Chapter 23

Jacob entered Ashley’s room and shook his head at the mess of clothing scattered all over the bed and the floor. The camera being operated by Gillian was with him, but he ignored it like he was supposed to.

"Ash, why the hell did you even unpack? You leave for Redding tomorrow," Jacob said. Ashley came out of the bathroom.

"I can’t bring the same clothes. It’s colder in Germany than in Redding, so I have to, like, bring stuff for warmer weather," he explained. Jacob just shrugged.

"I called Maria and got Emily. They’re both coming over," he said, smiling.

"Cool! You know, I wonder what Emily’s gonna, like, do for Christmas. If Maria’s going with you, where’s she gonna go?" Ashley asked as he folded a sweater and put it away in his bureau. Jacob sat down on the bed.

"She might go with her family. I mean I assume she has one besides Maria and Sarah. She’s from Boca Raton, right?" he asked.

"I think so. I know her parents are divorced and she doesn’t see her father, but aside from that, I don’t know," Ashley said. "All I know is that I look like her boyfriend who hung himself when he was sixteen. Emily found him." Jacob’s eyes widened.

"No shit. My God, that’s awful. No wonder she acted so weird around you, dude," he said.

"Tell me about it. I’m just glad that she can finally look at me without a scared or sad look on her face. I like her, Jake, but I think my looking like that Travis dude is gonna be a problem," Ashley said and sighed.

"Give her time," Jacob said, standing up and stretching. "She’ll eventually realize that you’re ‘Ashley’ and not that other guy."

"I hope so," Ashley said.

Fifteen minutes later, Maria and Emily arrived at O-Town’s estate. "Hey, gorgeous!" Trevor greeted Maria with a big bear hug. "You’re back where you belong!"

"I sure am," Maria said as he let her go. "It’s good to be back, too. I felt like I didn’t really want to be in California permanently. It felt right to come home." Trevor smiled and greeted Emily, hugging her as well. The cabin had been a really great way for them all to have bonded and they all had gotten to know each other pretty well.

Maria smiled when she saw Jacob coming slowly down the stairs, followed by Ashley and a camera held by Gillian. Jacob’s smile became wider the closer he got to Maria. When he was close enough to touch her, he reached up and buried his hands in her hair. He then leaned forward and kissed her like they’d been away from each other for two years instead of only two weeks. Maria’s knees became weak as he continued to kiss her passionately.

Ashley, Emily and Trevor exchanged smiles as they stood there watching. Finally, Ashley cleared his throat. "Uh, Jake, why don’t you let Maria come into the house," he said. Jacob finally let go of Maria and looked into her eyes that were now bright with desire.

"Hi," she said, her breath a bit labored.

"Hi. Do you know how good it is to see you again?" he asked.

"I have a feeling that it’s really good to see me again," Maria answered, smiling. Jacob then noticed the guitar she was carrying.

"Are you now adding the electric guitar to your list of talents?" he asked.

"Hey, a girl needs to rock out once in a while," Maria replied. Jacob laughed. "Actually, it’s from Sam, you know the music store owner in San Francisco?"

"The old ‘sweetie girl’ guy?" he asked. Maria nodded. "Yeah, I remember him."

"Well, I went to see him and he wanted you to have this for your collection," she said, handing him the guitar.

"And he wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer, right?" Jacob asked. Maria shook her head.

"Nope. He did mention that he has guitars that need re-stringing, so you might have to stop in the next time you’re in town," she said. Jacob smiled as he examined the guitar. He then looked at Maria.

"Let’s go to my room so we can talk," he said softly as he took her hand and led her to the guesthouse. Gillian knew better than to follow them, so she trained the camera on Ashley, Trevor and Emily.

"So, Emily, wanna watch TV or play?" Ashley asked, indicating her guitar.

"Let’s play," she said. Ashley led her upstairs to his room, Gillian following.

"Yeah, I know. I’m boring," Trevor said. He then went to watch TV.

"How was Germany?" Maria asked as she made herself comfortable on Jacob’s bed. Jacob placed the guitar against the wall and stood looking at her, his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans.

"Crazy, like it always is," he said.

"I met a couple of your fans. I told them that I’d say hi to you for them, so Hannah and Lianne say hi," Maria told him, smiling. "They were sweet. They actually recognized me. I couldn’t believe it. I guess I’m now officially ‘Jacob Underwood of O-Town’s girlfriend.’"

"Is that so bad?" Jacob asked.

"Only if that’s all I’m known as," she answered. Jacob sat down on the edge of the bed and turned so that he was looking at her.

"You didn’t take that job did you?" he asked, softly. Maria saw the look of despair on his face and it broke her heart.

"No, Jacob, I didn’t." He closed his eyes briefly, a look of utter relief on his face. "But I didn’t not take it only because of you. It’s a lot of things. I like it here and hopefully I’ll be able to stay with Walsh Studios for a long time. I still have to talk to Kyle. I can’t be an intern forever and I know that he respects my work, so…"

"You’re so talented, you could have your own magazine," Jacob said, taking one of her hands and lacing his fingers with hers.

"I don’t want that much responsibility. If I’m an owner, I’ll end up spending more time in the office than in the field taking pictures and gathering information for articles," Maria told him.

"I’m glad you’re staying," Jacob said, giving her his heart-melting smile.

"Oh, I wanted to ask you, can Emily come to your place with us for Christmas? She has no one here and I can’t just take off and leave her," Maria said.

"I’m sure it would be okay," Jacob said. "I talked to my mom and she’s looking forward to meeting you." He climbed onto the bed and sat cross-legged like she was, opposite her. He took her other hand and looked into her eyes. "You’re not nervous are you?" he asked. Maria shrugged.

"A little, I guess. But, I have to meet them sooner or later and if they’re like you, then they can’t be that bad, right?" she asked. Jacob smiled and leaned forward, his lips touching hers in a gentle kiss. He backed away, licking his lips. "Can I hear some of the new stuff you’ve been working on?" Maria then asked him.

"Sure," he said as he jumped off the bed to get his guitar. Maria lay down. She loved listening to him play just for her. She loved a lot about him. It was then that Maria decided what she was going to give him for Christmas. She smiled just thinking about it.

Ashley had just finished singing and playing Name by The Goo Goo Dolls for Emily. She had played some chords, but she didn’t know the song well enough to join him in playing it all the way through.

"That was good. Do you know Jumper by Third Eye Blind?" Emily asked. Ashley smiled.

"I love Third Eye Blind. Yeah, I know the song but…"

"I know, it’s a song about suicide, but it’s positive, like Adam’s Song by Blink-182. Don’t think that I listened to all this suicide stuff after Travis died, I just found myself listening closely whenever a song about it came on the radio. I’m not obsessed with the subject or anything," she said, looking at her guitar strings.

"Still, I wouldn’t blame you if you were. It must’ve been hard to find him…like that," Ashley said. Emily looked at him.

"It was. I was in shock for the longest time. He hadn’t covered his face or anything, so the image of him hanging there dead was imprinted in my mind. I couldn’t sleep for, like, ever, or until my mom decided to sedate me. She thought I was crazy," she told him. The way she said it so nonchalantly made Ashley frown. Emily smiled. "Really, she thought I was crazy and wanted to have me committed. My psychological health was interfering with her work schedule, so she wanted me sent away where she wouldn’t have to deal with me."

"I’m sorry," Ashley said, playing with his guitar pick. Emily put her hand over his and he looked at her.

"Don’t feel sorry for me, Ashley, or feel uncomfortable around me, okay? I got the help that I needed and I’m okay now. I just freaked out because you look so much like Travis and seeing you brought back memories, but you’re not Travis. I know that," she said. Ashley nodded.

"It’s just, I don’t know, um, what to say when you start talking about him."

"You know, you say the right things, actually. You’re the first person who hasn’t wanted to get up and leave the room after finding out about Travis. You chose to comfort and console me instead. And then after Sarah’s little performance at the cabin, you were there for me again. I never thanked you," she said. Ashley smiled now.

"You’re welcome. I think you’re amazing, the way that you, like, were able to deal with what happened. I mean, I’ve never known anyone who killed himself, but I can just imagine what it was like and what you had to go through. To be so together…I mean, like you are now, is just amazing," he said, hoping he was making himself clear. Emily looked into his blue eyes. She put her guitar aside and scooted forward on the bed.

"Thank you for saying that. For the longest time, I felt anything but strong or amazing. I felt lost and depressed and I even wanted to die myself," she said, sadly. "But, when I’d pick up the guitar and play, it was so comforting and it made me forget everything that was going on."

"Music helps to heal," Ashley said. Emily nodded.

"I couldn’t have gotten through what I did without it," she said.

Emily and Ashley stared at each other. Somehow, they had reached a new level in their relationship. He understood Emily better than anyone ever had, except for Travis. It was almost like they had been the same person, only Travis was a guy and she was a girl. With Ashley, Emily felt a connection that she hadn’t with anyone since Travis.

Slowly, Emily leaned forward. Ashley’s gaze moved from Emily’s dark eyes to her lips. She closed her eyes right before her lips lightly touched his. Ashley brought his hand up to rest against her cheek. He couldn’t hold her since his guitar was in the way, but he was able to deepen the kiss. Emily actually pushed forward instead of pulling away, her lips moving over his gently, but firmly.

After a minute, she backed away and swallowed hard. Ashley gave her a sweet smile. His cheeks were flushed and his smile was genuine. Emily smiled shyly at him. "I, uh, have to see Jacob about something, actually," she said as she slid off of the bed. Ashley nodded and watched as she quickly left the room. He lay back on the bed, smiling widely after she had gone.

"Yes!" he said softly.

"Alex, calm down. What’s wrong?" Erik asked his distressed girlfriend, who was on the phone with him. Erik was lying on his bed and had a feeling he knew what was bothering Alex.

"Carlos is being an asshole and I don’t want to spend Christmas with him. I just want to be with you!" she cried.

"What happened?" he asked, sighing.

"He was just saying stupid things about you and he made me mad!" she exclaimed.

"I told you that he doesn’t like me," Erik said.

"Well, that’s too bad because I love you and he’s just gonna have to live with it!" she stated, firmly.

"Honey, I don’t want to be the cause of any problems between you and your family. Maybe it’s best if I just spend Christmas with my mom and dad and you spend it with your family," Erik told her.

"No! I want to be with you, Erik. If Carlos is going to disrespect you, then forget it. I refuse to be treated like I’m a child who knows nothing about anything! He can’t run my life!" Alex said. Erik smiled.

"I love it when you’re angry," he said, seductively. He could actually feel Alex’s anger fade somewhat.

"Oh, Erik, what am I gonna do?" she asked.

"I’m not gonna lie to you. I’m scared of your brother and I don’t want to cause any disturbances within your family, especially on Carlos’ first Christmas home in three years. We’ll work it out. Maybe you can spend half of the day with your family and half with mine. They live in Palm Bay. I was going to spend a couple of days with them and then come back here to the house, so we will still get some time to spend together. And since the other guys are all leaving, we’ll be all alone," he said, smiling into the phone.

Alex didn’t say anything for a minute, so Erik just let her think about it. "Thank you, Erik, for being so understanding." She sighed. "Okay, you know what? I’ll spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with my family and then the rest of your break with you," she said. "Is that okay?"

"Any time that we can spend together is perfect with me," he said.

"Good. Then I’ll definitely see you on the 26^th," Alex said.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart," Erik said. "I love you."

"Love you, too," Alex said and hung up. Erik sighed as he hung up and put his cell phone on the bed beside him. He wanted so badly to spend Christmas with Alex, but her family was too important to her and he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary awkwardness for her. It was better this way, but Erik was still bummed.