Why life is good...
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This is a short biography about my life, its only certain pieces that I’ve chosen to remember, the rest I’ve tried to forget and block out, but hopefully it makes you understand where I’m coming from a little more than you do now. As far as I can remember, my childhood was pretty great…until I was about 6. My first memory is of these silver bowls my mother used to keep in the bottom cabinets of the kitchen so I could reach them. I would get them out, put them on the cold wooden floor, sit down in them, and spin around in circles until I was so dizzy I would collapse. I only remember certain things about my childhood…the things mostly that I want to remember. Tea parties, my first bike, going to both my grandparents houses, all my numerous amounts of animals, playing wit h my uncles Billy and Raegan, my best friend Stevie, my wonderful 4-wheeler driving skills, sledding, how much my mother adored me and all the screaming that went on. When I was about 6 my mother bought me this beautiful white sun dress that I would beg her to wear. She would fix crumpets and tea (how British) and we would have special tea parties on our front porch in the wicker furniture. It was my favorite thing in the world to do. I have one recollection (because its on a video tape) of me sitting on the wicker couch with my golden curls in that white dress eating a cookie and my mom asked me how the cookies were, I looked at her in this Southern Belle way and said “Simply scrumptious darling” and I was trying to be prissy while sipping my tea and I got chocked, so much for elegance huh? It was funny, but I didn’t think so at the time. Mom couldn’t help it so she laughed. My first bike wasn’t really a big thing but I loved it. I also had this little pink Jeep that was battery powered that I could drive all over my 8 acre front yard. The back brings me back to thinking about this one time at Christmas that my papaw Bill bought me this Fischer Price tape player, I can still remember what it sounded like amazingly. He and my uncle Billy were the people who got me into music even though neither of them were musically inclined. My first real tape…The Monkees. My first musical revolution. I would sit around and listen to that tape for hours upon end. In fact, there was a time when my grandmother tried to put in a different tape nd I told her no. I have few memories of my grandfather, but what I do were moments of sheer happiness. He was so warm and compassionate. One time I walked into his room where he was watching racing and I sat on his lap and he handed me the remote and let me change the channels, even though I was so little I wouldn’t remember what show I watched the next day…it was probably something like Fraggle Rock or Under the Umbrella Tree, but he didn’t mind. I loved spending time with him. He died when I was 6. I didn’t quite understand how, but as I grew older I remember mom telling me he drank too much alcohol, and of course as I child I thought she meant out of the bottle. I think I actually thought about trying it one time. I can remember going to see him in the hospital. My grandmother was the one who started his alcoholism, she divorced him and he got really sick while he was living with his sister, he had become an alcoholic, causing his death in 1993. My mom wouldn’t let me go to the funeral, I remember she told me he was having a military service and I actually knew what it meant. My grandmother, Mimi, so typical of society. She was always wrapped up in items, you know, cars, houses, clothes, jewelry, and other useless stuff. She was the most artificial person I knew. Mrs. Zha Zha Gabor she was, she always had to have nice things. Still does, but she’s definitely made me and mom a much bigger priority than she used to. I can remember when she lived on Dunbar Street. I loved that house. It was brick, it sat on this big hill with a beautiful dogwood tree in the front yard that I always used to climb up. I always had this dream that someday I would get to the top of that tree, I never did it until the day that she moved out…so I had a motive because I knew I wouldn’t ever be able to do it again if I didn’t leap at the chance. I remember certain things about that house, the smell of the damp basement, the attic, the intercom system? Who the hell has an intercom system in a 1 story house where you can yell at each other…it never worked but I found it extremely funny, there is a video tape I have of the last day there… “Well we’re gonna use this fancy intercom system we’ve got going”-mom “Hey Raegan can you come here”-mom “Well I don’t know how long it will take me to get down this very long hallway”-Raegan 2 minutes later Raegan walks through the door. “Now you see this is a very efficient and very useful appliance in a house this BIG!!”-mom It was great. I remember my grandmothers cat Ruby. I still say her name should have been Lucifer. Ruby…she was a bitch, my worst nightmare. I can still hear mom saying “Don’t open the basement door, Ruby is down there.” But of course like every other small child I just had to have one little innocent peekand as soon as that cat saw the gold knob turn she would fly up the stairs and scratch my legs because I stood in her way of getting into the house. I remember I used to absolutely despise going to Fiesta Bravo because my mimi, Billy and Raegan would sing the theme song “La cuca racha” and they would tell me alligators were going to come out and eat me. Raegan and Billy would always do stuff with me like putting me in a pillow case and twirling me around and bench pressing me. I remember playing Nintendo with them on the water beds…we’d always play duck hunt or super Mario. My uncles were the ones who got me into skateboarding at a young age even though I’ve stopped for the time being to work on music. I remember lots of things about Ashland too. I took ballet for about 5 years and gymnastics for about 2. I can remember the first people who made fun of me that started a trend for the next 9 years, it was these two older girls in gymnastics. I never even talked to them, but they were horrible to me…people seem to do that a lot with me. I remember going to Winnie Greer and having professional pictures taken of me. I remember going to the Ashland Town Center at Christmas time and they would have big gold, green, and red packages hanging from the ceiling, I would always have my picture taken with Santa Clause…I don’t ever really remember believing in him though. When I went to have pictures done with him instead of giving out candy canes with the pictures he gave out like 5 individual boxes of cereal…weird but cool. My grandmother has now drastically changed…she’s very much involved with me and my mother. In fact if there weren’t 3 inches of snow outside she was bringing us a new water heater and coming to visit. My dads mothers house was rarely fun to go to until I got over the fear of my grandfather. He was 10 x worse than Ebenezer Scrooge. He was so hateful. I know that’s where my dad got it from. He has changed greatly since then. Just last night I was going to walk to my aunts house which isn’t even a block away but he insisted that he drove me I’ll talk about the good before the bad. I remember sitting at the table eating vanilla wafers and easy cheese a lot as a child…maybe that’s why I got fat. I was quite fond of Faygo soda as well. I remember mamaw would fix breakfast every Sunday..she still does even if its only me and papaw there to eat it. My favorite thing to do as a child there was roll down the hill even though I knew I would get grass burns and play my Atari. I had this E.T. the extra testicle game that I could never figure out. Whoa even better memory was sitting on the porch listening to the Whippoorwills. Obviously my grandfather was really hateful. I remember one time my mom had to go to Florida because my grandfather on her side got 3rd degree burns from working on power lines. I cried the whole way up to their house, the song “If I could change the world” was playing and mom was like If I could I would do that for you. When I got there I was still crying and my aunt asked me why and the two things that I’ve always been taught by 2 sides of the family..my moms side..be honest…so I told her he scared me….my dads side…to be ashamed of myself…and that’s what she told me. So from that moment on I’ve been really self-conscious of myself and had really low self-esteem . The second to worst thing that’s ever happened to me happened in that house. I was molested numerous times by my girl cousin who was only about 2 years older than me. Her grandfather that is no relation to me did it to her and told her if she didn’t do it to someone else he would kill her and her brother. I’m still tormented by it everyday. It hasn’t changed me any though and it doesn’t effect me anymore because I’ve let it go. My home life as a child could have been better. My dad abused my mom physically, mentally, and emotionally. He also had an affair. I remember the day they told me they were getting a divorce…I was 7. One morning he took me to an empty trailer and told me not to tell we had been there…assuming it was Michaels. I told mom anyway. Mom already knew he was having an affair, lucky for her. Dad moved in with Michael and they’ve been married since I was about 8 I guess. I have so much bitterness towards her and my father. I have a stepsister too. Their house is covered in pictures of Dakota but there’s only ONE of me. They’re like well you never give us any…BECAUSE YOU Don’t TAKE ANY OF ME!! My dads side of the family has always pushed me away because I’m educated and I’m well…I guess you can say outgoing and different, and I’m also not afraid to say what I think…and I usually don’t think before I speak. They always try to change me. I could say so much about that side of the family. But my moms side of the family is wonderful. They love me just the way I am. One day back in my metalhead days I walked in my great aunts who is 80 and she goes OH MY you look so pretty today. I LOVE THEM. My aunts are all so wonderful. I could hang out with them and listen to them tell stories in Turkey Creek , KY for the rest of my life. My Papaw Endicott. What a great person. He’s SO much fun. As long as I can remember he’s been a contrary funny man. Like Walter Mattau and Jack Lemmon in Grumpy Old Men. Papaw has been with Norma…his significant other for 10 or 11 years. The first time I met Norma was when I went to see papaw after he got burned. I remember we had to go to the grocery store and mom told her not to get me anything but she bought me a Polly Pocket. Norma is a worry wart…about everything. She takes 20 minutes when we’re getting ready to check every light and electrical outlet to make sure they’re okay. Me and papaw like to tease Norma about her being that way…and about her liking Jeff Gordon…and anything we possibly can. She loves it…we even yawn really loud to annoy her sometimes. Before Norma was Grammie….but before that was mimi. Okay I’ll explain. Mimi, my mothers mom married him first…had mom and Jonda with him…then my grandmothers sister married him and had my moms half brother, my uncle Jason, they got divorced and he now has Norma. They’re so perfect for each other. I have the greatest relationship with them both. Its always been nothing but fun. Even though papaw insists on watching FOX news where they repeat the same things over and over. Now moving on to my old best friend…there isn’t much to say…I did everything with her till I realized she was just using me. She called me a few months ago and I answered the phone to hear this redneck voice that used to make fun of me and all I could do was laugh. I never called her back. Why waste my time? Stevie…reminds me of Steve and Janet Gollihue my God-parents who I love dearly. I hadn’t seen them for a few years and they came to my 16th birthday party. It was wonderful. Steve cried. I have to call him today…here it is almost February and I still haven’t called him when I told him I would call him on Christmas. Things have been hectic. My next big memories were of my step-dad who was more like a dad to me. He and my mom met at Marshall and fell in love. They dated for 3 years. They were going to get married but he died before they did. I went with him to the mall and he let me pick out the ring. He had a massive coronary at about 12 at night and his friends just happened to go over to the house the minute he died. They took him to the hospital and called mom. She stayed with his body for about 5 hours. I remember coming home from my first day of school in a new town. Mom was sitting on the couch crying and I asked my grandmother if she was sick and she said yes her friend Bill has died. I automatically assumed Bill Sadler because he was older and had Polio since he was a little child. So I asked and she’s like no Bill Evans so I went to my room and cried for what seemed like forever. I had to go to dads that weekend…I don’t remember anything that happened for awhile after than that other than being made fun of at school. Bill was so much fun. I can remember going to soccer practice and he would tell me to tell the other girls that he was my body guard (he was a body builder)in which case I did. I remember he would teach me karate out on our back porch in the brown house with the sun roof (he was a blackbelt.) I remember one day in particular..we were working on round houses. Bill did have a bad temper sometimes…and he didn’t realize his strength. He never laid a hand on me or mom but one day he was angry and he knocked on the door a little too hard and busted the glass by accident….it was actually pretty funny. I remember the last day I spent with him we went to Calamity Café and talked to Pete at the bar and ate some food. I was always amazed by how much he could eat. When he went to the grocery store he usually left with two carts, one behind him and one in front of him. One time we took a trip to Florida and he ate a 5 pd. Cheeseburger at Cheeburger, Cheeburger, and wanted anther. Needless to say he was put up on the wall of fame. My family was always cold to Bill..I don’t know why. My aunt said she didn’t want to meet him and when my mom told my uncle who was living with us at the time he was dead his first reaction was well who’s going to take me to work tomorrow? The week before he died he took us to Cape Charles to meet his family. I love them. I met who I thought to be my first love, turned out it wasn't love at all. He led me to meet Thomas, one of my best friends who I tell EVERYTHING to. Lately things have been really bad around here. I'm not talking to my dad or going to see him anymore and its been quite rough on me. I've just put up with all the ignorance I can handle and I'm over him not coming to my school stuff and to take pictures with me, or just to be there and watch a movie or have dinner with me. What I wouldn't give to have had a normal father to do that stuff with me. I guess it makes me appreciate my mom more. I've found my place with God and its wonderful. I’ve been getting in fights with Thomas and it breaks my heart more than he or anyone will ever know to think that one day he might not be there for me. My other friends are another big part in my life. Amanda has been my best friend since 6th grade. She’s crazy. “Do you want an orange or something” she asked me that one time at 2 in the morning…wakes me up to ask me if I want an orange? It was funny. I tell her everything. We often have wrestling matches that I win every time. I like to squish her face into the couch sometimes. HAHA. I don’t like her boyfriend very much. She’s a blonde. She’s crazy. However Ashley is crazier. She likes hippy stuff. She has long hair and loves polka dots. My favorite place is at this secret stairwell in her house. All of my favorite memories are with her. Like Disturbed and Evergreen Terrace. I’m being so random. Emily is a big person stuck in a little body. Sean and Drew are mean to me now. Danielle is mean too. Chris who is always there to talk to me until three in the morning about everything, he’s also the most romantic person in the world. I love my mommy. She’s the coolest mom ever. Shes been a single parent for the past 5 years, gone to school and worked to support us. Lastly, but certainly not least...Jesus....who makes everything okay. Thanks to everyone who’s made my life better…I love you all. Tess
