Mood:
I was so alone all day today. I was the only one in my house from 3:30 until 9. It really sucked. I was so lonely and I had nothing to do. I'm going to have to go out tomorrow and buy a book or something, or maybe do school work, because today was just stupid.
I dropped my mom off at the airport at 2 so she could go meet my dad in Victoria. I don't like when they leave me to be the mom. I really can't handle it. I may joke about how I think I'm a good mother and stuff, but really I'm crappy. I know for nine days I wont get any sleep, I wont eat and I'll end up getting sick from exhaustion by the end of these 9 days. That's just how it goes. I dont think I can ever live alone because I'll just waste away with bordem. Everything always works out fine and stuff, but I just get so bored. I get so bored that I clean! If you could see the constant state of my room, or any room that I happen to be in, you'll get the humour in that statement.
Paul left today for Guelph. i was supposed to go with him and his friends, but I got stuck being the mom. I knew that my parents wouldnt' feel comfortable with me leaving my brother and sister to fend for themselves for the weekend. i was never left alone at my brother's age, so I see where they are coming from. I'd feel guilty for leaving them here alone as well. I really want to be there with him now. I miss him so much and he hasn't even been there for a day. Maybe it's the combination of everyone being away and not being able to talk to Paul that has made me so sad. I miss him so much it's crazy. I can't wait to see him again so i can give him a big hug and many kisses. Ahh I'm gonna get mushy so I'll stop.
I blocked my cousin and other random people who've been looking at my other site. I should have done it a long time ago, but I was still holding out to see if they would fess up and post a comment as to who they are. I guess they were scared or whatever and they never did it, so I blocked them. I really dont want them reading some of the worst times I've ever felt, seeing that they hardly know me, and make no effort to. If they really wanted to know how I was they'd call, email or talk to me on msn, but they dont. They dont deserve to know about me. I know that is harsh to say about your own family, but they dont reach out to us ever, for anything. I think it's unfair that we are frozen out because we live in Ottawa and dont go to Kitchener for every Christmas eve like they do, that's just not possible for us, plus I like my Christmases in my house. Regardless, they cant' read about me anymore, and if they find a way to weasle back in I'll block them again.
Jason is having another one of his parties tomorrow night. I might go, but I dont think I will. I really dont want to see everyone from high school. Personally, i didnt care for any of them except for my close friends. I don't want to go there and pretend that I care about what they are doing and listen to their pointless and air-headed stories. I can talk to myself if I want to talk to a blonde thank you very much. I'll go if Anna and Steph go, strength in numbers against the Katies and Hailey...uhhh i dispise them. If Steph doesn't call me back to do something tomorrow night then I guess I'll go....maybe. I wouldnt stay for very long anyway, the cops usually come and bust them up and I'm not really into all that stuff. We'll see.
Anyway I think I'll go to bed or something. Sleep makes the time pass quicker and I dont have to think about stuff. I hope this week being a mother goes well and I dont mess up. I dont think I'll ever have children, but then again I dont want to be alone so maybe...who knows.