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A Princesses Blog
Friday, 24 September 2004
So Lonely...I need a hug
Mood:  blue
I was so alone all day today. I was the only one in my house from 3:30 until 9. It really sucked. I was so lonely and I had nothing to do. I'm going to have to go out tomorrow and buy a book or something, or maybe do school work, because today was just stupid.

I dropped my mom off at the airport at 2 so she could go meet my dad in Victoria. I don't like when they leave me to be the mom. I really can't handle it. I may joke about how I think I'm a good mother and stuff, but really I'm crappy. I know for nine days I wont get any sleep, I wont eat and I'll end up getting sick from exhaustion by the end of these 9 days. That's just how it goes. I dont think I can ever live alone because I'll just waste away with bordem. Everything always works out fine and stuff, but I just get so bored. I get so bored that I clean! If you could see the constant state of my room, or any room that I happen to be in, you'll get the humour in that statement.

Paul left today for Guelph. i was supposed to go with him and his friends, but I got stuck being the mom. I knew that my parents wouldnt' feel comfortable with me leaving my brother and sister to fend for themselves for the weekend. i was never left alone at my brother's age, so I see where they are coming from. I'd feel guilty for leaving them here alone as well. I really want to be there with him now. I miss him so much and he hasn't even been there for a day. Maybe it's the combination of everyone being away and not being able to talk to Paul that has made me so sad. I miss him so much it's crazy. I can't wait to see him again so i can give him a big hug and many kisses. Ahh I'm gonna get mushy so I'll stop.

I blocked my cousin and other random people who've been looking at my other site. I should have done it a long time ago, but I was still holding out to see if they would fess up and post a comment as to who they are. I guess they were scared or whatever and they never did it, so I blocked them. I really dont want them reading some of the worst times I've ever felt, seeing that they hardly know me, and make no effort to. If they really wanted to know how I was they'd call, email or talk to me on msn, but they dont. They dont deserve to know about me. I know that is harsh to say about your own family, but they dont reach out to us ever, for anything. I think it's unfair that we are frozen out because we live in Ottawa and dont go to Kitchener for every Christmas eve like they do, that's just not possible for us, plus I like my Christmases in my house. Regardless, they cant' read about me anymore, and if they find a way to weasle back in I'll block them again.

Jason is having another one of his parties tomorrow night. I might go, but I dont think I will. I really dont want to see everyone from high school. Personally, i didnt care for any of them except for my close friends. I don't want to go there and pretend that I care about what they are doing and listen to their pointless and air-headed stories. I can talk to myself if I want to talk to a blonde thank you very much. I'll go if Anna and Steph go, strength in numbers against the Katies and Hailey...uhhh i dispise them. If Steph doesn't call me back to do something tomorrow night then I guess I'll go....maybe. I wouldnt stay for very long anyway, the cops usually come and bust them up and I'm not really into all that stuff. We'll see.

Anyway I think I'll go to bed or something. Sleep makes the time pass quicker and I dont have to think about stuff. I hope this week being a mother goes well and I dont mess up. I dont think I'll ever have children, but then again I dont want to be alone so maybe...who knows.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 10:59 PM EDT
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Thursday, 9 September 2004
The summer is officially over:(
Mood:  blue
I started back at school today, that means that the most wonderful summer that I've ever had is over. It sucks. I've never had a summer like this one and I hope I can have many many more. I'd like to list all the things that have happened, but I'd need pages and pages. It has been so much fun, and hopefully the school year will be fun too, minus learning and stuff.

I haven't written in here in a while. I mostly post stuff on my other journal, but I think I'll start using this one more because people are reading the other one and I really dont care for them to know what I'm up to all the time.

I had my first psyc class today. Candace and another girl from my FYS whose name I cant remember is in that class with me, so I'll have someone to talk to. Hopefully there wont be alot of math in this class, seeing as how math is the reason I was in ESP to begin with. It's all good though, I'm going to try really hard this year so I have a really good average and I don't disappoint anyone. I won't miss as much school as I did last year seeing as I'm not all depressed and stuff. I really had no motivation to go to school and learn because Allan always told me I wouldnt amount to anything. It's all good.

I got soaked at school today. It's raining like crazy outside and it hasnt stopped. My basement walls are starting to leak! Crazy.

I think I'm going to go clean my room or something. Oh the joy! Maybe I should get a head start and read some psyc.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 3:08 PM EDT
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Thursday, 26 August 2004
Oh Happy birthday you 19 year old mother!
Mood:  irritated
Ahhhh! My cousin is all in a tizzy because no one is celebrating her birthday. If she was a normal child, that would be a tragedy but she;s a different case. She's knocked up, by her own choice at the age of 19. No job, a loser bf, no money, no education and she's insane. I'm sure for well adjusted 19 year olds this wouldnt be such a problem but she is actually crazy and she totally takes advantage and manipulates anyone she comes across. She can play the victim like the best of them. Anyway, she expected people to be in total jubilation about her 19th birthday. She is all depressed now because no one has done anything. Sure, her parents lavished her with expensive gifts and oh yeah, rented her an apartment, but I guess that isnt good enough. WHATEVER! This whole situation ticks me off (hence the rant). It seems that whatever Meaghan wants Meaghan gets. All she has to do is a) get pregnant b) yell or c) threaten to kill herself and she gets things thrown at her. I wish I had that power but I'm in now insane and would never do that to anyone....ever. So I just sit here being the obedient daughter who doesnt do drugs, smoke or get pregnant on a yearly basis and I get....well not nothing, but I dont get nearly what she gets. In conclusion my cousin pisses me off. WHATEVER! WHATEVER. Atleast I can go to sleep at night knowing that I'm not crazy.

SO that was my rant. It's been a while since I've written in here. I dont work anymore so I cant use this to waste time and avoid doing actual work. Not much has happened really. Just the usual. Cottaging and being bored. My teeth have hurt me alot recently. I kinda want to get them out, but am still terrified at the thought of getting them removed.

My aunt just called and said " You cant help but feel sorry for Meaghan." I want to scream! How can you feel sorry for someone that has completely ruined your life?!?!?!?!? COME ON! Did my family just fall off the turnip truck? She is seeing everything through rose coloured glasses. She needs to wake up and realize that in 5 months she is going to have the screaming and messed up spawn of her wayward child sucking the life out of her, while her daughter enjoys and all expenses paid trip to Europe. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.

I'm annoyed now. I guess it's good that I have this blog to unleash my somewhat of a fury. I wouldnt want to yell at anyone that I know about my petty problems. People are going through way worse things than their cousins getting pregnant and messing up their family. I shouldnt be complaining, but whatever. I'm gonna go read, or sleep or cry or something.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 8:34 PM EDT
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Sunday, 15 August 2004
Oh my God!
Oh my god! I came home from Pauls cottage tonight and I went into my room and my parents had completely redone it. I was, and still am in shock. It is exactly how I wanted it and never dreamed that it would ever look like this. They did it to surprise me for my bday which is in two weeks. It is soooooo nice and I totally didnt expect that theyt would do this for me. It's a camely-taupe colour with all chocolate brown and white stuff. it's beautiful! I dont think I could ever thank them enough. I love it! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!! Wow. I'm sitting here now and I cant believe this is my room. It looks like it should be in a magazine or soemthing. UNREAL.

Anyway, I'm totally over-stimulated right now so I dont think I'll be going to sleep anytime soon. I spent the weekend at Paul's cottage. it was so nice. I love every second I spend there with him, whether we are doing something or just sitting back and talking on the swing. I never want this summer to end, but I know that it will soon. I'll just keep thinking about the days that I've had and that will keep me going all through the year and until the summer starts again. I feel the need to get extremely mushy, because of the crazy shock that I'm going through right now, but I'll stop. I dont want whoever happens upon this blog to think I'm a head case or something. I just hope that nothing comes to rain on my sunny day, as it usually seems to whenever I'm happy.

I have to register for classes tomorrow, so I should probably go look at some classes so I'm not scrambling tomorrow.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 10:31 PM EDT
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Friday, 13 August 2004
Weird
I just put some words into Google and my blog came up as one of the options. How weird is that?

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 2:56 PM EDT
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I'm fired today:)
I never thought I'd be happy to say that, or that anyone would throw me a party for my impending unemployment. I'm happy to be not working, btu I still kinda want to. it would give me soemthing to do during the day other than sleep. Oh well. I think a two week break before school starts will be a good thing, maybe I'll get a part time job during school, I'll see how bad I need the money before I rush out and make myself too busy. I'd like to not have a job, so i can concentrate on school. I'm tired of being mediocre, I'd like to be good at something. Meh.

I hope they get good pizza for my party. I like pizza.

So, I'm gonna go sit with my dad or something. I'm so leaving early today.....I wonder why I even came in. I got paid, so I dont owe anybody anything.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 11:54 AM EDT
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Thursday, 12 August 2004
The eve of my last day as the COPA chick
Ahh working at COPA has taught me many things:

*postage machines and photocopiers hate me
*polka dots should never be worn with stripes
*you shouldnt work at COPA for 30 yrs- it makes you go crazy in the brain.
*you shouldnt have to take the bus to go to work.
*hour long lunches should be mandatory.
*no personal calls at work....WHATEVER!
*awfulplasticsurgery.com is work...it involves reading
*getting paid to surf the internet/read cosmo online/write in blogs/talk on the phone and msn is awsome.
*having your dad as the boss and not having to take shit from anybody rocks!
*when you are the youngest one in the office you have the best shoes.
*I WILL FINISH SCHOOL SO I DONT WORK AT COPA FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
*that getting bigger paychecks doesnt mean you'll save more....it means you buy more expensive things...and often duplicates of what you already own.

Anyway, I'm sure there are more lessons that I have learned but right now I'm in bed and too lazy to think of anymore. I'm acutally kinda bummed that I couldnt work there for the rest of the summer, but meh,I can stand to have a two week break before school.

I'd just like to say that wireless internet rocks. I'm so totally in my bed right now and typing away. I'm never leaving my room again! All i need is a little fridge for my food and juice and a water cooler, then I'd be set and no one would ever see me again!

I updated my site again....well really I put a pic on it. That;s pretty much the extent of my internet prowess, maybe on day I'll actually learn html and all that shite and make a site that is worthwhile, for now Tripod will suit me just fine.

Anyway I just wanted to write here...well because I'm in bed and I can. I'll probably write more tomorrow as it is a regular work day and thats all I do anyway. maybe I'll leave early....what will they do? Fire me???Hahahahahahah Good times.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 10:04 PM EDT
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Quizzy
2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? The other side of my desk

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV? The today show

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 11:40

5: Now look at the clock, what is the time really? 11:34

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The radio

7: When did you last step outside? When I got off the bus and went into work.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at? www.copanational.org

9: What are you wearing? Black pants, pink t-shirt, khaki jacket with slingbacks.
10: Did you dream last night? Probably, but I dont remember.

11: When did you last laugh? This morning probably but chances are I was faking.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in? BLue paint and airplane pics

13: Seen anything weird lately? No

14: What do you think of this quiz? Nothing

15: What is the last film you saw? 13 going on 30

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? Shoes and jewllery

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: Everyone knows everything about me

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? I dont know, there is too much to be done to pick one thing.

19: Do you like to dance? SOmetimes

20: George Bush: uhhhh, idiot

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Lily or Claire

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? James Michael Patrick or Aidan

22: Would you ever consider living abroad? Yes

23: Will you pass on this survey? No, cuz it's on my blog. If ppl want to cut and paste they can. It's fun to do when you are bored.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 11:27 AM EDT
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Wednesday, 11 August 2004
I ate a big red candle.....
Someone save me. I am so bored I think I could fall asleep. La la la la la la. SHite, this blows. I didnt think it was possible for a minute to actually feel like four and a half hours. Honestly this day has gone by so slow and it's only 3:31....ugggghhhh. Plus, I have to stay later at work so that my mom and brother can pick me up at the bus.

I think I am going to go insane with bordem. maybe Ill go play poke the penguin or something, but you can only poke it so many times.

My mom bought me a wireless card. I've probably already said that, but who cares. No one reads this anyway. so yeah, now I can be connected all the time. I wonder if school has wireless. Perhaps. I want new clothes for school. A nice long black coat for the cold days with a cream coloured scarf, cords and new boots. I think I shall go purchase my fashion vision, if it does indeed exist.

I dont want the summer to end. School is getting closer everyday and I want to cry.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 3:21 PM EDT
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Two more days
People have been reading my other journal like crazy. It's disturbing me. The intention of that journal was to be private and no one was supposed to know about it unless I gave them the address. It wasnt listed in the directory and I've only given two people the address. If Allan gave out the address to everyone just to spite me I'll beat him, I'm serious. The things that I wrote down were private and personal. I'm going tohave to delete it before the whole world reads it and I get in trouble. I put a tracker on the site and I've had hits from St.Catharines (my aunt) and Kitchener (my cousin Amy). I would have liked it if they kept thinking I was normal but meh, I'm not. I'd really like to know how they got to the site though. I didnt tell them and I dont have it listed in my profile. hmmmmmm. I dont want them, or anyone else to read it. whatever.

I went to the dentist today. I have to get my wisdom teeth taken out. I'm not looking forward to that. WE'll see, hopefully they can make an appointment sometime when I'm not in school, although the dentist told me that they would start bothering me more. Which really sucks seeing that right now I cant put any pressure on my teeth. This blows! Seriously.

Anyway I'm pretty bored. I'm trying to keep myself busy so that the day will go by quicker. I have to make up 45 new members packages, hopefully that will take me a long time. Maybe not, whatever. I'm having fun blogging and looking at things online.

I got a laptop yesterday. I might have already written this, i really cant remember. My dad got it all working for me last night. Even though it's kinda old its still nice and it's mine:) Now I never have to leave my room, I have the internet and stuff so I'm all good. I'll probably never sleep cuz I'll be online all night but whatever. I want my parents to redo my room. I'll even help. I want it to look grown up as opposed to the semi-grown and little kid room I have right now. We'll see how that will work out.

Anyway I should get back to my packages. I'm so bored I think I could cry, and I cant eat because my teeth hurt. I need a hug.

Posted by stars5/diamonddreams at 11:41 AM EDT
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