Ghetto Therapy

Itís at the end of a rather long day. Maybe you feel you bombed that Political Science test you took at 8:30am. Or perhaps your tires have been slashed (in which case unless you have access to another vehicle, Ghetto Therapy isnít going to be doing you much good). Maybe youíve sent all the animals to the Bitter Slaughterhouse and youíre still feeling bitter. Or, you could be having a really good (but still long) day and you just need to unwind. Hell, you could have even busted it out. No matter what your situation, there is still a void in your life that needs fulfilled.

Well, there are many ways to handle this predicament. Check out Mozart while you do Tae Bo? Perhaps, if youíre cultured enough to listen to Mozart and motivated enough to exercise. You could sit on your porch and smoke a pack of cigarettes, but are the long term effects really worth it? Just donít smoke the whole pack if youíre in dire need of nicotine. Drinking on the roof is an option and actually itís really therapeutic, unless you have one too many and you end up rolling off. Then youíre going to have more problems than what youíre already using Ghetto Therapy for. If you do drink on the roof, I ask that you limit yourself to two drinks. Sometimes rules just have to be implemented. Donít get me started on rules; Iíll never stop.

By now Iím sure youíre wondering, "What exactly is Ghetto Therapy?" Allow me to explain. It involves a car with a working stereo and a ghetto. Preferably a safe ghetto for what I am about to describe (and yes, I realize that "safe ghetto" is an oxymoron, but for the sake of argument, lets leave it). And let me also explain exactly what ghetto Iím referring to used in my own Ghetto Therapy. Sunnyside (or Scummyside which is far more accurate than Sunnyside) is a small subdivision of Morgantown, West Virginia. I know youíre thinking that "ghetto" and "West Virginia" do not belong in the same essay, let alone the same paragraph, but just think about where weíre talking about and youíll realize that Sunnyside is a whole new type of ghetto. We donít have gangs, guns and homeless people like your stereotypical ghetto (though I heard Sunnyside Cecil is still roaming the streets). We do have hole-in-the-wall housing, trashed cars lining the street, an occasional block party, and charred furniture remains on the sidewalk. Itís not the safest part of our happy little college town.

But weíre getting off-track.

Ghetto Therapy is this: driving around town with the windows down, the stereo blasting and you and (hopefully) another passenger singing at the top of your lungs. My roommate and I participate in Ghetto Therapy at least once or twice a week. We donít know how or why, but after we pull into our parking lot after twenty minutes of mindless driving and singing we feel so much better than before we got in the car.

The perk to Ghetto Therapy? You have complete control over everything! You can drive any kind of car. The nicer the car, the higher your chances of getting shot at or at least having a bottle thrown at you (so I guess that means my roommate and I ought to be more careful as we cruise around in my silver family sedan). You have control over how often you want to attend therapy, though we discourage too much participation because then the therapy will just lose its meaning. You have control over what will be coming out of the stereo and this might be the most important element of Ghetto Therapy. Depending on your favorite music genre, you could be busting out (not to be confused with "busting IT out") anything from the Dixie Chicks to Ludacris. Since I am speaking from personal experience, allow me to make a small suggestion. Trainís "Drops of Jupiter" and any old-school Billy Joel song work perfectly. Even though the meaning behind "Drops of Jupiter" is still ambiguous, that does not change the fact it is a great song. And since Billy Joel is one of the greatest musicians that has ever lived, its only natural we give him the respect he deserves. And Iím going off track againÖ

My point is this: do something slightly crazy that gives you complete joy. And it can be anything. Experiment. How do you think Ghetto Therapy came into existence? So if you see an Uptown Girl and her roommate driving around Sunnyside Commons or stopped in front of the Sunnyside Superette (which I heard was going to be torn down. Donít quote me, though it wonít be much of a loss, theyíre outrageously expensive anyways), just know that theyíre not as crazy as they seem. They havenít been through Ghetto Therapy in the longest timeÖor maybe just a few days.

 

[an error occurred while processing this directive]