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A Princesses Blog
Wednesday, 14 July 2004
I'm not your bitch! Stop giving me your work!
Soooo I'm back. I cant take doing everyone elses work so I'm going on strike.....actually I'm on lunch. But it's all good. Last time I checked my name thingy (Post It note on my computer) said Stephanie- Classified not Stephanie the Office Bitch. Whatever.

The receptionist person just told me she is taking 2 weeks of vacation in August. JOY! Now i get to do her job and mine. Frig. The woman that had my job before she quit wants this job back. I can see why, I sit here and play games. I guess she cant hack actually working. My dad said he wont give her the job back because she was a whiner and a loser and I could learn in an hour what it took her a week to do. Hopefully I can still work here once a week during the school year. I figure if I let a whole weeks worth of work pile up, I'd be busy for a day. That would be a change.

I'm eating semi warm rice. It's pretty nasty. I'm dizzy again. I think I need sugar, or sleep. I know I wont get any sleep because when my parents are away I'm too scared to sleep and get freaked out by the smallest noise. Back when Steph and I worked part time at shitty jobs, she'd stay with me for a whole week so we could both be scared together, but that doesnt happen anymore. She's coming over with Kristina on Friday for Sex and the City with cosmos...old school style. It should be fun. I wont get drunk.......

I've come to the conclusion that people blog for two reasons....they are bored or depressed. I've read some pretty sad and scary things on other peoples blogs. I guess they just need somewhere to write out how they feel so they dont go insane. Others like me write just cuz. It's all good. I spend alot of time reading other peoples.

Anyway I'm going to go play online games or something to make me less bored.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 1:06 PM EDT
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I should be folding but.....
I'm bored. I dont want to fold more papers. Everyone is out smoking so I thought I'd stop. I did 294 letters yesterday in two hours. I'm a machine! Anyway, it's boring and pointless work, but I guess someone's gotta do it. Sucks that it has to be me though.

I went to Grace O'Malleys last night. I got lost. Like really lost. I hate that. I need to get a new map. My dad is a friggin navigator and I get lost in Kanata. Sheesh. It was fun though. My head ache wasnt so bad when i got there so it was all good. Then I went to Pauls after, but I didnt stay very long because I would have fallen asleep right there with him. I wouldnt have minded, but I'm sure my parents would have.

So now I'm at work. The people have come back from smoking and have piled more shite on my desk. Cant they see the 13 centimeter pile of papers and the 400 aircadet letters, plus my normal work that I have to do? They are so lazy. I thought I was lazy, but not like these people. Whatever. If it will make the time pass quicker its all good. I'll take refuge in writing again sometime during the day for sure:)

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 10:35 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 13 July 2004
Damn paper cuts
I thought my mailing days were over.....Well they arent. I've just had like amillion papers plunked down on my desk for me to send out. I think I've cut myself like 5 times and I've only been folding for thirty minutes. THIS SUCKS! I'm not a mailing machine! It's not my job! Ahhhh. Whatever, it's better than pretending to care about airplanes on the phone. Anyway I should get back to folding and mailing. I just needed to write cuz.....well I'm bored and that's what I do.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 2:11 PM EDT
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It seems too early to think of school.....
It's July 13th and I'm stressing about school. This sucks. I can't figure out how to organize classes, which ones run all year...frig. I want someone to do it for me, I cant do it myself, i'll mess it up really bad. I want to have a day off and no morning classes and none late at night. I dont want to take stats or antyhing having to do with math, but I have to. I have to take a science...yuck. THat would be the reason i was in esp in the first place---> math and science. This is too stressful. I'm going to forget about it until August 11th, then I'll cry.

I dont even know if I got accepted yet. My dumbass prof cant seem to correct a stupid paper and post a mark. If I dont get in I'm giving up. I'll move away or something. I cant be a failure to everyone again. Meh, whatever. It's way too early to think of school and stuff, so I wont.

Anyway I'm at work. It blows as usual. I'm done all the work that I had from yesterday and it's 10:52. I wish my job had a purpose..other than boring me out of my mind. My dad is in the office today, so people arent chucking their work on my desk for me to do. It's a good thing, but now I'm sitting here typing. Oh well. I have to fix that other persons stupid mistake. I have to send out another 500 letters cuz she;s a fucking moron. Ummmm 2003...lets send those ones out---again. Whatever. Their stupidity is motivation to go to school.

Jason wants to go out tonight with me. I dont want him to. I know the only reason he wants to do anything is so he can get a drive home. Last time I checked I wasnt his taxi. He lives totally out of the way. I guess tonight its ok since I'm going that way anyway, but on the way home I dont want to have to drive to his house and all that. I'll just tell him I'm not going. I feel bad but whatever. I dont remember when he drove my ass anywhere. i want to see him I guess seeing that it's been a while, but I dont want to drive and drag him around.

People in this office do not know how to dress. Oh my god. they must not own mirrors. Last time I checked you shouldnt mix plaid and polka dots.....thats just common sense. Its like they havent bought new clothes since 1983. Weird.

Anyway I'm really really bored so I'm going to go eat my peach and wait for an email to come in or something.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 10:43 AM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, 13 July 2004 10:44 AM EDT
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Monday, 12 July 2004
Bronze goddess(or on my way to it anyway)
I think I might have a slight tan. Yay! It wouldnt classify as a tan for normal people, but for my pale self I'm dark. Oh well.

This weekend was really fun.I love cottaging. I'm all about floating around on a lake, doing a whole lot of nothing. I love summer, and I dont want it to end. The pig thing was alot of fun. I think I'm forever scared for life after hearing what a pig roast is. Guys are so sick, they can make anything sexual. Yuck. But I actually ate the pig, which I didnt think I could, seeing that it;s a huge ass pig that still had its head and stuff like that, that kidna creeps me out, but I tried it and it was really good. I should have had more, but hopefully i can go next year. Saturday night was fun, minus tylers drunken swim at 12 where I thought he;d drown, then the spill out of the window. It was funny though, not the almost dying part, but that night. Sunday was even better. Waking up to paul and then chilling all day at the beach and in the water watching people ski and knee board. I promise next time I'll try some kind of water sport. I feel like such a chicken, maybe if some of the other girls did it I would too. Anyway, it was a really really nice weekend and I have Paul to thank. I hope I can make this coming weekend as nice for him as he has made for me.

Now I'm at work. I've had a steady stream of work coming in, but I seem to finish it quickly. The receptionist was biatchy this morning and refused to take any calls. Hello, your job is to pick up the phone! So I answered it once and then refused. I think she's mad cuz whenever she says " Are you going to get that?" I say no. It's not my job, quit being a bum. ALl she does is play online slot machines and smoke alot. I want my dad to come back into the office. When he does no one dumps their work on my desk to get me to do it. They know better, my dad hates when they do that.

Anyway I'm hungry and I want to go get some lunch. I can't wait for work to be done, I cant take it today. Everyone is going crazy because the convention starts on wednesday. If they werent such losers they wouldnt have taken 2 weeks off to be "sick", and stayed at work and got stuff done. Sure I'm bored with my job but I dont take 2 weeks off because my nose is runny:P Whatever, these people suck, I need to get out before I go nuts.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 12:58 PM EDT
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Friday, 9 July 2004
I dont remember it hurting like that........
Yikes. I went with Steph to Amalfi at lunch to get some waxage done, seeing that it is summer and all. Man, I had a violent girl. OMG. She must have been angry or soemthing today. Ouch. She popped two blood vessle thingys on the side of my leg. SO much for wearing my bathing suit this weekend, I look like i've been beaten or soemthing. Anyway, it was an all around painful experience, I'm asking for another person next time. yikes.Oh the pains of being a woman. I'd like to see a guy go get that done. We walked in and all the people were getting manicures and pedicures.. i wanted one too but I only had an hour so it couldnt be done. They have whole spa day packages, Steph and I want to do that sometime but I think its too expensive. maybe one day.

Only 3 more hours then I can go home and get ready to go to Pauls cottage:) It should be fun, cept I'm red like crazy. Oh well. I have to get groceries kinda--> just cereal and junk food. I just want to go home!

Work is extra boring today. Nothing really happens on Fridays. I've been sending out membership cards all day. NOt too exciting. I cant wait to just relax tonight.....yummm. Anyway I should get back to work. <

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 1:33 PM EDT
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Thursday, 8 July 2004
Yay Shopping!
I went shopping today on my lunch break. I got lost in the Rideau Centre and had to buy myself something to make me feel better. I got my Billabong surf shirt! I found it, so I had to buy it. And I got a matching bathing suit too. I mean I cant not match. I spent a bit too much money....the shirt was $50.....thats way too much. But I know if I waited until August for it to go onsale that would be pointless. I deserve to buy myself soemthing anyway. The bathing suit was on sale so thats ok. I cant wait to wear it. It'll save my shoulders from another burn. I'm a little worried about the bathing suit though. It has the tie bottoms.....that might be alittle too revealing for me, but we;ll see. AHhh shopping.

I have to go to the dentist after work. I hate the dentist. They are going to poke at my wisdom teeth, then I'm going to smack them. Dentists make me gag. I hate that.

I got a blister from going to Rideau.....its my own fault, I wore impractical shoes. pretty but painful. Now I'm sitting at my desk eating my lunch. I'm so bored. I cant wait for this weekend.....ahh two whole days with Paul. Nice nice nice.

I just got off the phone with him. hehehehe. I might go see King Arthur with him at 9. It all depends on how tired I am when I get home. I didnt get home last night until 130, so I'm beat, but I should be fine. It was worth staying up until 130 tho.

Anyway I should get back to work. It sucks.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 1:30 PM EDT
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Wednesday, 7 July 2004
owwww my hands!
I just got two major papercuts on my hands so I'm on strike for a bit while I recover. I was trying to fold this giant stack of papers and i slid both my hands across it and hacked myself. It hurts. Waaaa! I'm so bored I think I'm going dillusional.

The crazy fax girl that doesnt like me has a really annoying laugh and it makes me want to scream. It;s really loud and for some reason she;s laughing alot. maybe she's high from the smell of fax machine ink.

I went out to lunch with my dad. I dont feel dizzy anymore. I guess I needed protein. I'm glad my dad is here to buy me lunch, otherwise I wouldnt eat. Money is best spent on things that are pretty and can be worn, not things that you eat.

Wow I'm bored. and my hands hurt. I want a bandaid but its a paper cut, I'm being dramatic. I think I'm going to go talk on the phone or soemthing. It's nice out, I dont want to be stuck in the office. I cant wait to escape from here, but I have to take the bus:P The office manager just put a huge bowl of jube jubes on the receptionists desk for all of us to eat.....I must have some.....

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 1:08 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 7 July 2004 1:22 PM EDT
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Frustrated
This is really really really annoying. I think I know what he is trying to get at. When I was going out with him I'd send little messages, emails and calls just to talk to him....I thought it was the nice thing to do, he though it was annoying. I think he is trying to annoy me like I supposidly did to him. Well its working. Frig. Whatever. I wish he'd just stop. Listening to him fake cry on the phone is enough to make me want to burst out and laugh. At the same time, if he is indeed genuine I feel bad for him. I know what it;s like to be upset, and all I wanted was someone to talk to. He knows I have a new boyfriend who is everything he wasnt and then some. He is now realizing how easy it would have been to treat me the same. Holding your girlfriends hand isnt all that strenuous. WHATEVER! Too little too late in my books. He said last night "If only one of those times you came over when my parents were gone, I would have made a special night with dinner and something nice instead of drinking then making you go home....." Well hello common sense. Bah, this really isnt worth talking about, even though I could talk about it for days. There were so many things he could have changed but didnt, it's his loss now for sure.

I have Paul. He is.....I dont even know. So many things all in one and I cant pick a nice enough word to describe him. I love him. He listens to me near tears on the phone and doesn't yell at me or say mean things. He cares. I've never had something like this...ever! I love it. He makes me want to be a better person, to try harder. I dont want to disappoint him ever. When I'm with him I'm happier than I ever remember being, when he;s gone I wait until I can see him again. I miss him after being apart for two days. He's on my mind all the time. I'm getting mushy, so I'll stop.

I'm at work.....BLAH! It's 10:25, and guess what....I'm done all my work. joy. I;m dizzy, I dont know why. I ate breakfast, I'm wearing my glasses, I slept well, this sucks. Maybe it's because of stress. I had this before too. I'm having the same physical weirdnesses that I had a while ago. After that night where I cried I woke up feeling sad, tired, with a pounding head ache and general blahness. I dont know how I went through two months of that shite. I remember I used to get on the bus in the morning to go take the train, then when I used to get there I'd turn around and go straight home. I just couldnt go to school. I dont know why. Atleast I can eat now. Before I couldnt, and it sucked. I like food, the little amounts that I do eat anyway. I didnt eat chips for 2 months, I think thats when my mom knew I was depressed. ANyone who knows me knows that I LOVE them. Anywho, it's all good now. Gained the weight back, eat chips 24/7.

Sooo, I'm at work. I should get back to working...maybe. I'm getting my hair done next Thursday so I think I'm going to go look for some styles. Should be fun..not.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 10:17 AM EDT
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Tuesday, 6 July 2004
The Notebook
Oh my god, I saw that movie last night and I dont think I've cried that much in my entire movie watching life. It was so sad, but so good. I recommend it. It's a real girly movie though. I feel bad for Paul, I made him sit there through the whole thing while I held in my sobs and cried on his shoulder. He said the movie needed robots--> typical guy comment. I thought it was really good. it's not a good movie to see if you are the least bit sad, it jsut makes it worse.

I want to win the lottery. I dont need much money. Maybe a couple hundred thousand.Thats a nice amount. Enough to put 4 full years of tuition and books away and still have a little bit to spend on me and not go crazy corrupt with money. Dont get my wrong, I wouldnt turn down a couple million. I'm just thinkin. I'd probably still work, I'd be bored. BUt right now work is pointless..hence my blogging at 12 on a workday. It makes me look like I'm working, typing and everything. Really I just sit here reading other ppls blogs and writing in mine. It's all good though. I get paid to write in my journal thingy and occasionally stuff envelopes or put in classified ads. Not that bad.

I got a comment:) I'm so happy about that. I didn't think anyone would want to actually listen to my ramblings. It's nice though.


So I'm bored at work....whats new. I always seem to be. I think I'll take a break from writing and stuff some more envelops, I'll be back though......

So, I probably ran 150+ envelopes through the damn machine. That's not even my job. I do classified ads, not friggin memberships. Whatever. Now it;s break time. I sit here and I wait for my new mail thingy to pop up, thats how bored I am. I want to call ppl. Paul at work maybe, my friend, whoever. I want to go to Shoppers on my lunch to get some tanner stuff. I want to be brown. Right now I'm a lovely shade of red, well my back atleast. I hung on that tube for a little too long this weekend. I didnt think my back would get burnt, but it did, so whatever. I have aloe it's all good.

My life is so boring. I'm sitting here at my desk eating M&M's. Well I guess my life isnt all that boring. I;m going through a damn mental crisis. The while ex bf thingy is driving me insane. He is finally realizing that he really didnt treat me that well during the year and half we went out. I dont understand why after all this time he is realziing it, when the whole time we went out he was oblivious. It's really upsetting me. Now he is acting nicer than I've ever seen him before. It's what I longed for when we were going out. I used to imagine what it would be like if he were perfect(my version of perfect anyway). Now i'm dating someone else. He knows it too. Maybe thats why he;s giving me so much attention these days. He knows that I'm finally getting everything I deserve and he never though to give to me before now. I always wanted to be treated like a princess, and now I am. He;s read that online from my other journal. I guess reality has hit him hard. I know how he feels. I was depressed for 2 whole months. No eating, no sleeping, no laughing, no smiling. It was torture. I kinda feel bad for him though. Maybe he wants a second chance, but knows he cant have it. If only he had this epiphany when I wanted him to. I was begging him to feel like this 5 mths ago. I'm confused. What do I do? Do I ignore him? Do I try to help him? I just dont know. I cant talk to anyone about this. No one likes him because he treated me like shit when I was dating him. I'm dealing with this by myself. If anyone reads this and wants to tell me what to do, feel free. I'm not going to solve this by myself.

WHATEVER! Paul and I had our three month thingy last night. We always try to do something once a month. It was cute. I love him. He is everything that Allan wasnt. It's weird. I cant help but compare everything. he;s sweet, funny, caring, loving and incredibly hot. I wish there was a more powerful word to describe how I feel about him. Love is all I've got so far. I've never felt this way about someone before. It's nice and scary all at the same time. Scary in that I want to know whats going to happen in the future so bad. I'm impatient that way. I hate waiting for things to unfold. I dont want things to end.That terrifies me. I was so upset before, I don't want to deal with that again...ever. Anyway......
I'm gonna go back to work. So yeah. Comment if you so desire.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 11:47 AM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, 7 July 2004 1:58 PM EDT
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