I am real! I don't pretend, and I don't play games! I am not looking for a relationship, but...I can be your friend, you just need to keep your end of the bargain! If you want to know me, search for me. Use your smarts, I know you can if you really want to! Take care. Always,Kynta!
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I know you! You were too short, you had bad skin. You couldn't talk to them very well, words didn't seem to work, they played dirty tricks on you when they came out of your mouth. You tried so hard to understand them, you wanted to be part of what was going on. You saw the others having fun, and it seemed like such a mystery, almost magic. Made you think that there was something wrong with you, so you would look at yourself in the mirror trying to find it. You thought you were ugly, you thought that everyone was looking at you. So you learn to become invisible, to look down, to avoid conversation. All the hours, days, weekends...All the weekend nights alone. Where were you; in the basement, in the attic, in your room, working a job? just to have something to do, just to have a place to put yourself, just to have a way to get away from them, a chance to get away from the ones that make you feel so damn strange and ill at ease inside yourself. Did you ever get invited to one of their parties, you sat and wondered if you would go or not. For hours you imagine the scenarios that would transpire. If they would laugh at you, if you would know what to do, if you'd have the right things on, if anyone would notice that you came from a different planet. Did you get all brave in your thoughts, like you were going to go in there and be able to deal with it and have a great time. Did you imagine that you were going to be the life of the party, that all these people are going to talk to you, and you would find out that you were wrong, that you had a lot of friends after all, and you weren't so strange. Did they mess with you? did they single you out? did you find out that you were invited because you were so weird. I think I know you! You spend a lot of time full of hate. A hate that was pure sunshine, a hate that saw for miles, a hate that kept you up at night while you lay on your bed. A hate that filled your every waking moment, a hate that carried you away for a long time. Yeah, I know you! You couldn't figure out what they saw and the way they lived. Home was not home...your room, that was home, a corner was home. The place they weren't, that was home. Yeah, you know..I think I know you! Your sensitive, and you hide it because you fear getting stepped on more time. It seemed like every time you show a part of yourself that’s the least bit vulnerable, someone comes over and takes advantage of you. One of them, steps on you. They mistake kindness for weakness, but you know. You know the difference, you've been the brunt of their weakness for years, and strength is something you know a bit about...because you had to be strong in order to keep yourself alive. You spend enough time by yourself, and you know yourself very well now, and you don't trust people, cause you know them too well. You've tried to get close to someone, find that special person. Someone you can be with, someone you can touch, someone you can talk to, someone that won't feel so strange around you. And you found that they don't really exist, you feel closer to people on movie screens. Yeah, I think I know you! You spend a lot of time daydreaming in your head. In fact, people have made comment to that effect. Telling you that you're self involved, self-centred, but they don't know, do they! about the long night shifts alone. About the years of keeping yourself company. All the years when you wrapped your arms around yourself, so you could imagine someone holding you. The hours of indecision, self-doubt, the intense depression, the blinding hate, the rage that made you stagger, the devastation of rejections. Well, maybe they do know! but, if they do...they sure do a damn good job at hiding it. It astounds you how they can be so smooth. How well they seem to pass through life, as if life itself was some kind of Devine gift. And it infuriates you to watch yourself, and your apparent skill, in finding every way possible to screw it up. For you, life is a long trip, kinda scarey and wonderful. Birds singing at night, sing to you. The rain and the sun and the change of seasons are true friends that greet you. Solitude is a hard won Ali, faithful and patient. You know, I think I know you...Yeah, I know you!
