Chapter 8-All Or Nothing ‘I know when he's been on your mind/That distant look is in your eyes/I thought with time you'd realize/ It's over, over / It's not the way I choose to live/ And something somewhere's got to give/ As sharing this relationship gets older, older’ – O-Town ‘All Or Nothing’
~*Amanda’s Point Of View*~
.::1 week later::.
It was a week later and so far I had kept it a secret that I was moving to Orlando. Ashley knew but that was it. He’d been really sweet to me this past week. He helped me decorate my apartment and unpack everything. It had given us a chance to talk A LOT and to become closer friends. I was really happy that his feelings for me hadn’t got in the way of our friendship. Jacob and I were still very close. Our relationship was going really good. Infact, tomorrow, the day I was supposed to leave, was our one-month anniversary. I was really excited about it. I had the entire day planned out. I was so happy to be with Jacob.
" Manda?" Jake asked poking his head into my room.
"Yeah Jake?"
"Me and the guys, minus Ashley, are gonna go clubbing. Do you wanna come?"
"No, I think I’m just gonna stay here. My head hurts so I think I’m just gonna lie down."
" Oh, well then I’ll stay here with you. I’ll keep you company."
" No, you should go. I’ll be fine. Besides, if I need anything, Ashley’s here."
"No, it’s ok. I’ll stay here with you."
" Really Jacob, I’ll be fine. You should go have fun. You’ve been working hard lately and you deserve it. Go have fun. I’ll be here when you get back, it’s not like I’m going anywhere."
" Are you sure?"
" I’m positive. Now GO!"
" Thanks Manda." He said walking over and giving me a kiss.
" I’ll be back by about two ok. Don’t worry about waiting up ok."
"Ok Jacob. Go! Have fun! I love you."
" I love you too. I’ll see you when I get back."
" Ok, bye."
" Bye." He said closing my door behind him. Thank god. I thought he’d never leave. It’s not like I didn’t want to spend time with him, but I had to put the finishing touches on my apartment and I couldn’t exactly do that if Jacob stayed home. Ashley and I had plans to go over to my apartment after they left and finish it up. About an hour later Ashley and I were on our way over to my apartment. We had to set up my bed and put up a few other things around my room.
"We’re here!" He announced as we pulled up.
" Really? I never would’ve guessed seeing as I live here and all." I replied sarcastically.
" Shut-up." he said, playfully punching me on the arm.
After that we got out of the SUV and went up to the building. I pressed the keys on the keypad to let us in and then we went over to the elevator and up to my apartment on the 7th floor. I had a two bedroom, 2-bath apartment with a spacious living room and a cute kitchen off of the living room.
"Are you gonna set up the frame for the bed?" I asked as we walked into the apartment.
" Yup."
" Do you need my help."
" Nope."
"Are you sure?"
"Yep. I’m positive."
" Ok, well holler if you need anything. I’ll be in the kitchen ok?"
"Alright." With that Ash walked into my room, where the bed frame and mattress was. I went into the kitchen and pulled the cookie dough out of the refrigerator. I thought that I’d make Ash some cookies as a thank you for being such a big help. He came out of my room and into he kitchen just as I was finishing with the cookies.
"Mmm. Those smell good."
" Thanks. I made them for you. I know it’s not much but I wanted to thank you for being such a big help this week with my apartment and everything."
" Your welcome. I was glad to help. It’s been fun."
" Do you want milk for those?" I asked as he took a bite of one of the cookies. He nodded, so I went over and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, which I filled with milk, and then I placed it on the counter in front of him.
"Thank you." He said through a mouth full of cookie.
" Your welcome." I replied giggling.
.::Meanwhile::.
We had been at the club for about 3 hours when I ran into Janie, my on and off again girlfriend since about 7th grade. We talked for about thirty minutes and then decided to dance. We danced for about thirty minutes and then went to sit down at the table.
"I haven’t danced with anyone like that in a long time."
" Me either." I said still holding her hand.
"Jake?"
"Yeah?" I said looking into her eyes.
"Do you want to get out of here?"
" Sure. Where do you wanna go?"
" Back to my hotel."
" I...uhmm...ok" I said without much thought, momentarily forgetting that I had a girlfriend. Since both of us had had a few drinks we decided to take a cab instead of relying on our drunken driving skills. We stumbled to the elevator after paying the cabby. She pressed the button for the 5th floor, where her room was, and the doors to the elevator closed. The elevator dinged when it reached the 5th floor and we stumbled out of it and over to her room a few feet a way. She slid the key card through the key card thing and we stumbled into the room. We stood there holding hands for a minute and then without even thinking I kissed her. She deepened the kiss and walked backwards towards the bed. When her thighs came in contact with the edge of the bed she sat down and laid back on the bed, not breaking our kissing for even a second. I slowly laid down on her supporting most of my weight with my arms. We continued to kiss heavily, quickly stripping eachother of our clothes.
Janie and I were now lying in her bed wrapped in eachother’s arms just whispering back and forth. I had asked her to be my girlfriend again. I was going to break up with Amanda tomorrow. It was obvious that she wanted to be with Ashley and not me, so why even bother anymore? I held Janie in my arms a little while longer and then kissed her the top of her head, whispering ‘I love you.’ Then I got up, picked up my clothes and got dressed. I called for a cab and then I scribbled a quick note to let her know that I had left. I took the stairs down, to give myself a little longer to think. I didn’t know how I was going to tell Manda. When I got downstairs the cab was there waiting. I hopped in the cab and took the fifteen-minute drive home. I paid the cabby and then got out to walk up to the door. I saw the SUV in the driveway and knew that the guys were already home. I quietly unlocked the door and walked inside shutting it as quietly as possible behind me. I noticed that it was 2:30 as I walked by the clock on the wall. I tiptoed upstairs, trying not to wake anyone as I went. I went into Manda’s room and saw that she was still half-awake reading a book.
"Hi." I whispered sitting down on her bed.
"Hi. Are you ready to go to bed?" I nodded and stripped down to my boxers, which was what I normally slept in, and climbed into bed with her.
" Night Jake." She whispered kissing me softly, then we continued kissing, one thing led to another and we made love for the last time. Even though I was with Janie now, it still somehow felt right.
"Night Manda. I love you." I said wrapping my arms around her waist. We fell asleep like that for, what I knew, would be the last time.
.::The Next Morning::.
I woke up the next morning to Jacob’s gentle voice.
" Manda, it’s time to get up. Your flight leaves at noon and it’s already nine." I sat up and smiled at him. I kissed him on the mouth and then I laid back down.
" Uh, Manda. You gotta get up. Otherwise you’re going to miss your flight."
" There’s something I need to tell you."
"Me too. You go first."
"I’m moving to Orlando."
" Y-Y-You’re WHAT?!?!"
"I’m moving to Orlando. Jeez, don’t sound too excited or anything."
" No, it’s just that. Well, this is going to make what I had to tell you a hell of a lot harder than before."
" What? Jake what is it?" I asked, not liking the tone of voice he had used at all.
" I...uhmm... well... here I know how to tell you." I was confused out of my mind as he went over to my stereo. He turned it on and put it on a certain song and then came over to sit on the bed. He took my hand in his and then I heard the familiar chords of ‘All or Nothing’ fill the room. I looked directly into his eyes and he looked into mine as he began to sing a long with the song.
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I don’t care if that's not fair
Chorus:
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it, show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it
Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
It's now or never
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all
"Jake I...why?"
" Because Amanda, it’s obvious that you’d rather be with Ashley. I know that you’re still in love with him and I know that you want to be with him so why stay with me?"
" Because I love you. Jacob, I want to be with you."
"No you don’t. I see the way you look at him."
" Jacob, listen to me. I’m in love with you. I want to be with you and only you. I don’t want to be with Ashley. I want to be with you."
"NO, you don’t. Go. Be with Ashley. That’s what you want and I’m letting you. Why are you fighting me?"
"Because Jacob. I Love YOU, you and ONLY YOU. What can I do to make you see that? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Is that it?"
" NO! It’s just that I see the way you are around him and I know that he’d make you happier, so go, be with him."
" But I want to be with you."
" No you don’t!"
" Well, Why the fuck not Jake? Because I sure as hell can’t think of a reason that I don’t wanna be with you."
" Because. I slept with Janie last night."
" What?"
" I slept with Janie last night." I felt truly sick at his words. I couldn’t believe what he was telling me.
" You BASTARD!"
" Don’t fucking touch me." I said when he reached forward to take my hand.
" How could you do something like that to me? I trusted you. I love you so much. I gave up everything in San Diego to move to Orlando and be with you. How could you do this to me?" I got out of bed, the sheet wrapped around me and started pacing.
" Amanda, calm down."
" Calm down? Calm down!? You tell me that you slept with another woman last night but you want me to calm down. I have to get out of here." I yelled as I ran out of the room still clad in just the sheet from the bed.
" Amanda! Wait!" I heard Jacob shout as he came stumbling out of the room, pulling on a pair of jeans, to catch up with me. I finally stopped in the living room and started pacing. I didn’t even notice the other guys sitting in the living room. I turned around sharply and glared at him when he grabbed my arm.
" I told you not to touch me." I said in a low voice.
" Will you please just talk to me?"
" What’s there to talk about Jacob? You slept with someone else and then you had the nerve to come home and sleep with me. The way I see it, we’re through talking. We’re done all together. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, and I don’t want to be with you. As far as I’m concerned you’re out of my life." He glared at me and then turned on his heel grabbing, his keys, and slamming the door behind him. A few seconds later we heard his car peel out of the driveway. I stood there just staring at the door for a minute, silent tears streaming down my face. I couldn’t take it anymore. I fell back on the couch and broke down into sobs. I felt two arms wrap around me and turned my face so that I was crying on the person’s chest.
I was extremely upset at this point. I stalked out of the front door, slamming it behind me. I got in my car and peeled out o the driveway. I had no idea where I was going. At this point I was just driving. I’d never meant to hurt Amanda the way that I did. I really thought that she wanted to be with Ashley. I still do. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were together within the next few days. It’s always been him. Whether she admits that to herself or not.