath my wheels. in complete silence we drifted on over nothingness as if drawn by a thread, eternity sounding in my soul like a huge velvet-jacketed cathedral bell. we drifted forever. someone opened up my thin white little body like the doors on a U-drive rental van and shook all the tiredness and anxiety out of me, all the greed and vanity, all the angst and denial like loose nuts and bolts, rusted machinery, until i was left as i was at birth, flawless, tear-filled and curious. he listed all my mistakes in a clearly set-out flow diagram, showed me the right way to go, and i nodded and understood. then he asked me if i wanted to see what was wrong with the world, and again i nodded my assent. he showed me a short clip, simplified for my human eyes to understand, only about 5 seconds long. a fat man was sat in an air-conditioned office, being brought a whisky and soda by his blonde secretary, wearing only a blue bikini and heels. the man wobbled magnificently, and leaned forward to fondle her buttocks. and with that, the spinning wheels connected seamlessly with tarmac on the edge of the gulf, a bridge materialising impossibly behind me. i glanced back to find that the girls were gone, although i'd never actually seen them in the first place, only heard them. i was relieved, but sorry i hadn't had time to settle the differences that still lay between us. i swerved to the outside lane, cut along the dotted line, snip snip, and soared up the sliproad. two cars tripped over my tyre marks and hit the barrier, but i didn't care. i drove until i was nowhere, then drove a bit further. eventually i had to get out of the car because it stopped working, but that didn't matter as i was in the forest. i climbed out of the ditch and took off all my clothes, looking for all the world like a pale worm writhing in the dirt, which i did until i was dirt, and i was forest. and then i started to climb. my hands and feet clung to the bark as if my own mother had given birth to me whilst clinging to a branch, her solemn eyes regarding me with animal tenderness. i reached the first great bough, and continued to climb, from cleft to branch, balancing in a bifurcation of the trunk, trusting myself not to fall, scrambling instinctively, almost without looking. higher and higher i climbed up my tower of Babel, watching for the reflection, the vast root descending to earth which, when i reached it, would allow me to stop living my life in reverse and be a real person again. my fingers melted into the cracks, my feet grasped like hands, i wished my way up the tree. lichen had appeared on my arms, birds were nesting in my hair, but i was there, the slender uppermost branch barely bending beneath my weight, reaching to the heavens, and then i was falling, branches swaying out of my path, the tree feeling the burn in my leg, screaming my scream as i floated majestically to earth, the shot still ringing in my ears.
