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Sunday, February 2 2003
All this time I have tried to remain eating. Four years ago, my body had suddenly changed the way it would react on food. I knew nothing about any alternative ways of eating - not even vegetarianism - but even now when I know, I have fought against it, trying to remain 'normal', or average in terms of food.
As time has passed, I have had periods of not eating or drinking, whenever this was possible and no one was reminding me of food, I would forget to eat. With time, my body has been changing on its own, not being held back whether I ate or not.
I know how my blood has changed, the pulse, blood pressure, weight, muscle, body posture, emotional side, and much more. Stamina/endurance, physical strength, are greatly improved. But I feel it all normal. For me, breatharianism came as a natural process. While most who learn to know of this way of life fight to find life on light, I have fought against it, trying to eat, and trying to debunk this subject entirely. I have found no evidence to dismiss breatharianism, but plenty of fascinating information proving it as an actual possible reality, for some. Of this, I am writing a book. The information I have gathered and researched myself to, is quite vast. But I have not reached its end and will continue studying.
If I eat or not? Those who eat 'normally' would say that I eat 'nothing', but those who are into non-eating would say that I do eat. I eat very little, and rarely hunger. For me, it is not about accomplishing something. I have just been a person, whose hunger vanished, whose body started a natural transformations process - which I have done my best to postpone! - and I have just tried to find my way, even when it means being different from all others, and having to wonder whether or not something that is entirely natural and right, is really right or wrong?
Sunday, 26 May 2002
I never wanted to be different. I was never drawn to things just because they were unusual. Yet, I discovered breatharianism, or it discovered me. From the moment I found Jasmuheen's book, "Living on Light", I knew what I was. Experiencing a 5-day long water fast gave me a glimpse of what breatharianism would be like. I think back to those 5 days very often and to the heaven it was.
I want to be a breatharian. But have done all in my power to resist. To be what I call, 'an eater'. I never wanted to differ. I don't want to be referred to as "the breatharian". I'm a person. Just like any other. Why do I have to feel that breatharianism will change that?
I haven't quite given myself the chance of being the breatharian that I believe I already am. I eat in sadness, thinking that I am doing the right thing. I try to stick to the beliefs of others, not wanting to move away from people by being different. Breatharianism will make me different. People would not see me as the person I am anymore, if they knew. But breatharianism has not changed me, it has made me more of me, the same me. It was the part of me that used to be missing. And I want people to see that.
By keeping breatharianism a secret, I am not letting people see me by hiding the parts about me that would make people blind of the person I am. I am disappearing, by not being me. Then no one does see me at all, and not even me. If breatharianism dies from me, even I die with it.
Well, I guess I have to take the risk. Face my fears of losing people I love by telling them that I have no hunger, I do not eat. I just hate the way it feels like I have to choose between me and the people I love. Nor do I want to face criticism, negativity, disbelief, excitement, exaggeration, questions, or any of the other reactions which people will turn toward me. I only wish to be me, the breatharian me, the same person as ever, only more so, and wish that others could share the joy and happiness I experience ever since I found this great part of me: breatharianism.
It feels natural and normal, yet it is very unusual considering how few people live - or want to live - this way. I feel like a breatharian who eats. Well, most wouldn't call me a breatharian yet, but I know what I am and I know what I am not. I don't have to eat to survive. I've found something else! Or, this something found me.
Hunger is completely gone. Thirst as well. And I feel fine! It was a gradual process that begun when I noticed that food has an impact on the body. I found that there is a choice in what we eat, and started searching for foods that didn't harm my body. I became vegan for starters. People were sceptic and negative, as my unusual discovery had made me make unusual choices and perhaps making me an unusual person. To face with all the criticism, questions and negativity, I had to learn all I could about veganism and related topics. I knew that in spite of what people said or thought, I was right. I was on to something special. I found breatharianism, or it found me. I had found the true source of nourishment, and naturally became a breatharian.
Ever since I read the title of Jasmuheen's book, "Living on Light" the process of becoming a breatharian begun. The change or adaptation has been progressing ever since then, no matter if I felt brave enough to become that 'special/unusual' or not. Not only do I not want to be considered special or unusual - especially since I think breatharianism IS normal - I don't like the idea of having to keep it a secret just because it's less fuss that way. It will make life a lie.
I've been postponing being a breatharian out of many reasons. I've been afraid of how people would react. Knowing that even the slightest change in eating behaviour wasn't considered right, I would want to keep breatharianism a secret to avoid all the fuss. I don't like being judged by what I eat or don't eat or any other things other than who I am as a person. I felt a lot of conflict. Wanting to be a breatharian, but thinking that I wasn't allowed to be one.
I kept thinking that if I did this or that first or waited for so and so long first I'd get there. I was just trying to postpone something that had already happened.
... I am never hungry anymore. And eating does no good to me. No food or drink is appealing anymore. There is nothing more 'delicious' than the light I found.
I remember my 5-day fast when I was five whole days on water alone, and how wonderful it felt. That was when I was brave enough to not eat when I had no hunger, and continued to be brave throughout those five days. Day six I realized that I had not eaten for a long time, and having been taught that people die without food, I sadly started eating again. I never found out for how long I can be without eating and still feeling fine. I am going to give it another try.
What I worry about is boredom, actually. Not starvation! Eating and food preparation is very time consuming and I don't know what to do with all that time if I don't eat! Food is an old habit so to speak.
Is it breatharianism? Or is it the loss of hunger? Will I be nourished by light? Or will I be starving, feeding on my body's storages of nutrition? I will now find out by eating only when I am hungry, and not eating when I'm not hungry. Time will tell if I am starving or living of light. I will frequently record things such as weight, energy level and strength to see what changes occur. If it looks like starvation, I have to start eating again with or without hunger. But if I am doing ok, it appears to be breatharianism and I will continue. It will be exciting to find out which it is!