When you occasionally have a really bad day,and you
just need to take it out on someone,don't take it
out on someone you know,take it out on someone you
don't know.Here's what one guy did. What do you
think?
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a
phone call I had forgotten to make.I found the
number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely
said, "This is Andrew. Could I please speak with
Robin Carter?"
Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.I
couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.I
tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
I had transposed the last two digits of her phone
number.After hanging up with her, I decided to call
the 'wrong'number again
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled,
"You're an asshole!" and hung up.I wrote his
number down with the word 'asshole' next to it and
put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and
yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my
therapeutic'asshole'calling would have to stop. So,
I called his number and said,
"Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company.
I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the
Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the
phone down. I quickly called him back and
said,"That's because you're an asshole!" One day I
was at the store, getting ready to pull into a
parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled
into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the
horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the
spot.The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his car window . . . so, I wrote down his
number. A couple of days later, right after calling
the first asshole(I had hisnumber on speed dial), I
thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW
for sale?" "Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street.It's a
yellow house, and the car's parked right out in
front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don
Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an asshole."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now,when I had a problem, I had two
assholes to call. But after several months of
calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to
be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole
#1.
"Hello."
"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a
yellow house,with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you
had better start saying your prayers." I
said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole." Then
I called Asshole #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, asshole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are,
I'll . . . ."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass!" he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm
coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the
police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th
Street, and that I was on my way over there
to kill my gay lover.Then I called Channel 13 News
about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th
street.There I saw two assholes beating the crap out
of each other in front of six squad cars, a police
helicopter, and news crew.
NOW, I feel better!
(Anger Management at it's very best.)
Posted by stars5/roxyfarber
at 5:07 PM EST
Updated: Thursday, 1 April 2004 5:31 PM EST
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Updated: Thursday, 1 April 2004 5:31 PM EST
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