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Forward : After defeating John Morrison in the first round in the United States Championship tournament match last week, The Rock had advanced onto the second round where he will be facing Kenny Dykstra one on one. Can The Rock defeat Dykstra and move onto the final round or will Dykstra cost him his first loss back in the WWE. Stay tuned to Thursday Night Impact to find out!!!
A small WWE logo appears on the screen in the lower right hand corner before it slowly fades away. Our focus is now set on The Rock who is dressed casually and sitting in the back of his limousine. He flashes a smile and takes off his signature shades before setting them down on the seat next to him. The Rock can only imagine the fans that are cheering and chanting his name back at the arena as they watch him live from the titon tron. The Rock clears his throat and closes his eyes briefly before he begins to speak his mind.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Didn’t The Rock tell you that he was gonna whoop that candyass John Morrison and advance onto the next round in the United States Championship tournament? Didn’t he say that? (scratches the back of his neck) Yeah The Rock clearly remembers him saying that he was going to deliver last week on Impact and that’s exactly what he did. I beat that fruitcake John Morrison so badly that he can’t even compete on Impact this week. Or maybe he’s just too embarrassed to show his face around any more. (shrugs his shoulders) But the fact of the matter is, I laid the Smack-eth down-eth on his monkey ass so now The Rock can move onto the next round.
The Rock flashes another pearly white smile of his towards the camera as he continues on.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: So this week on Impact The Rock will go one on one with Kenny Dykstra. (presses his lips together) Yeah The Rock isn’t so sure if he likes the sound of that. I mean what is with Vince McMahon putting all these fruit loops in the ring with The Rock? First is was glitter boy John Morrison and now I have to face a former cheerleader? (scrunches up his face for a moment) Now The Rock knows he and Vince don’t get along anymore but that’s no reason for The Rock to be put in these awkward matches.
The Rock shakes his head disappointed about the matches he has been put in so far.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Now The Rock can only imagine what thoughts are going through Kenny Dykstra’s head right now and The Rock hopes that they are only straight ones. Because you see, The Rock is a good looking guy so the last thing he needs is for queer boy to be coming onto The Rock in the middle of the ring. Not only would The Rock beat the living hell out of him if he were to ever do that, but The Rock would also make sure he leaves Thursday night Impact on a stretcher.
The expression on The Rock’s face is very serious at the moment but it quickly changes into a more relaxed one as he strokes his chin and grins.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: However, to lighten the mood The Rock thought it would be nice to allow one of his opponents to be in the spotlight for once while The Rock takes a back seat and watches. Now you all remember back in 2004 when Mick Foley did that “This If Your Life” skit about The Rock right? Yeah I’m sure you all remember just as clearly as The Rock does when his PE coach and former high school sweet heart and that annoying ass clown came down to the ring don’tcha? (nods with a smile on his face) Well The Rock thought about doing something similar to that for Kenny Dykstra but then The Rock had other ideas. Like how about The Rock does one of those “My Day Off” videos but instead of it featuring The Rock, it would feature Kenny Dykstra? So The Rock thought about it and he came to the conclusion that that’s what he wanted to do. So Mr. Dykstra, The Rock is going to show the millions…and millions of The Rock’s fans..
The Rock pauses for a few seconds as he reminds himself that this is all suppose to be about his opponent this week and not himself.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Sorry about that, The Rock gets into the habit about talking about himself all the time. But what he really meant to say is that The Rock is going to the show the millions…and millions of the um…Kenny Dykstra fans what his days are like outside of a WWE arena.
And with that being said, The Rock smiles once again as his limousine takes off down the road. The screen then goes to black as all the fans wonder what will happen next.
The WWE logo appears on the screen in the same exact spot that it was in earlier in the day before it slowly fades once again. We see The Rock getting out of his limousine and stepping onto a curb that has a small Tanning Salon structured right in front of him. He walks through the glass door and heads to the front counter where he approaches a small petite brunette who is talking on the phone. She pops her bubble gum in her mouth and looks up in shock as she quickly ends her call and stands up from her chair.
|Petite Brunette| Kelly: Oh my gosh, do you know who you are?!!
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: (laughs lightly) Of course I do, I’m The Rock…and you are?
|Petite Brunette| Kelly: My…my name’s Kelly. Oh my god I’m such a huge fan!!!
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Well that’s good to hear. Hey listen little mama, do you happen to know if Kenny Dykstra checked in yet? I heard this was his favorite tanning place in Texas.
|Petite Brunette| Kelly: Yeah Kenny Dykstra is here, he should be out in a few minutes actually. Would you like me to get him for you?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Actually The Rock can wait. He’s a patient guy.
|Petite Brunette| Kelly: Oh ok…do you need anything? Are you getting a tan?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: (chuckles) Does it look like The Rock needs to tan Kelly? The Rock’s got that good Samoan skin tone baybee!!! But thanks for the offer.. (winks)
|Petite Brunette| Kelly: Oh my pleasure…I mean no problem.
The Rock smirks as the phone rings and the brunette sits down to answer it. She babbles on and on to her friend about why she hung up on her and about The Rock being there in her salon. About a minute later, a guy who looks pretty similar to Kenny Dykstra but is not quite him emerges from the back dressed in his street clothes.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Heeey there he is, what’s up Kenny?
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: (smirks) What’s up Rocky?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Well you know The Rock heard this was one of your favorite places to go tanning so The Rock thought he would check it out.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Oh you tan too?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Nah The Rock doesn’t tan. But The Rock is shooting a video for your fans to let them know what you do on your days off.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: (nods) Ah I see. Well you could have at least given me a heads up and I would have met you at the gym or something.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: The gym? (laughs) No offense Kenny but no one in their right mind would want to hear you grunt let alone see you sweat if you know what I mean.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Oh so your saying the fans would rather see you in a gym?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Nah The Rock’s not saying that. I mean just look at yourself now with your little fake tan. You look like a damn orange glow stick!
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: (frowns) Hey man, I paid to look this good so don’t be jealous old man.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Old man? (laughs once again) The Rock ain’t nothin’ but 36 years old! Now if you think The Rock can’t hang with you younger guys then your mindset is all wrong. Ya see The Rock just beat John Morrison last week on Impact and he’s only 29.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Well I’m 22 so I’m not only in my prime but I will also be the future of this business!!
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Wait a minute, how old did you say you were again?
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: I said I’m 2-(gets cut off)
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: It doesn’t matter how old you are!!! The fact of the matter is The Rock is gonna whoop that ass like I did John Morrison and then move onto the final round in the U.S. Championship tournament.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Pft, yeah right Rock. Your wrestling skills are as bad as your movies.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: (smirks) So you think your funny huh? You’re a little comedian aren’t ya Kenny?
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Actually I’m a w-(gets cut off again)
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: How about you know your role and shut your mouth jabroni!! You wanna sit here and talk about how you’re the future of this business and still in your prime? Well this week on Impact The Rock is gonna show you that he still has what it takes to be a WWE wrestler and a WWE champion.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Whatever Rock, you’ll see.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: No Kenny, you’ll see when The Rock takes his black wrestling boot and shines it up nice…I mean reaaal nice Kenny. And do you know what I’m gonna do next with it?
Before the paid actor could get in a word, The Rock continued on interrupting him.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: The Rock is gonna shine his boot up real nice Kenny and then turn that sumbitch sideways and stick it straight up…your candyass!!!
After those words had left The Rock’s mouth, he and the fake Kenny Dykstra had a brief stare down as the scene faded to black.
The scene opens up inside of a hospital where The Rock and fake Kenny Dykstra are shown walking through the halls behind a nurse who is leading the way. She stops at a specific room that is empty and gestures for them to go in as the Kenny look a like looks around confused.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Where are the sick kids?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: What are you talking about?
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: You said we were here to visit sick kids and sign some autographs.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Oh did The Rock say that? (smacks his forehead) My bad Kenny. We’re suppose to do that this weekend. But since we’re here, you might as well check it out…
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: (looks at him puzzled) Are you crazy Rock? Why would I want to spend my time here in a vacant hospital room?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Good question Kenny. Ya see this room isn’t empty…this room is yours.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: What do you mean it’s mine?
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Well after The Rock is done whooping your candyass on tomorrow night’s Impact, The Rock figured he would pick out your room for you. After all, it's the least The Rock can do.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: This is insane! I can’t believe you tricked me into coming here..
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: (grins) Relax Kenny…take it easy man. Hey do you want to check out the bed and see if it’s comfortable? I mean after all the pain The Rock is gonna inflict on you, he figured he would try to make your experience in a hospital room as less terrifying as it may seem.
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Screw you Rocky I am out of here!
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: Why the panic? Are you afraid to be in a hospital Dykstra? Afraid of the needles?
|Kenny Look A Like| Kenny Dykstra: Dude I’m done…I’m not playing this Kenny guy anymore.
The paid actor quickly brushes past The Rock who just stands there with a big grin on his face.
|The People’s Champ| The Rock: And that is how Kenny Dykstra spends his days off. He goes to a tanning salon to get fake tans and after tomorrow night’s Impact, he will be spending his days off in this hospital room recovering from his injuries. (smirks) If Ya Smelllllllllllll….What The Rock….Is….Cookin'!
The Rock then raises his right eye brow and chuckles to himself as The Rock exit’s the hospital room. The scene fades for good.
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