Well I Decided to make a page on just everyday thing's. Well You can call it a Journal/Diary cause that's basically what it is. Hope you enjoy. My life is not drama right now so don’t expect to read anything very exciting...

10/22/02 - Tuesday

Well it's 1:44am right now I'm just trying to build this page. Been trying to get this page started a while now. Well until next time.

10/23/02 - Wednesday

Well just finished watching Mr Deeds. It was pretty good. I kept falling asleep on it. I haven't been sleeping well keep falling asleep around 4:30 to 5 in the morning. Then I get up real early to. Not Good.. It is so cold in my house right now I hate it. Especially in the morning when you get out of the shower it feel's like you just stepped out your house into the hallway. That's how cold it is. Some people are lucky they get good heat in the winter. I Don't.

I still been trying to pick a school to go to.. I still don't know what I want to do so that's what upset's me the most. I know everyone goes through that. Especially When you know your not a kid anymore and you have to start thinking what you going to do.

I'm a Child Provider. Been doing that for like 4 to 5 yr's now. I don’t want to do that anymore. I been dying to go to school again.. The problem now is I can't figure out what I want to do now.( Isn't That some sh*t). One thing I do know I don't want to work with kid's anymore.. To many yr's doing that.

I need a Vacation and soon. We were surpose to take one in December But it didn't work out. So now we decided for APRIL. Can't Wait. Just incase when I say We I mean ME and my Girl's. We try to at least take a Vacation at least Once or Twice a yr..It give's us time to catch up on thing's since everyone work's different Hour's and we only see each other a few time's a month. It was so much fun when we were 16 17 18. No working Just school and all the good sh*t. We spent so much time together at that age it's funny. But now were young adult's in our early 20's. It's so funny to call our self young adult's. I would say women but people say that if your 14-19 You’re a Teenager, If your 20-29 you’re a young adult, and when your 30 and over then you’re a adult or women what ever you want to call your self..At 21 a lot of people already consider them self an adult I think so too. Only advice I can give girl's that want to grow up to fast ,and start working early take it easy your going to have to do anyways when you finish high school or somewhere around that time. But just chill Trust me..

Anyway's enough about that spoke to Victor today. I hate it when guy's promise to call and don't. He did call me but not when he said. The reason I say that I can't stand it is cause if he's not going to call I can do something instead of waiting for the call. If I want to step out I can't Cause I don't want to leave and him say that I didn't wait. I also think If when a guy know's he can't call or talk when he said he would cause of what ever reason. He should pick up he's cell or 2-way and just say baby I'm going to be busy for a while I'll call you when I done. That's All. It's that simple.. Till Next time.

10/24/02 - Thursday

Well Just Finished eating. My chichi(niece)was here yesterday. She is too cute. Love that little girl.

I heard They caught the sniper from Maryland. It was this black man and his stepson, so they say. Well I'm real Bored just finished watching Trl. I watched that movie (Y tu MAMA tambien) yesterday. It was pretty good.

I had a little disagreement with victor yesterday. I am a very honest person and he know's that. He say's that's one of the thing's he like's about me. Now yesterday he was telling me something that happened and I didn't believe it. Now after he finish's telling me the story he ask's me, Ma what's wrong. I'm like nothing. Then he tell's me, what you not having it right. I said No. Then the question come's. Do you believe me. I was honest and said NO!!. Then he come's out and say's that's fucked up. Now the thing that pissed me off was that he came out and said, next time you have something like that to say you might just want to keep it to your self.

What ever happened to I like your honesty.

Now I told him Well At least I know now to pick my time to be honest.

So he come's out and say's no it's not like that I just want you to believe me.... Ok I think I will get to but with time. After that then he come's out and tell's me (I thought You said You trust and give everyone a chance until they fuck up). Then I reminded him that's not what I said. What I said before was (I do give people chance's but, When it come's to trust you need to gain my trust) I dont trust people right off the back.

After that I guessed he remembered and was like that's not my point, I have no reason to lie, I want you to trust me.

Well we dropped it kept talking. Right before we hanged up he ask's me ~Do you believe me? I came out and said oh since you said that when ever I had a comment that you didn't like To keep it to myself, then I Guess my answer is YES BABY I BELIEVE YOU. That Pissed him off. I knew it was going to. Just don’t like the fact that now I have to choose when to be honest.

Trust me from now on I'm not going to be that sweet honest girl he said he liked. I'm going to annoy him until he want's the honest girl back. Anyway's. Oh victor is not my Boyfriend. He's something like it but nothing serious right now. For those who are wondering. I write more later or if not another day. until.

10/24/02 - Thursday, Later On

Well what's up. Spoke to victor today. We spoke about what happened yesterday. When he called he still sounded mad. But at least he still called right. Well I asked him what was wrong he told me he was still upset about yesterday. He said he should of known cause it's like me to say thing's like that. I think that was a low blow but then again what can I say. I'm trying to remember about what else we spoke about. Oh I told him I have a diary online. He didn't say anything negative about it. But he did ask if I wrote about anything we spoke about yesterday. I told him yes. Let me go cause he just called..Bye Till next time....

10/25/02 - Friday

Well it's a boring Friday. It's raining. Spoke to my sister she told me she almost got busted by her ex-boyfriend , when a Guy friend of her's went to pick her up at work.. Right when she was coming out they were both in front of the building. She freaked out. Armando (the ex) went through the back and she came out from the back. Armando had a feeling what was going on cause at night in downtown Manh.. There's never a lot of people around where my sister work's at by that time. Well it turn's out that my sister called the guy's cell while she was still inside by it went to voice mail. So she just left a message saying to leave that her (ex) was there.. So while she came out from the back, he was already listening to the message..

Now like I said I thought Armando had a feeling and he did. The guy said that Armando(ex) went up to him to take a good look at him..lol. Now The worst thing was that when they got in the car Armando pulled up right in front of My sister's friend rolled down the window and said do u know that guy.. My sister was like what! No!! He was like but take a good look do u know him. My sister said she tired to play it off so bad but , I think He know's. I told her he know's. The good thing was that the guy had gotten the message so he said he just stayed there and didn't leave to play it off...

Now My sister is not playing anyone at all cause like I said Armando Is her (ex). The reason why she didn't want Armando to know was cause she still love's him and want's to go back home to him cause she had left him a few month's ago. Reason I won't write here cause it's private.. Then again you know how a man will get if he find's out that a man is picking up his girl.. No matter how many times you try to explain that he is a friend they will never believe that. And trust me you don’t even want to give ur man that doubt anyways.

So anyway's My sister called me to go chill with these 3 guy's that are going to pick up her and my friend. But I said no. Why Cause I hate that feeling of it's like a hook up thing. And I do like someone else.. But Not mentioning any name's.. Till Next time.

10/26/02 - Saturday

Well the worst thing happened to me yesturday but before I speak about that let me write about other thing's that happened yesterday.

Well got to speak to an old friend yesterday. I had fun speaking to him which it's weird cause I hate seeing old friends most of the time but he was kool. What thing he reminded me about the last time we spoke was that he had told me he will never speak to me again. What happened was that one time when we was just chilling in my girl's building he was flirting with me and he asked me if he can kiss me. I said no cause 1) He was 2 yrs younger then me (which at that time I thought I was way older then him) 2) because I don't sh*t where I eat. So when he asked me I was like no that's not a good idea. So now we go outside where the other guy's in the block are at and he come's out again and ask's me in front of everyone. What will you do if I kiss you. I came out and said I will slap you cause I told you no already. Mind you all the guy's in the block had all eye's on me. I felt so bad for coming out like that to him. But why did he have to ask me in front of everyone. I hate sh*t like that. I still would of said no But it would of been different.

So it turns out he wanted to apologize to me yesterday for saying that he will never speak to me again. I apologized as well. He told me that he wanted to thank me for always treating him right and never treating him like a little kid. Cause everyone else always did.. But it was good talking to him.. He asked me if me and the girls still chill and if we still go to party's / club's said yes, and if we still go on vacation every yr of course never miss that. so enough about that the bad thing about yesterday.

Now yesterday I went into a chatroom with my girlfriend. I go in and I see This guy writing nasty thing's about this girl. Now I get An Im from this person. So I ignore it. Now at first I believed that he saw naked PICS from this girl until when he started with me then I noticed that he's doing that to every girl. Me like a dumb ass came out in the chat room and said ( I was believing u until u mentioned me cause now I know that u only write those thing's to girls that don’t give u attention..Big Mistake. So that’s why I think he keep on for more then a hour bothering me.

Then he was saying in a chat room that I send him naked pic and that I was ugly same thing he was writing about the first girl..Then he started Im-ing me saying that if I didn't send him a pic he will keep the abuse that he will never stop. Also That he was going to put me on his buddy list and do it everyday until I send him a pic. That wasn't the end.

After I left that room didn't even stay more then 5 minutes. I was thinking it was all over.. It turns out a friend of mine got in that chat room realized that he saw my name and IM me and told me this guy was talking nasty about me on the chat. I thought once I left he'll bother the next girl with the same shit saying he has naked pics of her but no he kept the shit on with me. My Friend told me to notify him. But I hate To do thing's like that to people. Which I really don’t know why he started with me. Guess he was bored..

So anyways My friend told me that the first girl he started writing those thing's to. That she reported him. To be honest I don’t even think he bothered her as much as he bothered me , And she had more ball's to notify him then I did.. Well not more ball's, but She give's a fuck less then I do. I wouldn't do it cause I wouldn't want him to lose he's account for some stupid thing he did. Cause let's say he was drunk or high with his boy's and he never really act's like that. Well anyways. Just hope he never bother's me again. Well thats all about yesterday. But let me admit I was mad pissed off yesterday like hell.. I was going to paste and copy what he wrote on my Dairy but decided not to.. so anyways.. till next time..Muah..

10/27/02 - Sunday

Well What up. It's Sunday. Love Sunday's. It's like everyone's resting day. Only hate the fact that there's work tomorrow that's all. Have to go watch something. Forgot wanted to watch something at 10:00pm be back later.

I'm Back. Nothing really happened today. I tried to change My little cousin's room didn't work. Had to put it all back the way it was. My Mami Keep's telling me to start thinking how I want to decorate the house. I don’t want to start until they move. It easier for me to do it when I have more space.

I can't wait to live alone. At the same time I I'm going to miss having my Mami around. I'm not a mama's girl but it will be a different kind of vibe,. But hey I will be visiting her a lot if anything. Plus I wont be completely alone cause My little cousin is staying with me cause his school is closer to where I live but, far from my mami's new house. I did tell my mom that on weekend's I'm staying alone and that my little cousin is going to have to stay with her. Give's me some time to myself. Love to take bubble bath's but can't thinking that one of the boy's might start knocking asking to use the bathroom. Also I get to walk naked around the house. Not butt naked just with at least my cami's and pantie , my wife beater with my boy brief's . That kind of stuff. That's why I'm going to make sure I'm alone on weekend's at least so I can do my thing. Well not alone But with only My dog. Well there's nothing much to say. Well hopefully tomorrow or Tuesday I'll get my Dress that I bought from Frederick's. Oh And another wife beater. I always get those there so comfortable & Cute at the same time. Well I'm out of here. Till next time muah...

10/29/02 - Tuesday

Well it keep's getting colder & Colder. I love when we have to turn our clock's back an hour cause for like the next week I keep feeling like I'm getting an extra hour of sleep.

I like summer cause it's good for vacation time. Sometime's I don’t like it Cause when it come's to dating who like's to go out on a Date when ur'll all sweaty and so is the guy. It's a little nasty. Some Night's are really cool but what can you do at night on a date. Your limited when it's night time.

In summer I tend to go out more with the girl's which is fun anyway's. Who the Hell like's to stop for a guy in the summer at 90 degrees out. In My case I prefer winter more. I love the cute clothe's the fly Boot's with the jean's , the cute little hat's with my matching scarf. Love the whole thing. Dating is better in the winter. I think. Don’t get me wrong I'm not saying that summer is wack to have someone. But I think that if I already have someone in the winter and summer come's it's no problem. But during the summer I get cranky sometime's so I'm not down for all the bull Of Stopping for someone anyway's. Especially if I'm single.

Now that I think about it I don’t even like stopping in the street for a guy In the winter. I just think it look's so stupid and nasty. Sometime's I think it make's a girl look like a Hoochie. I don’t even like the calling from far. Nah don't think so. You won't get my ass to stop by screaming or calling me from far. I do prefer if a guy want's to even try to stop me for him to make conversation while walking by me. You know like playing it off.

About guy's in car's calling. You won't see me bending over to a car window unless it's my family/friend/ or a boyfriend. Now if a guy in a car like's what he see's and want's to talk to me he would have to get off his car. Now that may be asking for a lot cause who want's to get off anyway's. But if he doesn't so be it. I don’t even see it like it's my lose anyway's. I'm not a car hopper so I can care less. Now Car hopper's they might feel by letting a guy with a car go It's their lost.

Now bitch's that be turning there head's every time a car pass's by especially with music them bitch's look real stupid. Don’t get me wrong I use to do the same shit when I was 15-18. But damn if your in your in your early 20's have some fucking class please. But I guess every girl goes through that. But only the ghetto stupid Bitch's stay with no class until there like 30. or even for life.

Well Enough about that. Was just expressing my Feeling's there. lol. Well waiting for the plumber's to come and fix my bathroom. I hope they send some respectable plumber's this time. I hate the one's that come and try to make conversation just to then start coming on to me. Hate that. I'm already upset that My bathroom is messed up to begin with. So don’t come on to me. I don't mind if the make small talk but they still doing there job. But anyway's. Let's see at what time they get here. They give Real World today. Can't wait to see that. Oh that guy never bothered me again. That's why I didn't want to get him in trouble cause he was probably being a annoying just that day. Anyway's Till Next time muah....

10/30/02 - Wednesday

So tomorrow is Halloween. Every year me and the girl's try to get dressed up and go clubbing but this yr we're not. I am dying to know what is my beautiful niece going to be for Halloween. They haven't told me cause they want it to be a surprise. I bet she is going to look so cute. She's Just turned 1. She's the one that get's me happy on weekend's when I don't go anywhere. She stay's every weekend with me. When my niece was first born she lived with me in my house until she was 5 month's old then they moved and the very first weekend after they moved she came to stay with me. So every weekend after that she spend's it in my house. Well unless her grandma from her mother's side come's from Maryland then she doesn't stay with me she stay's home cause her grandma visit's her everyday during that weekend. Can't wait to see my niece tomorrow. Let me get off to check what they have in block buster so I can rent a movie today. Till later or next time Muah

10/31/02 - Thursday

Well it's Halloween. My cousin's had fun today so that's good. My little niece was Minnie Mouse. She looked so adorable. I took so much picture's of her. My Mami took her trick or treating in the block only. Well she can't eat anything anyway's but my mom just wanted her friend's to see her since they been asking how big she is. But that baby looked to cute must say. Well saw the movie Halloween. That movie is a good Halloween movie. So is part 2. The rest suck. It's to cold at night in my room hate that shit. I haven't spoken to victor today.

Well we were suppose to book a trip to a resort & cruise for like spring break time but we haven't. We Did the same thing last yr. The reason we do both is cause some of us don’t like the cruise's pool since it's sea water. So we do the resort so we can enjoy the pool there. Now that I think about it we kind of picky sometime's. And it's not just one of us is all of us. If it's not the cruise sea water pool we're bitching about it's/ (Oh I need a beach front hotel). I think that's why we all get alone so well cause we all like almost the same thing. Well not everything but when it come's to traveling/ party's/ club's/ shopping/ etc we like the same thing. The only thing that we have different is our taste in Men. But anyways.

Back to what I was talking about B4. Have to call My best friend see when can we book this cause I want to get it over with. I was thinking maybe we should just do the cruise thing during (Spring Break) then do the resort in August. It would be more of us going in August. So That would be better. I think. I have to call her tomorrow see if she agree's with that. I think it's a good idea. Well Happy Halloween. Till next time.

11/2/02 - Saturday

It's Saturday. I saw spider man yesterday. It was a good movie. I had a little fight with victor on Halloween night. Didn't speak to him yesterday. Spoke to him today. I was thinking about just cutting it off. I don’t know why I don’t have patients like before. Now every time someone pis's me off I just want to cut them off. I hope that I didn't get to use to being independent and single that now I can't stand being one with someone else. I don’t think I have gotten cold hearted cause I do have a lot of feeling's for victor. A lot!. I just can't deal with the (I'll call you back later) and never does until way later. I don’t want to give myself that headache. Nah, I'm not up for that bull shit. Well let's see. I was going to write more but forgot. You see what men do to you they make you forget shit. Anyway's

The baby is not coming today. Wish she was. Miss her. Till next time. Muah.

11/4/02 - Monday

Well yesterday night was a little weird for me. I did something that I never do and cause I trusted. Now I know Why I never do those thing's. Doesn't mean I won't do it again. Cause there are people you can trust. I don't even want to explain or talk about it. But for one I thought this person was honest. Like they say you can't trust everyone. But I bet he's a nice person. He was nice enough to apologize and say that he will not bother me anymore didn't expect that. But that's cool. I guess he knew that I probably was like feeling funny. Cause I don’t even know This Person anyways..I know a lot of you are thinking maybe the wrong thing. But it's not what you think. It's stupid. Trust me. I just don’t want to write about it.. anyway's

The baby did come that night but just around 11:00pm didn't think I was going to see her that day.. But something happened so my brother had to bring her to me. She was so exciting to see us that she didn't want to go to sleep. We let her stay up cause she was to happy. I love that girl. Anyway's it's early in the morning So I might write again today might not. Oh I did Break it off with victor. Got So pissed Off. Just ended it. I hope I don’t have a impatient problem. I think I do. That's not good. I think since I been single for a while that's why I don’t have any patient's for there (bullshit). Till next time.

11/4/02 - Monday, Later On

Well I for got how hard it was to check vacation's out and decide what you want. First we said we were going to pick a cruise then resort now were left undecided. Now tomorrow we are going to call to check out a few resort's cause we do just want to go and relax this time. If it doesn't look good we are doing the cruise. I just want to know where am I going. The reason why we just want to chill is cause last time we went to just take a break and relax. That was not the case at all. We were all over the place. Instead we exhausted our self's. I dont want to do that this time I really just want to relax. So does the girl's anyways. But let's see..

11/6/02 - Wednesday

Well I was going to put 11/5 but it's 12:30am so basically it's the 11/6 right now so you know how that goes. Well I was looking around for cruise's and stuff couldn't find any. My friend Douglas even helped me too. He told me to check out this site but , everything was so expensive. I even told him I'm on a tight rope right now. He was telling me where he went on his last vacation. I checked it out on line. It's a nice resort. But it is so "Expensive". I'm not rich. Douglas is a doctor he can afford it I can't . If I was to take the vacation he took I wouldn't be able to eat for the next 3 month's for wasting it on that one resort lol. If I was to take the vacation he took My (Motto) is going to be *~I don’t live to eat, I eat to live~*. lol.

Well we know now where we're going for spring break. We're going to PR for a few day's then doing the Cruise thing then coming home. I hope everything come's out good and we have fun. I'm not that excited about the stop's on the cruise but let's see. Till next time

11/8/02 - Friday

I'm happy cause I just finished getting Digital Cable. At first I thought why pay more for a little more channel's which is like the same thing. But they kept telling me that it has better picture & sound. Also like over 3 hundred more channel's. I always said no. So they call me and ask me if I wanted all that for just a little more a month when I say a little I mean a good prize. I can't say the prize for what ever reason. So I decided why not give it a try. If I don’t like it I'll cancel. Well I must say I love it. It's way better. About the picture and sound looking and hearing better I don’t agree with that cause my shit looked good before. I do like the fact that I have more channel's. I don’t think I can ever go back to the regular cable. That's the bad thing when you change thing's you might not want to go back to the old shit. You probably wondering why I'm talking about my Digital Cable. I'm just happy with all the movie channel's I have now.

It's The Little thing's always make's me happy.

The baby was here today. She looked so cute. She got her picture's today. They were all cute. I want one of each. Well till next time.

11/10/02 - Sunday

Well remember when I had written about cutting it off with Victor cause I couldn't take the bullshit anymore. Well it turn's out he called me yesterday on my cell but I wasn't picking up. Then he cause my house they told him I wasn't there. So today he does the same thing call's my cell then my house phone. So when I picked up he come's out and tell's me (if I was ok) I said yes. Then he tell's me (You don’t want to talk to me anymore) I said no. So then he come's out and tell's me (oh I have been feeling the same way that's why I did that). I'm thinking to myself did what!. So then he come's out again saying (I have been feeling like would should give each other a break so we can miss each other more). Then when I start to talk he tell's me (I have to go). Talk to you later.

Now to me that was a weird conversation. First I don’t remember him doing anything to me. I decided to cut him off for my own reason's. second , I didn't understand how one minute he was like oh (I was thinking the same thing). Then he come's out saying (He thought it was better if we took a break so we can miss each other more). I'm here thinking what is he talking about cause first he's agreeing with me then he saying he wanted us to miss each other.

Anyway's I got pissed off cause when I started talking I felt like he cut me off so he can feel like a man with bigger ball's by having the last word. Cause mind you I had the last word when I said I'm not up for that bullshit don't call me anymore. (Anyways).

So me feeling like this nigga is not going to tried to cut me off while I'm talking I call back he's cell. I told him That I was glad to see how immature he was by calling me to say what he had to say and when I started to talk he come's and cut's me off so he can feel good. What he doesn't understand is that he didn't make me feel stupid that just show's me how stupid he his ass can be.

If he's going to call me back to try to make me feel stupid by cutting me off with that line (got's to go), at least get your line's straight.

To be honest by him doing that he just showed me I'm not losing anything. I ratter feel like I haven't lost anything then to feel I lost everything/ or something good.

So that's why I'm ok with that shit he pulled. Trust me if that is going to help him feel better then go right ahead. But I glad I saw That shit Now. At least I don’t have to feel like I did a mistake by cutting it off.

11/14/02 - Thursday

Well let me just write a little about where I left off last time. Ok Now. After that whole bullshit I called him back cause I felt like I never got to say what I felt and there's no way in hell he is going to cut me off.

So I call him the next day and told him when he get's home if he can do me a favor and call me cause I want to have at least one decent conversation with him before this shit is over. Mind you he was in the studio at the time.

I told him I didn't like what he did and that if he got my message on his voice mail that day. He said yea and that he never intended for it to be that way or for me to think he was cutting me off like that. I told him I couldn't believe how low he went to do some shit like that. He say's that wasn't the case. What happened was that his friend's had gotten out the car to go upstair's and get something so that's when he called me. So when they came down that's when he tried to cut the conversation with me so they don’t see him fighting on the phone/ or for them not to listen to his conversation. Now he say's that he didn't want anyone knowing his business and didn't want people from work to think anything.. Now to me that's ok cause I don't like people at work knowing my business either. But shit can you cut me off a little different at least play it off and say (Baby I'll call you back later) I'll understand that. But not the way he did. Especial hearing Guy's in the back ground I'm thinking he wanted to do that to make his ass look good in front of the his boy's.

Well after that when he got home we spoke. I told him that when I said that I didn't want to deal with him anymore and he told me he felt the same. Why didn't he tell me he felt like that before. He say's that he didn't want to break anything up it's that the last 2 week's we had been fighting a lot. And he has been real tired from work stuff of that nature. I understand but sometime's he would be rude and that's what I wasn't having. Anyway's I think it's better for us to stay friend's for now. That's how I feel. You never know what's going to happen in the future but it's not happening now I tell you that.

So I just finished taking a shower. Spoke to my sister today. Her ex is doing good..I'm happy about that. And she still want's to go back home but not just yet. Well I was going to write a lot but since I took long writing about what happened with victor I got bored. So till next time.*~MUAH*~.

11/20/02 - Wednesday

Well I just finished seeing real world. It's getting better. I'm only going to write once in a while. Before I was Writing like everyday. But now it's like What am I going to write. I don’t want to write about the same thing. So when ever something happen's I'm going to put it up. If for some weird reason something doesn't happen within a week I will still write something at least once a week. Well nothing else to write. So Till Next time.

11/25/02 - Monday

Well I haven't written in a while. Thanksgiving is in like 3 day's. We have to start thinking what we have to buy and do. We really have to get paper cup's and plate's cause noone like's to do dish's on thanksgiving heck no.

I found out yesterday that famous Victor didn't tell me a lot of stuff about him self. That shit really pissed me off. When I'm open and honest with someone I want the same thing back. But this guy lied. I'm like so disappointed in him it's not even funny. Well the thing was he told me he never had a long term relationship with a girl. That the longest he ever been with a girl was like 5 / 6 months and that's only messing. Now from the beginning I didn't believe him anyways but I said to myself It could be true. Right. The thing is that he said he never been inlove. When he told me that I told him that's impossible for a guy that's 26yr old. But Then again you never know. Now maybe it's no big deal to some people but when your honest and open with someone you expect them to be real honest and open back. It's kind of fucked up when you find out that their really a bullshiter.

The only thing I'm going to tell him now is that by what he told me he's it not the type of guy I would ever want to be with again. To be honest I'm going to tell him don't even bother with me. One thing I hate and always will is a liar. I don’t know what he tried by saying he never been inlove but that was not a turn on for me. He probably thought that I might like that but I never did.

This guy knew from the start I always told him ( If you never been inlove is cause your hard to handle , Or your not relationship material) And that's that. He knew I never bought that shit. I even told him yesterday.

He come's out and say's ( Yea I knew you knew cause you always mentioned that). Then he tell's me (I didn't want to say anything cause I didn't want you to know that I got hurt before) and that (A women could hurt me like that). And that he (Doesn't want to get hurt again). I was like what the fuck. No this guy is not trying to put this line on me( I don’t want to get hurt again). My man I'm not 16 yr's old that I'm going to by that line. Give me a fucking break. You’re an adult and so am I don’t give me that fucking line. If I was honest from the beginning you needed to be honest and opened urself. He doesn't know that I have a lot to say cause we hanged up right away. The only thing I said was( You needed to be honest with me the way I was with you) But he's going to hear more from me trust me. One thing I always say don’t start something on lie's cause what you doing is fucking up the whole shit and it's going to end up with lie's. If you want something good make sure you start it off good so if it ever has to end it could end good. Well I'm cutting it for now Till next time. If I ever spell anything wrong or miss letter's it's cause I type fast. But when I notice it I do fix it. So just excuse me.

11/29/02 - Friday

Happy Thanksgiving. Well I had a lot of fun yesterday. My whole family was here, my best friend, we had fun. We played a few game's. We cooked so much stuff. There's still food from yesterday here except for turkey that was gone. I did have fun. Well my ex- boyfriend's brother came. I didn't want to see him. Another thing that's also my best friend's ex-man and she can't stand him at all. It was cool yesterday. The baby had a lot of fun. She got so emotional yesterday cause I took away these card's from her and she started to cry so bad. I mean a cry that noone ever saw before. I felt so bad cause why did it have to be me that made her cry like that. My brothers girl picked her up and took her to the room. I guess she felt bad cause that was an emotional cry. She just turned 1yr old I never seen her cry like that. I still feel bad. But when I got up like a minute after my brother's girl took her to the room I went up to her and she came to me and I was kissing her like crazy. We just put up the Christmas tree today. It look's so pretty. Can't wait till the baby come's and see's it. Well I don’t have much to say. Have to call a few people that called me yesterday to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving cause I didn't even get to pick up my cell at all the whole day except when my sister called to say that she was on her way. Well till next time.

12/4/02 - Wednesday

It's December So fast. Well everything is good. Just finished watching that interview with Whitney Houston. It was pretty good. They turned on the Christmas tree today Downtown.

Today I got a little mad cause a friend of mind just told me that he called my house like 4 day's ago and asked for me and before they hanged up with him they asked him for his name and he used (victor).. Then he tell's me that (Oh I see victor is very known in your house). I was upset. I got upset cause I had left victor a message the day after thanksgiving cause he called me on Thanksgiving morning or the day before not really sure now But it was like 5:30am and I came out pretty rude. So I called him back to say sorry and to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. So basically I thought that he might be sweet and call back to at least say Happy Thanksgiving back. But after I found out that it never was (victor) that called it was a friend of mine that just gave his name as (victor). I didn't like that. Not that I did want victor to call but because of the fact that I thought victor was a dick for lying to me about stupid shit and thinking that he's just like every other dude and to find out that he called after I left him the message I thought it was cute. But then again it wasn't victor to begin with. But you know something I was rude to him that morning he called so I didn't expect a phone call from him when I left my message. Anyways nothing else is going on.

It's still cold in my room like always. I put up this thing for window's that keep the cold out. But I was telling my mami imagine I hadn't put that up how cold it would of been in here. cause the last 2 day's it's been real cold in my room so imagine with out that shit up. Till next time..

12/6/02 - Friday

Well I Got that phone call that I thought I wasn't ever going to get . You know something I had written before that I really didn't care if he didn't call cause I wasn't expecting it . But to be honest even though I wasn't expecting it I did care when I got he's phone call . I'm glad that he called because of the fact that it really did hurt me what he did But to know that he doesn't care enough hurt's more . What I mean is that I am happy he called. He asked me how I'm doing. How was Thanksgiving. I told him everything was good. I ask him the same he said that he's was good. He kept saying he missed me but I didn't want to say it back. But I did Cause I was thinking if this is the last time we're going to speak in a long time at least I want him to know that he wasn't the only one feeling that way.

He asked me if there's any way that I'll be willing to forgive. I said No. The sad thing is - You know when they say that sometime's a good women makes a man stronger and better for the next person. But that's Only If they learn from there mistake's. But I think that maybe If he find's a good women he just might think about it twice and try not to lie and make the same mistake he did with me.

I do believe guy's learn From every relationship. Sometimes it's good sometime's it's not depend's on the girl. Just like girl's we learn through every relationship we go through. Sometime's we don’t even get to build the relationship but we learn from the little that we had with that person. This is going to sound so (pathetic) But, I wish that someone would of made him stronger and a better man for (Me) then me making him for someone else. I really sound pathetic I think I need to sleep. Till Next time

12/6/02 Friday, Later on

Well I wanted to say before anyone say's anything. When I wrote earlier about making someone stronger or better I didn't mean it like I made him a better person. For one He is a good man. If he wasn't I would of never try anything with him. Right!! When I wrote about making someone stronger and better I meant that people learn from what they go through and make it better and try's not to do the same mistake again when they meet someone else cause they learn from the last one. That's all I meant. As of what I wrote before I went to sleep. I meant that with all my heart. I read back what I wrote and I still wish the same thing. And for those of you who don't remember what I wrote Or Don’t want to read back. I wrote that I wish that someone would of made him stronger and a better man for (Me) then me making him for someone else. Look at that I can write it again and not feel pathetic.

A long time ago I read this book (Disappearing Act's) and I liked the book. I even had my sister read it. Well saw the movie before I went to bed. I didn't get to see it from the beginning But it was still pretty good. I think the book was better cause it had more detail's to it. But the movie is sweet. I have to see it from the beginning next time. Well till next time.

12/08/02 - Sunday

Well my sister came today. My best friend came today. I'm so tired. The baby woke up at 6am last night, well Saturday morning really. She fell back to sleep at 9am. Then she start's crying cause she doesn't like to sleep alone by that time it's 10:30am. So I put her with me in the bed. She starts kicking me so now I can't sleep. I wake up At like 11am cause My mother call's me. Then I try again to go back to sleep. I knock out for like about 10 or 20 minutes before the baby kicks me again. Then my cousin call's me saying his on his way and he's getting something to eat if I want any I say no. It's 12:30 by that time. So I decide that I'm going to just get up take a shower so by the time my cousin get's here I'm dressed and up. I go do my thing. It's 1pm Then while I'm in my room getting dressed I start calling the baby so she can start to wake up.. Then she starts to smile with her eye's close. She's Adorable. I did that for like 2 minutes and she was up. And my cousin never came in an hour he came like 2/3 hour's later

Well I kept her up all day with no nap. Well I didn't keep her up. I think since there was a lot of people here today she really didn't want to nap. Now she fell asleep at 11:55pm. I hope that this girl does not wake up again at 6am today. I hope she sleep's a lot. Just to think that I have to go through this when I have my baby's. I don’t think I can take it. I just hope that I have a good man that when I need sleep and he's up and so is the baby that he can let me sleep and take care of the baby himself.

There's a lot of guy's that don't like to be left alone with there own baby's sometime's. They even bitch about Not knowing why the baby is crying. That they can't deal with it. Then When the baby cry's they give it back to the mother.

I think that happen's when you don't make the guy's spend more time with the baby's. You have to let them go get the milk heat it up themself's so they can learn. There not going to learn if you don’t make them learn. It's like when it's a women's first baby we don’t know but we learn with time. We try to do what ever it take's to stop the baby from crying etc..

By the way why do Guy's always say you know cause you’re a women. No we don't we know cause of all the time we spend with the baby. We learn by figuring out what make's the baby stop crying. what make's the baby happy so-on & so-on

Now I tell you this much I will make My husband Learn all that shit. Cause when I need that break to sleep I want to know that I can sleep And that my baby is in good hand's cause she's with her father.

To be honest I think Guy's that know there thing with baby's Is cause they spend enough time with their wifey and baby. The one's that don't know are the one's that don't spend enough time with them I think. Well enough about baby's. It's 2:33am Let me go watch (Ice-age) We rented that today hope it's funny. Till next time.

12/08/02 - Sunday, Later On

Well Only got to see the beginning of Ice-Age. I was to sleepy. Spoke to Victor today. Well not really just spoke a few word's that was it. I think he's seeing someone already. I hope I don't ask him if he is. The reason I think he is, is cause when I was speaking to his cousin ,His cousin went to give him the phone and his cousin told him (I told her you want to give her your whole attention that's why you took long to get on the phone. You wanted to finish first then to talk to her). Now mind you when he got on he was laughing and had no idea it was me. Now when you have people calling you of course your going to get confused. And When noone is calling you but one person you always know who's on the other line. But that's cool. Anyway's he had no idea it was me.

Even though it's bother's to know he's with someone else. Sometime's it make's it easier to get over the person. Well in my case it does. I always's liked that about myself. That I can be madly inlove And I can forgive you for a lot of thing's but one thing I can't forgive is some bullshit that has to do with another girl. Let's say I stop talking to someone but I still feel like I want to be with him. That I still love him. I want to hear from him so-on & so-on. But As soon As I hear anything about another girl. Even if I still love him That's it My thought's change's. It become's so easy for me to get over. I guess it's like a turn off for me To hear that the guy I like. That I want to be with is with some other bitch. Don’t think so.

You know something I didn't want to ask him if he's with someone. But I'm going to. That way I know for a fact and I'll make it easier on myself. That's if I'm right. Which I think I am. Ok enough about that I'm going on a whole other topic

Well The other day the plumber had to come to my house to fix my bathroom. Now I have this thing when they come I don't stay walking around in t-shirts only or my nighty. I go get dressed. Now As far as I can remember my mami always told me when there's men in the house (plumber)you let them do there thing don't bother them. Another thing she always told me That when I get married And if My husband was ever to walk in and see's me in the bathroom with another man even If I'm not doing anything he's not going to have that type of shit anyways. And that I should never even give My husband the thought of anything. And I agree. I think it's true..Not My problem.

I'm in the house I walk back and forth when he's in the hallway and I see him I smile. I'm always friendly to everyone

Now this plumber come's and tell's me in Spanish (why aren't you very social). I'm like what. so I come out and told him yes I am. He come's out and say's I see that you get alone with everyone and everyone talk's nice about you and they say that you’re a good girl but!. So I'm thinking ok sssooo But what. Then I ask him why did you say that I was not social. He said (cause you haven't done coffee for me). (You don't sit here with me and talk to me). Then He say's (when I came in the first thing you did was go put on your clothes and stay watching tv). I'm like what you want me to do walk around with almost nothing on so you can feel like I'm more social. Please. Then he tell's me (all the women in the building make me coffee and feel comfortable the way their dressed when I come in). I'm thinking to myself his a pervert.

Then I start thinking Well I seen my mother sometime's give the old plumbers that she know's for year's coffee and talk to them. But then again there like friend's cause she know's them for year's so that's different.

So I start feeling like Maybe I am being alittle antisocial. So the next day he come's again. So he tell's me (Please tell me your going to talk to me today). So I was like ok. I stay by the bathroom right talking and I noticed that he's looking at me funny. So I'm like no maybe it's me.

Then first question.

1)Do you have a boyfriend?

NO!

2) Why?

It didn't work out?

Then the Question come's.

But don't you feel When your in your bed like you want someone there with you.

Now maybe it's me but to me that question is a no no. I got mad. I was like (Que). I left the bathroom went to the livingroom and just sat there. He try to speak to me. I gave no reaction what so ever. He was like I'm so sorry. Then he came out and said (please don't tell your mami or anyone else). Cause everyone is going to be saying why did I come out to you like that. He went on & on. I just sat there didn't look at him pretended like I was into the tv. But I was paying attention. So he went did his job.

what got me mad was that I know I'm social but this pervert mad me feel like I wasn't. So me like a nice person I thought maybe I was being mean for not talking to him as much the first time. But NNnoooo me like an ass I had to go and be nicer when all he wanted was to be a pervert. I haven't told anyone Cause it's stupid. If I ever mention it it's cause the topic has to be (pervert-plumbers) Anyway's. Till next time.

12/10/02 - Tuesday

I woke up with a bad headache today. I think it was cause my room was to cold. I going to take a shower in a few. In a few My little cousin should get here from school. Well not really in a few like in a half an hour. I should go shower before anyone get's here.

I got home early so decided to cook. Wasn't sure what to cook. I wanted to cook something else but we didn't have it in the house. So I just did arroz con gandules , y pollo al horno y habichuela coloradas. I wasn't sure if I should of done the beans cause of the rice with gandules. But I love bean's. We hardly eat arroz con gandules only like the most 3 time's or 5 time's a year that's it.

Oh I have this thing that I do with my beans that my mami keep's telling me not to do cause it take away the taste . Ok you know when you take the bean's out of the bag you rinse them right. Everyone does that. Now I have this thing that after the beans are boiled you know how it look's like the pot is dirty. Instead of me starting to season it I take the beans out then wash the pot again and then put the beans back in and season it. Now that I think of it I waste more time doing that. But you know something next time I'm not going to do that so I can see if it taste different or not. Damn My headache is boring me. Well Let me go finish cooking so I can take a shower. I hope my headache leaves. Till later or next time. Cause with this headache I might not want to write again later.

12/11/02 - Wednesday

Well My headache left yesterday. But I just didn't feel like writing again.

I was talking to a friend today. Well I had a thing for him before. I even thought I could had something serious and good with him If thing's would of worked out. He's way older then me. Like maybe 20 something yrs older then me. But age to me doesn't matter.

I always thought we clicked, Well until one day he came out and said I act like a little girl and that he wanted a women not a girl. That was fucked up. Then sometimes he would come out and say I was immature. I had gotten real mad once and I just told him I didn't like how he spoke to me sometimes. He told me he never realized how he came out But he didn't come out to me like that again.

Well anyways I was speaking to him today and I ask him what he's getting his girl for Christmas and what he wanted for Christmas then he ask's me what I want for Christmas.

So I start to mention all the shit I asked my mami for Christmas etc.. So out of no where he come's out and say's. I want a pigeon for Christmas. What the hell was that for I went off. I was like (no he didn't just call me that). I have never ever been called some shit like that in my life. The reason I never been called something like that is cause I respect myself and I make sure other people do the same. So I'm here going off on him. Then It turns out he didn't mean it in that way. So he ask's me what I thought he meant. So I was like no you tell me what you meant. He come's out and tell's me he meant that he want for Christmas was Una Palomita I felt so stupid. I should of known he wouldn't speak like that. He's an older man he's not a young dumb ass like some guy's now in day's. Then he told me that a pigeon usually mean's A Beautiful Bird/ In other word's a Beautiful Girl OR Even A Beauty Contestant Who Would Like To Be A Queen In A Beauty Contest.

Well I was thinking well now in day's (pigeon) mean's a whole lot of other shit that are not good. So anyways I told him sorry for coming out the way I did but he had to understand what I thought he meant. Which wasn't something nice.

My niece is here today their going to pick her later. She's all over the place right now. Anyway's Till later or tomorrow.

12/12/02 - Thursday

Well Today we finished booking the Airfares. Now we don’t have anything to worry about. Well I know I'm not packing as much clothes as I did last time. Don't get me wrong I only had 1 luggage But I didn't even wear have of the thing's in there. So this time I'm only going to take a few stuff. But enough for those day's

Oh I'm taking like 3 or 4 bottles of water this time. Last time They gave me like this one small bottle of water I was dying by the time I got off the plane. My problem is I don’t like to bother people and keep asking for water all the time. The thing with me is that I drink a lot of water. That’s why this time I'm packing like 4 bottles.

I just finished taking a shower. Right when I get in the water I noticed I forgot my basket that has my shampoo & conditioner and my body wash etc... Then I had to get out of the shower all wet just to get that and then get back in. Hate when that happen's.

Oh How can I forget. I'm here taking a shower right. While I'm bathing I noticed I have a mosquito bite in my nalgas. Now how the heck I got that. Who know. It's winter. I would never even imagine getting a mosquito bite in my ass in the winter. Anyway's I hope it leave's by tonight. Well Don't have anything else to write right now. So till next time.

12/14/02 - Saturday

So My sister need's to stop by today and bring some stuff over. Damn I need to start working out. I been saying that for like 3 month's haven't done anything. So once again I'm going to try to start on Monday. Hopefully I will start this shit already. Let me stop here going to try to put the day's of the week's on this thing. Till later or tomorrow.

12/15/02 - Sunday

Well tomorrow might be a messed up day if the Trains & Bus's don’t work.

My sister is coming tomorrow. We just bought the baby a Minnie Mouse bubble bath. She hasn't had a bubble bath. This is going to be her first time. Can't wait to see how she act's with bubble's.

Oh great I said I was going to start to work out tomorrow. Not even in the mood. But I'm going to make myself. Well don’t have anything to say for now so, Till next time or later

12/16/02 - Monday

Well I knew that strike thing wasn't going to happen. But that's a good thing.

Oh I didn't work out today hahaha..The reason I didn't was cause I woke up with a neck ache. (No lie)

Ok today I was remembering when Me my sister my cousin & best friend did a video confession. Well that's what we called it. Which we spoke about everything we've done, Everything we been through together. Who we did, How we did it. Who was doing it who wasn't doing it. You name it and it's on there.

Now we did this tape when I was 16 My sister was 15 my cousin was 17 and my best friend was 18. When we did this tape we made a promise that we will never play it until we're like 27 or 28yr old. And on that day we will make another tape on what we been through after all those yr's .

Now I'm not near there but I am in my early 20's. Now I was thinking we said at 27 & 28 now when who turn's 27 & 28? I think It should be when me or my sister turns that age cause I don’t want to see the tape before that I want to see it when I'm 27.

Now that I think about it. I think we did mention that the day we did the tape and we said when I turn that age. Well I guess we have to wait till I'm 27 or 28. I prefer 27 haha.

Oh but One thing was that on that tape we promised to be honest and not lie even if what we say might hurt the other person. Mind you we was going to ask question's like (When I was messing with this guy did he come on to you etc...) That’s why we said even if it hurt's be honest. Now I have never looked at that tape. And for the record I am the One with the tape.

But we did do one bad thing without my cousin but it was that same day. But I had to see it..

There was a question that my cousin asked me.

1)Did Richie every come on to you?

Yes

2)Why didn't you tell me?

Cause you said you really didn't care about him. And I didn't want to start any problem's cause we all was mad cool with the guy's

3)Did he say he wanted to be with you and not with me?

Yes he did. But I told him that I wasn't going there. And that he should be happy at the fact that you was even giving him ass. Cause I would never Sleep with him . And I would never sleep with someone who I know fuck someone in my family.

4)So did you do anything with him? Did you kiss him?

Why you ask me that? (With my award face). No I didn't. He tried but I pushed him away. I'm thinking (yea away from the party so we can kiss).

Now I will get back into that but let me finish On why we played back the tape that day.

So the thing was that I had the feeling that by those question's that she knew something. So I start asking the girl's did you say anything. My best friend is like you know I won't say anything. I look at my sister. Bitch come's out and tell's me she got mad at me once and when my cousin asked her did Richie tried to kiss *Eni She said (yea I think he kissed her).

I got so mad I told her shit you could of told me so I could of been honest.

Remember the deal we made be honest even if it hurt's the other person. Yea I fucked up there. But that was the only thing that I wasn't honest about. Everything else I didn't lie about. Anyway's My sister told me she said a lie too. And my Best friend did to. But we was ok with that cause we told each other listen I lied once about So & So We only lied once each. And I know My cousin probably lied once or twice.

So we went to play back the tape to see everyone's reaction to the question. So I look at my best friend in the video. She's like about to laugh but she's looking away. My sister was also smiling and trying not to laugh. I was the only one with the award face. Saying No I didn't. But that was the only time we played that tape. Anyway's it was the same day we did it. I think we have kept the promise cause we never saw that tape again.

Mind you we spoke a lot cause we have 2 Vhs tape's of us talking shit.

Now back to the whole thing with my cousin. I'm not the type of person that does shit like that to people. Now I stopped being close to my cousin cause I heard she spoke about me to people. Mind you when I'm loyal to people I'm loyal all the way, But once you break that (that's it).

Well I'm only going to say One thing I heard she said about me.

One time we were going to hang out with these guy's. So My cousin Always has to put on 5 pound's of makeup. I'm talking about Mascara , Eye liner , Lip-Liner 3 Lipstick , Foundation, Powder makeup etc. Oh let's not forget the Hair-Dryer. Anyway's. So Everyone is getting ready. I go put my hair in a twist. Put on some nice Sweat's that have the white line in the side. I go get One light colored lipstick, my white t-shirt and my white sneaker's. So all I did was get dressed and put 1 Lipstick one. I was done in less then 5 minutes's. So she come's out and say's oh your done. *~I'm like yea~*. Mind you my sister just got almost the same shit on my best friend dressed regular too. She come's out and Tell's My sister and started telling other guy's I used to know That

I think I'm too cute. And that I don’t need to dress up For guy's. Now That bothered the heck out of me cause I would never Go and speak bad about my cousin's or friend's to people. And I never Think I'm Cute that I don’t need to dress up. I always hook my self up when We go out with guy's. I'm a girl what do you expect. Girl's love getting dressed. All girl's love to look pretty. The thing that pissed me off was That I understand If she was to come out like that when I'm trying to look My best. But no she say's it when I'm trying to real comfortable and nice. I didn't feel like getting all pimped up that day. And that day she decide's to say that I think I'm too cute that I don’t need makeup or I don’t need to pimped up to look good cause I think I already look good. I Told her well Excuse me I'm not like you that I can't go out without makeup. Ohhhh please don’t let anyone see my cousin without makeup cause she will die

She even bumped into a friend of mine and told him the same shit in the train. He call's me and tell's me. (What's up with your cousin. She look's like she's mad at you or something cause she was talking about you like crazy). So he told me other shit she was saying. I didn't care. Well I did at the time. But the more she spoke the more people saw that she was the one that was being mean & a bitch.

So basically that's when me and her stopped hanging out. And after that was when Richie Kissed me And I let him. And the day we did the tape was a day she came to the house and we started talking and the camera was there so we talked about all the hang out's and crazy stuff we did.

So as of now I don’t speak to her at all. I haven't seen her in year's. But Like I told the girl's we always had mad fun together. And maybe I can chill with her again. But None of us feel like we can trust her as much, Cause she talk's too much shit. Don’t get me wrong she's not a bad person. She's real nice when she want's to be. But she's just one of those that talk to much. I think everyone in this world has at least one cousin who talk's to much shit about everybody in the family. Who know's we probably could chill One day. After all she still my cousin right. Anyway's I'm done.

Well That's about it. I just happen to remember about the tape today. And had to write about it. But it will be funny to see that video tape. I was only 16 at the time. But shit we did a lot of crazy stuff.

Even if we still don’t speak to my cousin by the time we're that age. We still have to invite her the day we see that tape.

HEY A PROMISE IS A PROMISE.

TILL NEXT TIME.

12/17/02 - Tuesday

HI I need to talk to someone. Something is really bothering me. Don’t have anyone I can ask right now. I hate when that happen's.

Hope this feeling goes away. I wish I could of called someone That make's me laugh and get's my mind off of shit but that person is ignoring me for what ever reason. And must I say I haven't done anything to this person. I tried to call Douglas but he wasn't home. Hopefully I'll speak to someone Before I go to bed. I need to if not I won't be able to sleep. Till Next Time.

12/18/02 - Wednesday

Well I'm ok now. Yesterday I wasn't feeling that well. I have a problem that I stress little stuff out. I'm going to stop that. Cause I don’t like how I felt yesterday. I don’t want to feel like that again. I have to learn to let thing's go. But I did get to speak to a friend yesterday. Thanks to him I felt more relaxed. I hate people that when you go talk to them they make you feel even more stressed out then when you didn't speak to them. Now I love those type of people that make you feel comfortable just by having one conversation with them. Especial a person like myself that I don’t say much of my problem's. So when I do I need someone to tell me (Girl that's nothing) Let it go). I prefer those type of people. My Mami is like that she make's people feel so comfortable and she get's people to not stress shit out to much.

Now I don’t know if everyone would agree with me but sometime's like in my case I feel more comfortable speaking about my business to people that are not that close to me Or even to a stranger sometime's it make's it much easier to speak about stuff. Maybe it's just me. Well thanks to my friend will I was able to feel better. But I am going to stop stressing stuff out. It take's away to much energy haha. Till Next Time or Later.

Oh wait How can I forget. I started working out today. Almost didn't either. But I realized that I have been saying I was going to start for like 3 month's. But anyways already started hopefully I won't stop. hahah. Till Next.

12/19/02 - Thursday

Hey what's up. This Wednesday is Christmas. That was fast. I love gift's. I wish I could get gift's every Friday. Doesn't have to be something big. It could be any little thing.

My mami always use to give me something almost every Friday after she came out of work when I was small. She even use to leave it in her purse so I can go get her purse and find it. Sometime's it was only a Lollipop but I loved it cause it was a little gift for me. I have to do that to my Daughter when I have one. I think every kid love's that. The only thing was when I started getting older and instead of when she got home I run to her purse to see what I got I was on the phone with a friend or my friend was over in my room. So I like didn't really go see what she got me cause I was older and into other thing's. But sometime's When I did go check there was nothing there for me. Then I'll be like (mmmaaaaaaaa you didn't get me anything). haha. But I do want to do that with my Daughter. I will when the time come's.

So like I was saying about gift's. I love Gift's. Even if I didn't get a gift. I would love flower's every weekend at least. Not just any flower's My favorite (Peach rose's) with glitter on them. Their so Beautiful. I don't know why girl's hate the color I like. Almost every girl like's red rose's which those are pretty. But (I don't) like them. I love mine.

My cousin's be hating on me Cause they say I'm to girlie. They say everything of mine has to be girlie. My room is all White with Pastel color's. They say even My DVD's are chick flick's. I just don't like dark color's unless is for my clothe's. Like My sister her favorite color is Hunter Green everything in her room is that color.

What I say to them all the time is that When I get married I know my husband is not going to let me put the whole room in pastel color's he's not going to let me put flower's on top of the curtain's. he's not going to let me have everything white. Guy's mostly like blue or green or black bedrooms. They like dark color's. So if I want to be girlie let me be cause when I get married I might not have everything My way cause I'm going to have to compromise. But I will Say this much my Daughter's room Is going to be real pretty. Better then mine. Till Next time or later.

12/19/02 - Thursday Later On

Well Just finished watching the movie Unfaithful. It was a good movie. Well I liked it. Yesterday I saw Minority Report. Now that movie didn't like much. I Like the whole future thing and some part's of the story. But At the same time there were some part's I didn't like. But hey that's my opinion right.

Another thing I want to write about is the whole Bi thing with girl's now in day's But Don't want to write about it right now cause Don't have time but when I do I will get on that. Till Next Time

12/23/02 - Monday

What's up. Well hope I remember what happened this weekend. Well so far forgot what happened Friday. So on Saturday the baby came cause I couldn't take care of her on Friday. Oh I got to give her the bubble bath. She loved it. But My brother's girl told me they given her a bubble bath before but she be eating the bubble's. She did try but I didn't let her.

So my Sister and Armando came over on Saturday. They dropped of the gift's so on Wednesday they don’t have to bring anything with them. My best friend came on Sunday. We opened the gift's that she gave us. Cause she's not coming on Christmas Day. The kid's got that new mini remote control car's. I got this silver chain with 2 white stone's on it real pretty & this silver white stone earring's also pretty. She got my mother a paper shredder. Real kool. It even shred's credit card's. She got to open her present's yesterday too she got this white nice robe it say's drama queen. she got the sandal's that come with it. Also got her this manicure Set. She got this vase for her house. She got this waterfall Candle set. And she got this bag that has girlie stuff like lotion's makeup, Tint lip-balm's it has a few stuff in there but she didn't open that one. She's opening that one when she come's next time. She got the baby this book that make's sound's and has music. She Loved it. She also got her the Princess plate with her first bowl and princess cup from the Disney store. It's real pretty. Well Can't wait to see what I got. Like I said I love Gift's.

It's funny cause my Niece is the only baby in the family. Before she was born we would all just give each other a lot of gift's and we would always say imagine when one of us have baby's we get to go baby shopping. And we always said the first baby is going to be lucky cause everyone is going to spoil her cause she's the only one. Now instead of just going shopping for each other we have my niece. She has So much gift's is not funny. She is going to have fun opening all the gift's. Yesterday she only opened 2 and she was so excited.

Ok my cousin came over today I haven't seen her for like 2 month's we were wondering what happen why she hasn't come around. So it turn's out my cousin no longer work's across the street from me. They moved her office to 34th street by Macy's. Now it turn's out that she has a new man. which is good cause she was feeling down cause of her ex. Now we were talking today. And we agree that the best way to get over someone is to start dating right away. But not just any dating I'm talking about good dating. If you go on a date with dumb as guy's or with guy's that up to no good your going to bring yourself back to round one. Cause then your going to sit there and be like oh I miss this guy, I want this guy back guy's suck now in day's so on & so on. Now when you go out with interesting people you don’t waste your time thinking about your ex, Cause when you get home your mind is on that date you just came back from. But Anyways. So she was telling me that this guy is real sweet he try's to please her in everything. He even told her that he's inlove with her. Now I asked her how she feel's about that. She say's she's not there yet. But It's good that he's there first cause it's always the girl that fall's first. Then she tell's me that she's like surprised cause it's only been 2 month's. But then I was telling her it happen's a lot to us girl's. We go through that a lot. Half of the time we meet guy's that we're really feeling and we get stupid like that. so it is possible for him to feel like that first. It's that we are so use to feeling that way first We find it weird when their feeling it first. But it's good that she stared dating right away. It does help.

Oh How can I forget. Meet this Guy. When I meet him he told me he was 24. But then I started noticing that he kept saying (Age is just a #) I was like true But I can't see myself dating a 20 yr old. He was like why you feel like that. I was Like (Cause). Well After that I got curious And I told Him I want to see his ID he was like oh no problem. Then He come's out And confessed That he was 20. So I told him it's not going anywhere but friend's now. He asked me to give him a break I said no. Now the thing is You really don’t know what could happen. Now If we kepted going to the movie's and just being friend's you never know he could prove me wrong. But NNNNNNNNooooooooooo. He decided to play a joke on me with his boy. I didn't fall for it but damn why even go there. And I told him instead of him proving me wrong He proved me right. That's when I told him (that's why I don't deal with 20 yr old's). Anyway's Till Next Time

12/24/02 - Tuesday

It's Christmas eve.

Well I was watching the show (Making The Band II) It was funny and fun to see everyone's face right before they got picked. And to see Other people's face trying to hide there feeling's. I was remembering when I first auditioned for a dance group. I was so nervous. I wish I could see my face back then. I Think I would still get nervous auditioning If i have to. Sometime's you try your best not to show emotion's But at the same time You can look real ugly doing that... Me and my Friend was talking once about that feeling you get right before you get on stage.. To me the only way I can describe it is that you get this feeling like you have to use the bathroom. haha. I get this bad stomachache it's not even funny. And this is while I'm standing right there on stage one step away from seeing the crowd. I get nervous but I don't shake cause of my nerve's I just get it inside. But the funny thing is once I get on stage and I see hundred's or even thousand's of people it all leave's. And I mean it leave's like in less then a second. I still don’t understand sometime's how you can be so nervous and it just leave's like that

I use to ask my mother when I was younger why that happened . Why one second I felt a bad stomachache and as soon as I got on stage it went away. she use to tell me (cause you already saw everyone) So you feel relaxed

But this one guy that was a dancer too. He told me If once I get On stage and I see the crowd and it leave's it's cause that's what I love doing. And I do Believe that . My cousin Even Tell's me all the time *Eni That's your thing.

I have asked the girl's that if once they get on stage if their not nervous anymore and they say (hell no). They say that once they get on stage they get worst and it make's them forget the routine... But what can I say.. I think that's my high... Just like people love getting high... To me performing is my high.... I have to get on that too by next yr.

In the winter a lot of group's don't really perform until summer come's. But If I get to do anything and I feel confident that we're going to look good and everyone got their shit down packed. I'll write it here where I'm going to be. Well maybe haahahahah... Well That's all .. Till Next Time

12/27/02 - Friday

So what's up My Christmas was good. Everyone was here except my best friend. I got almost everything I wanted. Well except for the 4 year College fully paid, And The Lincoln Navigator 2003 truck & and a beautiful house in light pink and white. The color may sound a little tacky but every time I see house's the prettiest one's are the light pink one's with the white window's or just a plain white house. But Anyway's didn't get any of those gift's that I wanted. haha. I had so much shit to write but I forgot.

Well I was talking to someone about different stuff then about race's. Now I always's know Not to talk about those stuff cause some people get really offended. But I thought he was kool and that he wouldn't take anything to the heart cause we were just talking about what other people say about the race. Now We were talking about a Latin race, not going to say which one. Now he was saying what people usually say about that race. And I told him what I usually hear. Now by the way he was speaking I can tell he was getting offended. But now why would you get offended cause I tell you what people usually say. And mind you he said stuff too but then again he was getting upset. And I was only saying thing's that people of that same race say. I wasn't even saying what people of other race would say. Now why would you get upset on something that the people of there own race say's. As of me I hate Those conversation's with a passion. The reason I hate it is cause some people end up getting offended or just going over board with the subject. If you going to get all worked up on some stupid and dumb conversation I think your stupid and dumb yourself. Now I think he is a sweet guy. But don’t take race's shit to the heart especial If you like to talk about stuff but don’t like to hear. I thought You can tell when someone has race issues. But I guess you can't cause I didn't think this dude was like that. .hahaha But what can I say. I always's stay away from race's conversation's cause I hate to see people get Stupid and take it to a whole other level. But just remember Live your life cut the race's shit cause your going to die as Juan or John or Rick Not as the All mighty Black Guy or the All Mighty White guy or El Gran Hombre Latino haha. Your Tombstone is going to have your name on it not your race. Anyway's I'm bored I have no idea what I'm talking about. Hahahahahahahaha Anyway's enough of dumb conversation's I forgot what else happened this week. Anyway's Merry Christmas to everyone. Till Next Time or Later Muah

12/28/02 - Saturday

Well what's up. It's a Saturday and I have nothing to say about last night. I need to get with the lingo.

Before I use to hang out so much there was never a Friday or Saturday that I was home. Now I'm always's home On a Friday & Saturday. It suck's. Lately I have been getting those feeling's to get back to my old self. Now I know myself and if I start I'm never going to want to be home for the next 2 year's. To be honest Being home is pretty good. But then again Being Out is good as well. Well Let me restart this dumb computer cause it's getting slow. Oh yea that was also one on the thing's I didn't get for Christmas a New computer .haha

Well I'm back. So like I was saying about getting to my old lingo. So yea I have been feeling like going back to that. But you know what's funny that when I use to hang out so much people use to be like oh (You hang out to much Girl's are not suppose to be like that)blah blah blah. And now is like Go hang out Don't stay home you going to be bored if you stay home. So really what's to much hang out and to little hang out. Now Once I start again I better not hear someone tell me you hang out to much cause I'm going to let them have it. They can kiss my ass.

Oh I must mention this. Which I don't think it only happen's to me. Now I noticed that when I hang out a lot. My attitude get's worst. How can I explain this. I'm not as Sweet Of a girl when I get in to my little lingo's. Yea kind of confusing. Don't get me wrong It's not like I go around fighting with people I don’t do that. I start to think differently. Don't know what it is. Maybe you understand maybe not. But Yea I might just start My lingo soon. haha. But I'm going to try to stay Sweet and not get that bad attitude I use to have when I would Be hanging out a lot. Who know's you might even notice the difference in my writing. I might just read back and be like *~Damn*~ My ass was pathetic. But what can I say Let's see what happen's.

Oh I have a good example: My sister. Now when my sister was living with her boyfriend she was more calm and thinking of like her future with her man and stuff of that nature. But now she live's with this decease speading hoochie mama friend and she's a little different now. Don't get me wrong my sister is not like thinking crazy or doing crazy shit. But she's different now that she's been hanging out more. But not I'm not going into detail's with that. So you see what I mean about the whole mind changing & the whole different way of thinking change's. Well you can't really tell cause I didn't really write about it. haha Well hope you got it. Till Next Time.

1/2/03 - Thursday

Well what's up..Happy New Year's to everyone. It was ok on New Year's. I woke up the next morning with a whole mess of confetti still in my breast. I thought I taken all of it off of me. Spoke to Victor last night. It was nice talking to him. We didn't speak about what happened before. But it was nice hearing from him. I drank Hazelnut coffee it's pretty good. Mind you I'm not a coffee person. My sister found out that her ex got arrested. She was like that's it I'm not dealing with that anymore and broke up with him. My best friend did the baby a CD of her with kid's music and her pictures on it. It's cute the baby love's it. I don’t have much to say. I thought I did. But I forgot. Till Next Time Happy New Year's

1/5/03 - Sunday

Well I have this cut in my leg for about 3 day's now. It's killing me. I have to be cleaning it at least twice a day sometime's even 3 time's a day. But I have been walking better today.

So We bought my niece a mini skirt (faded jean) with a cute Orange/Yellow shirt with her yellow Tim's and her yellow little hat. She's to cute. Well we tried to put her for the baby's gap catalog but it was to late. So their going to try to put her for other thing's.

I have a friend of mine in Miami who's little sister does modeling and they say the pay is good. That when it come's to kid's a % goes to them so when they turn 18 which is pretty good. Cause sometime's some parent's end up wasting the money. I do think the parent's could waste the money cause parent's invest in there kid's as well & all the traveling. A lot of money does get wasted. But to find out later that a kid doesn't even have money for college cause the mother never save it for them it's kind of foul..But I think that law about having to take a % to be put away for the child is good.

One thing that bother's me is that some people think that when a person has like real nice color eye's (blue/Green) whatever the color is. They think that the person is cute. Now thank goodness I can see beyond Eye color.

Now going into people with light eye's. I find it funny when guy's that have nice eye's think that they are cute. Especially if they look like planet of the apes but with blue/green eye's. Now don’t get me wrong if ur cute and have pretty eye's it's a plus for me. Oh when I say pretty eye's I mean the shape of them. But anyway's there's people that think anyone with light eye's is pretty. And someone once told me if you notice people that think that are people that have dark eye's only. Cause people with light eye's are use to it. (And That's true). Anyway's enough about eye's.

Rudy is a nice guy who work's is funny , sweet, honest, But has 2 kid's and a psycho ex girlfriend who like's to beat people up in the street start fight's. Even send's people to call her ex and tell him that there going to kill him and she find's this all funny. She even stalk's his family with phone call's . I think she should get Admitted to a Clinic for psychopath. haha. But what can I say. Now Would anyone get into a situation like that. I don't know. Cause who would want to walk around watching their back thinking Psycho lady might come around or pop up from a garbage can. That to me is scary. Now you could also try & see what happen's. Cause maybe nothing will happen. Maybe!!. Then again who would like to be confronted my a psycho in the street anyway's. But let's see. Till Next Time

1/7/03 - Monday

What's up my leg is getting better. My Sister called me and told me this guy got out of jail. She's not with him anymore but she still say's she love's him. Now I ask her what if he change's and want's her to go back with him and live with him. What is she going to do with the guy she has now. She say's she would go back. Now to me that's foul for the other guy. Cause if your not sure it's over don't start a relationship with someone else. But then again I do think their both good guy's.

Now what's the worst thing a guy could do. Beside's cheating. Now let's say you meet someone. Starting to like this person. This guy come's out and Write's your name down and when you see it,,,,It's not your name. Now it doesn't upset you that much cause he has an excuse. But you do keep that in mind. The (excuse). He come's and tell's you that he mixed your name with his cousin's name. Now hey I can let that go cause sometime's if I'm thinking about 2 different thing's it's possible to mix your thought's together.

But then the worst thing happen's your both here talking and he's all into the conversation and call's you (Deena). Now in writing it's different but to come out and call me by another name Not only another name but the same name you wrote down before. which you calm was a mistake. Now that's too much. Then he tell's me I swear I don't know anyone by that name. Now that has to be bull cause it's different to write the wrong thing but then to come back and say the same name you accidently wrote. Please tell me you think I'm smarter then that. Please don’t come and treat me like an Air head. Then he come's out and say's (Let me check my phone book and see if I know someone by that name).

Now all I can do was just say never mind it's no biggy.

This is the thing. You Cant get upset cause your just getting to know this person right. But when Is it right to get upset. What you can only get upset if your in a relationship. That can't be it cause there's no way in hell he should ever accidently say another name when we're already in a relationship cause that's like beyond.

Then You can't get upset in the beginning cause that's to early. So when is it right to get upset. I get upset if my hair is not right. So you telling me I can't get upset when a person I like does some shit like that. Come on.

But guess what I didn't say much I just said It's no big deal. I played it like if it was nothing. Well I did let him know it's was foul and a little upsetting but that's all. But anyway's At least I get to write what I really think here right. And tell my sister. But what else can I do. Nada. Till Next Time

1/9/03 - Thursday

Well Great Today I wake up with that feeling what do I want to do this year that I didn't do last year. I have to many thing's I want to do. Well for one I want to start school in September. I have a big problem I cant work and go to school at the same time cause I mess up in school. I have tried it. It doesn't work for me. God bless people that could pull it off cause I can't.

Now some people tell me so go to school part time. But I don't want to have to do that. I want to get rid of it fast. It might take me 2 to 3 or 4 years to finish. Doing it part time will double that amount. Well that’s the first one to start school in September.

Second thing is I want to save money Now before school start's so I can have it for when I start school but one problem. I go on vacation on spring break. So Now I'm paying for that. Then all of us girl's decided to go on vacation in August. And I want to go for that. Now I know some people might say well if you can't go you can't. But I always's think if you want to go do something then do it. Just let it ride and see what happen's. Cause if you keep stopping your self from doing stuff you going to be upset that you didn't do what you wanted to do. Now in my case if I do it and later I'm still upset that I don't have money it's ok with me Cause at least I have a vacation I can talk about that I had fun in. Now do I rather bitch of no money and never taken that trip or do I rather bitch but have something I can talk about with the girl's...I rather have that trip cause either way I'm going to bitch anyway's. haha.

Third thing I want to do this year is: Getting back to my dancing but one problem. Some group's have this bad taste in uniform's. There's just some thing's I won't be caught dressed in. Before when I was younger I would put on anything I was asked to. But now I have a choice and a say in how far I'll go.

Another thing is. Some group's only do English song's and some group's only do Spanish. Now I think I'm good at both. I prefer to be in a group that I can dance either Hiphop/Raggea/Salsa/Merengue what ever it is I can do. Now the problem is finding a group like that. But for that I would have to look around. Also you don’t want to get in a group where there's girl's hating and shit. In every group there's always a hater. For example: I got in this group won't mention the name just incase. But I got in the group and there was girl's there for like 2 year's already. Now I had like a month practicing with the group. The owner of the group started putting me in the front for practice 2 week's before the show was coming. Now cause of her doing that the girl's started already talking shit well not the girl's just this one bitch. Not to me But other girl's would tell me this girl is upset that you practicing in the front. I was like whatever it's only for practice. But I did have a feeling that I was going to end up in the front for the show cause the owner would watch me all the time so I knew she was checking to see if I was good enough. But anyway's the day that the owner of the group came out and mentioned me as a front girl all hell broke loose. This bitch even started crying saying (I been in this group for 2 yr's and never been in the front) What I wanted to say was bitch I seen what you can do your ass need's to stay back there. haha. But I didn't Cause that would make the whole thing worst. But like I was saying there's always a jealous bitch in every group. But actually we ended up being friend's after a few month's. she even told me once I like how you dance I was like thank you. I even told her I was sorry about that cause I didn't ask to be in the front they put me there. But everything was cool after that. But I really hate when you first start a group cause it's never friendly until everyone get's to know you then everyone is cool. But enough about hater's haha

My forth thing to do this year is go out more hang out more. Date more and I don't mean like different guy's every day. It could be the same guy all the time. I have to try to just date cause I have this thing if I'm not feeling him I just won't. Cause there's girl's that go with any guy as long as there going out. But I can't if I don't like the guy I don't like to go cause I don't want to lead anyone on. But hey a lot of people just say a date is just a date no big deal. So I'm going with that quote this year. Well I know there's more I wanted to do But I forgot unless that's it but let's see. Till Later or Next Time

1/14/03 - Tuesday

Well it's been a while since I wrote. Maybe cause nothing interesting has happen. Well my gum's is messed up cause I was eating something and a sharp thing went into my gum's mind you I didn't even bite down hard cause once I felt it I stoped. So imagine if I would of bit down harder I would of hurt my self badly.

Luis is a friend of mine now. When I first meet him I really didn't click with him. And Now we cool. I told him it's cause he stopped busting my bubble's.hahaha. The other day he tried to make a bet with me. Which I knew he would of lost if he kept the bet. Now not going to say what the bet was but I would of won. He agreed that if he lost he will pay for my whole vacation and that I would not have to pay a dime for it. But me knowing that he was going to lose I didn't have the heart to make that bet cause I know he would of lost. So I told him how I could of won the bet. he say's well if I would of made that bet then he would of payed like he promised cause he keep's he's promise's. But he's sweet to even do something like that for me. I hope Noone ever take's advantage of how sweet he is.

Rudy Still has psycho girl on his ass. Now the story with him is from the beginning he made it clear that he didn't want anything serious he wanted to be able to date as many girls as he wanted. He actually repeated this everyday since I meet him. Now I don't want anything serious but damn I don’t go repeating it to him every 30 minute's. Then all of a sudden that's not what he want's. Rudy now has a change of heart. Now the thing before was he could date who ever he wanted do what ever he wanted. Now he say's that we stay friend's and see what happen's and he won't date anyone to see how far this is going to go. Also if it get's more serious he still doesn't want to name the situation as girlfriend/boyfriend or anything of that nature.

Well who ever is reading this and your confused don't worry cause so am I.

Now how do you go and believe this person who told you every day from the beginning that he want's to be free and open to other people and now not want that. I'm still confused cause even from the beginning I told him I'm going to let him do he's thing and I'm not going to let him change he's mind about it. And he said I won't change my mind cause I know I don’t want that. But Now it's different. You know something I'm confused writing this thing. In fact if you don't understand anything I wrote cause it goes from one thing to another then back well don't worry cause I don't understand it myself. In fact it's not even my fault it's rudy's ass for confusing people. hahahahaha.

Well I bought my self some sneaker's today cause I needed white one's. And bought a Beige cute Hat. Well I'm stopping right here. Till Next Time. Remember if your confused don't worry cause so am I. I have to many thing's to write but don't want to write a lot of it so that's why it all sound's confusing. Muah

1/14/03 - Later On

Well you know something I just read what I wrote earlier. I'm not confused anymore. It make's sense to me what I wrote. I thought It wouldn't. HAHAHA TILL LATER

1/22/03 - Wednesday

Well what's up I haven't written in a while. Well let me see. I think I'm going to Lehman College. Don't know everything yet but I'll keep up with what goes on with that.

Vacation is almost coming. Can't wait. Oh I did get to change our room to a upper level and ocean view & breakfast & welcome gift and some other shit we get. The room we got before didn't have any of those thing's. But I got to change it so everyone is happy with the change's now so that's good.

For Christmas I got this thing for the face is a machine that massages the face and help's open...Well I forgot what it does but it does work I have been using it for like 5 day's now and it's good. My nail's are long now. I think it's cause of the professional manicure thing I got for Christmas. hahaha. I take care of my nail's more. Which getting your nail's done is way easier and faster then doing it your self.

I was watching the American Idol show. It's very funny. I was wondering do these people that go there and sound like shit dropping's really think they know how to sing. I been asking people do they get paid to pretend they like the way they sing. Cause shit there's just terrible people trying out. Today they give American Idol again.

I told Rudy to do he's thing. To date who ever he want's. On the 1st of Feb he's DJin at some club he's excited about that. He DJ at other club's but I guess he's really excited about this one. Hope everything goes good for him. Hope a lot of people go he need's like five hundred people to appear so he can be the main DJ for that club every Friday. Well good luck Sweetie. Well I can't remember anything else so Till Next Time.

1/26/03 - Sunday

What's up..Found out today something that I didn't know was going to bother me so much. But Fuck it right. FFFFuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkk It.

So My sister finally broke every tie with her ex cause he just went totally out of it. Hopefully everything goes good for her from now on. Hope he get's better as well.

What to do now. They say to get your mind off of one thing you have to get your mind on something else. I do believe that's the best Medicine. I want to write but don't have anything to write. One question Is it healthy to date more then one person?. It could be healthy as long as you don't hurt anyone right. Also as long as they know where they stand and there's no secret being hidden right. Guess so. In a way it can stop you from getting strong feeling's for anyone. But what if you started with someone got strong feeling's already then one of you say let's see other people but, once the other one does it you realize that you can't take it. What then. Do you cut all tie's, Or do you go ahead and start dating other guy's as well. Well the best thing is to date other people. That's right cause this is what I say If someone really cared they wouldn't want to date anyone else. But the worst thing is that once you have done something to mess the whole thing up you can't turn back. You just have to see what happen's from there. Now I know people must be thinking what am I writing about. You know something I have no idea myself. Like I said wanted to write but had nothing to write about so there you go. hahaha. Till Next Time.

1/29/03 - Wednesday

You know it's funny how a rude phone call could like mess up your whole day. If I was to call someone I like this is how I would like the call to be like if that person was busy. Or really how the phone call use to be like when I use to call before.

RING RING RING Hi this is such & such place this is *udy speaking how may I help you...

*eni - Hi

*udy - Hi How you doing Sweetie

*eni - Fine And you

*udy - I'm ok ,Really Busy Sweetie Can I call you back when I done.

*eni - Sure

*udy - Thank you sweetie , You ok.

*eni - Yea Why.

*udy - Just want to make sure your ok.

*eni - Of course , Sweetie Don't worry, Call me back when your not busy. Bye.

*udy - Ok Baby I will Bye.

Now that's how the phone call's use to go. And should Go. But This is how it went.

RING RING RING Hi this is such & such place this is *udy speaking how may I help you.

*eni - Hi

*udy - I'm really busy call you back later.

*eni - In (Shock)Ok.

*udy - Bye.

*eni - BYE.

Nice phone call right make's you want to call the person more often. Right! NNNOOOOOTTTT!!!! Anyway's

If someone stop talking to another person because of you is that good? NO. Why because They did it cause you Bitched about it. Not cause They Felt like they didn't want to talk to that person. This is the thing This Dude Yea Dude meet some chick. I came out and was sarcastic about it and said something but not for him to get all bothered about it. Then He say's he told the Bitch that he was talking to someone and didn't feel right about doing that Or disrespecting her something like that. (Be Right Back)

I'm back had to restart my Computer cause it got slow. OK where was I. Ok So I felt like it was my fault that he told the bitch that he wasn't going to talk to her anymore. Now I told him if it's cause I said something Go right ahead and call the chick back. Cause Please I don't want to be the reason that you didn't meet wifey. Cause you know how when thing's don’t go right and you stop talking to someone and once it end's some people be like. (Yo I stop talking to the other chick that could have been wifey). Hahahaha. That's funny to me by the way. So that's it..He told me it has nothing to do with what I said. It's that he didn't feel right doing that. What I can I do Now. I Told Him to call the bitch back. He doesn't want to. It sound's kind of funny me sending a guy to go talk to another bitch right. But this is the thing I prefer for him to leave her for how stupid and ugly & immature & ghetto & what ever else she can be then for him to leave her cause I said something about it. There's more to the story But I'll stop here for now. Till Next Time.

1/29/03 - Later On

I hate when I don't want to write anymore but then I get on just cause I have to write cause I don't want to talk to anyone about it. Oh yea *udy apologized about the rudeness over the phone. Ok.

Now I have this thing I don't like feeling like I'm bothering anyone. So I feel better sometime's to just never bother that person again.

If I write anything that doesn't make sense Don't try to make sense out of it cause I'm just writing what ever come's out.

I want to be kool with what ever happen's but I can't be kool when people are going around making the other person feel out of the picture. Then they ask is(Everything ok). Yea sure. Common sense if you ask is cause you know there's something wrong.

It's funny cause you feel fucked up sometime's but then again I can't wait till this moment pass's by. Don't you just hate it when someone is all sweet with you and honest and always has his cell phone never leave's it anywhere. There battery never fail's. They always pick up there cell phone. But then slowly. He start's to say I left my cell phone. The battery failed Couldn't pick up any phone call's. hahahahha. funny. But the best thing about all of that it make's you wiser, you start to see the real him. The best thing is the more he does it the less you start to give a shit.

They giving that song right Now by J-lo. I'm Still I Still Jenny from the bronx. I like to sing that song but I annoy people cause I say. Don't be fulled by the rock's that I got I'm still I Still *eni From the Bronx. HAHAHAHAHAH. One I got no rock's HAHAHA. I don't like alot of Jewelry Anyway's. I'm pretty simple. Also I'm not from the Bronx HAHAHA.

I'm actually in a better mood cause of that stupid song you believe that. Sorry about the whole Drama writing HAHAHA. Let ME end It Here. Till Next Time.

People If You Want to say something About what I write On My Diary.Just put it in the Guest-Book. I Don't Care If It's Bad, Rude, Nice, Ugly, Nasty Just Write what you want.Don't Im Me Asking me about something I wrote.If I don't Like What You WroteOn the G-Book I can Always Delete ItHAHHAHA.

1/31/03 - Friday

What's up been trying to change the look to this page and it's so freaking hard.

I'll keep trying. I'm bored with the way it look's. It's 2:35am. Let me go lay down & go to sleep. Oh Hope you like the Song. Till Next time.

2/1/03 - Saturday

Well as you can see I tried to put other stuff on the page. I thought it was to plain before. Well Hope you like what I did. And If you don't Well you know what it say's when you click (No) To the question at the bottom. HAHAHA. It's 1:10am To me it's still Friday but hey it's after 12:00 So had to put Saturday the first. Till Next Time.

2/3/03 - Monday

*~HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BELLA HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU*~

Well It was a good day.

I said a while ago I didn't want to buy new stuff for Vacation right cause I already had alot of clothes. But noooooo, I had to go buy something.

I MISS MY NIECE.

My sister is crazy she waxed her face. HAHAHA. Then She comes out and say's she's going to give her self a bikini wax. I told her She's crazy. Me myself I shave my shit all the time. But I won't go wax myself. I rather go get a bikini wax done professionally. I would never wax my own shit. But I told her go pay a few bucks and just get it done at a wax place. We just started laughing after that. We kept laughing about her face being waxed. HAHAHAHA. The reason it was so funny was cause she waxed only have her face. Which made her face look 2 toned. It did look funny. We all laughed. But when she got home she called me and told me she did what I told her and waxed the whole face. Well Let me Go Now. Till Next Time.

2/4/03 - Tuesday

What's up. Today was the same shit. I been wanting to talk to this person who's like been avoiding me. I just want to ask one tiny little question. That will be it. But it's like if we were 13/14 again. But that's kool some people are the way they are. The good thing is at least I know I always kept shit real. Never was around the bush. Always was honest.

This is going to sound nasty but do u believe I heard a dog fart today. It's funny cause you know they do the silent fart's. But I heard that shit. Nastyyyyyy.

I want to do a lot of stuff to this page I would like to put pic's and even a video. I was thinking putting pic's sometime's is dangerous right. Then I was thinking I could put a video of maybe one of my Dance show's. That way If I show the show It's a bunch of girl's and noone know's exactly who I am. But let's see If I'll be able to put something like that up. It would be a few month's from now cause group's usually do show's in the summer. But who know's I might not even put anything up. Well Till Next Time.

2/6/03 - Thursday

Well I saw "Sweet Home Alabama" Last night it was kool. Also saw "The banger Sisters" Which was good too. Now would I get any of these not sure. Which I usually get all the chick flick's. But Don't know. I know I won't get "The Banger Sister's" But not sure about "Sweet Home Alabama" Who know's I just might.

This Mail-man That I saw today was cute. But let me stop. In fact Let me tell you what happen last time I liked a mail-man.

There was this mail-man had green eye's not bad looking. Yea I thought he was cute. So one day I see him coming to my building. So me like a Mojona" Goes down stair's. I could of just kept my ass in my house but nnnnnnnooooooooooooooo. So he's down stair's doing the mail thing. Also in one of the apartment's down stair's the plumber's are fixing & they have the door open but they can't see who's coming down the stair's until I get out the stair's and go around right. So I decide I'm going to put on sandal's to go down. Paque fue eso I busted my ASS down the stair's.

I'm Cranking up right now. I forgot how funny that was.

So I'm On the stair's sitting down now cause that's how I landed. So I hear the mail-man say. Are you ok. Then I started laughing. But I was in pain. Mind you he can't see me. He could only see My feet. So I'm in pain hoping he doesn't come see who's feet those belong to.HHAHAHAHHH

So I'm sitting there thinking what should I do. He hasn't seen who just busted thier ASS he only see's feet HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. I was thinking should I run up right now Noone saw me. But I'm still in pain. Not that Much But A little. Also The plumber which were banging something once they heard the fall they stopped. So now the whole hallway is in silence. Everyone Was probably thinking who busted there ASS. So I'm still thinking What should I do. I decide to turn around and go up before anyone see's me. Right when I get up Who I see The "Mail-man" popping his head to see who busted their ASS. He's like your ok. I was like yea. started laughing again. So Now that he already saw me I'm thinking should I go up or just stay. So I stayed to get the mail. So I'm laughing I tell him you could laugh it was funny. He laugh's a little then say'sThat was not funny honey you could of hurt yourself real bad>. So I start to laugh again.

Anyways I saw him the next day and when he see's me he tell's me your ok. So I smiled and laughed again. I said I was ok. But nothing ever came out of it. I did like him but never said anything. He liked me but never said anything. Well after we stopped bumping into each other was that he told my cousin that he liked me and to tell me he want's to see me. But by that time I wasn't interested anymore he took to long. The funny thing was that once he saw my Mami and told her I haven't seen *eni in a while the last time I saw her was When she fell down the stair's. Now that's not true. That was the first time he saw me not the last. Now I was like damn he remember's my fall like if it was yesterday. yea sad but true. Well That's it for now. Do you believe in order for me to write this shit I had to restart my computer 3 time's I also Wrote everything then lost it. It was funnyer the first time I wrote it it had more detail's and funny stuff. But you have to excuse me after typing something 3/4 time's it just doesn’t come out the same anymore. I wish I had a Brand New Laptop. Till Next Time.

2/9/03 - Sunday

Well what's up. Well yesterday heard my brother telling my mami that if she want's to quit her job when he move's to another state she can and stay with him. I know the state but I don't mention where my family is at. The thing is my brother is graduating from music production stuff well some music stuff there. So right now he's going up there cause of some hook up he got up there then in a few month's his coming back to open a production place here in NYC. Which is good cause then I won't be the only one here in the city. Well don’t get me wrong I have family here But It's not like my mami and brother and niece and my brother's girl that are like the main family to me and my sister but she's staying here too. Now he tell's me to leave the city and to go up there too.

Don't get me wrong I Don't want to live and die here. I want to move up. Go place's too. I hate when people say shit like "Nah I can't live in a good place I'm use to here". Hate to here people want so much then say they don't want to move up or make change's. But anyway's so my brother say's as soon as the production company here blow's up then his probably buying a house in L.A. he said. I'm happy that everything is like going good for him I can say that much. Be right back

I'm back. So what was I saying. Oh ok so that's it but I know my mami like's her work so she might not leave anytime soon. But I'm glad that she can always just pack an go to my brother's house if she feel's like she need's a rest of work. That women has done so much for us and for other's that she deserve's that. Well when my brother blow's up she get's to live it up and just go shopping like every mother in the world deserve's ,Especially a mother that has worked hard for her children and giving so much to their kid's.

But wait my brother said I'll benefit out of it as well. HAHAHAHA. Joking. But he did say that. Well Till Next Time.

2/10/03 - Monday

Well It's look's pretty out. It's snowing a lot. Well my best friend was telling me about this place that help's you get low interest rate's and low fee's when you going to buy a house. She's thinking on buying a house. The only thing is that they help you with house's in the city only. But She's thinking about it cause she also would like a house in jersey but who know's she only went to get more information about the program that's it.

Well now my mami has a house in queen's now my mama keep's telling me to go up there now 1) I don't know queen's at all 2)I wouldn't want to be up there alone 3)It's to far away 4) I'll be the only one far away from my family. But we decided to give it to my sister since she was looking for an apartment. Now my sister was bitching too cause like I said It's all the way up in (West Bubble Fuck) But now since we told her all we want is one bedroom you can have the other one & the rest of the house. And Monday - Friday none of us would be there. Now the good thing is that on weekend's I can go up there and stay in my room with my sister cause I won't be alone. That would be really cool. And I won't be there a lot anyway's cause there's going to be weekend's that I'm not going to want to go up there anyway's. But let's see if she does move in. If not it'll stay empty I guess. Till Next Time.

2/12/03 - Wednesday

Well today was the same. Ok remember the guy I wrote about *udy That Dissed me. Well he call's me today to apologize for what he did. He also said that the reason he did what he did was cause at the same time I was stressing him out & a lot of shit was going bad for him. Now for one I don't think I stressed him out. Remember what I wrote before about coming out sarcastic about the other girl when he told me about her. Well yea I guess that ticked him off. Now He tell's me that a lot of thing's happen to him that's why he didn't want to talk to anyone at the time. But he started acting foul with me before that.

He also brought up the fact that he read my (Diary) and that why I had to go and refer to her as a bitch. Now I have referred to a lot of people on my Journal as a bitch. So I told him that was just a form of expression nothing personal. Now what I liked that he said was that he wanted to apologize and that he know's that I'm not going to be oh ok let's put thing's aside and start here. He's right I won't and the reason I won't is cause how I felt about him and how foul he did me. If I didn't care I would of been like fuck it I didn't give a shit we still can be friend's. But NO I felt different. And the reason for that was cause I cared. To be honest I did wish I didn't give a Fuck.

Now When he was telling me what happen to him the last few week's. I wanted to ask him what happened & how was he doing & if he's ok now. But you know when someone like , I'm trying to get a word cause Betrayed is not the word like when someone was so cool to the point that it couldn't get any better but, then they just did like a 360 and like shocked the shit out of you. You just don't want to show that you care. So you act like you don't. So I just didn't ask. I just said OH like a few time's

The funny thing is that If shit didn't work then fine. It didn't. But at least you could remain friend's like I thought it would. This is the thing to me what he did was like what a guy would do to any bitch in the street with no respect. Cause when you respect someone you would give them an explanation especially if they ask you for 20 minute's of your time.

And to add it all up the last message I left him was wishing him the best with his djin thing. And telling him that I hope everything goes good for him. And I still didn't even get 1/one call back. Well until today. But that's kind of late right.

But you know something

BETTER LATE THEN NEVER. I GUESS.

Also when he asked me if he can call me tomorrow to talk, it hurt me to say no cause I'm not a bad person. But I had too.

2/13/03 - Thursday

What's up today I was watching this show which pissed me the fuck off. Mind you TV Don't pis me off. Well it was that show True-Life on MTV about (Adoption) This girl was pregnant, and cause her man left her, she decided to give the baby up for (Adoption). Now if you knew you didn't want a baby then why didn't you use a fucking (Condom). Now I know that when people are inlove or in a serious relationship most of the time if you trust the person so you wont use one. But you should then take the pill or something I don't know. Or at least if you do come out pregnant then deal with it cause it was your action's that caused that anyway's. But anyway's the fact of the girl being pregnant was not what ticked me of course was the whole adoption shit. Then they gave her a place to live until she gave birth. Now she's was like oh this place is hot I like it here. I'm like hellloooo they hooking you up just cause they want your baby. After that you going back to your crib. Well I just hated the part that after she gave birth the soon to be parent's were happy and the girl was just like crying her ass off. Then they gave her 24 hour's with the baby before she had to sign the paper's. So I was hoping that she might change her mind. I thought she was going to cause she got to breast feed the baby. And after that come on that's your baby. You would feel an attachment to the baby. But she didn't. I'm she felt attached but she didn't change her mind. She still gave it up not easy cause she was crying like crazy but she did. Everyone that was watching it with me in my house was quiet while she was there with the pen just crying. I was the only one talking to the tv saying ( Don't sign it let go of the pen don't be stupid don't sign it) And it's funny cause I never get into tv like that. That was my first time getting into something and talking to the TV. HAHAHA. Now I know what happen's with guy's when they watch football and they get all into it and talk to the TV like if they were right there watching it live. But anyway's. The funny thing was that a month after she gave the baby up they said she got back with the baby's father and tried to get her baby back but because of some state law she couldn't get it back. So now she's fucked.

Me personally I would never give up my baby's. If I went the whole nine month's with sickness then labor. There's no way I will give that baby up. But everyone is different.

Ok now with all these thing's happening with terror and stuff. I'm scared. Now everyone is like nothing is going to happen. But I'm a baby I'm scared of everything. I can't even imagine what kid's are feeling cause I'm an adult and I'm scared imagine them.

2/14/03 - Friday

*~Happy*Valentines*Day~* People don't click on that..

2/15/03 - Saturday

What's up. I spoke to my sister today and found out that she decided to give her ex one more chance. I couldn't believe it cause she was so sure that was it. But I guess she love's him that much to give him so much chance's. To be honest my sister's ex well now boyfriend is not a bad man. He is a good man. I think he's good for her but I also think when you give someone a lot of chance's they take advantage sometime's. But she said this is her last one.Love Is Crazy.

2/16/03 - Sunday

Well what's up. Well do you believe that the plumbers came today and said that they had to let all the water from upstair's leak down. They said that this would be the last time anyone would have a water problem with their bathroom cause their fixing every pipe in the building & fixing everyone bathroom. Well will see. Hanoi is a Sweetheart. Just had to mention that.

Quotes 1) Hating me won't make you pretty! 2) Sometimes you have to sacrifice LOVE, just to save a FRIENDSHIP. 2) Its funny how a heart is two tear drops upside down 3) I will always luv u, but that don't mean I'll always like u 4) When it hurts to look back and you are scared to look ahead, look beside you and I will be there 5) I look at you and think to myself, why do I miss you so much when you are standing right next to me? 6) You keep bringing up the past... and I keep hoping for a future. 7) Damn your lips keep on moving but all I hear is Blah, Blah, Blah 8) Life is a game - play it - enjoy it - win it 9) YoU cOnFuSe Me 10) It's hard to answer the question -What's wrong?- when nothings rite 11) You know you like me.

2/17/03 - Monday

What's up. The Snow storm today looked pretty. Spoke to my niece today. Which I speak to her every week. I noticed I never mentioned that I do get to speak to her every week. Every time we're on the phone She say's HI TITI & I call her MINNIE MOUSE. She laugh's when I call her that. Also if they try to take the phone away from her when I'm talking to her she get's upset and start's crying. Miss her. Well Till Next Time.

2/18/03 - Tuesday

Well I'm not going to be a Child Provider for long. I give myself until the end of May to beginning of June. Well since I want to go to school I was thinking what type of job I can do to get money and still be able to go to school Monday - Friday. Now what kind of job's can you only work on weekend's. My friend told me I can do waitressing or Bartending or some mc'Donald's. Now you know I'm not a mc’Donald girl. So that's out. But I don't knock people who work there cause to me a Job is a Job and that’s that. And if they didn't work there then who's going to serve you the meal's. And you know more then half of the people in this world like's mc'Ds so without them you don't have your burgers or fries or your super-size what ever your flavor is. I just know I can't do that.

NOw back to Job's That you can have on weekend's. Now someone told me that a sex operator make's good money. But guess what. I can't do that either. Now that leave's me with Waitressing & bartending. Well more bartending cause waitressing sometimes they want you for more then the weekends. The only way I get to waitress on weekend's only is if it's a place that’s always packed and they have a lot of workers and only need me for weekend's. That would be hard to find. Now bartending. That sound's better cause I might be able to just work on weekends.

Now there's bartending in regular bars or clubs or strip joints. Someone told me in a strip place you can get a lot of tip's. One problem Yea that would be good but would they want a girl that is topless. Yea they just might and once again that's not me. But if they just wanted you to get hooked up that’s different. Any girl can get pretty and serve drink's no big deal. And anyway's they won't even pay attention to bartender's when you got Naked Pretty Girl's Around. So that doesn't sound like a bad idea. Then you have club's which you know how that goes. But hey let's see I still have like 3 month's to decide. But those are the only Job's that let you work on weekend's and you might not have to work on weekday's which is good for me..Well Till Next Time.

2/20/03 - Thursday

Well I was checking out furniture. I saw the bed I want. It's a pretty queen size bed. Which I can get a full I don't need to go that big but, they do look good big. It makes me want to go ahead and move to queen's just so I can start buying stuff. Like if I'll be able to get everything I want. Not don't think so. I'll have box's for chair's. That's cool.

Today I freaked out. I was going to take a shower right and since their still fixing my bathroom the poles that hold the curtains up are not there. So I have to take a bath with no curtain's. So no problem I go tell everyone in the house I'm taking a shower don't go knocking in the door. So I go get in the shower. While I'm in there I hear like weird noise's. Then the bathtub start's to move. So I'm like what the heck is going on. Then since I know that the plumbers are starting to fix now I'm thinking maybe their fixing all the bathroom cause they know it's really bad in everyone's bathroom. So I'm there naked freaking out. So all I'm think is oh great my ass is going down to the next floor naked. And I mean through the bathroom. Yea I know I have a weird mind.. Since my mind is like running crazy all of a sudden the bathtub move's and I hear this weird big noise I jump out the bathtub naked with my heart beating so fast. You know when your heart just leave's. When your like real scared. Well that's what happened to me. I haven't felt that feeling in a long time. Well Yea Jumped out then I started to move the bathtub to see what was wrong with it. It turn's out the plumbers put little wood's in the bottom but I guess one was put wrong. But I thought that was my ass. Thank goodness there was no curtain. Cause I flew out that bathtub. But that's it.

I saw that Michael Jackson special. I really don't think he does all those thing's people blame him for. Well I been having a headache all day. But then again I don't turn off the radio. Till Next Time

2/22/03 - Saturday

Well what's up. Today I was talking to my best friend since she came over. I was talking about me going to queen's she was like go ahead. But then again I'm use to being around people and to be alone is weird to me. But anyway's. We spoke about an ex of mine. I actually came out and said I can't stand him. I told her I think he alway's liked making people feel bad so and then he can be like (Oh Mami I'm sorry, Baby forgive me.) I think He's an ass. I always said he was a nice person but you know something. Can't stand his ass. And only like 2 people know why.

Now I want to talk for a minute about guy's. Now This is a little more on the sexual side which I always try not to talk anything sexual on My Dairy Page.

Now I'm the type of person that I let guy's know that their not going far with me right off the back. I think every girl know's within 1 day of knowing a guy if this guy would have a sexual chance with her. Don't get me wrong thing's can catch you off guard. But that never happen to me. Anyway's like I was saying. So me myself I let guy's know right off the back listen there's nothing going to happen between you and I. Now I usually mention it to guy's I know Are like hoping for something to happen.

But what I always wondered was why when a guy know's you are not going to sleep with him they ask If they can (At Least Eat You Out). Now why is that. Now I'm going to say why I think they say that. To me I think that they think if they go down on me that I might get horny enough to come out and say ( I Want To Fuck You). Well The thing is when I say no It's No.

I even have told them listen I am not going to sleep with you at all and if you think that by you going down on me I'm going to feel weak to the point of saying fuck it ( Your Out Your Fucking Mind).

Now when I tell guy's that, they usually say I know were not going to do anything I just want to do it. I get surprised on how many guy's are willing to do that without anything in return. But hey what can I say.

Now about young guy's. I guess it's their sex drive but their very funny. I meet this guy was going to say boy but he's 19 and that's not a boy so. Anyway's I meet this guy it was kool. So one day we're talking and he tell's me out of the blue Can I go to your house. Now I don't take guy's to my house cause I don't live alone. Now I was like no sweetie I don't take people to my house. I live with a good few people. And I asked him why would you want to go up stairs to my house. He come's out with cause I want to (Eat You Out) Yep another eater. So I was like you serious. He was like hell yea. I was like Sweetie I don't know you first of all second of all your 19. He was like damn we're not that far apart in age. I was like no not in number's but our (Mentality) are different. But he kept saying stupid shit like let me show you how mature I can be. But the thing is when a guy say's things like that and he mean's it in a sexual way it proves right there he's immature. Cause come on how you going to show how mature you are by being sexual. Please horse's could Fuck Rabbit's could fuck does that mean their mature level is with mine Don't think so.

Now why is it that girl's now in day's find being Bi an in thing. Every girl now is like I'm bi. Now Me and my friend was talking today And it's true everybody is bi or gay now. But then I told her Maybe the reason why we see it more is cause it's more acceptable now. So people feel free to express them self. Me myself I don't have a problem at all with other people's sexuality. As long as you keep it real you stand good with me.

Now the first time a girl like was checking me out I was about 13 I think. Now when a guy is checking out a girl they usually look at you up and down then stare at you so you can notice that his checking you out. Now girl's are the same way. But since at 13 when that girl was checking me out I remember thinking ( This girl want's to fuck me up) Cause I wasn't use to a women checking me out. That was my first time. Now I remember that when I saw the girl I told my friend and her mother that I thought that the girl wanted to kick my ass or start with me. Mind you the girl was in her 20's so I'm thinking why this women is starting I haven't done nothing to her. So my friend's mother tell's me what girl so I told her and she tell's me *eni she's not starting with you she like's you. I was like (Oh No)she was like (Oh yes) and that whole day everyone was like making fun of me and cranking joke's. It's funny how guy's and girl's flirt the same. A girl check's you out exactly the same way a guy would. Sometime's their actually better then guy's. Guy's sometime's do shit the wrong way. Have to get off. Till Next Time

2/27/03 - Thursday

Well what's up. They finished Fixing the bathroom. Bought some blanket's and a comforter for my bed. Now I have to buy a full size bed instead of the queen size cause I saw this bed sheet that I liked and they only had it in full size. So I had to get it cause it was pretty. Anyway's I don't think I need a queen size for myself. And even if someone stated in my house 2 people fit. I think even 3 people fit in a full size bed not comfortable but at least it's a bed right.

The house does have a 2 bedroom which the other room is for my little cousin since I don't want to go live there alone he's going to be staying with me. Also I told him I'm not making that room to look like a boy's room it's going to look like a girl's room. HAHAHA. But let's see. Hanoi started working night's now. I asked him if he likes the nights. He said he use to work it before but he really doesn't like it. He also works all the way in Long Island. So he does hate driving up there.

Some people have asked me about (Victor). Well me and Victor still talk. I stoped talking to victor for like a month 1/2. He did call me back asking to forgive him for what he did. He also think's that I shouldn't have ended it for that reason. But then again I don't like liar's or bullshiter's. He know's that now. Even though I understand it wasn't a big thing really cause it could of been worst. But if I ask you to be honest that I'm willing to forgive if you'll just say everything right now and then. Then trust me I will forgive. But if you choose to keep it in then that's your problem cause after that there won't be any chances. One thing about me I can forgive someone for stuff depending on what it is but, one thing I won't forgive if it has to do with another female. Sorry but that I won't forgive. So I was going to forgive him it's not like I wasn't but only if he was honest right there when I asked him to. And I knew he always had something cause he always looked like he wanted say something but he didn't dare cause of the way I am with the whole thing of people lying. He know's how much I hate that. So I do know why he kept it in longer. I also do know it's hard when someone tell's you I'll forgive you if you just come out and say it. Cause you usually think nah she's going to flip and not forgive me. Cause a lot of girl's do say I won't get mad and don't keep there word. But I was being real when I said I'll put it aside and he didn't believe that.

But yea we do talk. We stayed friend's after that period of not talking. But he's mad kool. We talk at least once a week or every other week. He does work a lot hour's. But He's a good man. So there you go people. Gave you a little about what happened after that. Till Next Time.

3/2/03 - Sunday

What's up, I got issue's up my ass. First let's start with my face. My face is fucked up. I got like a heat rash in my face now how the heck you get a heat rash in the winter. I've heard of people getting heat rash's before but I never got one. But I had to get it in my face for the first fucking time. Someone told me maybe I clean my face to much that's why my face is like that. I don't know, maybe their right, then I started thinking could it be something I ate. But who know's I'm just hoping it goes away very soon. You can't notice it unless you get real close so that's good.

I go on vacation in a few week's. It's funny cause I'm not even excited. I'll will be I guess when the day come's.

My sister asked me if that after a year of being in her new apartment if she could move in with me if she's not with her man anymore. Now I told her I don't know. She tell's me (At least you get to live alone for a year so do I and after that year, I come room in with you). Now I don't mind cause it knock's down have of the rent for me which is great. But you know when it's your house you get to do what the heck you like. Which with her I'll be able to do what I want anyway's. Another issue is the whole men coming over thing. I don't like guy's coming over my house unless it's a guy I bring over. Now I could have a lot of friend's and only very few ever get to come to my house and those are guy's maybe I trust a lot or consider real good people. Now my sister has guy friend's as well but I usually think their not that much of good people. Now that I think about it she hasn't taken any stupid guy's to her house but then again she was living with her man for 2 year's. Now maybe that could be the reason. (You Think) But she is like me in a way so she might not want just anybody over. Also I don't think it's fair that I could bring someone and she can't I don't do that. Even though it's my house. HAHAHAHAH Kidding. But let's see. We would have to come to an agreement cause I do hate to have guy's in the livingroom when I want to go watch TV in my house in my (Pajamas). I don't even want to write anymore. I haven't spoken to my cousin in a while last time I saw her she got with this guy. which I think was going good. I haven't called her either. (Miss My Niece). Till Next Time..

3/3/03 - Monday

What's up, My leg's are in pain. Especially the back of my leg right under my nalgas. I still can't get these (Hover) shit's to work can't stand it. I think I might have to make another page. I think this page is almost full. But they will be linked of course. Well Till Next Time.

A Joke ---> 1)Little Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!" 2)Little Billy returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied Billy. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father? "That's what I said!" 3) Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Billy says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Little Billy, that's a mouthful." Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

This Is My Favorite One

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on Little Billy. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!!" HAHAHAHA.

3/6/03 - Thursday

What's up. Everyone got their shit packed. I haven't packed anything. I don't want to do what I did last year and take to much shit. And half of it I didn't even where. My friend was telling me about this sun block that not only it's for the sun it's for you not to get mosquito bites or to keep them away. Which sound's good cause I don't want any mark's on my leg's. I already bought a sun block cause my ass don't want that color I got last year. But I'm gonna have to buy the one this girl was talking about.

I think my niece might come next weekend. Can't wait to see her.

My sister come's and ask's me if I wanted to do some shit for 10,000 dollars. Now I told her why doesn't she do it. But she was like I don't know but I'm asking you. I mean it's good money. I was thinking about it. But I hit more toward's (No) don't do it then (Yes) go do it and have fun when you get the money. But I think if I don't do it she is.

Oh yea I'm going to try not to eat after 6:00pm starting today. Alot of people say it's real bad to eat late. They told me after 6pm you could drink what ever you want just don't eat. But yea decided to try that. I'll see if I can keep that up. Cause really the latest I eat is like maybe 9 something at night. Once in a while I'll eat pass 11:00pm. Which I know it's not good. It's hard especially when your up late cause you get hungry. But let's see. But it's going to be broken on vacation cause I eat real late when we go on vacation. But who doesn't. With all the shit you doing all day you forget to eat. But when I get back I'll start again. Only if that work's for me. Cause if I'm not feeling that whole 6pm thing it's out the door. Till Next Time

Oh yea started doing my other page cause think this page might be done cause it's almost full. But they are going to be linked to each other.

3/8/03 - Saturday

What's up. The reason you can't get to the second page is cause I haven't linked them yet. So Don't try it cause it will send you right back to the same page. The reason I mention it cause people have asked why doesn't the other page work. But remember the page is already hooked up. But it just doesn't have any writing on it cause I'm not done with this one.

Now I wanted to mention about guy's that say they know they have a big dick cause every girl they been with have told them so. Now Let's get this straight A girl will never tell her man or the guy she is talking to that he has a little (Dick). And this is a known fact. When it come's to shit like that all women lie. Now even if a guy has a 4" (Dick) there's a big chance that if you try to say it's big your going to look like a bullshiter cause he know's he has a little (Dick). But a girl will still go around the question and say: Baby it's different but it feel's good. And she might even say baby it's not small it's regular.

Now another thing guy's talk so much shit about is how all the women they been with have all had a orgasmic experience with them. Now again. GIRL'S LIE. First they say that 80% of the women can only have an orgasm through oral or straight contact to the clit. Now the majority of the men don't even play with the clit during roleplay or sex. And if they do they don’t stay there long enough.

Now guy's fingering a girl and hearing her moan is not a orgasm. I have heard guy's say hell yea she came she was all in my ear moaning. (Big Fucking Deal) You want a Lollipop for that. I moan when I get up in the morning and had a good sleep.

Now almost every girl say's I lie all the time.

Now a lot of time's when a guy ask's a girl did you come of course she is going to say yes. So you can hurry up. Cause come on if someone asked me that I would know right there and then this guy think's that by penetrating I should have had one. And trust me if I was to say (No I didn't) what is he going to do the same shit (Penetrate)for like another half hour until he think's I came. Come on. For that I say no and get it over with. You think I'm going to stay there for him to do the same shit he's been doing. Give Me A Break. Now that's why when girl's hear guy's saying thing's like(Every girl I been with I gave an orgasm to)we find it funny. While They think we're like oh shit he's the man. Now What we are really thinking is there goes another guy thinking they same shit. Now let me just say this just cause a girl didn't have an (Orgasm) doesn't mean she didn't enjoy the sex. The sex is good even without one. Well depending on who it is with. Well let me go. Till Next Time.

3/10/03 - Monday

You know how people tell you all the time if you had one wish what it would be. I usually say thing's like a nice big House or a nice Car or a 4 year College tuition fully paid for. But Now when they ask me I just wish that there was no war. That everything can go back to normal. Which nothing is normal. But I really don't know why there has to be war. Can every country live their own life's how they want to. And if it just about oil. Can they just share. We grow up with our parent's telling us (Baby Share). We learned how. I just don't see the reason for war. Now maybe we just don't know exactly what's going on. But come on it can't just be about oil or dumb thing's like that. Now the whole 9/11 thing ok now that was crazy. There was no need for that. But then again I don't think we have to invade the whole country there's innocent people there. There's children there. It's not there fault. Now if you want to go get the person who did the whole thing that's different. Well that's my wish now. I can care less about a big house or nice car. But I wish it just all stop's.

Now today I spoke to my friend the doctor. He was like in shocked cause he thought that I had written in my Dairy that I let guy's eat me out. I was like are you crazy go back and read that shit. I told him I'm not the type. And what I said was: why is it when you tell a guy that nothing sexual is going to happen. They come out with (Can I Eat you out). There's nothing there about me saying I do that. So please everyone get it straight.

Well about the job for 10,000. The thing was she told me she decided to do it. But While I was writing on my Dairy she called my cell and told me: I'm pissed off I'm not doing that shit. I was like what happened But she couldn't explain cause the person was coming back to the table. Now I can't wait to find out what's going on. Well Till Next Time

3/11/03 - Tuesday

What's up. Victor called me today from work. He was sick yesterday. Poor Baby. One thing I can say is that me and Victor do click. Yea sometime's people do shit to fuck thing's up. But I can never say that me and that boy don't get along. Cause shit we are mad cool. Oh and for that one person that once send me a message saying victor sound's like a dick. I can say he fucked up. But I can never say that he's a bad person or bad man. And one thing I always make it clear here is how much of a sweet heart he is. And how good he is..But then again I did write a lot of shit about him before that maybe made people think wrong about him. Also he fucked up and yea I was upset. But don't forget that after I wrote something about him I always wrote that he was a good person and a sweet heart. Just for the record. HAHAHA.

Spoke to my sister she decided to not do the job. Unless someone come's back with a good offer then she'll think about it. Till Next Time

3/11/03 - Later On

Well My friend Sent me to this site to take some test's so I did and decide to put them up here. Well For (My Sexual Position Test) it had a very clear picture to the answer I got that I could not put up. The reason for that was I had signed up with something and I think it said I couldn't put and pornography on the site not sure but just incase I decided not to put it up. So here Are my test Score's:

1) Which Sex In The City Chick Am I?

I'm Carrie:

2) Whats My Sexual Talent:

Your Hidden Sexual Talent is Being Multi-Orgasmic

Whether you're on your back or on your knees,
You'll get off as often as you please.
While some may have few and few may have some.
You're the one who always can cum.

3) My Favorite Sex Position:

Your Sex Position is Doggie Style w/ Hair Pulling

Intense. Submissive... And just a tad bit painful. You don't mind bending over to get poked - As long as you're getting pulled and forked.

4) How Horny Am I

:

You Are Very Horny

Your sex drive catches you in a trap!

You want to be sensible and sexy, but it's hard to be both!

You are a horny chick riding on a derailed speeding train.

Chances are your body will win out over your mind, and you'll let your sexual spirit free.

Sure your sexuality has caused a bit of drama, but what's live without the drama?

You have come a long way, though, and it never hurts to travel a bit more!

3/11/03 - Later On

People Remember These's are test Quiz's. I answer them honestly and those where my answer's. I did not say this about myself. Till Next Time.

3/12/03 - Wednesday

Well I been thinking if I just should buy a new cell phone. The reason for that is that I noticed that everything I charge my cell phone that same day after a few phone call's I have to recharge it again. It wasn't like that before. Also when my sister calls since her ring is the fastest I noticed it's not that fast anymore. I have been with the same phone for 2 year's. I never bought a battery for it. I have been using the same battery since I first got that phone.

So I was thinking I been wanting to buy a new phone now should I waste $79 on a new battery or just put a little more and get the phone I want. Well Not sure what to do yet. I do have my first cell phone which I only used for a year before I got the one I have now. Which my other cell phone is a little bigger but not really. And it still look's new. So if I don't get the new phone then I'll just connect my first phone and deal with that for a while. But I need to write down all the #'s on my cell phone into the other one or just write it down in my phone book cause if my cell phone decide's to just quit I'm ass out. I only look through my phone and get the name and hit send I don't know the people's number's anymore. So I have to remind myself to do that just incase.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it before but the heat rash in my face left like 5 day's ago. I still don't know what caused that, to be honest.

Sorry if I repeat shit sometime's it's that I'm not sure if I already did or did not mention it. And I do get lazy to read back what I wrote sometime's. Also the spelling sometime's not in the mood for that either. But I type real fast and excuse me if I miss a letter or 2 sometime. I know people aren't stupid you know how to read you can guess what I was trying to type or say. Till Next Time Or Later.

3/13/03 - Thursday

What's up I decided today to just do my thing 4 day's of the week instead of 5. I need more then 2 day's of rest. I copied all my #'s from my cell. Didn't have a lot only 66 and I did deleted like 5 #'s.

Have to start packing cause I don't want to leave stuff behind or forget shit. And I hate feeling like I forgot something. I promised my self to relax a little on this vacation cause the last one we was out from 7am till next day then sleep get back up at like 7am. I hated that shit. Well not really just hated getting up but once I was up it was kool with me. I did have fun but I was exhausted when I came back from vacation that my mami was like (Damn did you girl's sleep at all over there) Cause when I got back the first thing I did was knock out. Then later was that I got up and told everybody about my vacation. So I told this girl I don’t want to wake up like 7am again at least 10am would be good for me or at least 9am if anything. I don't care about breaking night. It's just the morning I hate. But anyway's tomorrow I'll start seeing what I'm going to take.

Oh another problem my cell has is that it keep's starting the charge over again. It's like it stop's charging for a while then start's again. Like right now I have heard it restart twice and I only been here like 5 minute's doing my dairy. Hanoi Did his braid's can't wait to see if he look's cute in it. Which most guy's do. But then again some guy's don't. Till Next Time..

3/15/03 - Saturday

Well I was going to buy a new Cell Phone but then decide not to cause they said in order to get what I wanted I had to get a new # and I don't want to change my #. They tried offering me other phone's but didn't like any other one. I think I this page is full. I'm not even sure if what I am writing now is going to be saved. In fact let me just stop here. Cause imagine I write a lot then nothing can get saved. That will be sad. Till Next Time...

3/15/03 - Later On

Well as you can see it saved it. Started packing. I'm trying to remember shit little by little. One thing I never forget is my (Vacation Dairy) Always take that with me. I have my regular Dairy and the vacation one.

Now talking about Diary. When I came back last year from vacation I forgot to hide my dairy. I'm not saying that anyone read it I know my mother wouldn't do that. But my brother can be nosey at time's also his girlfriend was here to. Now when I came back I noticed a few thing's about my room that were different. Also when I opened my drawer I felt like it was different. Now it was in the same place I left it in but it just didn't feel like it was (My) last move. Maybe it's just me. But I know shit was different. In fact I'm going to bring that up to my brother when he get's back tomorrow. I'm going to fuck with him and act like if I know him and his girl read it. I tell you this much if he did I'm going to be so upset it's not even funny. Now it's different if he did it on his own and only my brother read my business. But then to find out that he's girl read it to will be fucked up. Cause for one she's a female and she should know how private that is. Also trust me I'm very good at picking up if someone was moving my shit that's why I know shit was moved. I'm just hoping that if they did do something, it was just move my shit around to see what I have and not to go all out and read my shit. But I think if they were to do that once they got to the real private shit I think my brother would be like (Naw let me stop this is foul) and just put it away. Well that's what I'm hoping.

Now don't forget I didn't say he read my shit. What I said was that I know my shit was moved and that my dairy was right there on top and I hope he just moved shit around but didn't open the book. I repeat I did not say my brother read my stuff.

I repeat:

I did not say my brother did it.

I did not say my brother did it.

I did not say my brother did it.

To Be Honest I Just Think They Were Being Noisy And Just Moved My Shit Around.

3/16/03 - Sunday

Well What's up. My sister got her Apartment so that's good. Now She's say's next year in April if she's not with her man she'll move in with me so we can room. But then again after you leaving alone you might not want to room with anyone. The only thing is if I need help with rent and so does she then if god permit's we can do this. But then again we can't think about next year cause with so much shit happening we just have to go day by day. Someone was asking me what type of guy's I like. So here's a little, of what's my type

Thing's I Love In a ManLoyalty, Honesty, A Hard Worker ..1 Faithful To MeSweet, Romantic, Loving,CaringVery Sexual, Kind,Good Hearted.Marriage Minded,Funny,& seriousPlayful,RomanticSome1 who makes me laugh,Smile all the timeSomeone w/no Drama Someone w/Family Moral's.& At Least 155/160Lbs & Over*~*~NOt Skinny*~*~..Main thing to rememberIs To alway's treatMe like you DidWhen we first meet& Not to forget theGirl You fell InloveWith is the sameGirl You couldn'tWait to see whenWe First startedNever Forget that.Cause most of*~*~*~U*~*~Do*~*~*~*~Muah~*~*

3/17/03 - Monday

What's up. Well I bet you all know that the War started today. Bush said that Saddam and his people's have 48 hour's to leave the country. Now you wonder if he will actually leave his country. Which I don't think he is willing to do that. Then again if I recall he said that if worst come's to worst he will go down with a bang. Now that's scary to think what he has in mind to do. Bush also stated that every Journalist and American over there should leave right now from there. He said a lot of other stuff today. Which alot of people were watching.

Saw a video of my niece today. She know's so much. She say's (Yellow, Red, Blue, Green, Nose, Eye's, Chin, Mouth,). She's a smart girl. And I'm not saying this only cause she's my niece. For example when she was 5 month's old. she knew when her movie which was (Goofy) at the time was going to start. At 5 month's you believe that I think that's a lot. I've seen 5 month old's and never saw that before. what else, Oh when she was like 6 1/2 month's or 7 she knew how to play music in her toy. Also this toy had a lot of button's and color's. But she knew which one played her favorite. One thing that I say that was like be on was that she knew that every time I had her never to vomit. Every time I passed her to someone then she'll do it. Now that's a very, very smart girl.

Well Wait now that I think about it she did vomit on me. But that was like the most twice. And still she never did it when I had her on my shoulder she did it when I had her sitting on my lap so it will be easier for me to push her front and let it land on the floor. She's a good girl. She know's alot more. Miss Her. Till Next Time

3/18/03 - Monday 4:30pm

Well they just said in a special report that they have put more police's around downtown. They Also put a lot of check point's especially in the bridge's. They also said our city is on code orange which is very bad cause were only a code aways from red. Now I heard that Saddam called Bush and told him he has 12 hour's to resign. Now trust me shit could only get worst. It's scary. This really suck's. Well Till Next Time

3/19/03 - Wednesday 5:00pm

What's up everyone. Well they said earlier that they found a weird box near the Manhattan Bridge. So they closed everything around there. But Thank*God nothing has happened. Don't you just hate when you speak to people that just worry you more then you already are. Hate that. I'm the type of person that when I'm afraid of something or scared I need that strong person to be there and tell me *eni Everything is going to be ok. Don't even worry. Cause I do freak out sometime's or think to much. But there's people right now that don't even know what's going on. They just hear shit from other people and they just don't put their mind into it. I wish I was like that. But I Just break my head to much and worry myself more then what I need to sometime's. But I do hate those people that know you scared and they come out with stuff like, (That's it watch something big is going to happen.) I just hate it. I wouldn't do that at all to anyone. Maybe cause I know how it is to be afraid and need someone to tell me everything is going to be fine.

My sister's boyfriend call's me today tell's me my sister is freaking out for me to give her a call. So I call her I'm like what's up. She's like nothing chillin. I told her Armando told me to call you that you wasn't feeling well. She tell's me that my dumb aunt was the one that was scaring her. So she wasn't in the mood to go to work today. I spoke to her and told her what I had heard. Also told her that their doing there best to watch the city. I did tell her that if she could avoid taking the train to do so. Which is hard cause that's the fastest way and it take's 2 hour's to get to work. But she felt better after we spoke. Which that's good. She might come spend the night here today.

Also people don't forget to not speak about these thing's in front of kid's. It's not good. Especially if you guy's are saying negative thing's about what could happen. Kid's pay to much attention and know to much.

So Let me try not to talk about these stuff anymore for now. My brother is going to buy me a MP3 he said. I did him a favor that's why I'm getting that. HAHAHAHa. I have to call my sister at work now. Make sure she's ok. Also Make sure no Asshole scared her again. Let's put it this way if I'm going to be afraid so be it but not on someone else's enjoyment. Cause some people love to do that sometime's to other people. And that's not nice. Like Hanoi, He's one. Just kidding. But you did say some thing's that maybe you should of kept to your self. He say's he did it on purpose.

But still That's But I know you didn't mean it in a bad way. Till Next Time. Muah

Oh yea had to change my song cause it didn't want to work but once it does I'll put it back. Cause I do really like that song. But I do really like this one as well. Maybe just as much as the other one. :)

3/21/03 - Friday

Today is the first day of spring. My sister came that night. Wednesday night. We watch a movie, Talked. It was cool. My friend called me and was like (what do you think about the whole situation. I was like what you mean. She tell's me well about whats going on and the trip and all. I told her (Oh why you feel we shouldn't go)She's say's no not that but what do you think about it. I told her I really don't care if we don't go. Even if all the money go to waste I'm fine with it. If we can't go we can't. But a week before we go we're going to decide. Alot of people that are going to spring break this week are still going noone canceled their plain's.

My brother has a promotion party to go to today. He's excited about it. Alot of producer's are going to be there. He's going to meet alot of people today. His professor told him he has talent and that he's the best in his class. I hope he make's it so that when he does we can go to those promotional party's. HAHAHAHA.

Well let me go. Till Next Time. Muah :)

3/23/03 - Sundayday

What's up. Spoke to my friend yesturday cause I heard on the new that Cruise's & Airfare's are letting people push back their date's for a later one if their afraid to travel. But she said let's wait till the week before and we decide. Now I hate writing about these's thing's knowing that there are more important thing's going on right now. Also this is my Dairy and I have to write what I think, how I feel, And what goes on. So please don't judge me.

Well I made a (Quiz Test) to see how people think of me. So please if your going to take it make sure your honest.

3/23/03 - Sunday Later On

Well My mami hate's how I give advise to my brother. She say's I don't help cause I think just like him. The thing is that when my brother think's something is up he usually come's to me cause I'm honest. So it just so happen's that I think exactly how he thinks. Now I would never give him advice to fuck him over. Never that. I'll just say how it is.

Now I hate the fact that it seem's that my mother wants me to give feedback but only the one's that are good. It's like when I'm going to be honest she's like (Don't say that) That's what he want's to hear. I'm not saying it cause I think that's what he want's to hear. I say what I want. And what I think. So I hate it when my mami tell's me that I'm wrong that I shouldn't feed into him. I'm not going to lie to him. But one thing everyone know's is that I'm always honest. And when I don't want to be you know what I do (I Stay Quiet) simple as that. But I'm not going to bullshit anyone especially not my brother. Now I gave my advice. And I admit sometime's my advice are not the best one's. But if my brother give's me a situation and tell's me what I think about it I'm going to be honest. My mami on the other hand want's me to be like well (Maybe it's not like that) Cause the grass could turn yellow you know. Just my way of putting it. Never mind me. HAHAHAHA.

Anyway's I know my mami try's to always keep us thinking positive. And that's great and all. But I Don't like to be told that I feed into thing's. Cause I don't. OOOHHHH But then again If I'm honest and giving (SugarSweet) advice then I'm good.

So I saw a picture of my cousin today he look's so different. He doesn't even look the same. When I was like 14 15 he use to stay with us alot on the weekend's.

In fact my mami use him to teach me a lesson one day. And since then I been straight.

Let me tell you. One day on a Saturday me and my girl's were going to a party mind you we use to go to a party every weekend. Now it's a Saturday and I'm getting ready all the girl's are getting ready. My mami is there watching us. My little cousin was staying that night. So fine right when I was living the house all the girl's say bye to my mami and gave kisses to my little cousin which was 2yrs old at the time. I go give my little cousin a kiss then when I go to my mami to give her a kiss she tell's me Who said you was going I was like mmmmmmaaaaaaaa. All the girl's were like oh shit. Everyone is quiet and looking at each other.

So I stand there wondering what I did. My girl's are thinking what the heck this girl did. So I'm about to cry cause come on I'm at that age of just wanting to go to party's and I go every weekend so what now. The deal was as lone as I went to the party gave my mami the address and phone # and took and cab over and back I'm good. SO I'm like ma what I did. She come's out with (I know you don't think I'm staying with (Nene)His Nickname) when you was the one that wanted to bring him). I was like ma you bring him on the weekend's and you never stop me from going out. She was like not this time. Then I tell the girl's in like tear's you girl's could go to the party without me. Mind you there was like 5 of them there. And they loved to party just as much as I did. So they were like Naawww were not going without you If you don't go we're not going.

That was cool of them but I think they were just hoping my mami come out and say ok go. So my mom come's out and say's (Ok you could go if you put (Nene) to sleep. I was like thank goodness. Turn's out my little cousin has Duracell Energy Which Never Goes Low.

So I try giving him milk. He drank then got up. So I picked him up laid him on the bed and told him you have to (mimi). He start's crying then my mom scream's at me from far and tell's me you better not force him to sleep. So I figured it was late that's it the girl's are sitting in my sofa waiting. So I was like listen. Just go with out me. I'm not going to mess up everyone's night. So all the girl's get up and was like sorry *eni I was like (It's Ok) with teary eye's. So to try to be happy and not show that I was like mad. I was like Listen watch this guy for me (said it with a smile). Which is a guy I was with at the time. They were like of course will tell you everything Don't worry. So right when the girl's are leaving my mother come's out and say's hold on girl's.

Then she say's *eni how you feel. So I smile cause (I'm guessing I think she's going to let me go) I was like messed up. She then tell's me you don't like to be left behind right. I was like no. Then she asked the girl's what you girl's think. They were like I feel bad for *eni. And that if they couldn't go they would be crying too. So my mami come's out and tell's me, You don't like the fact that you can't go cause you have to watch the baby right. I was like yea. Then she tell's me do you know that If you was to have kid's at this age, Your life would be over!! Because for the rest of your life you would not be able to have fun like a young girl should cause you would have to take care of a child. Then she look's at my friend's and tell's them the same thing. They were all like heck no I'm not having kid's. And right after that my mom give's me a kiss and tell's me (Go get out of here have fun)But be careful And all of you girl's look out for each other.

When I left my house I was like there is no way in hell I'm having a kid at a this age. I told the girl's I thought I was going to die I just kept my self together not to break down in front of them. Everybody started laughing. My girl's were like your mom is right if we were to have a kid at this age we can't party no more or do anything.

My thing is that the lesson worked and not only for me but for my girl's as well. We are all in our 20's and not one of us have had a child yet. I'm not saying that just cause of that lesson that’s why we haven't had kid's. But it is part of the reason. Cause even after we got older we still remind each other about that day. And we just laugh.

That's when I learned I don't like to be stopped from doing what I want. And if I have a child it will stop me from a lot of shit. But I'm good now. Till Next Time.

3/26/03 - Wednesday

Well Today has been pretty good. My girl called me like half an hour ago telling me that this black girl was urking the shit out of her. Cause she (almost) stepped on the girls sneaker but didn't. But the bitch wouldn't stop talking shit. Especially since she was with a few other people. And you know how some people get when they have other people with them. But she wasn't saying shit to my girl. She just kept saying to her friend's (I'm going to let that go.) Then she said I need to take a walk cause I need to relax.) My girl was like you believe this shit. This bitch is about 18 or 19 and she's acting like she's 14/15. Then she was telling me that she started picking on this lady that was in the train.

What's funny is that I never acted like that when I was that age if anything I acted older. Yea I know that once in a while I was a pain at that age but not like that. Especially cause someone tipped my sneaker please I wouldn't want to kill them now. That's ridiculous. I hate seeing young girl's trying to act bad or basically like a guy. That urk's the shit out of me. I like to see young girl's acting like lady's not like dude's. HAHaHA.

Well I Just found out something yesterday that made me feel discomposed. And to be honest it's all my fault. I didn't do anything about it so it's my lost. Fucked up but true. Now this person said I still could have it and the door's are still opened for me but I would feel like a two face if I went for it now. Sad but true. But again I repeat It's my lost. Someone took my place. Which they told me that person can not take my place. What can I say (Torious).

My sister move's in next week. This guy is moving in a week after that. So that’s good.

My best friend told me she saw my aunt (J) I haven't seen her in year's.

Now I wanted to know. You know how some guy's don't like girl's with kid's Right!. Why I don't know. But let's say I was raising a little girl that was not mine. Let's say I chose to take care of her cause her mom was no good on drug's let's say. Her dad doesn't want to know about her. But I took it into my hand's and decided to raise her. Would it actually make it hard for me to find a man even if that's not my real child. I was thinking could it be that guy's don't want girl's with kid's cause it bring's problem's with ex's. Maybe cause her first child won't be he's. But how about there is no ex. And her first will be he's first. What then? But let's say the girl that want's to raise this little girl on her own is going to make the little girl her first priority. Would that be a problem. Now you think would you want someone that doesn't want a little baby to be your priority. A little girl that has noone.

It's like when I meet a guy and he has a little girl/boy and he tell's me (Well my baby is my life) I not once think that I want to be his first priority when I know he has a child. I wouldn't even think that.

Now one thing I hate is when you talking to a guy that has a kid and let's say a discussion start's. And you mention anything that has to do with pending more time with him or you not liking the fact that he stay's at his ex's house for to long. Why is it that dumb ass guy' come out with shit like I told you my child come's first Or shit like you never going to be first in my life cause I have a kid and you know that. Where the fuck did he get the idea that it had to do with the child when not once you mentioned the child to him. Now guy's could say some fucked up shit sometimes. But what I tell guy's when shit like that happen's to is that I never expect to be in front or before a child ever. And to be honest if I did then what type of women would that make me. And I don't think any decent women would want to be first. But then again some guy's say that girl's get jealous over kid's. Now I think that's crazy.

Well anyway's I didn't even make my point cause just kept writing shit. But that would be fucked up if because you chose to be a mother to a little girl that you won't be able to fine someone cause some guy's don't like that. Now I do hate to hear guy's tell me shit like of thank god you have no kid's. When mind you they have like 4.

Then when they tell me shit like ( I didn't date this girl cause she had a kid & I don't like girl's with kid's) That just make's me come out and say well you know something I don't like guy's with kid's myself. Thennnnnn is that they come out with but you shouldn't judge me cause I am a good person. Then I tell them well you judge a girl cause she had one. Same thing. Then It's is that they tell me you know something you right. I didn't like how you just judge me I shouldn't do that either. Well I think I wrote alot of (kaki) so let me just get off. Till Next Time.

3/29/03 - Saturday

What's up. The girl's are coming over today. My sister told me she bumped into this girl Lucy that we know. My sister said she didn't look at her and that she felt like this bitch was staring at her. But they didn't say anything to each other. My sister has to wait to move in cause the super is telling her they need more day's to remodel the kitchen. So she's not happy about that.

The worst situation for me now is not only I was afraid to go on vacation now I'm not sitting next to any one of my people's. They send us a letter saying that the flight got moved to a different time. Not only a different one but a later time. That's no problem. The thing is since we got changed to a different flight now we have new seat's. Now guess who has to sit alone.

That's right me.

Well I'm not the only one. This guy has to sit alone too. But still It would be me. Only good thing is that I got the window sit..And the reason that's good is cause we was plaining to sleep on our way there since we are breaking night. Now if I would of gotten the outside sit that would be foul cause then I wouldn't be able to lean on anything to sleep. So I do have to think of the positive part of it.

Miss my niece I wanted to talk to her yesterday but she was playing with some (BITCH) that's staying in that house. That's right I said bitch. Can't wait till they move closer. That state is to far.

I did a fast. Some people told me that when they fast they don't eat meat. This other person said they drink anything but they don't eat. I did the one that you only drink water. Which that's what my mami told me. I told her about what I heard from other people. But she told me to do it they way she said. So I did. It's hard but I did it. It's not my first time. I done it before for 3 day's sometime's 1. It's good. I Couldn't curse. Which that's not a problem. But's it's funny how I can stop myself from cursing for that but when someone tell's me to stop I say I can't.

I remember once I told myself that's it I'm not cursing anymore. Do you believe I didn't curse for like a good 1year 1/2 maybe even 2. I have to try not to curse. Sometime's it come's out when you don't want it to.

Like last time my best friend brought one of her student's from work. The little girl is 5. When I fight with my cousin's it's like every sentence a curse or two come's out. Me instead of saying listen you messed up. I would come out with that's it you fucked up. I did do a good job at not cursing I think I only said like 3 curse's in like a 20 minute fight when the little girl was there. That's good. In my case at least. But I do try not to curse around kid's. But the little girl did even noticed I cursed. But I do need to cut it. Now don't get me wrong. I don't curse for no reason like in regular conversation's now. I never curse in a conversation, or for no reason at all. It's when I'm upset. But I don't think it's right either to curse when I'm arguing with someone. There's people that can argue without a curse and I like that. I have had argument's with (torious) and not once a curse came out of torious's mouth. And I always have to apologize cause I don't feel right after I curse. But I have learned Not to curse with Torious. And I need to learn not to curse at all with anyone.

The funny thing is that everyone curse's. Cause almost everyone when they find something funny they say. (That shit was fucking funny) In stead of saying (That Thing was real funny) Mind you it's the same amount of word's for both. So Please don't judge me cause alot of people talk exactly like that. Till Next Time.

3/31/03 - Monday

What's up. I'm trying to get rid of my bill's so when I come back at the end of the month I don't have to deal with bill's or send out payment's. I just send out 3 today. I sent out my application to take my test in August so I can start school soon. They told me if my score's don't go through on time then I have to wait till Jan or Feb to start school. Believe that. I have like 2 more bill's to send out before I go. So when I come back I can just relax and sleep and chill.

It's funny cause people take vacation to relax right. But no It's like when we go is to get exhausted. Don't like that. My friend already started tell me like 2 day's ago we're going everywhere. I was like (Oh No). She just started laughing I have no problem exploring but let me sleep at least a good 6/7 hour's. Shit (I forgot she's Columbus).

My brother was talking to us today telling us he has to start thing's faster now. Remember when he moved his girl and my beautiful niece away cause they were moving to another state to get a house up there. Well it turn's out he think's it's to far. So he decided maybe it's better to get the house in Jersey or upstate NY so he can drive to the city to work with the production company.

I told him that before he moved the baby up there. I even repeated it a bunch of time's why move them up there if your business is going to be here. He was like (That's fine cause he can drive back and fourth. I told him that's to many hour's. But then again he thought that I was just trying to keep my niece near me. Which I was.

But I'm just happy that they coming back. Cause now I might be able to see her more. Even if they live far but at least it's closer then before.

4/1/03 - Tuesday

What's up. Was just talking to my girl. To much shit going down right now. Don't know what's going to happen. Well my brother got another tat today with my niece's name. It look's nice. When he was telling me about it I thought it wasn't a good idea but, after I saw it it look's good. The good thing about my brother's tattoo's is that their not out there. I mean he has the one all around the arm which is nice. And people don't even know sometime's that he has one. Sometime's I forget he has it until he raise's his arm. And now this one which is nice but this one is where everyone can see it.

What I find funny is what my cousin told me which I find it to be true. You know those big guy's with big ass nice body's and all thugged out. Well my cousin told me why is it that a lot of those guy's have like dumb tattoo's like of a animal like lion's or pather's when their trying to look all big and bad. Now the dumb part is when you ask a big dude or thugged out dude that why they have a pather on their chest they come out with ( Cause I like pather's). My cousin tell's me that saying that make's them look like pussy's. Regardless of how big they are. And it's true. What's up with the tat of a animal. That is kind of tacky. No offence to those with animal's on there body's. By the way some do look hot. I guess it depend's on the person. Till Next Time.

4/3/03 - Thursday

What's up. Next week I won't be writing until the 30/31. My girl keep's calling and asking me how am I feeling almost everyday. She keep's bugging me with that since I was uncomfortable about going on vacation. I'm good Now. Her man was like I think you going to have to give *eni something. I started laughing when she told me that. But I am going to sleep on the plane so it's kool.

Do you believe that I heard that on the week's that I'm gone my niece might be coming over. So unfair. I saw a video of her. My brother got a book with like pictures of fruit's and food's. Then he started asking her (Mama what's that) She was like juice. she knew that right before she turned 1. Then she saw (Banana) which she call's it (NaNa). Then she said apple, & pineapple, & cheese. And a whole mess more. She saw watermelon but she call's it (Na-No-Me-In). I don't know but to me she's a

Can't wait to see her.

Excuse the little thingy with back/next button just trying to learn how to put pic's of my vacation. But sorry there will be no pic's of me. I do think it's dangerous to have my pic with my Diary at the same time. Also other people have told me the same. So sorry about that. Till Next Time.

4/5/03 - Saturday 12:30am

What's up. Today was not good. I woke up with swollen eye's. Then after that my forehead got swollen. Now how the heck I got that don't know. It went down a lot but my forehead still look's like it's a little swollen. Now don't think it's like popping up cause it's not like that now.

They called me today from the Airline's asking if we were willing to take a later flight. Again. Remember We are already in a later flight then the one's we booked. She asked if we wanted $200 val's for it. But with the time will get there it's not worst it. So we didn't except it. Now what I want to know is, how is it that they book to much people for a flight. I mean come on don't you know when the seat's are already filled. That must mean that more then one person booked the same seat's I guess. Well I don't really know just guessing. Till Next Time.

4/7/03 - Monday

What's up. My sister move's into her apartment today with her man. I forgot that my cousin's birthday is coming. Also my friend's birthday land's while we all are on vacation.

I hate hearing my brother's/cousin's talk about girl's. It's so funny. They talk so much shit. Then they come to me and be like (*Eni this chick want's me but she playing hard to get what do I do). My brother sometime's he talk's so much shit it's funny.

Now let me tell you how my brother is. Well for one of course he has a girlfriend. Now my brother is the type that he's funny he make's good money, and is faithful. And when I say faithful I mean faithful. Like sometime's chick's be trying to get with him but he's not having it at all. Not even if she's mad fly looking. He still won't go there. But I must say my brother can talk a whole mess of shit. Like sometime's he come's out with shit like (This chick want's to have my baby I keep telling her no) Now that's shit that he just pop's out his head. But then again half the shit he say's is to make me and my cousin's laugh. I'm not evening going to say anymore about my brother's or cousin's cause I can go on & on with the stuff I hear. But those guy's do make me laugh. But then again I make them crack up with my shit sometime's. But I can't talk about the shit they talk about. I can only joke about those's thing's with the girl's.

Well I been trying to learn the image slide thingy as you can see. I learned how to put other one's but the one I want, I can't get it to work. But I will soon. Till Next Time.

4/7/03 - Monday Later On

It's funny how one day it look's like it's starting to get hot. Then a snow storm start's a few day's later. Still can't get this shit working. Need Help!. I was charging my cell phone today for like 3/4 hour's. It turn's out the string of the charger is messed up. I had to move it around a lot. One minute I thought I had it but when I came back to see it wasn't charging. Sad!!.

4/8/03 - Tuesday

What's up. Well I have been thinking alot the last 2 week's. I think that the reason I have not accomplished any of my goal's is cause I keep giving myself to many. I realized this after I gave someone else an advice. Now what I told them was that the reason they haven't accomplished anything was cause maybe they have too many thing's they want to do at one's. That may be possible for some people but not for all. I also told the person that they can accomplish it but they have to do it one step at a time.

After that conversation I realized I should of taken that advice myself. Now there have been a few thing's I have written here that I wanted to do. Have I done it? Don't think so. HAHAHA. Now I have decided to take one goal at a time. The first one was to send in my application for my test so I can start school. Did That! Unfortunately I have to wait till August to take the test and then have to wait to find out the scores. Hopefully I get the scores before school start's.

Now about me moving out. As you can see I was told in December It would of been done. Was it. Nop!. Then they told me by Jan/Feb. Did it happen?. Nope!. Then they send us a letter in Feb. My mami went they told her in like 3/4 month's. So that would be around May/June. Now they say it might take longer then that. Who ever is fixing up the plac,e is sure taking there sweet time, that I know. My mami still asked me if I want to stay up there. Cause I was bitching that it was so far. But I said yes. Like I said I want to accomplish thing's one goal at a time. So I'm not making anymore plan's till I take my test and find out if I get to start school right after that. Now I do need to take the bartending training if I want to do that.

Forget it!

See where I'm going.

Back to the same thing. Making more plan's. Mind you I just said I wasn't going to do that. I'm going try to do shit one at a time. At least I feel like I got the school thing out the way. So that's an accomplishment. A kiss for me. HAHAHAHa. Let me go before I make another plan. I need to stop that shit cause if not nothing is going to get done like I told that other person. Till Next Time

4/10/03 - Tuesday 1:30am

What's up..Well my friend told me that a girl that work's with her is takeing a flight same place as us but her flight is at 9:30am. She asked her if they tryed to move her flight to a different time. She said no. Lucky Her.

I still can't get that SlideShow working. If anyone know's how to mess with (SlideShow's) let me know. Sign the Guest-Book. I'll write back.

Well I'm Not going to write till the 31st. So you don't have to check Cause there will be no writing till then. Muah Till Next Time.

5/1/03 - Thursday

What's up people I'm back. Well First let me say I'm happy to be home. I'm soooooooooo Happy to be HOME!!!.

Well first let me start by saying I got to see my niece before I even went on vacation. My brother had a surprise for us. He didn't tell us she was coming to stay for a week. Well when they got here turn's out the baby was sleeping in the cab. She just woke up when they were coming up the hallway. So I come out the room and see this pretty little 1 yr old girl standing in the wall in my living room. Noone wanted to grab her cause noone wanted to scare her incase she didn't recognized anyone. So everyone was like standing there saying (Hi Mama) She was just staring at everyone. So my brother's girl pick's her up. Then I come real close to her and I tell her (Mama is me Titi) It was so funny cause she didn't want to look directly at me so she looked at me from the corner of her eye. Everyone started laughing. So they took her to my room right when she got to my room she started looking around that's when you could of tell she remembered something. Right there and then she went to my mother and my mother grabbed her. I kept looking at her. I wanted to grab her so bad but didn't want her to be scared of me. So like maybe 20 minutes after that she walked to the living room and when I saw her she came to me and I got to pick her up. Started kissing her Like crazy.

They funny thing was she has this phone that my mom bought her when she was 5 month's old and she love's that phone. When we got it she grabbed the phone fast cause she remember that phone was her's. She started playing with me. But then I asked my brother's girl (Is she playing with me like this cause she's know's is me Titi or is she friendly with everyone like that now) My brother's girl told me that the way she's playing with us is cause she know's us. Cause if she didn't she wouldn't be playing the way she is with us.

The first night my bother's girl asked me if I wanted to sleep with her. I told her let her sleep with them today so tomorrow since I'll be with her all day she won't feel uncomfortable with me. So the first night she stood in the other room. When I got up in the morning I was dying for her to wake up so I can Play with her..She sleep with me the next five day's before I went on vacation. I was a little upset that I had to leave. But's it's funny cause 2 day's before I left all she wanted to do was sleep in my bed with me. She kept hugging me while she slept. I kept trying to put her back in her bed but then her little head would pop up with a big ass smile so I can pick her up to my bed then she'll fall asleep.

It's funny cause my brothers girl took her out the day before I left to see her cousin. So when they got back it was only 9pm. So I was a little upset cause I wanted to play with her before I left that night. But my brother's girl told me I think she's out for the night. I was hoping she got up. So it turn's out that around 2am My niece get's up. So there in the room trying to put her back to sleep but she's not having it..My best friend was sitting next to me and I was telling her I hope the baby see's me from far cause then she's going to want to come out to me. So my brothers girl come's and say's she's going to the room to sleep the baby. So I knew right there I'm not going to be able to see her. So I go use the bathroom when I come out this girl is in the livingroom with the baby on her lap. I was going to go for the baby. But since I know she was trying to sleep her I didn't want her to get mad at me for waking up the baby completely.

So I played it cool. Cause my seat was next to her anyway's and I knew once the baby saw me she was going to go for me. So I go and sit down I try not to look at the baby. But right when I sat down She came to me. I was so happy. I was kissing her so much. She wanted to be with her (Titi) the whole night. I miss her It turn's out I think their coming back not this weekend the next. Let me save this now before I won't be able to.

Oh she is so smart to. She love's Dora the Explore. She know's the name's to so much cartoon's on TV. She's only 1. She's a smart girl. Let me go. Next time I'll write about the trip. Oh I haven't even looked back at what I was typing so if there's a bunch of mistakes. I Don't Care. Till Next Time

5/4/03 - Sunday

What's up. The girl's were here yesterday. They wanted to rent a movie and the 2 movie's we wanted were out. So we got Darkness Fall's. Which I think only the beginning is scary and that's it.

My sister told me my Dad is coming to New York tomorrow. I don't want to see him. Sad but true. I don't like that fact that when I got sick twice he didn't call to find out anything about me. He just asked my sister what happen to me cause he heard that I was sick. I didn't really care before until someone started telling me so many time's how bad it was that he never called. Even when they first started saying that I would come out and say well he did ask my sister about me so he does care. But then hearing it so many time's how he never called , guess it mad me see it differently. So now I don't want to talk to him. Sometime's I tell my sister to tell him something's but she never does. Can't stand that shit. I hear everything he has to say but then again he can't hear what I have to say about the shit he say's. But then again maybe is good he doesn't hear it. Cause I do say shit for him to think about or realize. But I don't think he will dare come around tomorrow and if he did (There will be noone home).

Let me go. Till Next Time.

5/5/03 - Monday

What's up Do you know that my computer is messed up. Well I have mentioned before how fucked up the computer is anyway's. Now let me just mention my brother has this thing that he like's to fuck around with other people's computer. The funny thing is that he's computer never come's out fucked up. So since I got back from vacation my computer has been acting funny. I told my mom why is it I leave and come back and the computer has mad problem's. The funny thing is you go asking around who was on it who did what. Everyone say's they didn't do anything. My mom is the only one I believe wouldn't fuck with it. If she use's it she doesn't fuck it up. But my brother is one of a kind.

So I got upset today cause the shit drove me crazy last night and today that I went and purchased a whole (New computer!) Now I told my brother today (You are not coming near that computer. He just smiled. He think's I'm lying.

I got my mom for Mother's Day a whole new 14pc pot set real nice. I like it. Also got her a pot rack. I want to hook it up for her when she goes out on Sunday. So when she come's back it's up. I have to remember to tell my cousin to come so he can hook it up for me.

I'm happy that I will be able to be on a computer that won't freeze or take long to shut down.

I haven't spoken about my trip But I will soon. I can say it had it's good and bad. The worst thing was my cousin and my best friend fighting the whole time. They gave me a headache.

My niece is coming next week. Don't know how long she is staying. Can't wait to see her. We got her a lot of clothes. The thing is every week we buy her stuff so we have to wait till we see her or my brother goes over there. So she can get it. Well till next time..

5/7/03 - Wednesday

Well I'm happy I'll be putting up my computer by Monday hopefully.

Yesterday I was grabbing my ass for whatever reason which I don't remember how or why I was doing it. But I noticed that my Ass is now grab-able. Now that's a very bad thing. Now I know some people must be like (why is that a bad thing). Well the reason it's bad is cause it mean's that my ass is not as tight as it use to be. Which to me is a bad thing very very bad thing. One thing I can say about my Ass is that at least it was tight enough that when I tryed to grab my ass it was tight that I couldn't grab it. But Now I can which I don't like. Which I admit I haven't been doing exercise for my butt in a long while now. So now that mean's that I have to start.

Some people may think it's crazy or think it's better if you could grab an ass but, I don't think so. If I can't grab it that mean's it's good.

So anyway's yesterday I think I stood like 10 minutes touching and grabbing my ass checking how it feel's and how much of it was grabable. The funny thing was that when I was done I changed the channel to VH1 and they had this special about Butt's who had the best butt's out of the celebrity's. I happen to think of course J-Lo does & also Shakira looked very nice as well. But then I noticed that the pant's Shakira had on mad her butt look really nice. So if you have a good tight ass and some nice pants that look good on you it help's. Cause you could have a good ass and put on some ugly jean's and that’s it your ass isn't going to look good anymore. It's kind of fucked up that a pair of jeans can make ur ass look ugly even if your is firm & tight.

So anyway's I think that was a hit like get with the program. I finish looking at my Ass then the show popped up it's definitely a hint. Ok let me stop talking about Butt's. Better yet let me save this before it freeze's on me. If anything I'll write later...

5/7/03 - Wednesday Later On

Well just for the record I want to say that I do not have or had:

Bun's of Steel

I just liked the way my ass felt to myself before I felt it yesterday. I just noticed the difference that's all. It was just tighter before. I'm not saying I had a tight as ~*ASS*~. I just like and want it the way it was a few month's ago. That's all. So I'm not claiming that I had a real tight ass like Bun's of steel. HAHAHAHa. And I don't want any dumb message's saying shit about me thinking or even asking about my ~*Nalgas*~. Thank You. I'm done. I think I made myself clear enough. Till Next Time....

5/9/03 - Friday

What's up yesterday was ok. I don't even want to get into it but, I have to say it's funny how guy's push good thing's away after they know they did the same fucking mistake the first time.

Well all I can say is I knew that would happen. That's why I kept myself away. Till Next Time.....

5/10/03 - Saturday Morning 2:30am

Well I forgot to mention earlier I got my computer up. It's cool I don't have to worry that it's going to freeze on me while I'm writing. Told my cousin to come tomorrow to put up my mothers thing. But since there's going to be to many people here tomorrow I was thinking maybe I'll wait till Sunday or Monday. Not sure yet!

I feel like my computer screen is to big. Which I have one this size. But since I was using the 15 inch one I got use to that one. It's killing my eye's. I have to get use to it.

I still can't believe how I got dissed twice in a roll by this one person. Mind you didn't want to communicate with this person before. But I thought I needed to just chill cause I was feeling like I was being mean even after I was the one who was Treated Unfair. So I basically gave in. Just so they can come and pull a 1stClass on me again. To be honest That was some fucked up shit. whether you understand it or not thing's like that are not suppose to be done to people that try to be there for you & try to understand you even after what you pull the first time around.

Who the fuck am I talking to. I'm writing like if I'm talking to someone. I'm getting to bored. Till Next Time. Never mind all that Bullshit.

5/11/03 - Sunday Morning 2:00am

What's up. I Put the baby to sleep around 11:30. I told my brother's girl I was going to let her stay up with me if she wanted to. I didn't want to make her sleep if she wanted to stay up with me. But of course if it's to late then I'll try to put her to bed. But the longest she stay's is 12:00 - 12:30am when she come's here and that's only like the first 2 day's and it's cause she's excited since she hasn't seen us in a while. Her normal sleep time is between 8:00 - 9:30pm.

My brother went out this morning to buy my mom flowers & a gift. He also got his girl flower's and her mom flower's. He got his girl this real pretty necklace. Anyway's the sweet thing was that he came back with all these gift's and flower's. And I was like (WoW). Cause all the flower's were beautiful. But All of a sudden he come's with this one rose and he tell's me

Here *Eni This Is For You. Even Though Your Not A Mother I Got You A Rose.

I was like (For Real) he was like yea. Me With a big smile was like (WoW Thank's). I Noticed there was like 3 big flower's and that one rose. But not once did I think it was going to be for me. It is mother's day. And I'm not a Mami so I wouldn't even think of getting anything on that day. But I think that was so ~*SWEET*~.

Well my niece is here. I'm loving it. My mom say's she's always want's to come to me and be with me. Well I think it's cause I'm always playing with her. I change her I bath her. I been doing that since she was born. But I'm happy she's like that with me. Like a little while ago I was slow dancing with her and she was smiling & started to get sleepy. I had to go get something I tried to give her to my mom she wasn't having it. Then all of a sudden she wasn't sleepy anymore. It's funny how one minute you think there going to knock out then a second later their up like if they were never tired. But yea I had to sleep her cause she didn't want anyone to sleep her. Well Till Next Time..

5/11/03 - Sunday

~*Happy*Mother's*Day*~

5/12/03 - Monday

~*VACATION*~

Well let me just say I'm not going to say everything that happen just the basic's.

Well everyone was at my house before we left. We leave my house around 4:50am. We get to the airport. My girl was hoping I didn't freak out and be like listen I'm going home. But I was ok with the flying like 3 day's before. But I also didn't say I was completely ok with it. Anyway's. We get there we get online we get checked. Right when everyone pass's the medal detectors everyone goes through fine. It's my turn.

Guess what happen's I made it beep. It would be me out of everyone. So the lady put's me to the side. The scream's (We need a Lady) in line 5. So I'm there waiting for who ever. Everyone is on the side waiting for me. So the lady come's She tell's me (Hi sweet can you stand up) I get up she pass's this thing around my body. So she stop's and she look's at me and tell's me:

Sweetie

Where's your Mommy

I look at her like are you serious. Then I was like uh. She's say's where's your Mommy. Then she look's at my girl like if she was my mother. When she did that I started laughing cause my girl had this face like no you not saying I am her mother type of face.

The lady was like how old are you. Then she look's at me like 2 more time's and say's wow you look like a baby.

Now to be honest I don't look that young to the point that I can't travel alone and have to be with mommy. Maybe it was to early for her and she was sleepy. Just kidding. I did say thank you cause after all that is a compliment.

So we get to Puerto Rico. Nice place beautiful water. we Get to the hotel. We have to wait for like 3 hour's. So we just walk a little here and there. Beautiful hotel but we will never go there again.

I just noticed this is going to be a long story so I'll try to make it simple.

Hotel suck's cause after 9:00pm you can't get in the pool. SO we would chill by the pool looking at water we can't get into. Everyone at the hotel would chill by the pool. There is these 2 security guy's that are so up your ass you can't take a shit. You can't even cough cause their there. I was thinking it would be nice like when they walk toward's the pool to watch people that everyone that is there just moon their ass's. But anyway's I dared my cousin's to jump in fully cloth and jump back out and run back to the room. They did. I think that was funny. They came to our room once told us if we could quiet down cause there were pilot's next door.

I was like great not only we can't use the pool after 9 we can't laugh cause if not it'll be our fault if the plane crash's tomorrow cause we didn't let the pilot sleep. When I said that everyone started laughing. So we had to quiet down again.

And just for the record I think with the prize that we paid we should of had (Bellboy service) A.k.a (Complimentary orgasmic pleasure) from the bellboy's themself. Just joking but for the prize you should be able to do what you feel there. Not just anything. But as long as you don’t disturb anyone right.

Oh I must say the bellboy's were cute. A lot of them were. Don't want to talk anymore about the hotel. But it wasn't bad it was ok. Had fun anyway's that's all that count's right.

The Cruise

It was kool. Don't want to talk anymore about that...After the first day I wanted to go home. And thinking we was going to be there for long I had to make the best of it. Oh and my best friend with my cousin's fighting all the time. she was cranky alot. She threaten to fight and hit who ever was in the way. I thought she was crazy for a minute there. I was thinking of shit I need to get to New York Right now. Let me go cause I'm talking to someone right now And I think I'm misspelling like crazy. Which like always I don't care. Till Next Time

5/13/03 - Tuesday

Sorry I wasn't in the mood to write much about that vacation. I noticed there would be to much writing if I got into that. I just wasn't up for it yesterday.

Oh I forgot to mention one thing I loved about the vaca was my tan. I do admit I got a pretty tan. I got a lot of compliment's about this tan. I think everyone liked it cause my light brown hair made my tan look pretty. I think both color's complimented each other. I must say Puerto Rico gave me my best tan. Last years in Bahamas was good but pr was better. But I must say I stood in the sun for only 25-30 minute's without any sun block. That's how I got this color. Now that was the only time I had no sun block but that sun burned me like crazy that's why I couldn't stay in the sun that long. I told everyone I couldn't take it. I felt like the sun was to close. Never felt sun like that before. Thank goodness I only stood for 25 minute's cause if not I probably wouldn't have a nice tan. I probably would of burned to much and have an ugly ass tan. So like I was saying that's was the only time without sun block. Every other time didn't go without my sun block. And I still got a nice tan. Wouldn't want to be any darker/tanner what ever you want to call it.

Oh a friend of mine apologized for doing me wrong. I excepted it. But I still don't get why it was done. I probably won't ever understand it. By the way that friend is a male friend. Anyway's Till Next Time.

5/19/03 - Monday - 1:04am

What's up. I have nothing or anything interesting to say. Oh yea I was talking to a friend and he was telling about some chick he got turned off by cause she was like a air head. He was telling me that when he would talk to her or try to have a conversation with her he couldn't. He said that all she would talk about was (Rap or Jay-z,Nelly) Or she talk about how she liked how he performed. His in a Spanish band a.k.a (Una Banda). He asked her one time what she thought about the war. She said what war. I guess he explained to her what he was talking about and she said - She didn't care cause it doesn't effect her.

By what he told me about her she sounded like one of those dumb as chicken head's. A lot of guy's say they don't like dumb bitch's or chicken head's or ghetto chick's but, I noticed that sometime's when a girl is not a chicken head and she's smart know's what she want's guy's feel intimidated. I take that back not all guy's. I think it's the dumb ass guy's that feel intimidated. I think they rather have a dumb chick to go along with their dumb ass's. HAHAHAHA. But anyway's.

Now my cousin was telling me he hate's chick's that try to match their sneaker's with their shirt's and their nail's etc.... He say's that's too ghetto for him. He say's everyone has a little ghetto in them but for you to go out your way to look it is ridiculous. It is kind of true. Now I was telling him some time's it look's cute that's why girl's do it. He said once in a while is cool but for a girl to have to match her sneaker's everyday with her shirt is type dumb. That is true as well. But you know something there's guy's out there that like that shit. HAHAHA

He asked me would I buy red or green tim's I said no. Cause that's just not my style. But I don't think it's ugly. I think it look's good on guy's and some girl's depending how they look. Now I asked him how about light blue Tim's cause I have light blue Tim's. So I told him what he thought about light blue Tim's light blue wife beater with blue jean's. He said that's fine. He said any color is fine. He just find's it stupid when a girl need's the same color hat and nail's etc... to go with it. I could kind of understand him. But I think it look's cute sometime's but only on 13-16 yr old's. Not if your 25 still matching everything like if your in Jr High. Remember people color coordinate. Don't decorate yourself's. Let me go wash my hair. Till Text Time

5/21/03 - Wednesday

Well 2 day's ago got a letter saying that they moved my test date for school to June. I had to call and explain to them that the date was for August Not for June. There's no way in heck I can go take that test in 2 week's I won't get a good score. That's a known fact. I was glad with it being in August cause it gave me time to study. To be honest that letter gave me a wake up call to start studying and not sleep on it. I didn't forget about it but I probably would of waited a little more before I started studying and that's not good. Need to start now. So I have to call again tomorrow so they can fix the date.

Oh Ruben won the American Idol. Their both real good anyway's. Till Next Time.

5/24/03 - Saturday

Well I got to call the school. They said I have to call on a Wednesday Between 5-7pm. I called my sister's cell today. It turned out her man had her cell. I guess he must of clicked on the phone and it turned on. I was there saying hello for a while I just heard people talking that's when I realized he probably clicked it by mistake. It's funny cause he was telling his brother about someone who was bitching to much. Well like 30 second's later guess he noticed the cell and was like hello. I was like (Hi). He goes oh (Hi mamita how you doing) I said fine. I told him I thought my sister had her cell. He said no that they made her work today so she left it to him. So I told him well if she call's you tell her I called. So I called my sister at the job. I told her what happened. She come's out saying I hate when he goes to his brother bitching or telling our business to other people. I told her how about if who ever he was talking about wasn't even her. She said it had to be about her cause they were fighting. Then she tell's me oh I have to talk to you about that.

It's funny cause when you have a man you want him to keep your business between you and him. But us women always have our sister or our best friend we have to go talk about thing's with. I guess it's the same way with men even if you tell them not to talk about thing's with anyone they still have that 1 person they can go talk to as well.

I think the reason it bother's us girl's when men do that is cause guy's never have loyal friend's or even best friend's that give them good advice. Us women we support each other more. A Guy's advice to his boy is: You need to dump Her. That's why girl's hate it when guy's go talk to their friend's. Now don't get me wrong their not all the same way. Now I noticed the guy's that give the good advice are the one's that are already in a relationship. Those friend's might give good advice. Might!. But for a guy to take advice from a single friend. Nah. It's never good advice unless this guy is a very mature well put guy then they might give a good one.

My brother went to see my niece yesterday. I have been trying to call his cell but all I keep getting is

This is ___ ,___ Production's Leave a message

I don't want to leave a fucking message. I want to speak to my niece. I tryed calling like 4/5 time's. But I think they probably went out cause my brother always pick's up the phone when I call. I'm going to try to call again now. They might be back.

5/26/03 - Sunday 12:15am

What's up got to speak to my brother yesterday. My niece was sleeping when he called me so I couldn't speak to her. He called me today and he ask's me (Would you like Mama & this girl to come tomorrow when I go back?) I was like you kidding me right. He's like nah would you want that I was like heck yea. Then he tell's me to ask mami if she would like them to come my mom is like of course. Then he come's out with oh ok next weekend. I'm like damn why you got me excited thinking she might come tomorrow. But I was thinking he might just bring them and pretend like he's leaving it for next weekend. But then you got my funny ass brother who would play with me and they are coming next weekend.

Either way I'm ok with them coming tomorrow & them coming next weekend. Just as long as they come right. Hope she get's to come (I Miss Her!)

5/28/03 - Wednesday 12:07am

Well my niece is here. My brother brought her yesterday. She repeat's a lot. Since she like's to repeat I got her to say the whole alphabets. Which is good. She's only a 1yr 1/2 She talk's so much. She has this scream that is so loud. She doesn't do it alot but when she does it can drive you crazy. But since she does it smiling you can't get mad cause she look's so cute. Don't get me wrong when they tell her to stop she cut's it.

Oh I put up that email thingy. I think it look's cute. Well I don't have anything else to say so, Till Next Time.

6/1/03 - Sunday

June So Fast!

What's up. My niece is staying for 2 week's. She sleep's with me in my room. Good thing is she doesn't wake me up she's a good sleeper. Well except for yesterday. She woke up cause she wanted juice. I took long to give it to her that she got a little cranky. I put on monster's Inc. for her cause she like's that movie. And she was good. She just laid there watching her movie until she fell asleep.

My sister and cousin came yesterday. I'm a little sick. Have a cold. Not a bad one.

My brother was telling me that a friend of our's which I don't speak to anymore want's to speak to me. Which he happen's to be my best friend's brother. The reason I don't speak to him is cause at one point he was always lying about shit. I mean about everything. He use to come to my house even when my brother wasn't here or his sister. We were cool like that. But a lot of time's I caught him lying. One thing I hate is liar's. One time he told me this big as story that I even felt bad for him. It turn's out it was a lie. It was something that happen to one of his friend's. He got so bad that people in the block use to be talking about him and his lying. Well anyway's.

So I had stop talking to him for like 4/5 year's nah maybe 3/4. So for like month's my brother has been telling me that I be making C Feel bad. C told him He doesn't know why I don't want to talk to him anymore. So my brother call's my cell Friday night mad late to tell me that he forgot his key's to open the door for him. He doesn't call the house cause my mami work's Saturday's too so he doesn't want to bother her. So I tell him fine I'll open the door.

Then he tell's me listen C want's to talk to you I'm going to put him on. So he get's on and was like (Yo what's up *Eni how you doing) I was Like (Fine & You) He was Like (Good) Then he goes (Let me let you go I'll Put Your Brother On) I was like ok Bye He said Bye.

When my brother got home he tell's me. Don't make C feel bad. I was like I didn't say anything bad at all. He tell's me C had this sad face and was like (Yo I don't know why your sister don't like me anymore we use to be kool). He told my brother that maybe he should of came out nicer to me instead of using the word (Yo) & (What's up). My brother told him (Nah don't worry my sister doesn't hate you). But that he just shook his head and starting looking out the car window.

I don't hate him. I just didn't like his lie's.

Oh and my brother told me that he told him that to tell me that he's not like before that he has matured a lot since then. That his not the same person & that he has change. Yea I know He probably changed cause now he's in his 20's. I was hoping he did. Cause the way he was going was bad. Now I don't think he needed to feel like he had to speak to me in a nicer way. I didn't think he spoke to me in a bad way. Yea sometime's when you speak to a female it is better to speak proper and with respect. Which I know that's what he meant. My brother/cousin/sister/myself speak like that to each other. And when I was cool with him that's how he use to speak to me. Everyone speak's like that with their people's. But since we haven't spoken in a while maybe that's why he felt he needed to have more respect. I respect that about him.

But I guess I was feeling bad cause my brother told me he feel's bad and the face he had and how he just looked out and stood quiet. We were cool. Maybe everyone is right Maybe he has changed. I don't know. He's in the music business with my brother. In fact their working on his track right now. I do Wish him the best. He's not a bad person He's nice. Yea at one point he was bad but not with the people he was close to. Well except for the fact that he lied sometime's. But he's not bad hearted. Who know's maybe I'll speak to him sometime. Alot of time's when he came to my house I just would go to my room and tell everyone to let me know when he left. That's how bad I didn't want to talk to him.

His sister my best friend use to tell me don't worry about it cause I know my brother could get on people's nerve's. I use to tell her (I'm sorry that I don't like your brother anymore.) But even she say's it, that a lot of people started disliking him when he got like that. She never got in the middle of it. She never said anything about me disliking him. I never spoke real bad about him all I said was that I didn't like his lying or how he made me feel bad for him telling me these bullshit story's that weren't true. I only told her that I wish her brother would mature and stop he's shit. And get he's shit together.

Well let me get out of here. Till Next Time.

6/4/03 - Wednesday

What's up. Been sick since last time I wrote. Been eating soup only. Not only that but you know. At least I'm feeling better now.

Was watching (Soul Food) the series. That's one of my favorite Tv show's. I alway's have to catch that if I don't on Wednesday I catch it on Sunday. The season finale is next week. Been watching it since it first came on. Hopefully next season is just as good. Well I think it is. Well that's all.

My niece is still here. Still a cutie. Driving me crazy. But I'm ok with it cause when she's not I complaining that she isn't. I Love that Minnie Mouse.

6/5/03 - Thursday

Well I'm feeling way much better. I was noticing I have been eating a lot since the baby been here. Not Good!. I eat 3 time's a day now cause of her. Which that's how everyone is suppose to eat. I'm not a breakfast person. Lately I have been eating breakfast. On a normal day I eat like twice. I don't get hungry much. But I need to start doing my thing again. I'll start when she leave's.

I haven't been able to do my thing cause it's hard when she's here. But I don't care. In fact I haven't read my book for like 1 week 1/2. I'm reading (Cheaters) It's pretty good. I usualy read before I go to bed. I'm going to have to read the last chapter again to get back into it. Let me go cause my cousin (A) calling me. Till Next Time

6/8/03 - Sunday

What's up. Today was the P.R. parade. Fat joe was there. So was Tony Sunshine. I was asking my friend if she thought Tony was cute. She said he was alright. I think he is. The beginning of the parade looked unorganized. Well to me it did.

My sister slept over Friday night. She has a friend that I know as well for years now. I'm going to call her (smelly). Well she has this problem that she never get's good guy's. Now when I start explaining how she is, your going to probably agree with me and say that's the reason she get's those type's of guy's.

Well to start let me just say she is a nice girl. If you need help she would probably help you but only if she know's you for yr's. Now Smelly meet's guy's and sleep's with them right away. When I say right away I mean same day or next. Like right after meeting them at a club. But only if she like's him. Now for some reason she think's their going to call her back and they like her that's why she think's it's ok. Now let me just say it's only with guy's she really like's. But the probably is she could really like a guy in a matter of a day. Now she could go clubbing and guy's could come up to her and she be like hell no. Don't think now like she's all over guy's trying to sleep with everyone cause she's not. But when she really like's them she think's it's ok to sleep with them right away.

Now this girl does not know how to have a conversation with a guy. Unless it has to do with clubbing, or sex. But not just any sex convo. It has to be about her or with her. Let's say everyone is having a sex conversation and there's guy's there and girl's there but, it turn's out the guy's start to focus on one of the other girl's she'll get upset. If the guy's start to say damn your friend look's sweet & innocent but she look's like she's freaky or una fresca and the conversation is no longer about smelly it's about the friend that's it. She will no longer want to talk about sex cause the guy is probably just focusing on her friend. Not her.

Then let's say everyone could be having a good conversation about anything school, work, life, clothes, etc anything she will suck her teeth and be like (Oh My). Just cause it has nothing to do with her 2 topic's. Another problem is if she goes out with girl's and let's say there's guy's their if they don't pay attention to her she want's to go home. Kind of fuck up right. I'm writing about her cause we were just talking about her that's all. But she is a nice girl. And one thing she has that's good. If you have a man she'll keep away from him. Her only problem I think is that she give's in to fast. Which to a lot of guy's that's good. Cause a lot of guy's like girl's like that I guess. But I don't think is good. Sorry But I don't! Was going to write more but I'll stop here.

Oh my niece is staying another week. she's wild. That's my Baby!. She's a good girl. Till Next Time.

6/11/03 - Wednesday

What's up, It was to fucking humid today. I hate humid day's. They called me from school today. I had told the lady about some concerns I had. For what I hear the school tuition is a lot. I have spoken to my family see what they thought about it. Some say it's good other's say go to another college. She want's me to go in do the paper work and see how much I might have to pay before deciding not to go. Let's see.

Had a little water fight today. It felt good cause it got a little hot earlier. So the water cooled everyone off. Well my niece is still here. She keep's throwing my pillow's off my bed I have a lot too. I keep telling her no. She love's my bed. But I hate when she does that. Just now she through one. Hate it! But Love her!. Let me go. Till Next Time.

6/14/03 - Saturday 3:11am

Well my niece is leaving today. Early in the morning. I'm going to miss her.

6/15/03 - Sunday

~*HAPPY*FATHER'S*DAY*~

what's up, got to speak to my niece on the phone. My sister came today. I was looking for this CD of mine for like 2 month's couldn't find it. Then I remembered someone ask if they could hear it but I couldn't remember who. Then I asked my cousin (A) he was like (Nah *Eni I gave it back). Anyway's turn's out my sister had it all this time. Then today when she brought it back I look at the shit & it's all scratched up. I lend her a movie one I haven't even played yet. Came back with like a few scratch's. I told her one more I'm not lending her shit. Every time she come's I lend her something. She was more careful with my shit before she's getting careless. Esa Mojona. Well Till Next Time.

6/16/03 - Monday 9:09pm

Well I was looking at old paper and I found the most pathetic letter's I have written to guy's it's not even funny. Wait till I get the letter's from when I was inlove out. Those have to be suicidal type of letter's. Cause you know how dumb people get when their inlove. The letter I read today was someone I cared about a lot but, till this day I don't know what I felt. My girl's sometime's tell me you loved that n*gga didn't you. Sometime's I say yea but then I tell them I don't know cause if I did I wouldn't have messed with other guy's.

They tell me I messed with other guy's cause I had no choice cause that's the way he wanted the relationship to be. I guess I figured I can deal with that. But then again I was young and stupid. Let someone pull that shit now It won't happen unless that's what I want. Don't get me wrong sometimes you just don't want to get involved and that idea of just Talking/Dating/Messing is a good one.

Anyway's can't wait till these girl's come over cause I'm pulling out that letter so we can rag on my ass.

Well remember when I wrote on Thank's Giving about my ex's brother coming over and we told my cousin to say we wasn't there. Well I called to see what's up. Cause I heard some shit about him looking for his dad. Anyway's I called. His mom picked up. I can't stand the Bitch. She was never bad to me while I was with her son. Well now that I think about it I don't think she ever was bad. But she was one of those people that used sarcasm to cover up their rudeness. Which basically makes you just as bad. I just didn't like how she tried to rub in how he was happy with his new girl. Like if I cared. It didn't bother me that she said that. What bothered was that she tried to bother me. She would of had a better chance of bothering me by saying that my hair was fucked up or she didn't like my shoe's. That probably would bothered a little. what she didn't know was that I never wanted him back once we broke up it was over. I wasn't the one after him he was after me even after 2 yr's of it being over. But since his ex didn't know anything she'll go tell his mom that I wanted him back. All cause she found out he would come to talk to me some times. When I was the one telling him if he didn't love her not to play with her feeling's. Anyway's why am I talking about these people.

So anyway's I didn't say it was me which I think she know's it was me. It turn's out that he's in Iraq. Which I was thinking damn we kind of fucked up. Maybe he was passing to say he was leaving. Anyway's once I'll tell this chick she'll probably be like (We don't need to feel bad he was a dick anyway's). Then maybe I won't feel bad. Which it only makes it bad now cause he's over there if he wasn't would I feel bad for what we did. Probably not. Cause he was type mean. Till Next Time.

6/18/03 - Wednesday 11:31pm

My cousin left to camp today...Less people home now. Yesterday I was cracking up. My cousin has a habit of telling everyone what camp he's going to. So I come and I tell him you going to (Camp CucaMonga) just fucking around. Cause he always tell's his business to everyone. Turn's out this year he doesn't tell anyone.

So last night were talking and we telling him anything goes wrong when you get there give us a call. Also to make sure he goes with the right camp. Cause they might be other camp's picking up other kid's. This dude come's out with should I be like (Camp CucaMonga!) Where's Camp CucaMonga! real loud I started cracking up. Real loud. After I started cracking up everyone else cracked up. I had a gum in my mouth, that shit fell out. Cause when I laugh not only is it loud but I open my mouth wide.

I told him (My man you not going to that camp) I told him that was a joke. He said he knew it. Cause that shit sounded funny. To be honest who know's there could be a camp by that name I don't know. But anyway's that shit was funny. And I haven't laughed like that in a while.

Spoke to my niece today. Till Next Time.

6/19/03 - Thursday 3:42pm

what's up. I got to see that movie Just Married I thought it was funny. In the movie when she's in her house listening to him from the TV I noticed she has my same TV but mine is bigger. I never seen anyone with my TV. Everyone usually buy's the typical black one's. I want to get my niece this hello kitty TV it's so cute. It's a 13inch. So she can watch her little cartoon's in.

Well the movie was pretty good. There's one part that had me rolling cause I did the same thing once. There's a part that he catch's her getting kissed by her ex. But he didn't see when she slapped him. So when she get's back to the room he start's telling her (I know you wanted him) (You wanted him to kiss you) She come's out of no where turn's around real fast and fling's something at him and catch's him right in the forehead. That part had me rolling cause I did that once to one of my ex's and caught him right in the forehead as well. I did it exactly how she did it. I mean the fast turning around the arm how it came up and fling that shit with all her might. That's exactly how I did it.

The only thing different was that my ex try to make a run for it. But he never made it to the door. The worst thing he did was look my way cause the (Game-boy) was heading right to his head so when he looked it caught him right on the forehead.

My ex went down. I was in shock how good my aim was. Don’t get me wrong I did feel bad after it happen. This is the thing I never hit, never. But it just so happen's he got me really pissed off that day.

That was the first time I went for something and it just so happened I got him good.

Another movie that I saw a while ago that was actually good/funny was Hot Chick Love the part when he's at the club. Now that shit was freaking funny. Till Next Time.

6/22/03 - Sunday 10:07pm

What's up.. Today Sex And The City started. Got to see that.

Friday at 6:00 in the morning I was dancing. Who the heck dance's at 6 in the morning. I was dancing to the point that my waste/rib's were hurting. Don't know what exactly but something in that area was hurting. My hair is so frizzy today.

My friend called today. She told me by the 15 of July they should have the house. She said it's pretty big. Have to call my sister right now. Till Next Time.

6/25/03 - Wednesday 6:16pm

What's up. Just took a shower. It's 91F It's getting hotter everyday. Tomorrow it say's it's going to be 97F and friday 92F. But on Saturday it's going to drop to 76F and it's staying around the tempature till Tuesday.

Charlie's Angel's is going to come out on friday. My cousin said My sister myself and my friend are the ghetto/Latin Charlie's Angel's. He said by personality wise and what they like My sister is Drew I'm Cameron and my friend is Lucy. I thought I would be more like Drew but then he started pointing shit out about me and my corniness and how I wake up Dancing etc...then I got him.

The reason we started talking about that was cause he say's when one has a problem it's like one of us come's out of the sky or bushes talking about what's up something told me to come....I started cracking up. But yea that movie is coming out look's good.

You know the video (Move ur body like a snake ma) but the remix. I think that shit is hot. The dance is off the hook. Let me go. Till Next.

6/27/03 - Friday 9:13am

Well I never right in the morning but I had to. Well for one let's just say my girl's are on there way over. Why? Let me start by saying my friend calls me today at 6am mind you she told my mom not to wake me up if I was still sleeping. So she called back at 7am. Now my cousin tell's me that my girl is on the phone so I'm thinking I over slept since she never call's that early. So when I get up to get the phone I look at the time it's early. she never call's at that time. As soon as I get on the phone I'm like what's up. She goes you know something is up if I'm calling this early.

So she ask's me if my mom said anything to me I told her no my mom already left to work.

Well this is what happened. I had written before in fact a few day's ago about my friend getting her house in 15 day's right with her man. Just so happen's he tell's my girl yesterday that he's been getting cold feet. And he feel's like he's married. My girl said she was looking at him like what the fuck this guy is talking about. So anyway's he start's telling her he still want's the house but he's getting cold feet about the whole moving into the new house together. Mind you they been living together for 4 year's now. But he feel's that with buying the house etc...feel's more like marriage. Which it's understandable cause usually u buy a house when your married or getting married.

So he told her all that yesterday and she's like what's going on cause she say's she didn't see that coming. He told her that he'll help her with her rent. Not to worry about it. That if she need's to she can move in the house with him until she get's something. Mind you when she told me that first thing out of my mouth was If You Need To. What kind of fucking shit is that I was thinking My man you guy's are suppose to move into the house in 15 day's and your talking like she has to get out today. Crazy Shit!!.

So anyway's she told him that why he never told her he was feeling that way. And why not mention he was getting cold feet. I really don't know what he said cause don't know if she told me. Also she asked him like every female would. Does it have to do with another chick. He said he swear's to god it has nothing to do with that. He said that he's just finally getting what he always wanted now he's buying a house etc.... Mind you it was her idea to buy the house. She went doing the calling looking around etc....And now he's saying that he want's it for himself.

She say's she doesn't know why he's being so selfish now. Also mind you now is that he's making real good money. He even told her to take a year off. cause she went to school and work for 3 years none stop. And she was stressed out. Mind you it's funny cause he's talking about feeling married but then again she's not one of these chick's that bother him about not going here or there. But anyway's it's weird cause my girl doesn't really know where this came from. She said just this weekend he was telling her how she wanted to decorate the house. And if she wanted the pool he was still going to try to get it for her. It's just like a slap to her face she say's cause she didn't see it coming.

And you would think a man at 36/37 what ever his age is would love to settle down already. I ask my girl if she was ready for that and she's in her mid 20's. She said yea. Anyway's as soon as she called and we hanged up I called my sister. Asked her first to come over and she was like damn it's to hot. When I told her what this guy did to this girl. She was like WHAT!! I'm going over there. It's that it's crazy. I told my girl why ain't she like going crazy. Cause if it was me I would be lost more like out of it. Mind you , your thinking you moving in to your new house with your man and he pull's a cold feet excuse.

I did tell my girl that maybe after they move apart for a while then he might noticed that he would rather have her there. Maybe it's just a little scary even giving the fact of his age. Anyone can get scared. Who know's he might change his mind once they move in cause remember she does have to move in with him cause it's 15 day's from now. She's not going to find a place that fast. Also she's going to have to save money. Even though he tell's her his going to still help her out. But you always rather be safe then sorry and have your own money. Cause like she said he just pop out with this shit out of the blue ain't no telling what else is going to happen. Anyway's they called their on their way. If I misspelled something like I said before I don't care. Plus I was typing real fast so you know their's a lot of mistake's on it. So I'm going to stop here cause there's too much to the story but I did get to write the main shit. Till Next Time My sister just got here Bye.

6/28/03 - Saturday 1:07am

Well we was all up talking about what happened this morning. We couldn't think of any reason why he would come out with something like that. But who know's. We joked around. Talked mad shit. She gave us more info on what happened last night. She said she was crying the whole night couldn't sleep. He told her she could have anything she wanted from the house. Also that he would help her anyway's. I just think he got a little scared about the whole buying a house together thingy. Cause it can't be about moving in cause they been living together for 4 year's so it's not that.

It's just that we can't under stand it. It's like when, what, how, why, who. Just to confusing. She say's just yesterday he was telling her what color's is it she wanted to paint the wall's. where she could put her desk at. That he was happy that she liked the house. Mind she was happy cause it was a huge house 3 bedroom house. The master bedroom has a balcony. The master bedroom also has a Skylite not sure if that's what it's called but it's those bedroom's that the ceiling is glass that you can see the sky. The bathroom has a Jacuzzi-Tub Let's put it this way it's a girl's dream.

Well she just called me right now. Told me that he told his mother. She told me that he told her she can have what ever in the house but to please leave him the plasma TV. Anything else she can have. He said for her to add up all she is going to need including 1 month security 1 month rent. even like a few month's of rent paid for and he will pay it.

All I told her was to thank goodness he's not one of these guy's that would not only pull that but then send her packing with nothing. Cause a regular guy won't pay everything for her for almost half a year so she can be set. And he's doing that for her. I told her that they might get back together it's that they need their space. But she's like noone way cause she feeling's she can't trust him anymore. I think they probably needed their space that's all. But damn she found the house she picked that house. Who know's it's like what we all said this morning it's probably the beginning of something new and better coming. Till Next Time.

6/29/03 - Sunday 11:00pm

Well what's up. So yea my friend is moving on her own. Even if he ask's her to go back she's not going. She say's she can't trust him. She is alittle excited about getting her own apartment now. She's scared & excited she say's but then at the same time hurt. A lot of people have told her not included us girl's about her taking it pretty good. She say's she's trying to just keep it cool.

Well I finished that book: Cheaters. It was pretty good. I liked it. I might start reading Friends & Lovers next. If I can find it around here somewhere. Think someone put it away. Haven't seen it. I don't read a lot. I only like book's that people could relate to. I read once a sexual book. It was pretty good. I have read scary one's but only finished 1 cause it was good. The other one's dragged to long. Once that happen's I won't read it. There's people that love to read. That read even boring book's. There's people that finish book's in a few day's. It took me 2week's 1/2 to finish Cheaters. Crazy right HAHAHAHa. I only read like 2 chapter's a night maybe 3/4 if it's getting real good.

Yesturday saw this movie called (The Guru) It was funny. My sister and my cousin were watching it today so had to see it again. Till Next Time.

7/4/03 - Friday 2:13am

Well I'm up eating macaroni & cheese at 2am. Everyone left. My mami is coming back Saturday night my brother get's back Monday night. So I'm here alone chillin. My girl was here. We watched (The Real Cancun) & (How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days). My cousin was here too But he left first then this girl. Well let me go. Don't have anything else to say. Till Next Time.

7/9/03 - Wednesday 1:13am

Well this is my second time typing for today. Right when I was writing which it was about an 1 hour ago everything blew out. The fuse blew out. Fucked up right. There was no Fan no AC no nothing. So we had to wait like an hour cause the store's near us didn't have the fuse we needed. But my brother found one. And I know he wasn't coming back with out one. Who want's to sleep with no fan the whole night.

Well I noticed that I no longer have that beautiful tan I had before. I am white as heck now. Not that white but I don't have the tan look anymore. I need one.

Well everyone know's my girl is single now right. Guess who broke up as well my sister & her man. It's funny cause when I was in a long relationship everyone was single. Then they got involved then I was single. Now their single. All that need's to happen is that I get involved. But I'm not in anyway ready for that. I don't want to. I just want to do my thing with school and be straight.

Their's only 1 person that I'll actually take that chance with only 1 guy. But he's doing his thing now. So What can I do. But that's the only chulo I'll get serious with right now. Till Next Time.

7/10/03 - Thursday 3:48pm

Well what's up. Now remember when I wrote on my dairy about my girl's man saying she can take anything but to leave his (Plasma TV) right. Well after that he asked her if she can leave the bed until he moved and then he'll take it to her the day he move's. Well he has been an asshole since then. He has said real bad thing's to her. He feel's that people should feel bad for him too cause it was hard for him to open up and say how he feel's. That's funny right.

Well everyone tell's him how fucked up he is. Their landlord told my girl he has to move by the ending of July. She told her she's not being nice to him cause she doesn't like what kind of person he is. And what he did to my girl. So now he's fucked. Also it turn's out that the house has termite's so he has to get that fixed. What else is going on? Well he's just being an all around ass.

Now the deal was that he was suppose to help my girl move to her new apartment. My girl didn't want him to know where she was moving to. Also she didn't have the money to move. So their suppose to move the 20th. But before that she was calling company's to see how much it would cost to move and have at least 3 men help. The prizes were beyond. I'm talking about $600-$700. And she didn't have that money. So she figured he's going to have to help even thow she doesn't want him to know the address.

But it just so happen's she got the money now. And for $350 only. Pretty good prize. So what she's going to do is on the 16th when this guy's going to work. She's moving!. The mover's are coming at 4pm and she's moving all her shit and his shit since he said she can take anything. And remember how he told her to leave him the bed until he move's then he'll take it to her. Do you really think that bed is going to be there when he get's home NOT!!!!! It's a gonna. Also she's taking the AC. So if he get's home that night and it's hot. There's going to be no AC for him. We would love to see his face when he get's back home that night and see that she is gone.

Some of you might be thinking of that’s foul. And some of you guy's might be thinking (Oh it's such a girl to take a guy's shit and run). Well to be honest he deserve's it. He has not only fucked her over. But he's being an asshole now. I mean why kick someone when their down. No need for that. He's been acting like an ass. And talking nasty. Saying thing's he don't need to.. I just choose not to write some of the shit he has said down. But remember! She's not doing anything wrong. He told her to take every thing except his little (Plasma TV) And that's what she's doing. If she was being a bitch she would have take that Plasma. But she's not. And anyway's he want's to buy new stuff so he say's. So let him. But yea she's not going to nice and leave him the bed. He's going to have to sleep on the floor. And that's not even half of what he has put her through. Let me go my sister is calling me. Till Next Time.

7/13/03 - Sunday 4:46pm

Well I had the weirdest dream last night.

All I remember is that I had a baby boy. I was holding him. And he was mine. I was looking at him and saying that he was so cute. I remember holding him up in front of me and saying that I had a cute boy. Then I remember breast feeding him. And while I was breast feeding him I remember just staring at him. Then after I finished my family was there and my dad took the baby from me so he can hold him. Then I woke up. (Thank Goodness).

I hate weird dream's like that. Don't get me wrong a child is a beautiful thing. But to be honest even in my dream I think I was surprised/shocked that I had a baby. I think that's why I was staring at the baby so much. But it was a cute baby.

I am so far from that stage anyway's. Maybe 5 year's from now. Who know's! Or maybe even more then that. HAHAHAHAHa. My niece is coming next weekend. She's staying here. Can't wait to see her.

Sex And The city is on tonight. Well Till Next Time.

7/16/03 - Wednesday 11:28pm

Well I just found out that Celia Cruz Died Today. That is so sad. She was good. The last song she did that I liked was: La Negra Tiene Tumbao It was a good song.

Well like I said before today was the day my girl was surpose to move all her stuff with out this guy knowing. Well she did. So when he get's home tonight at 12:30-1:00am She will not be there. And the house will be empty. But remember he told her she can have everything. She's going to call me as soon as he call's her cause we know he's going to be upset. So let's see what he has to say. But he's been so bad even last night he was bad to her. She was dying for today to come. Well I'll write what he had to say later or tomorrow. If he has anything to say at all. Cause he could act like he doesn't care. HAHAHAHa. Well let me go. Till Later or Next Time.

7/17/03 - Thursday 11:12pm

Well do you believe that for the first time ever I ate a Big Mac. It was pretty good. I know alot of people must be like (You never eaten a Big Mac). But it's true. Today was my first time. HAHAHAHa. I don't even know why I'm laughing. It's like who live's in New York and has not tried a Big Mac. Well beside's myself until today. Cause even vegetarian's that I have meet have eaten a Big Mac before they became a vegetarian. But I guess just like I never had one there has to be some other people who hasn't as well. Cause there is no way that I was the only person in New York that never had one.

So the thing with my girl friend. He just called her told her that she left him no bed and no sofa. But as soon as he started to get loud she just said: (R) Go Fuck Urself. And hanged up. But he ended up calling today. And asked her to please not cut off the light. He said he'll pass through by block just to give her the money. So she thought that she's better off letting him pay this month's bill cause if not she has to pay it. Well Till Next Time.

7/24/03 - Thursday 12:41am

So what's up. Well my niece was here last weekend. She's so adorable. One thing is now let's say she's in my house and my brother tell's her let's go bye bye. She start's saying gramma, Titi let's go bye bye.. But when she see's were not going she start's to cry. I think she's getting to not like the fact that when she leave's she doesn't see us for a while. When my brother took her out it was only to her cousin's party but when she got back that night and saw us she got happy. She talk's so much. Smart girl.

The problem was when she left Sunday she was crying and kissing us. She didn't want to leave. She kept saying gramma, Titi let's go. Sad!. Hope she come's back soon.

Us girl's were talking when should we take the next vacation. We decide to leave it for spring break. But we want to go on a road trip for a week before spring break come's. When not sure. Something came up for like one in Dec but who know's

My friend did some funny shit today. There's these people in my block that put speaker's in front of the building with loud ass music. So my girl is like damn it's Wednesday and they have that shit out side these people are crazy. So everyone is outside right. Now they have a wire coming from the second floor to outside. She goes down with a scissor cut's the cord then run's upstair's. Out of nowhere the music stop's. So there like what happen. They were trying to figure out who did it. Who know's, I don't. Till Next Time.

7/31/03 - Thursday 2:12pm

Well what's up it's been a while. Not really only a week. Today they're were showing some Mexican's guy's from California. I saw like 3 that were real cute. I have never seen cute Mexican's like that. Nice body's too. Of course they had tattoo's all over but since they have strong body's it looked good anyway's. Noone ever found out who cut the music cord's. Don’t know if you remember when I had wrote that my friend cut the cord to the music that was playing outside cause it was a Wednesday and they had the music blasting. Anyway's noone know's who did it.

8/1/03 - Friday 1:51am

August. Already.

Well I was taking those test quiz again. My result's were funny.

1)How freaky am I test.
My result's was 211. Now I think that's low cause some guy got 512.

2) What Kind Of Bitch Am I. Results:
You Are a Man-stealing Bitch!: You're the type of girl that all the other chicks hate. Only because their men like you better then them. You can steal any man you want - and invade the fantasies of those you don't!

3)What Kind Of Pussy I have. Results:
You Have a Tight Pussy!: When you get it on, it doesn't fit quite right. You're pussy's a near virgin - and very tight

4)Am I Likely To Cheat. Results:
There's a 76 - 100% Chance You'll Cheat!: Sound about right? It's no surprise, considering how much you put yourself in dangerous situations...Both emotionally and physically. If you haven't technically cheated, chances are that you do a lot that comes close. Rule of thumb? If you can't tell your partner about it, then don't do it. Or if you need a lot of partners, consider an open relationship. Sound completely wrong? Then you've got incredible self control - Keep it up :-)

Well It's funny cause it say's I'm a (Man-stealing Bitch) But then again I respect other women's man. That's why I say it all the time and will say it again it's just a test. Not my word's.

8/2/03 - Saturday 8:49pm

What's up. I forgot to mention last time about the area where my mami or I was surpose to move to. Well for one when we asked if the area was good around there everyone say's it's ok. Now you know what that mean's right. Yep It's fucked up around there. My mami even asked some cop's. They said it depend's what you consider safe. So my mom was like (Well around my way even thow anything could happen I can walk around there even if it's 3am from or to the train or even store. Even thow when you are going to a 24 hour store around my way it can be a little scary.

The cop's told my mami well I don't suggest you go out at 3am. That comment right there tell's you that place is fucked up. Well for one I wouldn't want to go there. And I really not having my mom up in there period. So we don’t even know what to do now.

My brother is visiting the baby and his girl up there. We was hoping that he bring's her tomorrow when he come's back. But then again I know he's not.

But I'll keep Hoping!!

8/6/03 - Wednesday 8:54pm

Well what's up. I have a headache. Maybe cause I was crying yesterday on & off during the night. Ended up taking a shower at 5:00am. Didn't cry after that. But I'm ok today. Well just for the record It was cause I was thinking about my dad. Sometime's I want to be mad at him for leaving. Well not really for that but because he doesn't call to find out anything about us. Anyway's.

Well my brother didn't bring my niece. My cousin is coming back from camp soon. Well let me go. Till Next Time

8/7/03 - Thursday 4:56pm

Well I got to speak to my dad today.

He took the number to the house. He said he's going to be calling. I thought he already had the # cause I remember giving it to him before. But anyway's let's see if he call's at least once a month. Or even every other month. That's fine with me.

My mami asked me if I felt better now that I heard from him. I said yea But I told her I felt better yesterday anyway's. The thing is I was having dream's with him not bad one's regular one's but just that he was in it. And since I haven't seen him in a while and I never dream of him it just got me worrying about him. But I'm chillin. He asked for my niece. He's never seen her. He does have picture's of her. He does want to see her. But who know's when now. Well Till Next Time.

8/9/03 - Saturday 8:30pm

Well what' s up. Ok I have a problem with TV. Ok now you know how they have those late night sexual movie's right. So you know they show Tit's ,Pussy ,Ass. Now what upset' me is why don't they show some DICK. Not that I’m a pervert but come one..They show a women's tit's which is private. And they show that now a day's like if it's no big deal. So my thing is if they could show tit's and hairy pussy's then why they can't show DICK.

Cause if you think about it their not showing much about the men. What they showing me his ass and chest. Big fucking deal. Show some Dick!!. It's like they make those show's only for men. Now don't think I like watching those show's. Cause I don't. Well maybe if there was some dick showing who know's chick's might like watching more often.

Well anyway's I just happen to notice recently about the whole not showing any dick thingy. Well Till Next Time. I hope they fix that. They expose women but not men. That's funny.

8/12/03 - Tuesday 4:33pm

Well what's up. I got to use a victoria's secret coupon today. It's funny cause I got 3 coupon's last time I bought from Vic's. I really don't use coupon's for stuff but, I left it around my room anyway's. Those coupon's do come in handy. Today I got 3 victoria secret lipstick's. So right before I was going to get it I remember I had some coupon's for something but didn't remember what was the offer for. I thought maybe it was like 5% off or something. So anyway's I found it. So now I got myself a pair of hipster's for free isn't that kool.

I think it's kool cause I was getting the 3 lipstick's anyway's and nothing else. But now I'm getting a pair of ~*hipster's*~ for free..HAHAHAHAHA..

I was counting my pantie's today. Why don't ask.

Well I told myself I was not going to buy anymore pantie's or bra's cause I have enough. But now I'm getting a free one. HAHAHAHa. I'm stressing the fact I'm getting a free one to much an't I. Well I can. Do you know those pantie's are $13. I just saved $13 buck's. Well not saved cause I wasn't buying any. But shit I just got them for free. Which is good cause I buy a lot from victoria's secret. So I deserve a free one. HAHAHAHa I'm a funny girl.

So like I was saying I was counting my pantie's and I don't even wear more then half of them. That's why I told myself to stop buying stuff I don't need. Which I say that now but wait till I see another cute one. It's a wrap!. So I have 49 pantie's that I have not worn yet. Well now with my free one it's 50. Anyway's.

I have these 20 panties that I wear. But who doesn't have favorite's. Everyone alway's have these 15-20 pairs that they wear and wash every week.

Sorry can't write anymore Have to get off.

8/17/03 - Sunday 10:20pm

Change Of Plan's

Well Let me start about the blackout. Scary. Thank goodness it wasn't for a few day's. Last time that happened we stood without light for 5 day's. Oh yea and that was only around my way 3yr ago Anyway's.

The Plan

My friend and sister stayed over. Thursday & Friday. We had spoken about a lot of thing's. So all of a sudden. We don't even know who brought it up but we do know everyone felt the same way. And thought the same thing. So like I was saying everyone at the same time said why don't we do something and just move some place like a different state and see how we like it. So we all mentioned florida since we been there and vaca over there.

Now after we said that we start looking at each other. Everyone's mind is like going 100 miles an hour cause you can see it in our face's. All we needed was the ok from each one of us. So my girl was the first one to say (I'm down). So I look at my sister. She say's (I'll go if you go) So I was like (I'm down.) So that's basically when the (plan) began

So after that we just started thinking when should we go. How much we need to save. So since we are not crazy to just leave right now we decided to save for a year and leave next August if (God permit's)

But guess what that mean's I can't start school now in September. Mind you I was talking to a teacher last Wednesday. And I had to go in like in 2 week's to do paper work. And school start's in October. Now I am going to school but it's more like a training school. Then when we get over there we all said will start school. cause we all have to go anyway's.

Now we had made the plan but I told the girl's I wanted to go if my mami thought it was ok & if I knew she would be ok. I know I'm a adult I can do what I want. And trust me I do what I want. But I just wanted to run that by her see what she thought about it. So I had called my mom on her cell told her I needed to talk to her. She was like what is it *Eni. I was like nothing I'll talk to you later. She kept saying is it this is it that. I was like no. Do you believe that she said straight out You want to leave with the girl's I started laughing. I told her I'll talk to her when I see her. She was like fine. I told the girl's what she said they started laughing. It's like she know's when we get together we always come up with something. So when we got to speak to my mami we all sat down in the livingroom. I started speaking first. Then my sister spoke then my friend. And she just stood looking at us. Then we sat there and said what do you think. She was like you girl's are serious. We was like yea

Then she said hey you girl's are young and this is the time to try new thing's. Later on when you girl's are married and have kid's you won't be able to jump and try new thing's cause your going to have responsibility's. So if you girl's want to do it. Go ahead. I was like (Yes baby). We started clapping and laughing.

So the plan is to research the area which we already started. Get a 3 bedroom place. Cause we all need our own room. Send out resume's before we get there. Have 1 year worth of rent. So when we go we have at least 1yr that we know our rent is paid for. Hopefully when we get there we start working right away. Cause we want to buy a car. My sister is moving into my best friend's house in 4 week's to save money so when we leave. So their splitting the bill's. I am starting the new school. Not the one I wanted to start. But it'll do.

Now let me get to the negative stuff other people have to say about us going. First my mom told my Grandmother. She said that was good. Then she told my Uncle. He came out with. Oh Why is (s) (Which is my sister) going over there when she just got a apartment over here. Oh and that he heard it's hard to get a job. Now I have 5 year's in childcare. Not what I like but it's good experience & I will use it on my resume. My sister is a manager. Any job she get's it's going to be manager position. And if not then she'll get what she can. My friend is a teacher's aid. And if that doesn't work either then she'll do something else as well. Now I don't know who are my uncle's friend's and what they do. But I think we have good skill's and experience. Now don't get me wrong that does not guarantee us a job but it does help. If I don't want to do childcare then I'll do clerical. Which I was a Clerical worker for pres-B Hospital. And like I said even if that didn't work I'll do anything. It doesn't matter the thing is to go enjoy our self's and at least be able to try something newwwww!. So yea people that's the new thingy with me. Now I have other family that don't know yet. But let's see what they have to say. Cause my family always have something to say it never fails. But we don't care. Better yet I might tell my mom not to let me know what they have to say. I want to go with a positive mind not with any negative vibes. Other thing's happen this weekend but I'm tired of writing. Till Next Time

8/22/03 - Friday 12:17am

Well what's up. Was checking out bed's for me to buy when I get up there to Florida. I like the way a queen look's. Especially when it has a phat comforter's. I think I am going to buy full/double bed. Which it's ok cause I sleep alone. Even if someone else sleep's over it's big enough. You know I think I wrote this before when I was thinking on moving to Queen's. Funny!

Well nothing new. Oh yea spoke to a friend of mine who live's up there. She gave us good info. We have one little problem. But hopefully we can solve that. Don't have the energy to write what it is..But it will come up. I'll write it sometime. Whether it's soon or just when we're almost leaving. It's a problem that can't be Igorned.. So you'll hear about it....Well Till Next Time.

8/22/03 - Friday 12:24pm

Well I think my niece is coming today. It's so hot. They said tomorrow is going down to 80 degree's. I hope it does. I asked my sister yesterday if she hasn't changed her mind about going. She said no. Then she tell's me every time you ask me that I think you have doubt's *Eni. I started laughing cause I don't at all. I just want to make sure there's no change in plan's in their part. One thing I like about us is that if we all agree on something we always do it. We do our best in not letting anyone down. Especially once we all say there's no turning back. It's whether we do it or not. And we all sat there and asked each other over & over You 100% down. Everyone said yes.

Now one thing I don't like is the weather. I hate summer all year round. Now I have been told during winter it's just in the 60 & 70's over there. Which is kool with me...Cause I also hate it when it's to cold as well. But we did make it clear. Where ever we move has to have a pool. We are not taking anything without a pool. Anyway's the only reason I like winter is cause of the dressing. Love the whole winter clothes. Especially the whole Cute Sweater With Blue Jean's and Yellow Tim's. I tell you this much when ever it's in the 60's over there I'm running to put on my Tim's. HAHaHAHA. Yep I am. Let me go. Till Next Time

8/23/03 - Saturday 10:40pm

Well what's up...My brother yesterday pretended that the baby wasn't coming. But she did. She talk's so much. Us girl's were all here chillin last night. Trying to watch movie's but we couldn't cause we constantly talking.

Oh yea yesterday we were all sitting in my livingroom right. So I'm sitting in a chair facing everyone and the window is behind them. Now I live to the front but my kitchen and livingroom window are to the side of the building. Now I am facing everyone and we were playing some game there. All of a sudden I see this thing come down my window all I can say was what the (fuck) Then we hear a big bang. Now after the bang everyone was like damn what was that. I was like I don't know I just saw something white fly down. We thought maybe someone dropped something down. Now since we are not nosey we didn't go check what it was. It was day time to. Maybe around 7:00pm.

So anyway's my little cousin come's tell's me that the man from the 5th floor was asking if we had 50cent's to give him that he'll give it back tomorrow. So my mami give's my little cousin 1 dollar to give to the man. I hope he doesn't try giving that back cause it's only 1 dollar. Anyway's. So my little cousin tell's me that he was crying cause his wife left the house without her shoe's. And that he had said she's been gone for like 3 or 4 hour's.

Now I have a open parking lot behind my building. So if you look from my kitchen window all you going to see is the car's and the side of the building next to us.

So all of a sudden we hear a man screaming (OMG NOooo My Wife That's My Wife) Then he start's calling out her name. He kept screaming my wife. Over & Over. It turn's out that the white thing I saw go down my window was her when she jumped off the roof.. Now it's crazy how noone looked out their window's yesterday. Cause if someone would of they would of saw her. It was day time when it happened. But they found her at night. The good thing is she is alive.... Thank goodness. I don't know these people I don't know how long they been living here. But I'm just glad that she's alive. So Glad..Well Let Me Just Get Off Now. Till Next Time

8/25/03 - Sunday 1:50am

What's up. Well I called the other school. Found out there's no available sit's left until December. Now I have to wait till then. Unless I find another school. My niece is so smart. She has the cutest voice. Well almost every baby does. Oh yea my brother told me that she went to his room then he asked her your mami's baby, and she said No TiTi's Baby.

I want to decorate my mami's room for Christmas. Hooking it up with a nice full-size bed. Can't go bigger. She would like to at least walk around the room. Well a nice full size bed. Some pretty sheet's. Hope I'll be able to do it. Well Let me go. Now I have to copy and paste this entre in another Journal/diary that I have now with ___! Well let me not say. But this is my #1 Dairy. I write here first then paste it on the other dairy. Till Next Time.

8/26/03 - Sunday 11:23pm

Well I was alittle frustrated today. Not Good. I was frustrated to the point that I was laughing. You know when you laugh is cause you trying to calm yourself. Well at least I was!. The baby was cranky today. I want to write but I'm not even in the mood. Noticed the little doll that start's this entre. I put that one cause she look's frustrated. HAHAHA !!Hello There!! HAHAHAHA Till Next Time.

8/27/03 - Monday 6:42pm

What's up. Just found out the school is from 9-5. That's a lot of hour's. Then in one school it's for 6 month's then the other school is for fewer month's. Why, I don't know. I'm going to keep looking. See what else I can find.

My niece is wild. Very independent. If you try to help her she say's No I Do It TiTi. And you have to let her. Well according to this thing we read. she at the level of a 2 1/2 yr old. That's good cause she's 1. Well going to be 2 soon. Well let me get off for now Might write more later or just Next Time.

8/27/03 - Wednesday 11:29pm

Well I know I have mentioned before how I don't like my best friend's brother right. But once I thought you know what maybe he's not that bad. I take that back. He is still the same ass. I thought probably he could change but, I don't think so. Today my brother's girl was telling me how he was acting. Also how rude he is. So it just got me remembering why I don't like him anymore. I do wish he change's he's way's. He's just one of those guy's that are just rude. Everyone in this world know's someone or even a few people like that. So you have to know what I'm talking about. Anyway's just got on to write that since my brother's girl came up and told me how of an ass he was acting.

8/30/03 - Saturday 4:34pm

Well Saw the VMA. It's was kool. I liked Beyonce's performance. I do think that her having to remove stuff off of her fucked up the performance. But it was still real good. Let me get off my niece is calling me. Till Next Time

9/2/03 - Monday 2:50am

Well yesterday we did a big clean up in my house. Then we ended up breaking night. Which is why today I had a fat headache the whole day. I went to bed this morning at 9:30am. Then I woke up at 12:15pm. That's about 3 hour's only of sleep. I don't even know what am I doing up right now. It's 2:52am. But I think I dozed off at least for 10 minute's today. It's funny how Power Nap's make you feel like you been sleeping for hour's. I had to call Victor back today cause I was rude on the phone last night. I was maybe a little out of it. But he excepted my apology which is kool.

My niece can sing her ABC.When she came last week she didn't know them now she's walking around the house singing the song. I think she leave's out like 3 letter's that she forget's. Hey to me she's doing good. NO I MEAN GREAT!! She's an Angel. Well I need to sleep badly. So Till Next Time

9/5/03 - Friday 1:55am

Well I got upset today with my mother. No big fight. Just alittle upset. I don't even know right now what it was about. I was going to right about it but I don't remember. On Saturday everyone is surpose to go to the (China Club). I have been getting upset lately. I need to calm down I don't want to give myself H.B.P HAHAHAHAHa.

I'm going to try to start eating better tomorrow. Cause I have been eating like crazy. But the best thing about that I have not gained weight at all. Even with all the junk food I have been eating. Crazy right. Oh yea we have to do florida a little different now. I'll write about it another time. Which I remember telling my friend let's try it that way but everyone said . But now we have to do it that way. Well I'll write about it another day. Well I'm Out. Till Next Time.

9/7/03 - Saturday 1:37am

Well don't you hate it when you have like 18 voice messages in your cell and only like 10 are messages the other 8 are people hanging up. Fucking people I'm telling you. If I know I'm not leaving a message I hang up on time. Another thing I hate is when someone leave's you a message but you don't remember who it is.

I got one today from some guy named (Will). Now I know maybe like 3 Will's the most. Now when you know for a fact is not the other will's it help. But now I can't still figure out the voice. The voice sound's sooooooooooooo familiar. Guess now I have to wait till this person call's back cause I don't even know who called. Till Next.

9/8/03 - Monday 1:54am

So the baby just finished throwing up. If she cry's to much she throw's up. She has a weak stomach. Poor Baby! When I came out the room I hear her crying. So mami told me to go get her cause they were not letting her out of the room and that she was throwing up cause of the crying. Once I went in she started crying TiTi. But still throwing up at the same time. I hate seeing her like that. After I picked her up she didn't want anyone to touch her. Not even mami. My mother went to wipe her face cause she was red and still crying she took the tissue away from her and sad no TiTi. So she let me wipe her. That's My Princess. She's ok now. In fact she's sleeping right now.

Now I was upset cause I think my mother threw away my Dance Uniform's. I had them in a bag. She said she know's how important those's are to me and that she would never throw them away. But I also told her that when she is cleaning and she's upset she can care less about any Dancing outfit's. And it's possible that's in the garbage. Or in the hand's of some little girl who found it in the garbage and think's she's a Showgirl now. I cleaned out 2 closet's and nothing still. I only have one more place to check. I am hoping that it's around there. Let me go. Till Next Time

9/10/03 - Wednesday 12:57am

Well right now this baby is driving me Crazy. If I go to my room and lock the door she start's crying Titi. If I let her in she stay's for a while and then say Grandma. If it's not that she start's jumping in my bed. I don’t care if she does that during the day but not when we are trying to put her to sleep at night. Last night I hear her Crying Titi at 5:00 in the morning. I had to get up and figure out what was going on and see why was she crying. When I came out my mom tell's me {Ma Take Her Cause She's Crying For You And She's Going To Throw Up If She Keep's Crying.} Once I came out she saw me and came to me right away. The good thing is that when I laid her with me she knocked out like 10 minutes after that.

Right now I'm typing with her on me. She's falling asleep now. Ok she's out just laid her down. Well yesterday the whole day I had a headache. Let me go I wanted to write more but I forgot about what. Till Next Time

9/14/03 - Sunday 7:00pm

I Am So Sick. Been sick for like 3 day's now. In the beginning of the week I felt sick. But This weekend is when it kicked me in the (Ass). I drank a whole bottle of Night-Quill and still felt like shit. So this morning I just took 2 Aleve and I'm much better. My friend's told me yesterday to take the Aleve but I didn't want to. I felt like shit yesterday. I think the Aleve is wearing out though. I’m going to have to take 2 more in about an hour.

You know what I hate when someone in my house is sick I take care of them. I make their soup I make sure they take their medicine on time. When I'm sick I have to take care of myself. Don't get me wrong my mami did my soup twice. But I have to keep track of the hour's between my medicine. Now Am I asking for to much. Am I being a baby. Yea I know I'm an adult and could take care of myself. But it is nice to know that I can rest and when I need to take my medicine someone is going to come and say *Eni you Have To Take Your Medicine Again and have it right there in front of me with the water and all. I do it for them. I wake them up so they can take their medicine. I make their soup. I take it to them.

I am a baby that I can say. I need/like the attention. Like yesterday I told my mother You don't care about me, You don't take care of me Then after I say that is that she pay's attention. Which I milk it for all I can! But why do I have to mention it. Anyway's let me get my ass out of here and back on my bed. Till Next Time.

9/17/03 - Tuesday 1:50am

Well I'm way better now. It's funny how fucked up you look when your sick. I look in the mirror now and I'm like shit thank goodness. My lip's are turning pink again. Their no longer livid. My throat doesn't look swallow. Trust me the shit I went through this weekend was bad. I kept getting cold sweats during the day. I would be sleeping And wake up all sweaty. But then again cold. I was sweating so much I had to put my fan on. Which I no was no good but I couldn't take it.

I feel so good now compared to the way I felt the day before yesterday. And to top that I'm still sick.

You know I found out that some lipsticks have lead in them. And that it can cause cancer. Now the way they told me to test my lipstick is to: Put Lipstick On Your Hand. Then Take A 14k or 24k Gold Ring And Rub It On Your Lipstick And If It Start's to Turn Black That Mean's That Lipstick Has Lead. Me and my friend's tried it none of my lipstick's turned BLACK But 1 of my friend's lipstick turned black. Oh and my other friend had one that turned black too. Now I don't know if it's true. But they were giving out these paper's that said that. So we tried it. They also said some name brands but I'm not going to mention any kind here. But yea who know's. I have been testing my lipstick's now cause of what I read. Anyway's let me go I have to pee Till Next Time

9/18/03 - Thursday 1:25am

Well remember the big plan's us girl's had for next summer to go live in florida. Well if you don't remember read it again here:

*Girls*Plan*

Well Yea we still moving but now were thinking of other place's. So far we have mentioned *Cali* & *Hawaii* & *Spain* etc.... We was thinking how about we move for one year one place then the following year try someplace else. Then decide where we like it most. Well the thing is we have a whole year so there are going to be a lot of different idea's and suggestion's till it's time to leave. But let's see what happen's. Till Next Time.

9/20/03 - Saturday 2:30pm

Well I felt bad about something I said to someone 2 day's ago. Ok. We was talking but I forgot and some how I ended up telling this guy he was Friend Material. Now I was trying to explain to him how guy's judge girl's the same way. You know how they say shit like She's Wifey Material Well Girl's do the same thing. Anyway's like I was saying. So I told him he was friend material. But then he tell's me (Why am I friend material). Well the reason I said it is cause to me he's more of a player type. And I tried to explain even more cause he was still like: But why am I friend material and not boyfriend material. So I come out like a Nalga, Mind you this was the only way I knew how to explain it. I said: Well you rather be with a good girl and come home to her or do you rather come home to a hoe.

Then he was like so you calling me a hoe. I was like heck no. I was not calling him that at all. I think he's a sweet guy. I might think he's a player or a picky guy but I do think he's sweet. Well my point is I felt bad cause he had told me I think I could be A very good boyfriend And when he said that was when I was like (You know what who am I to say his only boyfriend material). And I told him it's not a bad thing either. But then again I thought about it and I wouldn't like someone to tell me (Oh *Eni you not wifey material your not one I would like to come home to). Then he tell's me he felt bad for what I said. Then I started feeling bad. I was just saying a comment. But when I first said it I thought it wouldn't bother him.

Anyway's I'm a bad girl. I won't say that agin to anyone. Well only if I can't stand him and I feel like he is not boyfriend material. I'm crazy I'm basically saying I would still say it. I just like to be honest. But I do take back what I said to him. He is sweet. Hey I could date someone like him and he can be the best man I have ever had in the world. And me thinking he's only friend material. It's not good to talk to much shit. I knew this girl who hated this guy. She would always say he made her want to throw up. Guess what she had his Baby. Till Next Time

9/21/03 - Sunday 7:26pm

Oh did I mentioned that me and the baby have Pink Eye. Oh Saturday night was the worst. Well not really it was fun until I told the girl's something that happen to me before. Well I had mentioned it to them before but I always made it into a joke. Well I actually built up the ball's to say it without making it into a joke. Then of course I broke down cause that's one story I can't say without crying. The thing is when you saying a story you basically reliving it when you go into detail's. So I told them. My sister was like damn you never told me the whole story. I told her I never could cause I always end up crying. And I always try to be the strong one. The one that doesn't break down. But that story always get's me crying so I avoid saying it. I've only told that story maybe 3 time's. Well then I'm there crying everyone is like don't cry you going to make everyone else cry. So I had (A) crying and the other two were about to cry until I crack a joke like always trying to make it a little funny and said: That's the first time I ran block's and 5 flight's without getting tired. So everyone started laughing.

But the good thing is that nothing happened to me. And I am grateful for that.

Now I'm the type of person I hate showing my feeling's I don't like to cry in front of people. Mind you I'm super sensitive but I try not to show it. And at the same time some time's I feel like I'm not sensitive enough. Anyway's like I was saying I'm the type if I cry I get up walk away cry like a baby somewhere else. And when I say cry like a baby I mean it. You know when some baby's cry that they can't breath and when they try to talk they can't cause their trying to say the word and breath at the same time but can't. That's me!!

But I'm glad they know the story cause I don't ever have to say it again. I told my mami the story last year & now I told them. So that's it.

Well we can't find mover's for my sister it's been hard some place's charge to much. My brother's girlfriend got high light's done in her hair. It look's nice. I think it should of been thicker high light's. But at least now she know's how the thin one look's and next time she'll know what she want's. My sister is coming later. Oh yea yesterday we had like a disagreement about where to move to. It was funny cause I was suggesting someplace else. Then my friend was saying something. But my sister I think was agreeing more with my best friend. And at the same time she doesn't want to make me feel bad like she's taking sides. Anyway's I hope they get what I'm trying to say. Which I think they would. But I need to find thing's out first

9/25/03 - Thursday 5:59pm

Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday (Dear Mama) Happy Birthday to you

Well I don’t have pink eye anymore. Well my niece was staying with us for a while. It was like a month & 1 week. The sad thing is that she left today. So were not going to see her for a while. Dont like that idea.

Ok now last weekend me and the girl's were watching some home video's of my sweet sixteen and other party's that I have on video. Now watching my sixteen one was funny. You know your voice is all high pitch at that age nasty. Now I was looking at myself and I don’t look a day over 15. So that make's me think guy's use to tell me I didn't look that age. But looking at myself you can tell I'm not 17/18. Don't get me wrong I use to lie about my age to sometimes. But shit have a conversation with me and you can tell. Let's not forget that for my age some people use to say I was very mature. But still come on. Like now I tell my girl's damn if I see some guy's I use to date back then I would love to ask them to be honest with me and to tell me if they knew how old I really was. I'm sorry but I don’t believe that they really thought I was 18 when I was really 15. Well enough about that.

Now I got mad watching the video cause my aunt did some foul shit to my mami. Well let me start by saying that my sixteen was celebrated with a guy that was turning 28. So yea it was in the same place. which I would of liked it to be different. Well anyway's the party was cool. Everyone was there I came in afterwards. So I had noticed in the video that my mami told my aunt not to sing happy birthday to me until she was there. Just so happen's they sang happy birthday to me without my mom being there. So in the video you hear my mama tell my aunt why did you do that I told you to wait a minute till I came back. I hear my aunt in the video say something like oh forget it or something like oh to late. Now that pissed me the fuck off. Cause I never noticed that. And at that age you not paying attention to adult's. My mind was on all the guy's that were coming and how we looked etc....So yea watching that video urked the shit out of me. I mean come on I'm her daughter she want's to be there when they sing that you know. I just don't understand evil people sometimes.

Like in my family my mami is the nice's out of all her brother's and sister's. Everyone else is like evil. But then again my mami has a different father from the rest. So that basically explain's that. Another thing everyone in my family say's I'm like my dad when it come's to my attitude and other stuff. They also say that noone can talk to my mom wrong cause I'm like a Pitt...You damn right I am that's my mami. And it's true. My thing is that since she's the nice's one everyone think's that they can go over her. Not really over her cause she's not a sucker. But one day they talking to her about one sister But, then they go talk to the other sister about my mami. And since I'm the honest one I open my big mouth and be like (Why you talking shit when you was in my house talking about this one) Then they get pissed off at me. And I don't give a fuck. I like straight out people not bullshiter's.

And to be honest their right about the Pitt thing. We can be having a family party and I'm constantly checking on my mom. And if someone even say's one stupid comment I go off. To be honest even when it's no biggy. I do wait see what my mami is going to say. I let her defend herself. But if I see like she decided to let it pass cause she's one to let thing's pass I always have to say something even if it's one word. I'm just over protective with her. Well let me go. Till Next time

9/27/03 - Saturday 4:28pm

Well spoke to my brother yesturday. He told me that the baby stood crying TiTi for almost an hour. She miss's me. I want her to come back. Like sometimes when she's here I get upset when she mess's my stuff up especially my bed. But I don’t get mad at her I get mad at the people who don't fix it after she get's off. I always tell them if you put her on my bed please fix it when she's done playing in it. But I don’t get mad at her. Oh yea she learned how to get on the bed by herself now. Another thing which I thought this was going to happen maybe when she's like 3 or 4 yrs old. Her going for my makeup. Now I have a case of makeup that she can't get to. But sometimes my main lipstick's I leave them on top of my drawer. This she has been doing for a while now and she's only 1yr old. She get's near the drawer and starts taking my lipsticks and opening them. Now when she close's them is when I worry. Now when I go to use my lipsticks it has like a little hole in it. Why cause she doesn't know how to close it.

Well even though I get mad when she touch's my thing's I always say: I rather her play with my stuff then her not be here Oh yea my sister just moved in with my friend today. The reason for that is to save money to move to another state. Last time I said florida but not sure now. But we will know at least 5 month's before the move. She told me why don't I move in to. But image 3 girl's in 1 bedroom studio. I was like no it's ok. She was like (I don't care cause we moving to a big house in a year). Anyway's were going to redecorate my mami's livingroom for Thanksgiving if god permits. I want to redecorate the bedroom for her. It will be good if we get to do it all the same day. Let's see. It has to be a day she's at work all day. And after that she could go visit her mother. So when she get's home where done. Let me go. Till Next Time.

9/29/03 - Monday 11:51pm

I have a fat headache. I hope it goes away. I called my dad the other day but he didn't pick up. I wasn't going to call but then my friend was like call I want to know what he's going to say. The thing is I have a brother I never meet. Well only once. I remember my father taking me to get some kid at school. I was 5 I think. The boy was 7. So we went to my aunt's house and my dad gave him cereal. All I know was that I wanted some but my dad said there's none left I'll get you some later. So I just remember him eating the cereal that I wanted. Well the thing is that every time I had asked my dad about him he doesn't give me straight answer's. I hate that shit. If it's not him going around the question is some other bullshit.

Now the thing is yea I have always been curious about him. But sometimes I think he might not even want to know anything about us. Which is understandable. But every now and then I think about him. Now the thing is that my dad had an affair with a married women. I think that's the story. So when she got pregnant she told her husband that it was his. Now I don't know if that lady ever told my brother that he has a different father then her other kid's. Cause she did have 2/3 other one's I think. Which big chance is that he does know. But then again he probably doesn't want to know anything about my dad. Since some people hate their dad's for not being there.

My thing is I want to get info from my dad about him. I think my dad has a picture of him when he was 10. So that mean's he must of seen him or at least the mother and she gave him that picture. I don’t know what the deal is. I'm going to try to call my dad again see what he tell's me. But he be on some shit sometime's. I just want to see him at least once. And if after that he doesn't want to keep in contact that’s fine. I don't blame him. As long as I get to see him and speak to him once It's all good.

My fucking headache. Till Next Time.

9/30/03 - Tuesday 4:15pm

Well I had this nasty dream. I had a dream that I was going to have sex with some guy. I remember seeing his dick and it was small and skinny. The thing is that in my dream I didn't even like him. The good thing is that I didn't even get to sleep with him. I just remember seeing him naked and saw his dick. In my dream I was like what the fuck is this. Now don't get me wrong it wasn't the size that mattered to me it was how skinny it was. I mean come on size sometime's doesn't matter but it has to have at least some thickness to it. Well yea that shit was like the size of a Mc'Donald straw. You know how Mc'Donalds straws are thicker then a regular straw from the store. Well that's how skinny it was. Well anyway's not even in my dream's I could have sex with someone I don't like. That's nasty. Well it turn's out I didn't. Then he had my pant's and I was screaming for him to give me my pant's back. It was just a nasty as dream.

Now talking about casual sex. There's people that can have casual sex. To me that's nasty. I take sex to serious to just go for some pleasure.

Well you know how some guy's when their girl's go's out they get jealous and think how about if this chick meet's someone out there and does something. Well every guy I have had never thought that. Yea they get jealous cause no guy like's other guy's around their girl but they know that I would never do anything with anyone. I don't even kiss a guy I don't know. You know how some girl's kiss guy's at club's that they don't know. I can't. How about if this guy has a nasty mouth or a cut in his mouth. Nah can't do it. Anyway's so when I would come back from hanging with the girl's they would just ask me did you have fun. I'll be like yes I did. Some guy's have to drill their girl's cause they know how their girl's are.

I think I have been a good girl friend. They never had to wonder if I was cheating. That's a good thing. Come on who want's to be with someone that you have to break your head thinking if your partner is out there doing some shit or meeting other guy's.

The only problem I have that I can drive a guy crazy is how JEALOUS I am. I'm so jealous it's not even funny. I try to not be that way but I can't help it. Don't get me wrong I'm not jealous to make show's outside. I don't do that. That's ghetto. I don't do show's in front of anyone. I mean you would know if something is wrong cause I'll be quiet. But I'll wait till we get home to talk to you about it. But it's like I always say: Guy's give you a reason sometime's to be jealous. Like if I have a man he can ask me anything I don’t have a problem answering his question. Now if I ask something and he come's out with (Why you ask me that) Or (That's not important). I think that's wrong. He can ask me but I can't ask. One thing I won't give myself is a headache over a guy. And if you giving me a headache or making me wonder about you cause you being to secretive about thing. It's Over!

El a Mi, No Me Vas a Volver Loca!

I rather have someone I can trust and that's open with me the way I would be with him. I really don't need the bullshit and the waste of time from guy's like that. So let's put it this way if I can't sleep peaceful cause I'm breaking my head with him, wondering if he's doing something he's not suppose to. Then he's done. Next!!! Just like if I can't work or go to school in a good mood, why be with him. You know when you have a man and everything is good between the both of you & he's good to you he makes you happy you can go to work happy. You go to school happy. When you have a fucked up guy that you constantly worrying and you can't trust him it's hard. You go to work upset. You go to school but you don't concentrate cause you thinking about him and what he's doing. That's no fun. Same goes for guy's if you have to wonder if she's doing something then decide do you want to have that headache or get someone that you can trust. Well you know who know's maybe to some people that's not a headache. But you know what to me it is. So that's how I think. Till Next time

10/2/03 - Thursday 11:04pm

What's up. Do you believe my freaking throat is not better yet. I dont have a fever but that won't go away. Every time I swallow it hurt's. When I sneeze it hurt's so bad. Today I said I wasn't going to talk see if that help's I only stood 3 hour's without talking. I was writing on paper for those 3 hour's. I'm going to try not to talk tomorrow the whole day. Which is not going to work cause tomorrow these girl's are coming so we can talk about when is the best time to take a trip and check out the apartment's to where we moving to. But I will try not to talk. I'll write everything down on paper like I did for those 3 hour's.

My cousin is funny cause he come's out and say's (OOOOh you couldn't talk but as soon as your cell phone ring's you pick it up and you girl's start talking shit). I told him *~ What you want me to do pick up my phone and hum ~*. I have to speak. Freaking shit this throat is no joke. I bought ice cream. I bought halls candy. My Lipton soup. Tomorrow same thing for the whole day. I hope I get better soon. Well let me go watch my movie. Till Next Time

10/4/03 - Saturday 2:46am

Well I got upset today cause my sister told me that my friend was talking about me last night. Now I remember talking to my friend about after we finish school in florida if we can pack and go some place else. She tell's me well I don't know if once I'm there if I'm going to want to move again. Ok I know that’s where she been wanting to move cause she even wanted to go with her ex-man but he didn't want to go there. My thing is that I just want to travel one more place before settling in one place. I guess she didn't like that. She told my sister that she's worried that if I don't like it over there I'm packing and leaving else-where.

Now what I told her yesterday in a conversation was: (V) If once we're done with school can we try another place. She Said: Well I don't know cause I might not want to leave from there. So I said: Well Let's see cause I want to finish school then try some place else and if I don't like it some place else I'll go back there. Now where in that conversation did I say once I get there if I don't like it I'm leaving. Not once. I just don't like people putting word's in my mouth. Come on by me saying I'll finish school there say's I'm at least devoting 2/3 years of school there. Trust me I was pissed. There was more that she said that got me heated but I decided to let it go. And trust me the other stuff is what really urked me this ain't shit. But I think maybe she didn't like something I said about the wanting to leave thingy. Till Next Time.

10/5/03 - Sunday 12:59am

Well We were talking today about the move. Well me and my sister was saying that even if we have to stay 2 extra month's here to save more money it's ok it's only 2 extra month's to be on the safe side. But this girl (V) Doesn't want to wait. We tried telling her it's just for extra money but she won't have it. She's like we're leaving the month we said we would. So we just dropped it. Will see what happen's when that time come's.

But since this is going to be our last year here. We decided that we are going to put the dance group together for the last year. So this month we're going to work out a lot. In is when we are going to start practice. And maybe by we can Audition more girl's for the group. They just have to be fast learner's and 21 & over. We started talking about the time's we auditioned for other group's. That shit was mad funny. With my best friend what happened was that she was trying to audition for the group I was in. I taught her some few step's that the leader liked and wanted to see. But I also showed her this one step that our group was known for. But I told her do not do that step. If anything work around that step change it a little. Cause if she see's the step she's going to know someone been showing her the steps. It's my friend's turn the bitch is shitting brick's. Music start's first step she come's out with is the step that I told her not to do unless she was going to change it. The leader gave like a little smile like I know someone been teaching you type of smile. I was surprised she did it. And to top it all off that was her intro step. But it was funny.

My audition for that same lady was when I was 12. My neighbor was the one that told my mom that she's seen me dance and that she know's I'll get in. Now in my friend's audition there was only girl's in mine their were girl's and a bunch of guy's. Don't get me wrong those guy's were like 16-28yr old. Not even paying attention to me. But at 12 anywhere, where their's guy's you get nervous. Now I had to watch the girl's first then replay it for them. So I got up did my thing. Mind you I moved so much and so hard. I was exhausted but kept on. The bitch had the ball's to stand right by my side. I'm looking straight at the mirror's. I don't even look at her. She tell's me Muevete Mas Which mean's Move More. Now I was moving alot to begin with but the bitch wanted to test me. So I started to move faster. She stay's there again she's like Muevete Mas again Muevete Mas over and over. To be honest I thought I was going to quit. Cause I was doing it so fast and hard that I couldn't do it any harder then I was. But then again she stood in front of me and said Your In. I was so happy.

I was so good that the age group's went from 11-15 which they only did like parade's and little shit show's. Well not shit show's but you know. But me I got booted to the 16-29yr old girl's. And not only that. There was girl's that were 16 18 19yr old that got pushed to the back of the show's and pushed me to the front. Which at the time I didn't like not cause I was scared but because of the fact a lot of girl's were upset that this little 12/13 yr old was getting booted to the front of the show. So sometime's they would not even talk to me. They even went out there way to bring other girl's to watch us practice then to tell the leader that, that girl in the front (Which was me) looked to young. Mind you these are their friend's and the leader knew it. So all she said was well only when you see her face but when girl's are dancing guy's are not looking at face's.

Even after a few year's there were still problem's that it got to the point that we had to battle for the front. I think one year I lost. Now not to sound conceited but I think that the reason I lost was cause one of the judge's was the sister of the girl I was battling for the spot. But the good thing is that even when we was right about to get on stage. My leader looked at me and the girl's and said there's a change of plan's *Eni you in the front again Johana you go to the back. Now this is after she got on stage saw that there was thousand's of people there watching. Now don't get me wrong I don't think I'm all that. I guess I was just better then the girl's in that group. But I'm no bad as dancer just good enough to look good moving just like anyone that has beat. Till Next Time.

10/6/03 - Monday 6:24pm

Well remember that I had written on Saturday that the practice will be starting in . Well it started the next day. Which was Sunday yesturday. Yesterday I didn't dance.All I did was just go over the step's with them. Which now they basically got it cause once you do it you remember. But today I am DancingI got my two pony tail's up. Only in a show is that it look's cute the hair all over your face when you Dance. Not when your practicing all sweaty and shit. So yea I'm ready got my sweat's on just waiting. My sister tired to get the CD we dancing to she can't find it. So I had to call this girl tell her she couldn't find it and after work for her to go get it. But she just called me told me she couldn't get it. Cause the one around her way just closed. I told her I still have a copy it doesn't sound all good but it's good enough for now. Well let me go. Till Next Time

10/8/03 - Wednesday 12:58am

Well Danced yesterday. Danced today. It was better then I thought. We spoke about outfits. I came out with one that they liked. But that could change by then. Cause sometime's depending on the dance you might want something more comfortable. That's all for right now. ( This is a short entry)....Till Next

10/10/03 - Thursday 12:58am

What's up. I danced today. Got 4 mosquito mark's. One on each shoulder. One on my back. One on my leg. But we killed it. I called the school I'm surpose to go to. That shit is in (West Bubble Fuck). I called other school's today. Cause if I can find one closer it would be better. It's funny how some school's don't know when classes start. I think it has to be the secretary's that don't know shit. But because of them I have to call again another day & hope someone else that knows more pick's up. Well my sister came today but didn't get to dance. She came to late. We all had to weight ourself today. Till Next Time

10/11/03 - Saturday 2:01am

What's up. Well Today I choreographed BabyBoy: By Beyonce It look's pretty good. I didn't get to finish it. These girl's were tired so we stoped. I choreographed it with Baby boy but that can change at any time. The thing is right now we're working on that but by the time we do a show we might have to put the step's to the Hottest Song out at the moment. That's why we need fast learner's cause there's no way I'm breaking my head. So for now it's that song. Well we started at 10:30pm I think and we finished at 1:00am so that's not bad. Well tomorrow is the Dance audition for The Roof. Which is funny cause we was watching the show and we was thinking about how you get on there and do they hold audition's. Well we know it's in miami. Which as you know us girl's are moving to miami in 10 month's I see it like it's next year a long time from now. But it's only 10 month's from now. Crazy Right. Anyway's like I was saying. If they make one next year hopefully will be able to go to that one since will be living in Miami by then. But that's if they make another (Audition). Anyway's good luck to those girl's who get to audition tomorrow. I do hope we get to see it. Till Next Time

10/12/03 - Sunday 2:24am

Well I danced today. We just added a few more step's today. We didn't want to really do to much. We just added a few more and perfected the routine we have so far. Today my cabs was hurting like crazy. Not both just one. Today we did well how can I describe it. Ok it's a Brazilian dance. Well everyone seen the main Brazilian dance. Well we do something like that nonstop for a good while. Which after a few minutes your leg's start to burn. Anyway's I haven't done it in so long that it burn's like crazy now. Before I could do it with out it burning that's how use to it I was. But give me a few more week's it won't hurt any more. At least I don't stop even though it hurt's.

Shit I just remembered my brother left I think Clubbing or to a Lounge and forgot his key's. I hate when he does that. Now he's going to call my cell right when him and his boy's get here. I tell him all the time take your freaking key's. His ass always forget's that shit. He better hope I find a nice movie to keep my ass up. In fact I'm going to call his cell phone and see if he has his key's with him. Well let me go. Till Next Time.

10/15/03 - Wednesday 5:07pm

What's up. Oh it turned out my brother did take his keys that night. My brother got another tat. He got it on his wrist. The thing is that he's not liking it much. Practicing again today. We didn't do it yesterday cause we did it on Monday.

My Lipstick is finishing. I think my mami ordered another one for me. I could of sworn she told me she did. Let me go I'll right more later.

10/22/03 - Wednesday 1:34am

What's up. I have a fat headache. Just finish helping my little cousin shop for clothes. It's crazy how much men clothes cost. Check this out. He got 5 Jeans, 4 Shirt's, 1 Belt, Pack of Briefs, 2 DVD's, 1 MP3 Player, 2 Pair's of Tim's, 1 Sneaker, 4 Hat's, 3 Scarves, 2 Gloves, And His Bubble Coat. Now you know what was the total for all that.

$1,450.

All he bought was 27 thing's. Do you even know how much a girl can buy with what he spent. Well now that I think about it I'm not sure but I know I can buy at least 40 stuff or more. For a girl you can get jean's for like $40-50. Guy's is like $65-85. Well I wish I had the money to waste on clothes. I can't wait till I no longer have the bill's I have. To top it all up wait till I start college. I know I'm going to have to get a loan.

IT'S SAD TO BE POOR.

But I am Grateful for what I have. And the family that I have. Cause I wouldn't give that up for anything. But not everyone can be lucky & rich. Anyway's. My cousin does deserve that. Every year he get's straight A's. His an Honor student.

Shit my ass was bad I cut for like 3 week's once thinking my mami wouldn't notice. Yea I know. Dah. But anyway's I use to cut in my best friend's house she lived down stairs. So since she lives in the same building to go home all I had to do was make sure noone saw me leaving her house and just go up. Turn's out the school called mami. So me thinking shit this is easy to cut I'm never going to get caught. My mom stood outside waiting to see where I came from. Since she just heard I cut for like 2/3 week's. So I looked in the hallway noone was there like always. Knock like crazy in my house. So I'm like oh my mom went out. Turn's out she was in front of the building waiting for my Ass. So I stayed in the hallway. Then my mom come's up. So I'm like

Ma where were you

She was like (out).

I'm like ma I was waiting like crazy.

She tell's me to get inside.

Then she tell's me you know where was I.

I'm like oh no .

She's like I was in front of the building.

I was like oh.

Then she say's How did you get in this building without me seeing you.

I just stood quiet.

All of a sudden this women come's at me with the belt. Then I start crying. After that she leave's for a second come's back with the Fucking Broom like if the belt wasn't good enough. Paque fue eso. She tell's me to go down stair's get my book-bag I think it was. Then she tell's me make sure you tell them your not seeing them for a while. I go down everybody saw my arm's with belt mark's. My friend was like your mother found out. I'm like dah. Then my mother goes down and tell's my friend I'm telling your mother when I see her. But you see my friend she never got in trouble for doing anything. She had one of those mother's that let her do what ever. So she was like ok. But she was scared of her father. But my mother wouldn't tell her dad cause she know's she would get it.

That beat down did keep me straight for a while. Well Till I got to high school at least. But I realized in High School after a whole year of Hookie Party's that it was sad how I would go to party's every weekend. But then again Monday-Friday I will still cut just to dance reggae on top of some guy. Pathetic what you do when your young. But shit I must say those were Very Fun Time's. But yea one day I was like all tired from partying the whole weekend. That this guy came up to us and was like (Yo there's a Hookie in this such & such place) I was so Tired/Exhausted from the weekend that I was about to go & right there I thought shit I'm Fucking Tired. I want to go shit my ass down in class. I was like nah I'm not going. Then some of the girl's was like I'm not going if *Eni doesn't go. But 2 did go. I was like let me know how it went.

Anyway's I am proud of my cousin. He does real good in school. So does the little one too. But the little one I have to watch more.

Oh yea tomorrow is toning day. Shit I'm still fucked up from Monday. We suppose to do that every Monday-Wednesday-Friday. Then we practice from Tuesday- Saturday. Too much. Well today I didn't cause of the shopping. Plus I didn't eat anything till like 7pm today. Not good. Well let me get off. Till Next Time

10/26/03 - Sunday 1:36am

What's up. Well right now it should of been 2:36am but because of change of time it's 1:36am now. Oh remember how I was bitching that I wanted a new Book. Well I got one today. It's called: Thieves Paradise. Same Author as the last one I read calledCheaters. Now I get to go lay down when I'm bored before I go to sleep and just read. The other day my ass was hurting from all the Toning/Dancing. It doesn't hurt today. But I have to do toning again on Monday. Suck's! I just realized that it's been a year since I started this Dairy .

In a way it suck's cause one thing I wanted to do before I hit a year was start school. And right when I was going to start the whole thing about us moving to florida came up. So then I had to tell the school that I was no longer attending. But in a way I feel it's ok. I try to see if the girl's wanted to stay here for a while till we finished school. But since everyone was wanting a change everyone was like no let's just go and do school over there. It's kool. I'm good. Till Next Time

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10/26/03 - Monday 11:59pm

What's up. I bought the Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. Everyone keep's saying that the movie was Wack/Stupid & that they Over Exaggerated the Stunt's. Now when guy's judge Chick*Flick's I don't listen cause guy's are always hating on those type of movie's. Now my sister told me that the movie was ok but it got kind of corny. Now me and my sister have about the same taste in movie's. Now when she told me that was that I thought imagine that movie does suck. Well I do have it and I'm going to see it in a little while.

My brother was just watching it and he scream's from the room Yo This Movie Suck's. He even turned it off that's how bad he said it was. Well I'll see it later tonight. I did my nail's yesterday.

Oh yea the other day I lend my sister the book Cheater's. Now I told her read the book and don't bring it back without the cover. That's what happen to the last book she took of mine. Anyway's turn's out my best friend had the book in her purse and she started to read it. Now she told me that my sister has not even asked for the book. And that the other day when she went to go to sleep she started to read the book so she want's to finish it now. She told me not to tell my sister and see if she notice's or even mention's the book. The other day after we were all talking and my sister come's out with yea I want to read a book. Then she has the ball's to look at me and say: You haven't given me that book to read. And the face that I had was like Excuse Me. Then she's like (Did you lend me that book.) I'm thinking this bitch I lend her something and she has no idea where it is. I was like yes I did. But you see I knew my friend had it. But later that night my friend take's out the book and say's I haven't finished this book yet. My sister look's at it and doesn't even realize is the book I lead her. After she saw us smiling and my friend kept repeating it over was that she was like (What Let me see that book). Then she come's out with that's why I couldn't find it. We all started laughing including her cause she know's she wasn't even looking for it. So now she has to wait till this girl is finished with the book. Well Let me go. Till Next Time.

11/5/03 - Wednesday 11:35pm

What's up. Well let me just say that I did like Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. Well my niece was a Butterfly for Halloween. My brother brought the pic's they took of her on her birthday. 2 yr's old now. She look's so cute in those pic's my favorite is the one with the blue background. Then the one of her face closeup look's better big. Cute anyway's. Today we didn't have to . My nail's are long now so it take's me longer to type. I still type fast but I feel like I'm going slow and making more mistake's. But like alway's I dont care.

My best friend is meeting this guy on Saturday around my block. She meet him online. She's pretty open with that whole online thingy. We was talking about that the other day. My sister was like shit something could happen to you. But like she say's it's the same thing as meeting people in a bar you don’t know them from a hole in the wall. Which is true. But then my sister was like at least you know what he look's like when you meet them at a bar/club. That's when this girl told her she saw his pic already. But yea she's meeting this guy up the block from where I live. Well she doesn't live around here so that's not a problem. I wanna she how that goes. I'm not down with the whole online thingy. I bet maybe after us girl's all moving in together that might change.

11/19/03 - Wednesday 1:42am

Well what's up. I haven't written in a while. Well today I finished that book I was reading. It took me long I guess. I'm gonna read back on my dairy see when was it that I started. I think I wroted down here when I started. Well anyway's I was sick for about a week. So not only didn't I I didn't get to read the book. I can't do anything when I'm sick. Bad thing is that right now I feel like my throat is getting bad again. I did just get better few day's ago. Not good! Poor me. Good thing is tomorrow we are not dancing.

Well remember that we are leaving next year right. Well thing now is my girl is going first. I say she might be there for maybe a month before she come's back to get the rest of us but she say's it won't take more then a week or two. Cause she doesn't want to be there alone. Thing is we have to do a lot of paper work etc....so it's better if 1 at least went ahead settled everything first. I want a platform bed for when I move to florida. But the reality is that I might not get it. So I'm going to stop thinking about it.

Another thing is that everyone keep's telling us that in florida you need a Car. There's no way you could be without a car there. Bad thing is we don't have one. Well Till Next Time.

11/29/03 - Saturday 1:00am

Well what's up. Happy Thanksgiving. Yesterday was good. I got to eat. I was sick again. Yea I know sad but true. I'm getting better now. I been sick 3 time's in the last 3 month's. Crazy right. With the same thing to. Throat, cough etc...They keep saying it's a bad flu. And that this year a lot of people have been getting it.

Well remember the florida move. It got put on hold. There is a reason's but I don't want to get into that right now. I told these's girl's I think it just all went out the window. Anyway's. Now I get to go to school here and just do that. Well let me get off now. Till Next Time

12/2/03 - Tuesday 12:52am

Well I am reading this book called Mama But I am so not feeling it. I need a book that call's me. That makes me want to read it every night. This one is just not doing it for me. When I do pick it up is cause I'm bored. I told this guy Torious not to ever call me again and that I wasn't going to call him again. Why I did it don't know. No wait I do know. Cause I don't need the fucking headache. My sickness is leaving.

My brother got his apartment. So now he just need's a job over there so he can leave. He's happy about that. My cousin (A) just moved in with my female cousin the one I don't speak to. which I have mentioned her on here before. Well yea they moved in together. I'm happy for him. Him!.

My girlfriend meet someone else online. Bad thing is she didn't like him either not cause of his look really but mainly cause of his height. He was 5"6. She say's the worst thing is when you don't like each other. She was worried cause she has to call him and tell him. But I told her he hasn't called her so for her to relax cause maybe he might not call. Then that's better for her cause she doesn't have to give any excuse. So she's going to wait and see if he call's. If he doesn't then at least she didn't have to say anything and it's just dead.

I Miss My Niece.

We might be renting a car to go up there and see my niece. I need my Drivers Licence. It's cold in my room. I always have that problem with this room. Right now I'm typing and I have my yellow scarf on. That's sad when your in your own house and you have to have a scarf on. Don't get me wrong we do get heat here but the window in my room was build wrong so coldness come's in. Till Next Time

12/8/03 - Monday 10:30pm

I Am So Fucking Heated Right Now

Let me just start by talking about how it went with my girl meeting this guy named Telly. Cause it has to do with that. Well you know my girl meet 2 people before and it didn't go good. So she meet Telly. Telly was cool, nice. Everything went good. I was happy it went good for her. I even told her before I think with telly it's going to go good.

Ok they meet that day. She take's him to her house. No nothing happen she's not that type So me and my sister stood in my house watching movie's to give them their space. We even called her on speaker phone to see how everything was going. She put Telly on the phone so he can talk to us. We said what’s up. He sounded real cool. He even told us he saw home video's of us Dancing in show's that we have done. We found it surprising that she showed our video's but we didn't care. So he was like I saw you girl's shaking your Ass's. So we started laughing. So he said it was nice and that we had a lot of girl's etc...

Now Come's Why I'm Heated

She tell's me yesterday that Telly and her are going to the movie's on Friday. Then she say's:

I was thinking after the movie's to come back to my house for a while and chill it depend's

Then I said:

Don't let him get use to the fact that he can appear whenever he want's cause remember if we gonna be chilling with different people and we go to your house to chill one day with people and he appears that would be fucked up.

She say's:

Oh hell No I told him already don't you dare come to my house with out calling first.

Which it's true. Cause I know he had said something to her and right away she put her foot down and told him he can't appear without calling or her knowing.

Now that's how the conversation went yesterday. My sister get's to her house. My dearest friend tell's my sister about the whole telly coming over after the movies on Friday. Then she tell's my sister I was talking to *Eni. I told her too about Telly coming on Friday. My sister goes what *Eni said. She come's out and say's that I said:

No You Are Not Bringing Him To Your House.

That pissed me the fuck off. Why would you say something I never said. That's fucking crazy. Now my sister told her *Eni said that. Then my sister tell's her well you can do whatever you want you know what you doing.

Now this is my thing.

1)Why would you lie about what your friend said.

2)Was it that you felt like maybe you going to fast and you wanted someone to tell you that what you was doing was ok.

So I told my sister that this chick is fucked up and why would she lie about what I said. So my sister tell's me maybe she just wanted to hear what she was going to do was ok so she needs to say someone said this so I can be like you know what you doing. But come on. We are not Little Girl's You don't make up what your friend said. I mean you’re a women if you feel like maybe what you doing is not such a great idea just be honest and be like: I want to do this but do you think it's ok. Admit how you feel. Don't say someone said this cause you want to hear what you want to hear.

I'm just heated cause we all mad tight and she's putting word's in my mouth. I'm the girl with the most opinion's the one with the most honesty. Don't put fake word's in my mouth. We're all adult's. It's like what you doing lying. I asked my sister if I can bring it up to her she doesn't want me to. I told my sister I want to bring this up to her. Cause I don't want this shit to happen again. So my sister said just to wait till we all talk together on Saturday to bring it up. Now you know what's going to happen. I'm not going to be as heated on Saturday. Which it's always better to talk when you not heated. But I feel that on Saturday she might be like I don't remember what *Eni said. Or I don't remember saying that *Eni said that. Well I'm already not as heated as when my sister first told me. HAHAHAHa. I just think we all adult's what's the bull with this girl said this & to top it all off It's word's I never said. I'm just not feeling it. Well hopefully we can bring it up on Wednesday. I just remember their coming on Wednesday to practice. So I don't have to wait for Saturday.

Well I'm Out.

12/11/03 - Wednesday 4:00am

What's up. Well remember the last entry I wrote. Well I didn't bring it up today cause I am no longer upset. I do that a lot. I could be mad for like 2 hour's then it leave’s. In fact they just left like at 3am. All we was talking about was what she's going to do on Friday. And what she's going to wear. We just came to the conclusion to keep away from skirt pajama's. HAHAHAH. We say go for pant's pajama. If you don't you might see your self like: .

Then we just talked about what color's to wear for show's. We came up with Beige & Black. But anything could change at the last minute. Then we was saying how we coming out of the stage. We usually had the DJ start the song cause we would put like a little intro in it so we can come out. Then once everyone got on stage since it was perfectly set up. Right when the last girl get's on stage the beat kick's in. We do noticed that other group's usually get on stage stand on stage then have the DJ start the song. My girl was saying which we all agree. When you do that you give people time to check you out. Cause you end up standing there for like a few second's waiting for the song to come out.

We don't like that. Well our idea is to have the DJ start the song then us come out Dancing. First to send out the girl's that are in the back then the girl's in the front. That way we do like a little crossing around each other routine and once we hit our spoke the beat kick's in. It's almost like the way we always do it but we came in differently before which I don't want to say. HAHAHAHAHa. And I think it's wack the way we did it before. It wasn't that wack. But it was funny.

So yea can't wait till we start doing the show's. Wow it's an Adrenaline for me. Just thinking about it. I get hype just imaginating how it's going to look and come out. You wouldn't know the feeling unless you love performing. Or just doing something you love so much. That’s what it is. Well Till Next Time.

12/21/03 - Sunday 4:00am

Well my brother is moving on the Dec 30 or 31. Oh I saw Gigli I think's that's how you spell it. Now yea I heard the movie is wack or suck's whatever you want to call it. But I actually found it kind of funny. I must say that the kid they kidnap is the one who made the movie funny. Well at least to me he did. Well what else. My brother told me that maybe he can have the baby come for Christmas until his leaving on the 30/31. I got excited for nothing cause when I asked his wifey she tell's me she can't for whatever reason. But then she said she'll try her best.

Oh yea my girl is dating a guy with a kid. One problem! He can't make time. His thingy is that no plans can be made. It's basically when his mom takes care of the kid that’s when he can chill. I knew that dating a guy with a kid was a problem. But now it look's like it suck's. Well to be honest the thing is that he has his son most of the week. Usually guy's have them for twice a week so it make's it easier. But still that can suck...Well Till Next Time.

12/30/03 - Tuesday 12:56am

Well I know it's late but Merry x-Mas. Well I got a lot of hair thingy's for x-Mas. Got the earring's I wanted. Got Sandal's. My sister got me 2 hair thingy's you put in your hair that gives you gold glitter in your hair & Makeup thing's Which I picked out. My Best friend got me a frame with a blown up picture of me in one of the show's we did before. It look's nice. I have to put it up in my room.

My niece is here. She's . She talk's so much. She's so smart. Let me go. Didn't get to finish what I wanted to write but I'll finish next time. Till Next Time

01/02/04 - Friday 1:16am

HAPPY*NEW*YEAR

Everyone. Well I hope that everything good I ask for this year I'll get. Well Let's see My Girl (V) is with Telly but that dude is fucking up. He's not doing anything bad. But he has to try harder. On the count down last night he should of had called her but didn't. She was pissed . My brother moved yesterday. The baby didn't want to go. I kept telling her you going home she kept saying no. But then my brothers girl told her we're going to see Daddy. So she left thinking she was coming back. Hate the fact she had to leave.

Well we did that thing that you write down everything you want for the new year on a peace of paper. Then you burn it & light a candle. All of us girl's did it. I had 14 thing's on my list. I think I want to much. Well it's not bad to want good thing's right. Well Let me get off. Happy New year People. Till Next Time

1/6/04 - Tuesday 2:01am

Well ~*Sex And The City*~ started yesterday. I still can't believe their going to end that show this year. That is a good as fucking show. Well my sister meet this guy I thought he was mad cool. But Guess what me and him had a misunderstanding. Well that's what I'm going to call it.

I told my sister the whole convo about what happened of course. But by what my sister told me he try to flip it and say that I was the one that had gotten upset or took him serious. Some shit like that he tried to say.

So since I saw that he lied. I know now he's a liar. And I don't like, for shit liar's. In fact I hate lair's..And I believe if I feel you’re a dishonest person Your just a person I don't need to know. There's billions of people in this world. .. The shit is that my sister doesn't like him cause he has this way of talking. So he basically fucked it up for himself... And she really doesn't like how he look's anyways....And to think I thought he was cool and tried for her to look beyond that. HAHAHAHAHAHHA...

Pearl Harbor The Movie

Now I saw this movie when it first came out. Only saw it once. Now I bought the movie right. Didn't remember anything about the movie but the fact that the action was really good.

Now (Josh Hartnett) The guy that play's (Danny) in the movie is fucking HOT I'm talking about really HOT. I never think anyone is that HOT. I mean I can't watch that movie with my friend's with out saying the word's HOT, CHULO, FINE, WANT HIM, IMAGINE, QUE CARRITA, OR I WANT SOMEONE LIKE HIM He's a cutie.

Now my girl tell's me that's what I say but big chance is that in person I probably won't be attracted to someone like that cause he's a White boy. No Offence to any white boy's out there please. That's when I started thinking she might be right. I have seen white boy's & I do think there cute sometime's. Of course the one's on TV. They look sexy. But yea I have never been attracted to a white boy ever. I think their cute. But never felt the attraction there. But I think if I had someone who look like (Danny) a.k.a (Josh Hartnett) I would be attracted to that. Oh Heck Yea I Would Be!!!!

1/11/04 - Sunday 2:01am

Well what's up..Been stressing on school. Really on what to take. It's just giving me a headache. Just have to keep my mind serene. If not I'll blow up. Well my girl meet this guy (f). He's real cool. He is very nice, Friendly. He actually told my girl that if us girl's ever want to hang out to give him a call. He also brought up this thing he does in Daytona Beach during the year and even said that us girl's should go up there with him when he does that. He has a very nice truck..He drives a Escalade or is it a Expedition. One of those two. It's a nice blue color that I remember.

Now we're not those type of chick's that the dude has to have a nice car it just so happen's he does. And they were talking before she even knew about the truck. The reason I'm writing this is cause I know some people are going to send messages talking Shit. Just making that clear before the messages come rolling in...I mentioned it cause the damn guy happens to have a truck. So have to say it sorry. Till Next Time

1/15/04 - Thursday 5:36pm

Well I came from the ER last night well actually this morning. The reason I went was cause my leg had been bothering me and I was limping for 3 day's. I think it had to do with the dancing. Anyway's worst thing I did was on it knowing that my leg was messed up. So that’s why I went last night/this morning at 1:00am. Good thing was that there was noone there. So I didn't have to wait to get checked.

Well they told me that my x-ray came back real good. Nothing wrong with my knee. No water in my knee. So maybe it was just a minor strain. So I have to keep off it for a good week. No dancing. Nada. Hopefully it won't hurt by next week. The only problem is that my pulse is high. Over there it came out to 114. Now the nurse thought it had to do with my knee. But I told her that my pulse is usually about 103-109. She said I should have that checked out. That it's not real bad that needs to be checked out there but that’s something I should get checked out. I have a pulse of a kid. But my sugar was ok. No high (Blood-P).

I'm happy that I have nothing wrong with my leg but now I'm walking around the house with this red stick right....But now I look like that old man from Lord Of The Rings that walk's around with the stick. Yep that's me right now..I was walking pass my mami she's sleeping and me banging that stick on the floor pissed her off she was like: Stop That Noise. I was like sorry ma I can't walk. She felt bad she was like sorry mami I thought it was one of the kid's playing.. She even said sorry twice..I look sorry

Anyway's I think I'm boy/guy/man crazy. I noticed I can't go anywhere without saying Oh He's Cute, Oh No He's Cute, Wow Did You See Him There was like maybe 4/5 guy's I was looking at in that hospital. Now I noticed I am like that but I never go for mine. Or try to get with guy's all the time. I like looking but once they come on to me I just brush it off. Why I don't know. But yea I think I'm guy crazy. Or maybe not maybe I just like looking at good looking guy's. I'm funny. Well I'm just glad that there's nothing wrong with my knee. Till Next Time

1/19/04 - Monday 11:17pm

Well What's up...Victor called me yesterday....We spoke a little..Not Much...HE put some song there saying that he dedicates that song to me.. He's funny But in a Adorable way...We haven't spoken in a while....I think he still has that second job of his...I hate that job...With a passion...Yea maybe chick's out there don't mind their man with that kind of job cause they like the so called benefits...But when you care about someone a lot it's when It bothers you..Cause you care more for the person then any other benefits so they say come's from that kind of job. To be honest Their's actually no benefits that I think that come's from that shit.....But then again is like this guy told me once: Only a Materialistic girl can see that.

Had chest pain today thought it was something serious..But my mami say's since I been walking around with that stick cause of my leg maybe thats what was causing the pain...Cause I am working out my arm and chest.....But who know's... Let me go.

1/21/04 - Wednesday 11:37pm

What's up..Spoke to a doctor...I was told my leg could take from 2-3 week's to get better...Doesn't that suck...Well I'm suppose to do an Essay for school...That is so not my shit...Haven't even gotten started...I do have enough time but I should start now to be on the safe side..That way I don't have to worry about it until I have to give it in...

Well we already started looking on vaca's..We're doing the Resort thingy this time..I got a phone # to call for that phone actress job...Let's see..They offer $10 Hr..Don't know if that's good..Want to check around see if that's the usual pay..Or some place's pay more...Well Let me go...

02/01/04 - Sunday 4:36pm

I have 2 more week's to see if my leg get's better...If it doesn't I have to go back to the hospital....Which mean's it has to be something else..If it does get better that mean's that after that I have to wait at least 1 week or 2 before dancing or doing anything to make sure my leg is good....

You know what's funny....I actually want a baby now.....Funny thing is I'm not even in a serious relationship....If I had my shit together and my career straight I would have one right now....I think

I say that now but, who know's...Maybe if I did have my shit together I probably wouldn't want to have a baby...

I thought I was the only one who thought if i had my shit together that I would have one now..But my sister and my friend say the same thing....

But I guess that's only once in a while we think like that.....When we start thinking about going on vaca we thank goodness none of use have baby's...Which mean's: Vaca, 4 Girl's, Water, dance ,bug out, Phat tan's, Drink, Do what we want..Which it's good for now...But Can't wait to have my baby's some day...:) Till Next Time

2/02/04 - Monday 12:24 Am

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU , HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR BELLA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

Well What's up...Oh I just found out something about myself....I never put anything sexual on this site about myself but fuck it...I noticed that I cum quick under pressure...

Example: I was playing with myself right.

So all of a sudden I hear the phone ring..I knew that was for me. Now I'm here playing with myself on my bed and I didn't want to stop So I start going faster & Faster. I'm thinking I'm not going to make it. Their going to pick up the phone say: Hi who's this, Who do you want to speak to, Eni Ok hold on Then I'll hear their foot steps coming to my room and I'll have to stop cause I didn't make it..

But Guess What.

I did get to. I started doing it faster & faster and even after hearing them say: Who do you want to speak to I kept going and going and a few step's before they hit my room I came...HAHAHA I find that funny cause I came under pressure..I was really refusing to have to stop to answer to the fucking phone...I even had time to jump off my bed pick up my panties and act like nothing happened..And to imagine their were only few step's away....

Anyway's besides that..Me and my girl's were listening to old tapes my girl brought to the house for us to hear...We had one of us talking about what do we think will be doing in the future..It's hilarious Well on the tape my girl ask's me of a bunch of guys/girl's we knew at the time and what I thought they'll be doing..Which I said a few of funny and bad things...Then she asked me if

I would like to be friend's with them again

I said No..What else. She ask's me if

I thought the guy I was with at the time really loved me a.k.a (Jeff).

I said. I think he does a little.

Then she goes, No really

I was like heck yea he does love me...

Which I cracked up when I heard myself say that..Cause mind you not only it's stupid but then again my voice sounded like a little girl...What else was on that tape..Oh yea I came to the conclusion that I am a funny ass girl..My girl asked me

So what you going to do when we go see these guys on July 6.. I come out and say:

I'm going to throw a romantic fart and his going to fall inlove with me

When I heard that shit I started laughing like crazy..I'm here thinking I got funny as I got older..But Heck No my Ass as always been funny..What else was on the tape..Oh yea some guy's were coming over to my house..They were older..And we was bugging out recording our selves..It was me my sister ,best-f, Nicole..Which on the tape we remembered we use to call her (Nicolin)..Anyway's the guys were coming and you hear me say:

I want to snap on Vic today..

Yea I know, another Vic..Don't know what's up with the Victors but yea I can say that both times Que Yo Mi enchulao bien enchula And that was only twice in my life. It just so happens that both were named Victor...Anyway's I said that on the tape..Oh yea on the tape we had the radio on and there were giving this song called : Pump up the jam...So I come out: And start singing:

Hump Hump The Man , Hump Hump The Man.. And you hear me jumping up & down Most likely I was doing a humping movements..Cause I was always dancing..And You hear everyone laughing after I said that and started dancing..But it was cool hearing myself and everyone else and how we spoke..You see how immature you sound at that age..And to think we thought we knew it all..Let me go..Till Next Time....

2/08/04 - Monday 11:05 Pm

The Award's was today....Beyonce sang one of my favorite song's: Dangerously In Love...

Oh yea I look so funny running with my fucked up leg....In fact I look sad...I think it's getting better.. Fucking shit is taking forever to get better....

They giving the (L Word) right now...I'm missing it but I'll see it later on Showtime On Demand..That's what's good about On Demand..

Did I mention we're going to Dr in August..

We did PR last year..Then Miami. We did Bahamas, St Thomas, Bermuda, What else???? Well I guess That's it...

We wanted to do Jamaica this yr but we might do it next year...

We still have to do: Greece, Spain, Brazil, Hawaii, California...Oh yea how can I forget my best friend's favorite Paris....I think she want's to do that next yr or the one after cause we do want to do Jamaica...So who know's....Till Next Time...

Well check out to new Journal/Diary page. The Link Should be somewhere on this page maybe on top....Hope you enjoyed this one.....

*~Music~*.

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