MY p.o.e.m.s.exhaustionthis time I thought it'd be different that you'd want me for what I am and not what I can give you but so foolishly and absentmindedly I let you take away my stability and here I am again filled up with vulnerability when will it end? my decisions made so blindly the worst part of all is the simplicity of my mistake liking you was too easy and the assumption you liked me too it all seemed to fit so perfectly and yet without any struggle you managed to wrest what you wanted out of me and so I fell submissively into the common trap of duplicity you're all the same aren't you deception really kills me and my hopes endlessly abandon me I thought it'd be different and I was wrong which I might as well inevitably be if I keep letting this happen to me but I now realize that your wit and unique vivacity are really disquising your dishonesty and no longer will I entangle myself in these webs of treachery where trickery is displayed as your specialty I'm stepping back and allowing myself to have a lengthy break I just don't desire for my uncertainty paired up with your illusory to lead me to another heartbreaking mistake. ------------------- dad you will have victory be strong when you want to give up all you've fought for when all the doors have closed and no more are opened just wait for one more focus your eyes on all of life's beauties among the tragedies, injustice and bleakness search for something worth discovering don't let your strength lose to your weakness when darkness is cast upon you for seemingly no reason or purpose at all embrace what it is that you're given and rise up after each dispiriting fall when you're feeling empty and lifeless filled with silent screams remember that life continuously flows we are all from different paths yet flowing into the same stream when you are frail and shaken don't forget you're protected from the pitfalls of isolation and in the outcome endurance will replace solitude while despair will submit to your fortitude and faith will dominate that pessism and nothing can wrest your optimism when you trust and try and trounce the blows and believe while inside you are bleeding when you fight as a warrior against your foes and stop following and start leading you will have victory over anything. --------------------------- you call it infatuation when all I do and all I love I throw away with just a shrug not looking back or thinking twice to even worry if what I did is right maybe it's true because you've lived your life but when I know I'd give the world for him if I had it as my own and I'd bring every pain upon myself so he wouldn't feel alone when I'd sacrifice what I have and hold and push away my past and build some dreamlike future with him on a foundation bound to last I know I'm more than infatuated when without him all else appears empty the seconds of every minute each note to my ear only him my heart lets me see this tells me love is love thats whats come over me you tell me things get complicated love is not all that matters things leave your control remains end up in shatters but I'm learning more about love everyday how I wish the world would go away I ignore your disapproval and do as I please forming my own opinions so my heart can be at ease I do love him what else may be said what can I do no ending lies ahead I guess that'll show you and then I can say in your face! ------------------------ when pain is around the corner and it seeps into your heart and mind and your strength slowly begins to unwind keep your chin high look deep into the cloudless skies the most important factor to realize when life is a seemingly great grieving tragedy is that everything is planned out with intricate strategy our maker of the heaven and earth that resides in the clouds above promises that his reasons are based on pure love trust with everything and thru your sorrow he will never fail you now nor even tommorrow as anguish unexpectedly invades your steadiness hold onto your faith and hope with constant readiness he knows you can when you believe you cannot he knows it is possible when you believe it is not most importantly he knows you will see light in this darkness when you believe you will never see it again and the time will come for you to discover everything works out in the end. ------------------------- a changed heart you used to love me and probably still do deep and dwelling within your heart hankering to bring forth my love for you my feelings changed I set my eye upon you you-torn, broken and snubbed you simply needed to be loved and yet my restive thoughts don't let me declare what i long from you because of all that i've been through I continue to remain stubborn when my heart thirsts for more of you and so as I continue again to easy my way into your mind your once stable strings begin to steadily unwind although I don't deserve you your unsullied love such sweet honesty I know your love will come back to me this time no one will be shunned it's the beauty of your love and its power to touch my heart that holds me eternally stunned. --------------------- turmoil I'd love to take my own advice re-evaluate my life throw away the lies forget all the whos whats and whys when did I get off track and lose myself endlessly diving in deeper and deeper disregard that from here the climb becomes steeper rockier, shakier, instability grows within the depths of me nobody knows men don't realize who women really are no friend knows every solitary scar every mistake intertwined with regret every attempt with satisfaction never met when does it get easier when do I know that gradually complexities fade before tommorrow that issues simplify themselves and die out yet to continue on how do I know assuring myself that its common these feelings and turmoil is not as rare as I thought so I'd love to follow my heart and yet where does it belong has every step I've made since day one been wrong yet these questions are unanswerable and so its easy to see its wasteful to wonder why all this is happening to me pointless to grieve and miss days already gone better to keep moving as life drones on. -------------------------- what it means to me the glimmering clear water brushes up against the sand the soft and warm loveliness trickles thru my hand I sit upon my eternally white blanket and gaze out at the depths of the sea suddenly realizing this is what happiness means to me the sound of absolutely nothing but merely radiant ripples lapping and me washed up against the shore, contentment in my laughing paradise rolled into one atmosphere no other place desired than sitting here the warmth of the sun blazing above me and the cool breeze slightly scented salty the feeling arising within me one of pure bliss knowing I should always and forever feel like this not only of peace and perfection but divine happiness when I leave this is surely what I'll miss my body feels like jelly as I lay buried in the sand and my mind floats and soars enjoying this piece of land of love and beauty and pleasure everywhere ocean sound and steady wind blowing thru my hair happy melodies far off in the distance diving into the clear tropical water seemingly vanishing my existence cool and deep and blue as I swim much farther down I sink so deeply I can only hear the oceanic sound the happy rhythmic beat vibrates into my ear such unbelievable enjoyment being here I know this is what it means to me this everlasting island engulfing me I feel like remaining here until it all runs away from me while my delight ceaselessly conquers all eternity. --------------------- sure love is full of simplicity but with these emotions soaring within me my emotions all disorderly astonishing, this warmth you bring your smile, your style your everything my constant, ceaseless reveries consuming every action of mine besides joy and satisfaction you endlessly shine love you more than words more than hugs, more than kisses you've fulfilled and you're fulfilling what surpasses all my wishes what remains is the impossibility to fathom what's come over me my passion, my bliss makes it challenging to say love is simple like this if ever you go far from me plain and simply stated, it'll be every inch of you I'd miss residing within is an understanding that in this place my heart is at the only thing i'm sure of when all is said and done is you are simply the one. --------------- confiscate my fervent reveries wash me of my fitful memories gather our passion for each other and embrace me with it induce me to focus on our present and not the dreadful transient years for when the thoughts stir up so do my tears tell me I've learned my lesson and move on love my life and the girl I am today adore how you console me in your charismatic way what more may I ask of when I possess your affectionate heart is (nothing more special than that) an abiding relationship and a promise we'll always be together as one I will stay as long as you like for our brilliant love is paralleled by none. ------------------ alone when I needed you so unbelievably badly you simply told me blindly and so absentmindedly I'll always be here yet soon after you just disappeared frolicked back to your ignorant world and I was left to wither and wilt I felt wretched cheerless and dejected you turned your back on me not wanting to face reality it was quite a challenge to realize loyalty is as rare as honesty your excuse was that I should be on my own spend some quality time alone the thing is, is that loneliness can turn into insanity thinking and thinking so pensively until the pondering gnawed at my personality I don't know much of myself anymore why I am here my once dependable ally left me to wallow in my insecurity and fear when I needed you so unbelievably badly you left me. ------------------------ one nation He is good to those who wait for Him and although suffering gives the allusion of prevailing hate and injustice will always end up failing because in this nation of good and love and hope where unification is strengthened through this our people will always find a way to cope even if there are thousands of loved ones we miss we are equipped with our weapons of forgiveness and fortitude the earth is filled with the goodness of Him giving us an eternal, encouraging attitude hatred is a ridiculous factor of life but our love and perserverance cover up our strife and has somehow gotten us this far we honor the forsaken and tormented and continue to battle peace vs. war most importantly we realize how many precious people were lost husbands, wives, sisters and brothers aunts and uncles and fathers and mothers co-workers, friends, in-laws and cousins all swiped away from their lives by the dozens and those lives were incomplete as can be only to be looked upon and cherished now in memory as a result we unite and scatter our love more frequently than ever before we've discovered a newly found cause and there is nothing that we need more so through faults and differeces and disputes that we somehow everyday come across simply remember that these are ingredients for hatred and is the very thing that caused our great loss. --------------------- his wisdom bestowed upon me how may I express the way hes touched my life an inner peace so powerful to take away my strife judging on how life has introduced itself to me by now I thought I would have lost my sanity my grief and distorted stages enveloped my entire mind and the time I wasted countless minutes, hours and days it now lets my heart embody itself with growing faith honor His name and word He has brought infinite good honesty, deliverance and patience all the goodness He said He would how may I express the solace imbued within my soul slowly my relationship is developing my desire to let my heart swell with zealous fire so much of the world is blind to the importance of the Lord even after seconds of praying how my happiness is restored love and understanding it pours in character and how I feel fire stir change your evanescent time to dedication to Him faith only comprises one definition to believe in whom we do not see our sweet reward lets us see in whom we believe for all of eternity invite Him into your life, most importantly your heart from this day forth may He reign in you, from its very holy start. ---------------------- Adieu cold, quiet, this silent moment residing before me he is much much of what I'd hoped he'd be sweetness, yes it envelops me breathless, perfect tranquility there you are seconds of a tender embrace you fill me up if ever I could feel that that is enough my heart would allow this stealthy escape let you be oh how can I make that happen to me assurance, strength, capability these remains entwined with vulnerability desire, yearning, infatuation can this be named ruthless reality ideal night winter, moonlight lingering before me he is much much of what I'd hoped he'd be traces of possibility if only a twist of fate a completion to something, everything You what my heart would've wished for in a soul mate. ------------------ My psalm I can't put my thoughts into words I want to exult you, venerate you and cry out for a hug I yearn for your satisfying, peaceful presence to settle in your arms so snug please heal him in fits of passion I long to hear from you to fathom why things are this way victories, tragedies and to my dismay unspoken injustice and embittered inequity and promises of a new and unblemished day I plead for signs of your miracles other than sunsets and mountains please begin with your healing a mark of true mercy and power to prove pain is not a permanent feeling I beg for non-cliched solace More than a fresh fulfilling promise But signals that comfort is approaching and not unreachable in an isolated future Lord, let these open wounds be sutured please heal him Until then, bring me acquiescence and submission to this necessary suffering only You are an answer to this darkness and now to You, my whole life I am offering. please heal him. --------------------------
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