jax, i can't believe you're actually dying... i love you so much and there's so much left that i need to say to you. you've constantly been there for me~ the one person who i felt no shame at crying in front of and through every situation i've encountered in life you've held my hand and guided me along the right path. you are such a beautiful person inside and out and i pray that someday i become evn half you person you are. you are my true 58. and im so honored to be so loved by such an amazing person such as you. im so glad both you and Marie found each other and fell in love. both of you are so deep and such incredible, good human beings. you guys have taught me what it means to be me and've been teachers along the spiritual paths as well, helping me to ensure my faith. why do bad things have to happen to good people? you've alwyz taught me about forgiving and overlooking and searching within and towards heaven. but when i saw you lying on the hospital bed i couldn't help but start losing faith. and seeing marie's tearstained face made me doubt a God who's supposed to be all-loving and merciful. how could he tear u2 apart 3 months before your wedding day? but surprisingly it wasn't Marie who was crying but me and as she held me i couldn't help but realize that we've switched places. now i gotta be the strong one and you're the helpless one. i wish you could see Marie right now. shez so beautiful and strong-willed. and she told me to pray. so Why led prayer last time and she sent me away with a kiss. she hasn't stopped praying since last April when you fell. im sorry for all i've done in the past. ive come so far but i still have so much more to learn. i asked God for faith which he's granted and now 58, please... wake up. i love you...
******* UPDATE *********
Jax died deep in coma Sept. of 2oo1... i know you're still there watching over me & i'm glad you're finally relieved of your pain... i miss you oppa
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