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Disclaimer:
Paramount owns all..blablabla…
Setting: Post-Endgame
Dedication: This is for Bella. You’re so far away but every day
with me. I miss you!
Love and Understanding
A Padd was lying on a small table which stood next to the Wardrobe. A single Lily was placed on the table and turned to the window where the sun shone in. Her hair was not willing to hear to her. Partly it was fresh washed and partly she was with her mind on something else. She laid down her hairbrush and walked over to the Window. The sight was amazing but she only stared emotionless at nowhere. Kathryn knew this day would come. Eventually she went over to her bag where she put in some clothes, which were lying on her bed and grabbed her bag to throw it over her shoulder. It was time to go and the others were probably already waiting. One last look in the mirror told her she was looking as bad as she felt. „Harry I’m here!” Tom waved and Harry spotted him. Tom hold little Miral in his Arms and protected her carefully from the other Travellers. They met at a space station where they wanted to take a shuttle. But they had to wait for the others. Tom patted Harrys shoulder to greet him and Harry smiled. “Nice to see you, Lieutenant.“ Harry smiled and looked down at Miral she was such a quite Baby. He still couldn’t believe B`elanna was her mother. After they went to the shuttle meeting point soon B`elanna arrived, too. She hugged him while saying “Harry, how great to see you! You made yourself very rare. And how does it feel; fresh married and Lieutenant?” “Great I’m very lucky with Libby we moved into a apartment near the Headquarter last week. She was invited too but headed to a conference which was important but she send her regards.” He wanted to continue as Tom and B`elanna shot a short glance at each other and Harry knew who would be near them. Never anyone said it a loud but they all knew that she loved him and he her. Nobody could understand that Chakotay was going to marry Seven but though it was none of their business. He turned around and saw the Captain coming their way. The Admiral, he corrected himself. She was thin as always and you could see that she hadn’t had good slept for what seemed like weeks. “Oh how cute. I bet she grew since I saw her the last time!” Janeway greeted first little Miral and touched the cheek of the little Baby. Miral giggled and gazed at Janeway. “Hello B`elanna, Tom and hello Harry or should I say Lieutenant Kim?” She teased Harry like the others did before and he blushed. Janeway was putting on her mask and pretending nothing was wrong. Before a uncomfortable silence could come Tuvok and the Doc arrived and both greeted the round. “Seems like we’re complete, let’s go. I guess our Shuttle is already waiting, we’re flying about 2h.” Tom said and guided all to the Shuttle. “You look so great!” Nadine looked at Seven. Seven smiled and nodded, she didn’t knew what to answer. This was all so new for her she even couldn’t believe she was marrying in three days. She heard voices, that had to be the guests. “Nadine could you go and say them that I’m coming in a few minutes?” Seven asked and Nadine nodded and was gone. She send, no they send, invitations to all friends. She got out of her dress and dressed up in a comfortable jeans and a shirt. She turned around and spotted someone in the garden. She was happy to see that it was Janeway who stood and watched the Ocean. She watched her a while and saw then that Chakotay was going to her. The waves were small and no wind was on. They were asked to wait Seven would come and greet her in several moments. She took this time to look around but more to be alone and hang on her thoughts. It was three month since Voyager returned home. She saw Chakotay a little the following days, all were debriefed and there was no time for having dinner or even chat for a while. Starfleet was very curious and after this procedure she went home to Indiana. She needed time for all the things she gets to know. Herself from the future, Seven and Chakotay, all the things that changed on earth were almost too much at once. She had some hard days, doing nothing was not exactly the thing she’d done the last few years. After some weeks she was more relaxed and started to go out and meeting old friends and crewmembers. From Tom and B`elanna she heard about Seven and Chakotay though they didn’t knew she knew it. She put on a smiling mask and tried to pretend that she was happy for both but she felt like she just died inside. Of course she believed she couldn’t fool B`elanna and Tom but maybe she tried to fool herself. So many thoughts……..The silence gave her some comfort. She was alone with the Ocean and the waves crushed at some rocks this made a fascinate noise. Suddenly she felt a hand on her shoulder. Only one would have this hand, she turned around to see if she was right. Before her he stood, dressed casual and with a strange expression on his face. Neither of them knew what to say but they looked deep into the eyes of each other . Chakotay opened his mouth slowly and just said: “Kathryn, it’s good to see you.” She remained in silence and just nodded. This was harder than he thought, standing before her brought all the old feelings back he. She started to say something but at a corner of her eyes she saw someone waving. B`elanna waved and shouted to Chakotay. He stood there with Janeway and both seemed some kind of lost. Tom and Harry stood next to B`elanna. They looked at each other and watched Janeway and Chakotay coming together in the direction of the house. As they arrived B`elanna hugged Chakotay and said some words and they returned inside while greeting each other. Seven was standing in the living room waiting for all and the greeting goes on. Everybody got its own room and was asked to come down for dinner in a hour. Though they all wanted to talk there was hanging something in the background and they were grateful for the break. “Did you felt that, Tom?” B`elanna asked and placed her clothes into the wardrobe. “Felt what?” Tom asked sitting on the bed and watching his wife. “The tension between Janeway and Chakotay. C’mon don’t say you haven’t felt that? I don’t know Tom, I’m really happy for Chakotay and Seven but it all feels wrong. We all knew that and you do, too.” Tom sighed and nodded. “I know what you mean, of course. But we’re talking about break a wedding. There is hanging too much on it, B`elanna. Beside it’s none of our business.” B`elanna smiled. “These words from you Tom? But you’re right if Janeway and Chakotay choose this way than they have to live with it.” Tom was suddenly diverted. “It smells like coffee. I guess its dinner time. Janeway had to be down in the kitchen let’s go and see. I’m starving!” After dinner they all settled down at the two comfortable couches in the centre of the living room. Seven handed out wine and they talked till late at night about the good old times. “Good morning, Seven.” The Doctor stood in the kitchen and cooked eggs. “Good morning.” He earned a puzzled expression from Seven and smiled at that. “I told Mister Neelix about me going to your house and he told me how to do breakfast.” He explained his holographic hands full of egg. “I see. We probably replicate something.” She commented after seeing more egg on his hands than in the pan. “Oh I think this will do it. Mhm..smells good.” Janeway entered and said. “Good Morning. He should have instructed you how to make real coffee!” The Doc put on his knowing smile and answered: “Oh he did.” Janeway was surprised and said: “Good would you mind to do some?” The Doc nodded and prepared the coffee. Seven was uncomfortable, she saw Janeway and Chakotay yesterday and wasn’t sure what to think about it. He saw the behavior before. Crewmen Lisa Crom and Joshua Shawn acted the same way, after 2 month they were engaged. She would think about it later, B`elanna, Tom, Harry and Tuvok came down. “Good Morning all!” came from Tom and he put on a big smile as he saw the Doc preparing the coffee. “It’s really nice of you that we can live here.” B`elanna said smiling at Seven and sat down at the big table in the dinner room. Seven put her arms behind her back and smiled slightly with a nod. Both settled down their differences a while ago and to be honest B`elanna slowed a bit more down after she had Miral. “You’re all family and we thought it wouldn’t be good if all were scattered around Hotels.” Chakotay entered and smiled. He walked to Seven and kissed her cheek. “Good Morning.” He muttered. This gesture made Janeways heart splintered in thousand peaces. How she wished to be the one who was marrying Chakotay. Just two days left. Janeway thought and walked out of the garden to the beach. It was a sunny day and a cool breeze whirled though her hair. Seven and Chakotay rented this house for the wedding. It was hard to see them together sitting side by side like yesterday. She thought he would wait, though she knew he wouldn’t wait forever. She felt something between being given up and still hoping. But she had her chance and let him go. She now had to live with the consequences. “Nice day for a walk at the beach.” Chakotay stood direct next to hear. She was so sunken in thoughts that she didn’t heard him coming. Startled she smiled: “Yes.” They were walking in silence for several moments. “What have you done the last 3 month I haven’t heard a word from you?” She asked. “Not either I from you. But I was very busy, you probably know that Starfleet debriefed Seven three weeks more. After I checked with her that everything is all right, I went back to Dorvan and came then back to earth. I visited old friends and finally meet Seven again. That’s all. What have you done?” Janeway gazed at the Ocean and spoke: “I stayed at home for some weeks. Just doing nothing, got the burden off my shoulder and after that met some old friends, too. And now I’m here.” “I’m sorry.” He simply said. She looked at him confused and asked: “For what?” He sighed and answered: “For not being there for you Kathryn. Helping you go though all. I promised I would always.” Janeway stopped and laid her hand on his cheek while saying with a smile and tears in her eyes: “You were there believe me.” He turned serious and their eyes were hanging at each others. He laid his hand above hers as she wanted to pull her hand back from his cheek. His eyes never leaved hers as he kissed her fingers. The wind blew a single hair strand out of her bun, he reached for it and pulled it behind her ear. That broke the last wall and Kathryn was in his arms. He stopped right in front of her face and searched in her eyes for permission. She pulled his face to hers and kissed him first very gently. His lips felt soft and he kissed her back. How long they wished both for this moment but the kiss didn’t last long he lifted his head with realizing what he had done. Kathryn read Chakotays thoughts and let him free: “I’m so sorry Chakotay.” He shook his head and said: “Don’t be. I just...I can’t sorry…” He didn’t looked at her and headed away. She was too surprised by her own acting that she let him go. “Tuvok and what have you done the last month?” B`elanna asked. They were all in the kitchen for a coffee, just Janeway, Chakotay and Seven weren’t there. Tom joked if they would make coffee Janeway would smell it kilometers away and take the shortest way back. This caused a lot of laughter and risen eyebrows from Tuvok and the Doctor. “I returned to my family on Vulcan and studied.” Tuvok replied. It was the first time, since Voyager came back, that they had this much time to talk. Miral started to cry and B`elanna excused herself and went to her child. Suddenly the house door flung open and Chakotay entered very fast. He strode immediately up the stairs. Everyone got the scene and stared after Chakotay. Some seconds later the doors flung open again and a angry Janeway strode in but she stopped dead in her tracks as she saw that all were staring at her. She smoothly closed the doors and went into the kitchen, took a cup of coffee and headed up stairs. “What the hell was that?” Tom asked and B`elanna just stared at the stairs while answering: “I don’t know and to be honest I won’t know.” “Chakotay open the door!” Janeway stood in front of Chakotays and Sevens bedroom and shouted. This was getting worse. But Chakotay opened the door let her in and closed it with a last look outside if anyone was there. “Kathryn we can’t I marry in two days.” He said and it hit home. She stood there in silence and after she collected herself she began to speak: “Chakotay I’m sorry what I did. I just realized that I’m really going to loose you. It wasn’t fair toward Seven I know this and I apologize for that.” She sighed and tears coming to her eyes. She would make this last attempt maybe she would win this time. Chakotay was close to tears, too. “Kathryn you know how much I love you but I can’t do this to Seven. You know her how vulnerable she is and to built our luck on her pain wouldn’t work. I couldn’t live with it. I’m deeply sorry for that.” Janeway tried to hold back her tears and replied: “Don’t be Chakotay. It’s all my fault I had my chance and let you go. Hell I had damn 7 years and…” A single tear rolled down her cheek and Chakotay offered his arms but she refused and continued. “I was stupid believing you would still love me.” “But I do Kathryn more than you can imagine but I’m not willing to hurt Seven.” He said and Janeway nodded. What a wonderful man had she let slipped though her fingers but he was right they couldn’t build their own look on someone’s pain. Seven would never be the same again after this and Chakotay and Janeway, too. There they stood heavily in Love with each other admitting it and though not able to share it. How cruel was life? But she knew that she deserved it after holding Chakotay on arms lengths for several years it was his right to search luck. But why Seven? She wasn’t able to answer. A bad headache was performing behind her Forehead and her heart felt like it was splintered in millions of peaces. She couldn’t bare it. “I’ll have to leave.” She simply said. He just nodded and she left the room for her own one. “I don’t think so.” The Doctor said and all were stopped by their conversation as Janeway came down her bag in her left hand. “Starfleet sent me a message. They want me to return immediately some kind of emergency. I hope to make it back until the wedding but I can’t promise. Have fun and enjoy yourself. Bye!” Janeway explained and after all nodded she left. Outside the door she took a deep breath to get fresh air and clear her mind. She closed her eyes opened them and headed to the shuttle that just appeared. You’re such a fool Kathryn. Running away like a chased cat. Everybody who has a little intelligence knows what happened. The door to the Shuttle opened and with one last look back she entered. Trying to leave behind her feelings and her real Love. B`elanna and the rest was silence each staring at their coffee. Finally B`elanna moved, she smiled at the asking faces and headed to Chakotay. She knew that there must be done something about it so she decided first to have a word with Chakotay. She just hoped it wasn’t as bad as the look on Janeways face. After the third knock on his door there was still no answer from him. Suddenly she heard footsteps and thought Tom would come up to see what he could do to help but instead of Tom Seven rounded the corner and smiled. “Do you know where Chakotay is? I have to discuss an important matter with him.” Seven said and B`elanna answered: “I think he’s in here but I get no answer. I knocked several times.” Seven knocked at the door and asked: “Chakotay are you in there? I have to speak with you its really important, please!” Chakotay moved from his bed and opened the door. B`elanna and Seven stood before him and looked at him, he sighted and B`elanna spoke first: “Uhm I guess I can wait. Talk to you later.” And with that she left. Chakotay stepped beside to let Seven in and she walked to the Window. For a while nobody spoke. “This is very difficult for me, Chakotay.” Seven eventually said and earned a puzzled expression from Chakotay. “Let me explain: I always had an eye on you. And as you returned my efforts there was no luckier woman than me but I always noticed that there was something between you and the Captain. I ignored it thinking it was nothing I had to worry myself about. But I was wrong. I realize now that there is something between you and her we can never have. I can’t explain it but what I do know is; if you marry me now, you won’t be lucky at all. There are things I can’t give you and you can’t give me. I know you understand that because you feel the same way about me I just hope we can still be friends because I still care a lot about you.” Chakotay stared at her. Did he heard right? This coming from Seven was so unexpected like a Kathryn and tea. Seven saw his surprise and smiled, though they had spend so much time together he didn’t knew her at all. “Seven..I …I`m so sorr.” She cut him off. “No don’t be, you showed me things I haven’t knew before. Showed me how to love and be loved. I’m so grateful for our time together but it’s just not right.” He touched her face and a single tear rolled down her cheek and she said: “I saw that she left. I don’t know what happened but you may want to follow her.” He looked stunned and nodded. She took his hand one last time and said: “Thank you.” Chakotay touched her hand and answered: “Oh no. I have to thank you” Both nodded a goodbye to each other and with that Chakotay left. She slumped her bag onto the huge couch and headed for the kitchen. She saw a blinking that said she had a message but first she needed a coffee. Her heart ached and she held back her tears. You won’t cry Kathryn. She said to herself und closed her eyes for a brief moment. After she got some coffee she sat down on her couch, just as she reached for the Message button someone knocked at the door. “Who is there?” she shouted over to the door but instead an answer the stranger knocked again. Kathryn headed for the door and opened it. She stood in shock there, unable to move or speak. He was here. The man she lost hours ago. Or did she really lose him? Why was he here? So many questions were crossing her mind. As she collected her thoughts she stepped aside: “Come in.” Chakotay entered her apartment. In silence she guided him to the sofa curious why he was here. After both settled down he began: “Kathryn…I spoke with Seven or more Seven spoke with me and made me realize something I haven’t really seen. She let me go, saying I would never be lucky with her and that I can’t give her what she need and want. She thinks it is the best for all of us. She also said that there is something very special about you and me. A thing that can’t be explained and I have to agree with her. Every time I’m with you it’s like I’m in heaven. I feel like I know you my whole life and I be damned if I let this wonderful feeling slip away. I love you. I love you deeply, Kathryn. I want to ask you if you would give me a second chance!?” He watched her intensely and tried to figure out what her expression could mean but couldn’t. Suddenly her features lightened and her eyes shimmered. “Yes of course I’ll give you a second chance. I love you, too. Don’t you remember?” He leaned over to her and took her in his arms. Tears well up her face and she sniffled, he let go of her and smiled at her. This was just perfect. He turned serious so did she and both were lost in a kiss.
The End
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