“Daddy look!” a young voice said excitedly, pointing to the television. JC Chasez looked down at his daughter and smiled. “look at the TV, Daddy,” the girl huffed, apparently annoyed that her father couldn’t follow simple directions. JC chuckled at the blonde haired, blue-eyed girl then turned his attention to the TV screen.
“What’s is it, Chloë?” JC asked. The little girl was 5 years old and one of the most curious children JC had ever seen. She talked non-stop and was very smart for her age. Her white-blonde curls bounced as she bounced up and down on his lap.
“Lookie! It’s my favorite aminal!” she said excitedly again. She pointed to the TV again. The pair were watching Animal Planet and Chloë was excitedly referring to the zebra that ran across the screen. JC smiled.
“I see that. It’s that cool?” he asked. He looked over at his wife beside him and she winked. The couple had been married for 8 years. They’d married soon after his group, *Nsync, had dissolved. JC couldn’t be happier. He reached a hand over and placed it on his wife’s swollen belly. She was pregnant again. This time with a boy. “That’s her favorite aminal,” JC whispered. His wife laughed.
Morgan smiled at her husband and daughter as they two watched the TV screen. She reached up and pushed a strand of her light-blonde hair behind her ear and rested her hand on her belly. This pregnancy was much more strainful than the last. Maybe that’s because he’s a boy. Men are always more difficult than women. She smiled at the thought. She re-focused her attention on her family beside her.
“Daddy!” Chloë cried out as a lion dragged down one of her precious zebra. She winced and had a look of horror on her face. “They’re eating it!”
“That’s what lions do, Sweetie,” JC explained, trying not to smile at his daughter’s innocence.
“But why? Why did the zebra have to die Daddy?” she asked pitifully. JC shot a look over to Morgan, but she just shrugged and looked away. He smirked at his wife and focused back on his distraught 5 year-old.
“Well, sometimes things have to die…..so that others can live.” he said. Chloë watched him intently. “Because, not everything can live forever. Because then the world would get to full. So God balances it out. When one thing dies….another gets to live. And when one thing lives…something else has to die. It’s a balancing act.” JC explained as good as he could. He felt Morgan’s hand on his arm and he turned to look at her.
“The baby’s kicking,” she whispered, a smile lighting up her face.
“Really?!” Chloë squealed, the dead zebra, and the circle of life forgotten. She leaned over and placed her ear on her mother’s stomach. “I felt it, Mommy!” she cried out excitedly. She looked up at her parents. “I can’t wait until he gets here! I’m gonna be the best big sister EVER!” she said happily. JC and Morgan chuckled.
“I’m sure you will.” Morgan said. “But right now…” she trailed off and looked at the clock on the wall. “It’s time for bed.”
“Aww, but Mommy!” Chloë’s big blue eyes saddened and her voice became a whine. “Just a couple more minutes please?!” she begged.
“No way Missy.” Morgan shook her head and climbed to her feet, JC’s hand on her elbow to help her balance herself. She rested one hand on her lower back, the other on her stomach. “Off to bed. March,” she commanded gently. Chloë huffed and walked grudgedly towards her room. Morgan and JC walked behind her. The two tucked her in and kissed her goodnight before heading off to their own room.
“How are you feeling?” JC asked as they sat in bed.
“Worn out. This baby is running me ragged,” Morgan joked, her hazel eyes twinkling. “I can’t wait til he’s here either.”
“You and me both, Love.” JC said sweetly. He leaned over and pressed his lips to her forehead.
“I love you, Josh.” Morgan whispered.
“I love you too.” he spoke gently. The couple then relaxed and fell asleep.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
They were at the Emergency Room.
JC was in a panic. He had Chloë in his arms, the little girl still in her night gown. He was in his red plaid pajamas and a gray t-shirt. They’d rushed over when Morgan woke up at 3 a.m. and could barely breathe.
JC now looked on as his wife lay on a hospital bed…breathing heavily through an oxygen mask, her face glistening with sweat. His heart ached with fear. He had no clue what was wrong. She was fine when they’d gone to sleep.
“Daddy?” Chloë’s voice was small, and frightened. JC looked down at the petite girl in his arms. She was a replica of her mother. “Is Mommy going to be okay?”
“Of course, Sweetie,” JC offered an attempt at a reassuring smile. He kissed her forehead quickly. “Mommy’s going to be just fine.”
“What about my baby brother?” the girl’s voice spoke again.
“He’ll be fine too, just you wait.” JC said gently.
***** ***** ***** *****
“Mr. Chasez?” the doctor approached JC. He looked to the worn-out husband, then to the little girl in his arms, asleep.
“Yes? How’s my wife? Is she okay?” JC asked.
The doctor drew a deep breath. “She has a highly erratic, swift heartbeat. It’s very unstable. She’s at risk for going into cardiac arrest.” the doctor explained and JC felt his heart twist. “Also, her water broke, because of the stress, and the baby can’t live much longer.”
“Oh, God,” JC whispered. “But…it’s too early…” he trailed off.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Chasez…..but, in order to save the baby, we have to have a c-section right now.” the doctor shook his head. He hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “The baby might very well not make it.” he said bluntly. “And more importantly…your wife may not survive the operation either.” the doctor spoke the last part gravely. JC felt his stomach plunge. The world began to spin.
“I-…Are you sure?” JC managed to choke out. The doctor sighed and nodded. JC listened, his mind spinning, as the doctor explained just what was wrong with his wife and unborn child. Tears stung his eyes.
“We need a decision soon, Mr. Chasez.” the doctor pressed. JC’s hazy blue eyes met the doctor’s sympathizing brown ones.
“I-….can I…speak with my wife please?” JC’s voice was broken. The doctor nodded solemnly.
JC walked into the small hospital room. Chloë by his side, clinging to his leg sleepily. He tried to put on a brave front, like nothing was wrong. His wife slowly turned her head to look at them and a weary smile spread across her features.
“Ah, there’s the love of my life,” the young woman spoke, her voice a breathy whisper. “and who’s that man with you, Sweetie?” she asked playfully. JC fought to keep the tears from falling. Here was his Morgan, his soul mate, lying in a hospital bed and she can still make jokes.
“It’s Daddy, Mommy,” Chloë said meekly. She stepped forward and gingerly approached her mother.
“I know, Sweetie.” Morgan smiled. She reached out her hand to her daughter, she played her fingers through the little girl’s blonde hair.
“Are you going to be okay, Mommy?” Chloë asked simply. Morgan felt tears well up in her eyes. Her daughter was too young to have to see her mother in a hospital. She drew a deep breath and pulled her daughter close and kissed her temple.
“Of course I am, silly. I’m your mother. Nothing can beat me,” she said happily. Chloë smiled, satisfied that her mother would be fine. She hugged her mother again. “I love you,” Morgan said softly.
“I love you too, Mommy.” Chloë said happily.
“Hey, Princess? Are you thirsty?” JC knelt down beside the 5-year old. The little girl nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the change. He placed the coins in her small palm. He looked up at the intern that was standing there.
“Hey Little Lady,” the young man reached out his hand for Chloë to take. “I’ll show ya the way,” he winked at her and she giggled. She took his hand and waved at her parents, then turned and walked away.
JC came and sat down beside his wife on the bed. He ran a finger down her jaw line. “Are you scared?” he asked, his voice much weaker than he’d imagined.
Morgan looked up at her husband. His crystal blue eyes were now darkened with fear for her….and their son. She sighed and placed her hands on her belly.
“Not for me…” she spoke quietly. “For him.” she finished, referring to the child inside her. JC nodded. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her stomach and a tear fell from Morgan’s eye.
“Everything will be okay.” JC said, more to himself than to Morgan. But she nodded anyway.
“You know I love you right?” Morgan’s voice caught. JC looked up at her. “More than anything in this world. I love you.”
“I love you too, Morgan.” JC said, he leaned in and kissed her softly.
“Um,” a voice coughed in the back. They turned to see the doctor standing there.
“Ah, Mortuiri te salutanthin.” Morgan smiled. JC shot her a look.
“Don’t say things like that, Morgie.” he scolded softly. Morgan smiled at him and kissed his palm. He looked back to the doctor.
“I’m ready.” Morgan spoke first. “Wheel me outta here. I want to look at my baby boy….the one who’s been causing all this hullabaloo.” she said. The doctor gave a smile.
“Right away Mrs. Chasez. To the O.R. we go.” he nodded. Several nurses and another doctor came in to help wheel her down to the O.R. JC walked with her as far as he could go.
“I love you.” he spoke to his wife.
“I love you. We’ll be right out.” she said, and then she was gone. JC sighed heavily. He walked into the waiting room to find Chloë laying across a couple seats, the intern beside her.
JC sat down and exchanged a weary smile with the intern. He looked down at his daughter and ran a hand over her hair.
"..Mommy?" Chloë's voice mumbled and JC sighed.
"No, honey. It's Daddy. Mommy is in surgery," JC explained softly.
"I can't wait to see my baby brother," Chloë spoke again in her childish voice and moved to crawl into JC's lap.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
"Mr. Chasez?" JC woke up and looked up from his seat in the waiting room.
"yes?" JC asked quickly. He rose. Chloë had shifted back to lay across the seats sometime while JC had been asleep.
The doctor reguarded the frail looking man before him. His eldest daughter had been a fan of his group while they were together. He'd never expected to be standing here, like this, in front of a man who he'd known long before he'd met.
"We were able to sucessfully retrieve the infant from your wife's womb. The boy is now resting in neonatal care. He'll be kept in an incubator for awhile, until we're sure he can survive on his own. He has machines helping him breathe as well, seeing as his lungs are not fully formed yet." the doctor explained. JC sighed in relief. The weary doctor cringed. And for a moment, he hated his job. "But," the older man spoke. JC looked at him cautiously, and, deep down, knew what was coming. He started to shake. "your wife....we couldn't stabalize her heartbeat while we were in surgery. Afterwards we were able to stabalize it for a short time, but she feel into cardiac arrest and..with her heart beating overtime...she slipped into a coma and..." the doctor trailed off his explanation as JC blanched and turned a sickly green color. "I'm sorry. We did all we could." the doctor bowed his head in defeat.
JC nodded numbly and turned to look at his sleeping daughter. He felt his heart fall to the floor and shatter. Then he thought of his son...sitting in an incubator. Why him? This wasn't supposed to happen to him. He was supposed to have the perfect family.
Oddly, there were no tears. None. He slowly walked to go see his son. Joshua Scott Chasez Jr. Morgan had insisted on the name. He looked down at the tiny baby. How can he be so small? JC wondered. His heart twisted in his chest and he broke down at that moment. He sank to the floor and sobbed.
He had to leave. He had to get away from this place. He walked to the waiting room, in an almost catatonic state, to take Chloë home.
"Sweetie? Chloë, it's time to go home," he spoke, his voice hoarse. The little child stirred and sat up groggily, rubbing her eyes. She looked around.
"Where's mommy?" she asked immediately. JC felt his heart wrench and his eyes welled up with tears. He drew a shaky breath and knelt down in front of his daughter and placed his hands on her shoulders.
"Mommy's.." JC's voice cracked and a tear fell. Chloë innocently used her tiny fingers to wipe away her father's tear. "Mommy's sleeping." he croaked out and Chloë understood. She looked up at her daddy, her big hazel eyes filled with tears and began to cry softly. JC scooped her up in her arms and carried her out the door.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The sun was shining brightly, there was a few scattered clouds dotting the clear blue sky. A cool breeze blew gently and birds sang.
It was a horrible day for a funeral.
JC stood at the gravesite of his wife. His young, beautiful, funny, loving wife. She was dead. His son was still at the hospital, and would be for quite some time. She sighed and watched as the casket was lowered into the earth and he shuddered. He never imagined....
Soon, he returned to the hospital to watch over his son. The tiny infant was the only thing that could repair his broken heart.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Joshua Scott Chasez Jr. was home. JC had brought the infant home the morning. Now he was sitting on the sofa, cradling the dark-haired child in his arms. Chloë perched beside him.
"It's like you said Daddy." her voice was airy. JC turned to look at his daughter in confusion.
"What is, Sweetie?" JC asked.
"You said that when something has to live something has to die." the little girl recapped. JC's breath caught.
"So, when Mommy died, she died so Josh could live. It's like you said Daddy. A balance." Chloë said, stroking her little brother's head softly.
JC was so moved that tears fell from his eyes. "Yeah, Baby. A Balance."