Ghetto Therapy
It’s at the end of a rather
long day. Maybe you feel you bombed that Political Science test you took at
8:30am. Or perhaps your tires have been slashed (in which case unless you have
access to another vehicle, Ghetto Therapy isn’t going to be doing you much
good). Maybe you’ve sent all the animals to the Bitter Slaughterhouse and
you’re still feeling bitter. Or, you could be having a really good (but still
long) day and you just need to unwind. Hell, you could have even busted it out.
No matter what your situation, there is still a void in your life that needs
fulfilled.
Well, there are many ways to
handle this predicament. Check out Mozart while you do Tae Bo? Perhaps, if
you’re cultured enough to listen to Mozart and motivated enough to exercise.
You could sit on your porch and smoke a pack of cigarettes, but are the long
term effects really worth it? Just don’t smoke the whole pack if you’re in dire
need of nicotine. Drinking on the roof is an option and actually it’s really
therapeutic, unless you have one too many and you end up rolling off. Then
you’re going to have more problems than what you’re already using Ghetto
Therapy for. If you do drink on the roof, I ask that you limit yourself to two
drinks. Sometimes rules just have to be implemented. Don’t get me started on
rules; I’ll never stop.
By now I’m sure you’re
wondering, "What exactly is Ghetto Therapy?" Allow me to explain. It
involves a car with a working stereo and a ghetto. Preferably a safe ghetto for
what I am about to describe (and yes, I realize that "safe ghetto" is
an oxymoron, but for the sake of argument, lets leave it). And let me also
explain exactly what ghetto I’m referring to used in my own Ghetto Therapy.
Sunnyside (or Scummyside which is far more accurate than Sunnyside) is a small
subdivision of Morgantown, West Virginia. I know you’re thinking that
"ghetto" and "West Virginia" do not belong in the same
essay, let alone the same paragraph, but just think about where we’re talking
about and you’ll realize that Sunnyside is a whole new type of ghetto. We don’t
have gangs, guns and homeless people like your stereotypical ghetto (though I
heard Sunnyside Cecil is still roaming the streets). We do have
hole-in-the-wall housing, trashed cars lining the street, an occasional block
party, and charred furniture remains on the sidewalk. It’s not the safest part
of our happy little college town.
But we’re getting off-track.
Ghetto Therapy is this: driving
around town with the windows down, the stereo blasting and you and (hopefully)
another passenger singing at the top of your lungs. My roommate and I
participate in Ghetto Therapy at least once or twice a week. We don’t know how
or why, but after we pull into our parking lot after twenty minutes of mindless
driving and singing we feel so much better than before we got in the car.
The perk to Ghetto Therapy? You
have complete control over everything! You can drive any kind of car. The nicer
the car, the higher your chances of getting shot at or at least having a bottle
thrown at you (so I guess that means my roommate and I ought to be more careful
as we cruise around in my silver family sedan). You have control over how often
you want to attend therapy, though we discourage too much participation because
then the therapy will just lose its meaning. You have control over what will be
coming out of the stereo and this might be the most important element of Ghetto
Therapy. Depending on your favorite music genre, you could be busting out (not
to be confused with "busting IT out") anything from the Dixie Chicks
to Ludacris. Since I am speaking from personal experience, allow me to make a
small suggestion. Train’s "Drops of Jupiter" and any old-school Billy
Joel song work perfectly. Even though the meaning behind "Drops of
Jupiter" is still ambiguous, that does not change the fact it is a great
song. And since Billy Joel is one of the greatest musicians that has ever
lived, its only natural we give him the respect he deserves. And I’m going off
track again…
My point is this: do something
slightly crazy that gives you complete joy. And it can be anything. Experiment.
How do you think Ghetto Therapy came into existence? So if you see an Uptown
Girl and her roommate driving around Sunnyside Commons or stopped in front of
the Sunnyside Superette (which I heard was going to be torn down. Don’t quote
me, though it won’t be much of a loss, they’re outrageously expensive anyways),
just know that they’re not as crazy as they seem. They haven’t been through
Ghetto Therapy in the longest time…or maybe just a few days.
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