August 5, 2004I'm sooo bored right now, you just don't know. That's why I'm like, writing here. This is gonna be like a semi kinda journal thingy, some shit might sound stoopid, but some might be purdy good. Anyways, omg, can't you believe I'm listening to Christina Aguilera's "What a Girl Wants"? JESUS! It's a different version though. Last time I heard it was like, 5 years ago. Man, it brings back so many memories. Even though I was a meano loser that year, still, those memories are sweet. Man, it just made me realize how fucking much I've changed. Goddamn. Each year I was a different person. I guess cuz I was searching for my real self, but I found her, so it's all good. lol. Damn, i'm still like trippping all kinds! lol. Man, i'm sooo bored, someone call and get me outta here before I don't stop typing. Okay, what else. This summer has been fucking crazy dude, I fucking swear! Okay, I'm leaving til next time and shit like that.
August 8, 2004Christine took me and cuz to go get our paychecks finally! I got about 78 bucks, but hey, it's still good money! Then me, Christine, Cousin, and Mari went to Denny's and stuff then we went to go buy some hairdye for meee, hehe. Christine ran over a stoplight and was blaming me, but it was still funny. Then stayed at Mari's to dye my hair, and yeah! I left a meano mess, then yeah, came home wit black hair. Today, we "practiced". Since JD couldn't come down, Uly had to fill in for him. It was fun, hehe. Chango and Moi are my bitches so yeah, and JD of course, but he didn't COME!!!! Anyways, yeah, we're gonna practice tomorrow. OMG, MY PARENTS ARE LEAVING FINALLY THE HOUSE TO MYSELF AT LAST!!!! I'M FINALLY GONNA THROW MY HOUSE PARTY, FINALLY FINALLY AND A SHITLOAD OF PEEPS ARE GOING, WOOO, DRINKS, MUSIC, DANCING, TALKING, FUN, FIGHTS, DRAMA. LOL nah, non of drama and fighting, just as long as nothing breaks and stuff, hehe, anyways, i'm outtieAugust 12, 2004August...I just realized...the month where kids go out and buy their stuff for school and shit. The month when they see their friends at last and then tell each other how their summer went, show off their new trends, see the people they wake up to each morning that make their heart beat faster, do their lil silly things in clas, piss off teachers, come home tired and glad schools over for the day, and such. Not here. This is the month where I see my best buds go on to different places. It's sad. I mean, I know I berely started making friends in high school, lol, but still. These are my friends. These are the peeps that I grew up to love soo fucking much. The peeps that I ran to when I was in trouble. The peeps that made me laugh through happy and sad times. The peeps that I would get in trouble wit, lol. There will be no more Christine, no more Moi, no more Diego, no more Crotch and the Crotchetts, but sadly, will there be no more Crotch? Lol, yeah it sounds odd to all ya, but too my friends, you know what I mean, lol. I really don't know what the future holds for me. My teenage ways will disappear lil by litte and start having a damn life, lol, which means more work and responsibility, but you know what, i'm fucking ready, bring it on bitch! lol
August 26, 2004
God, I can't believe I'm listening to Bon Jovi's "Wanted Dead or Alive", lol! Anyways, my Christine jammed to NY and we will miss her surely, so WE LOVE YOU! Yeah. I need a fucking job soo bad. Staying at home the whole day can really drive you insane. I start listening to "Beautiful" from Gustavo Cerati, but then I start listening to "I'll be here Awhile" by 311, then later later, I'll start listening to "Vida" by Nicole. I start listening to remember things. Things that I shouldn't be remembering and should leave em in the past. Either that, or I gotta stop these "make believe" shit mems. See? Staying at home really does drive you insane. Hopefully, I get a job next week. Food Co!!! Fuck this shit, I'm snagging the car right now and leaving to the highest mountain, lol, hopefully, the cops don't find me, hehe!Sept 4, 2004Yesti was my bday so yeah bitches! 19 is like almost 500, lol. Hehe! It was cool cuz jaydee called and said happy bday and asked where i wanted to go eat lunch and i chose the windmill and him and christiine were taking me and yeah, it was fun. Christine came back by the way! WE SO HAPPY YOUR HUUR AND NO DON'T SAY THAT WE DON'T WANT YOU HERE CUZ IF YOU LEAVE AGAIN, I'M GONNA JAM WIT YOU, LOL. Anyways, i liked the cherries and the food made us all BLOW UP! and yeah, got dropped off at Christines and she drove me home and we kicked back and i showed her some antique pics that i "found" and yeah. I'm gonna be rich one day! Anyways, we went to this paisa store and bought a pinata. it was a meano batman one, it was all faded away and shit. we were gonna fill it up wit stuff and kick its ass in the park, but we want more poeple there so yeah, hehehe. Then yeah, more peeps called saying happy bday. AWW THANKS GUYS I LOVE YOU! Then yeah, later, me and my bro and my friend nando went on a meano mission to these "haunted places". i think my pant got stuck on the fence, lol, i was all clumsy, hehe. We saw something on the first place we went to, which was like an abandoned school and shit, and i felt a cold spot and i was like "whoaa, holy shit" but the guys were leaving and i forgot to take a pic so yeah, but the second one we were disappointed and shit, cuz we were expecting more shit on that one. Then later we went to the mountains and shit and the the reservor or something like that, and yeah, hehe. We got home like at 4am and shit. It was a meano night dude, it was like a 2 hour movie special! ::sings mission impossible theme:: it was fucking cool though, we're going to Redlands, CA NEXT!!! WOOOO!!! Today my bro was suppose to take me to my sisters for margaritas and shit, cuz i wanna see him drunk and stuff, and i've never gotten drunk wit him, but tomorrow will be the night! hehehehehehehe, i'm outtie loves. Sept 6, 2004"you know what?" she said. "what?". "i don't believe in signs anymore". "but why? you believed in them since you were 12." he said. "because i don't want to remember shit anymore and they're not gonna get you anywhere anyway, at least with me" Sept 15, 2004Ahh, I finally finished my book which means I could take my test tomorrow so I can finally get my diploma. They sent me a letter saying that if I don't continue going I could get kicked out, but tomorrow will be my last day so yeah, tee hee! I'll just tell the teacher a biggo lie on why I haven't been attending much, so yeah, I'll think of something. Yeah! I hope they call me from the Temp agency so I can like workity work work and stuff! If they don't call, I'm gonna try to apply as a security guard at the mall, LOL! Hey now, I'll look good in that lil gay uniform they wear! I'll like style myself up all Charlies Angels and shit, tee hee! Well, it's cuz I can't stand staying home! I mean, my room has been clean for over a week and I got into the habit of cleaning it everyday which means I really need to go out and shit. I haven't gone out since Monday cuz I got caught sneaking out so yeah, tee hee, and my mom still let me go out for a lil while to go see Mari play tennis! LOL!!! That was funny! But yeah, I hope the days go by fast so we can finally take our trip to Redlands, CA and make a semi Blair Witch Project movie, but like 50 hours long. September 18, 2004 OMFG, I FINALLY DID IT! I FINALLY GOTS MY HS DIPLOMA!!! I took a 10 page test like in 15 min or something and I was hella scared I was going to flunk it, so I gave the test to my teacher and she gave me the answer sheet to correct my whole workbook and then later later, while I was halfways done correcting the book, she passed by me and went "you did great on your test" and I got hella happy! I was like "AWW!!!" and then like, when I was done wit the correcting, she showed me my test and I gots like a B on it, and I was like "YAY!" and then she was filling out my credit sheet and stuff and then she asked me a couple of questions and stuff and then like, I asked her about the letter that I recieved in the mail and she just got it and went "oh, don't worry bout that anymore" and she threw it away. It was funny, but yeah, she said they have a graduation ceremony every June for peeps to get their actual fancy HS diploma and I was like "cool! now my mom can see me walk this time" and yeah, but I gotta wait next year, but still! Now I can go to college or work anywhere I want, but yeah, I'm gonna apply at a shitload of places and shit, including the security guard at the mall, tee hee. But yeah, then yesterday, my sister took me to her job so I can help her and stuff wit filing and the 10 key shit, and yeah. She took me all over Carmel and like it was all rich and purdy I was like "whoa!". Then she went to this bank at "Carmel by the Sea" and I saw inside and I was like "oh chet!" and yeah. I sat there and there was like a teapot and cookies and candy and like, tea shit and it was soo fucking clean and neat, and yeah. Then I met one of the ladies there and she was cool, and yeah, then when we left, I TOOK A COOKIE! hehe. It tasted like 100 bucks, I swear, hehe, but yeah, then we saw a car on sale and it was a honda accord and shit and i loove driving hondas so i'm gonna try to ask my dadda if he could buy it for me and yeah! then later, my sister let me take home a package from the art store that like, has stuff to decorate your room and yeah, i was all happy! then we went to where my bro in law works and we saw a limo! they're gonna let me ride it one day! and then like, she dropped me off at her apartment and then i was talking online cuz i got scured cuz i was alone but then my bro came and then yeah, we went to go see Sky Captain and the world of tomorrow. It was aiight. Too bad Angelina Jolie didn't come out much, but Jude Law is fucking gorgeous! MMMMMM!!!! So either way, I got satisfied, but yeah, we went back to my sisters and they gave me a meano 40 of King Cobra and I was like "whoa, i can't drink this alone, cuz last time I did, wooooo!!! hells no!!!" lol, but then later I drank some other beer and I came home pretty buzzed and yeah. I looked funny carrying my package thingy for my room and the biggo fucking 40, but yeah. We came home around 1 and I was tiiired, and I checked who called and 3 peeps did and I told em I wasn't gonna be home and they still called! SORRY! But yeah, then I went night night and yeah. I'm gonna go look for jobs online, so I'm outtie for today. Sept 24, 2004Man, I'm hella sick right now. Then the damn fever, ugh! Grossness! Anyways, still looking for a job and hopefully, my sister helps me wit my resume cuz I found some decent openings online and shit, and local, but I still gotta study so I can get my license and shizzle like that, tee hee. Man, isn't Green Day's "Christie Road" such a good song? Yeah, I loved it since I was like about 10 years old and shizzle. But yeah, I'm a loser at home til Jesus like, gets me a job and shizzle. There's all kinds of shit I wanna buy. Yeah, in this fam, we gotta start from scratch and shit. Anyways, I gotta cough up a meano loogy and shit, and then pass out wit the shot of nyquil I took, so yeah, I'm outtie biatches. October 8, 2004Ahh, haven't been up to nothing, so yeah. My bro recently turned 21 so yeah, he's lucky, he gets to party and drink for free now. I gots 2 more years to go, fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Anyways, on Wed, he took me to a shooting range in san jo and like, they didn't let him use a handgun cuz I was under 21 and I got all sad so they let us use the rifle instead cuz it's the law blah blah blah. I really don't get it. Shouldn't they make the rifle for like 21 and over and the handgun like 18 and up and shit cuz yeah. But the dude let us use it for free so that was cool. Then when my bro was shooting, I saw and I got all scared cuz I saw the rifle recoil or however you spell it and yeah, and the bullets flying and shit and it was all loud and my bro was like "okay, it's your turn" and i was all like "i'm scuuured" and he showed me how to load it and shit like that and yeah, it wasn't so bad. It was fun! I did really good on the shooting and shit and the guys next to us sucked cuz the guy was like telling the other guy, "what the hell were you aiming at????" and shizzle so me and my bro were like "lets get the hell outta here" when we were done wit the rounds and yeah, then we went to the mall later and bought jackets and then we went home. I got home and my House of Leaves book had arrived and yeah. It's purdy weird so far. Anyways, then we ordered tickets to go see Metallica next month!!! General Admission was sold out which sucked a ton of balls, so we got those gay ass seat ones, but fuck it!!! It's fucking Metallica here, even though they have about 12 gay songs, still man!!! But yeah, I just finished cleaning my room cuz Christine, Mari, Cousin and Nando are gonna come over today and yeah, it's gonna be fun! =) Anyways, I'm outtie. October 26, 2004Computer Blue by Prince...ahh such a good song, honestly, hehe. I gotta watch what I say here now cuz CERTAIN FAMILY MEMBERS READ THIS NOW. Fuck it! Ahh, it's raining! I'm gonna go outside running in my tank top and have someone film it so we can play it slow motion in the part where my biggo hooters are bouncing boing boing! LOL!!! Anyways, I finally got a job interview at that Suncoast place in the mall where they sell movies. Yeah, I hope that, like Jesus or whatever helps me get this job. I can't stand being in this shithole Gonzales fuck. Yeah, I need something to keep me occupied. I'm also gonna go back to school this spring. Can't wait. Cleaning my room is getting old. My Sake bottle is almost empty. The Minute Maid fruit punch gallon has been lying in my room for almost a week and it's almost expired. No more good songs. My clothes need to be washed badly. I need a new shaver. Fucking Venus razors are like, 8 bucks! Shit! Why is it such a bitch to get birth control? Do chicks have to go through so much trouble to get laid? Like Chango Joto said "haha, we just gotta wrap it up!" Ugh, I just wanted to bitch slap him for saying that. WHATEVER BIOTCH! But yeah. I yelled at poor Mari yesterday cuz her phone call woke me up and I get cranky when people wake me up for the most littlest thingys, but then I apologized like, 50 years later. Oh, and I had this wet dream and I've been made fun of ever since. It's funny as hell, but then it's embarassing. These days, it takes me a lot to get embarrassed. Anyways, like, I know why, but I'm not gonna say, but things have gotten way better now. Its like, my mind feels free, a lil more freer than before. Yeah. We're gonna go see Green Day now. It's gonna be 4 days before Metallica! Wooo!!! Hey now, me and my bro have been fans for like almost 10 years. Not hardcore, but yeah. Anyways, I'm gonna go clean up all the rotten shit and road kill in my room so my room won't smell so much like pussy and ass and then watch some porn. Nah, porn is gross these days. What ever happened to all that sweet lovin? "You gave up some sweet loving for a pink condom?" haha, ahh man that was the funniest thing ever! Whoa, a lil perverted in this entry eh? Must be the rain. Anyways, I think I'm going to paint my room beige. But yeah. I'm outtie loves. October 30, 2004The Beautiful Ones by Prince, aww, lol, that's it, i'm gonna buy the Purple Rain soundtrack. Anyways, I had my interview yesterday. People were cool there. They said they were gonna give all people they interviewed a call so they can like, work in the store for the day and see how good they did and shizzle. Then later, I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up cuz like, it didn't take long and stuff, and like yeah. Dude, I failed my permit test for the 3rd time!!! ERR!!!! I coulda passed it if i got at least one more right!! I'm gonna take it next week for shizzie. Anyways, after the interview, we jammed to go eat dinner wit Christine and her fam and everyone else. Apple Bees was packed and so was red lobster so we went to Ellies or whatever. It was so much fun dude! We were all making a meano escandalo and stuff, and then yeah. I wanted to go to christine's and watch the best of wil ferrel but my mom wanted me home already, so i couldn't =(. The Redlands, CA trip is coming up =)! But yeah. Don't you just hate it when people consider you something your not and never have been and never will be? Well, I do. I gotta do whatever I could to keep em off my back. Kinda like gum sticking under you shoe and it's a meano hassle to take off that it pisses you off. Well, i'm doing good so far, so yeah. Hopefully, any job i get in the future helps me escape. Any job will be the light for now. Anyone but that person is the light too. November 3, 2004 Ugh! I swear I wrote a meano novel on this thingy but then it disappeared cuz this comp is a dick like that so now I have to start all over. Anyways, where to begin? Yeah, I'm grounded cuz on halloween I jammed to Marina without asking plus I came later than I should've. How fucking stupid huh! I know I'm not 21, but I'm not fucking 12 either! Jesus! Menopause on old hags I tell ya! Bush won, and we're dead. It's part of the apocolipse anyways, so I can't bitch about it. I know I'm gonna start getting hate mail for saying that, but fuck it. Yeah, I'm grounded, hardcore. Meaning, can't go out, can't bring anyone here, can't talk on the phone, can't have anyone calling. The only way to stay in contact wit my peeps is online, and I was also gonna get that privlege taken away. I think if i would've gotten that privlege taken away, I think I would've been on the cover of The Californian running around town in my ho boots and undies and breaking windows wit a shopping cart due to being completely isolated. haha, it would've been funny. But yeah. I realized something yesterday. I realized that I a little less than completely lost memory of Spring this year. I for sure know the main reason why, cuz that's the only thing I remember, but also, I was too wrapped up in my own personal pathetic problems and it drove me completely crazy. I then remembered that was when I started to abuse alcohol a lot. I always either drank a shitload when it was there or chug the ones I had stashed all over my closet. I drank myself to death to forget. Heh. I asked myself "Did I completely forget more than half of my senior year?" Maybe I did, cuz in some of those memories, I have a shitload of gaps in them. In a way, it's good, but in a way, it's sad. It's sad cuz I kept digging myself deeper into the bad which made things for me worse when the good was always right there. ::sigh:: Well, whatever, I'm grounded, so I'm just going crazy cuz I haven't felt the air for 2 days. Anyways, I'm gonna go clean and listen to Cafe Tacuba's "Maria" even though that song holds a whole shitload of bad memories, but too bad cuz I love that song to death, plus I gotta deal wit those bad mems cuz they're all ancient history. Anyways, I'm outtie. November 14, 2004Things are changing, meaning that it's telling me that I seriously have to get my ass up and struggle on the start to a new fresh life plus move on for sure because there's no other choice but to do so:
December 6, 2004I'M GONNA TYPE IN CAPS TODAY CUZ I JUST FEEL LIKE IT. Nah, nevermind, cuz I'm chatting wit chango right now and caps might annoy that hairy retard, but yeah. I got my permit! whooo, one goal accomplished. I'm currently driving around cuz i'm learning! Anyways, yeah, nothing much goin on. Just looking for a job and shit. But yeah, I was purdy blue for like 3 days last time I wrote here but I'm wwwwaaaay better now, it's like whoooooooo!!! I dunno what else to put. It's fucking windy outside as fuck. My hair smells. This deorderant smells good. This song is sexy as fuck. My sister moved back. That DDR game is koo. Talked to JD since like forevers. Cousin and Jermaine woke me up. I don't drink much anymore. I think I just know how to control myself now. I wanna go to school soooooooo bad but i gots no car and that's why i'm looking for work right now, so yeah, hehehe. Well, i'll say more shit later, so lates.Get permit,learn how to drive,find work,get work,get license, get car, start school, move out.