Well, not that this page as officially been deleted a few times by FrontPage, I will now make sure I have a word document that I can simply just copy and paste onto here. I guess I'll get back to work on those hoedowns and other things.
Going Bald Hoedown
Brad, Drew, Colin, Ryan
Brad: I am losing my hair and it really is a pain,
I find out every morning when I see the shower drain,
But as you can see, it isn't quite for me,
But at least I'm not quite as bald as Colin Mochrie.
Drew: Oh man, took my rhyme. I was gonna do that, uh.
I have all my hair and I really am quite happy,
I like puttin' stuff in my hair, it makes me look real snappy,
I like to comb my hair, I never need a breather,
I'm real happy, I'm not Colin Mochrie either.
Colin: People always kid me 'cause I'm losing all my hair,
I can't really help it that I'm folicly impaired,
It really is quite horrible, but my life is not through,
I still get way more sex than either Brad or Drew.
Ryan: Losing all your hair isn't that bad of a deal,
A lot of women love, just the way it feels,
Just think of it as, just a little more face,
And you can rent it out as advertising space.
Ugly date Hoedown
Wayne, Drew, Colin, Ryan
Wayne: Let me tell you something, happened just the other day,
My date was so ugly, I almost ran away,
She was just horrific, where can I begin.
When that heifer was born, her momma should 'ave pushed her back in.
Drew: I met a girl at a club, it was really dark,
Thought I'd take her home, just for a lark,
But when I saw her in the light I ran a mile,
'Cause she looked, just like Ryan Stiles.
Colin: I'm an ugly woman, yes it is not fair,
I have an ugly face, and I have no hair,
What can I do that's the way the the pace went,
The only person who'll sleep with me is the President.
Ryan: I am so ugly, I'll never have a lover,
When I leave the house, all the dogs run for cover,
I'm big and white and round and my back is real hairy,
Yes, you guessed it, my name is Drew Carey.
Wayne, Chip, Colin, Ryan
Wayne: I got a message, to all of ya gals,
I'm a sensitive man, so why can't we be pals?
I know sometimes in the past I haven't treat you right,
That's why I'm taking hormones-boom-I'm a transvestite.
Chip: Men can be quite mean, men ban be quite bad,
I bet you had a boyfriend, I bet he was a cad,
I don't really like men myself, that I can tell,
But my friend Ryan here, he thinks they're swell.
Colin: I am a man, I love films with violence,
I love to watch them everyday, even when the don't make sense,
I saw this one with a guy with a gun, his shots would never miss ya,
Then he hit ya with a flower, he was Dirty Harry Krishna.
Ryan: Let me tell you all about men, I walk the walk,
I don't care what people say, just let them talk,
All the roomers going round, yeah they're kinda scary,
I guess I'm gonna have to stop the showering with Drew Carey.
First Kiss Hoedown
Wayne, Drew, Colin, Ryan
Wayne: When you get a kiss, you get a kiss in the mouth
I've been kissed lots of times from Florida, that's the south
My firs kiss, Brother it was the bomb
It wasn't from a girl in high school, it was from my mom
Drew: Well my first job was in fast food don't you know
The hours were long and the pay was real low
My boss told me that he didn't like my sass
So my first kiss was a hearty "Kiss My ASS!"
Colin: My first kiss was something I won't forget
It was really lucious, boy it was wet
It really changed my life, I'll never be the same
Oh I wish I could remember the guy's name
Ryan: My first kiss happened when I was really drunk
But she wouldn't kiss me cause she said my breath stunk
When it came to that date I was really in a rut
I should run some strings from my mouth and out my butt
Drunk Mother Hoedown
Chip, Drew, Colin, Ryan
When she was nursing Colin, Her milk was 90 Proof
She wanted to kick the habit, she didn't know what to do
But if you baby looks like that then you'd be drinking too!
DREW: Let me tell you something that happened just to me
My mama started drinkin when I was just three
Now I shouldn't let the secret slip
But my mamma started drinking, when she married Chip!
COLIN: My mother drinks a lot, I know that isn't strange
But her behavior gets really strange
She acts as though she's from somewhere else maybe in like Venus
Oh by the way Chip has a little penis
RYAN: Oh man this hoedown is takin mighty long
I'm so sick of this bloody song!
Wayne sits there he gets to rest
His penis is large that's why he's behind the desk
(Newer) Family Renioun Hoedown
Brad, Chip, Colin, Ryan
I hang out with my relatives and they all get drunk
You see my mom, in her childhood was bad
I go to the family reunions and try to find my dad
Drew: All this talk about relatives really makes me queasy I don't like talking to 'bout my family it makes me a little uneasy
I have just one questions, can you help me please?
Am I adopted cause my family's all Chinese?
Colin: Family reunions are things that people hate
I personally think boy they're really great
I have a real good time, I know it sounds real sick
But I always go there, and I can pick up chicks
Ryan: I'll never see my family and that's just a hunch
As it turned out we weren't a very nice bunch!
Oh no we're bad we weren't any Hanson
I'll never see my family cause my name is Charlie Manson
Blind Date Hoedown
Wayne, Chip, Colin, Ryan
Wayne: You see something my dating life was bad
I opened up the newspaper and then I read an ad
The ad said it was great and so I did not blunder
I opened up the door and there was Stevie Wonder
Chip: Once I got a blind date, I really like to smile
He was very tall though, his name was Ryan Stiles
I went right on through it, the date was pretty rough
Sure it was a blind date, but I wasn't blind enough
Colin: I went on a blind date, her name was Lovely Kate
Everything was wonderful, boy it really was great
And what happen next I tell ya it was true
When I went and kissed her she went Do-Do-Do-Do-Do-Do!
Ryan: I met a girl one day, she said she really like me
Why she did I really couldn't see
She really was turned on, she gave me types clues
What really got her hot was all my fancy shoes