Chapter 23

Sunday, December 16^th

San Francisco 10 a.m.

Maria followed Marilyn and her father into the house. Marilyn was carrying Bradley, who had fallen asleep during Mass. It was the first time in a long time that Maria had gone to Church. She felt like she needed the kind of strength that only God could give. And she needed guidance. But she didn’t think that even God could help her figure out her feelings concerning Jacob Underwood.

"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Joseph asked Maria as they watched Marilyn go upstairs with the baby.

"I’m okay. Did I tell you that I spoke with Robert about the job he offered me?" Maria asked. Joseph went into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. Maria followed.

"No, you didn’t," he said. "What have you decided?"

"I’m not taking it. It’s a risk, I know, since I haven’t talked to Kyle yet about my job that I hope I still have in Orlando, but I don’t want to move out here," Maria said honestly.

"Don’t let that boy keep you from doing something that in your heart you really want to do," Joseph told her. Maria frowned.

"I would never do that. Even if Jacob wasn’t involved, I still don’t want to relocate to California," she said. Marilyn entered the kitchen and put the baby monitor on the counter.

"I just hope that you’ve thought it through. I would love for you to live closer to me, you know that, and I also know that your career means a lot to you. Don’t make any hasty decisions until you’ve thought hard about what you really want in life," Joseph said. He kissed Marilyn’s cheek and left the kitchen.

Maria sipped her coffee and sighed. Marilyn gave her a small smile. She was quiet most of the time, seemingly uncomfortable with Maria, but they had gotten along better since Maria had returned from the cabin. "Marilyn, can I talk to you?" Maria asked, hesitantly. Marilyn smiled.

"Sure," she said.

"You love my Dad, right?" Marilyn looked surprised.

"Of course I do," she said.

"Why haven’t you guys gotten married yet?" Maria asked her.

"Circumstances. Timing. No real time to do it, especially with your father’s job. Even though baseball is a summer to fall sport, Joseph still has to work year-round getting ready for the upcoming season and the one after that. We want to get married, believe me, we do, but life has other ideas for us right now," she explained.

"You’ve had to slow down working since the baby and all. Does it bother you? To have to put your career second to your family?" Maria then asked her. Marilyn was an interior decorator and had decorated many famous stars’ homes. That’s all Maria really knew about her future stepmother. Marilyn sighed.

"Believe it or not, you and I are a lot alike. I loved working so much that I never thought I’d be able to not work. When I found out about the baby, I was devastated because I knew that I’d have to stop working, at least for a while. It sounds terrible, I know, but then again, I also knew that I wanted to raise my child, so I had to sacrifice something, and that ‘something’ had to be my job," she said.

"What about when you got together with my father?" Maria asked. "How did that come about, anyway?" Marilyn smiled.

"I was working in Los Angeles at the time. Your father was there on a business trip. I actually met him at a Dodgers game. We had seats next to each other and just started talking." She stopped, not sure how much Maria wanted to know.

"Go on," Maria prompted.

"Well, we became comfortable with each other quite fast and soon he was telling me about his family, his wife and his children. He mentioned that his marriage was failing and he was awfully upset about it. All I really did was listen to him. I think he just needed someone to talk to and so I let him talk to me. Maria, please believe me when I say that nothing happened between your father and me until after the divorce proceedings were in progress. I never would have allowed it. And, although your mother believes otherwise, I didn’t move to San Francisco and in with Joseph until the divorce was final. I stayed in LA and worked," she said.

"I believe you," Maria assured her. "Did you give up working in order to move here?"

"No. I finished the jobs that I had to do in LA and just kind of moved myself here and set up my own business. Your father helped me out a little and I was working in no time," Marilyn answered. Maria thought for a minute.

"What about when he travels, like in the off-season. Do you go with him or do you stay here…missing him?" she asked. Marilyn looked at Maria closely. Maria looked away.

"Maria, if you love someone, you handle the distance when you’re apart. I sometimes travel with Joseph, but when I can’t I stay here and work. It’s just another sacrifice that you have to make when you’re in love," Marilyn told her. "This is about Jacob, isn’t it?" Maria looked at her.

"Am I that transparent?" she asked. Marilyn smiled.

"Well, with all of the questions, it’s pretty obvious, I think. It is a tough situation. His job doesn’t allow for a lot of free time, does it?" Maria shook her head.

"Try no free time. The group only gets an occasional day off here and there. They’re in Germany right now and they have to start recording their second album when they get back and then it’s off on another tour. How can I be in a relationship when half of it is never there?" she asked. Marilyn put her hand on Maria’s.

"Do you love him?" she asked. Maria sighed. Marilyn noticed the distressed look on her face. "Does he love you?" Marilyn then asked. Maria nodded.

"Yes. He told me he does," she said. "A few times, actually."

"I promise I won’t mention any of this to your father, but have you been intimate with Jacob?" Marilyn asked. Maria smiled.

"Yes. That’s actually how our bizarre ‘courtship’ began. I thought it was a lust thing, but then after I was with him, I knew that what I was feeling was a lot more than lust. I couldn’t stop thinking about him or wanting him. It’s like when we were apart, I felt like a piece of me was missing," she said. Marilyn smiled.

"I could tell that he liked you when you were all here before. The way that he looked at you---it was obvious. And the way he defended you to Geoff. He seems like a good guy," Marilyn told her.

"He is and that’s why it’s so hard not being able to tell him what he wants to hear. I was confused about my feelings for Geoff, but it was never like this. I didn’t feel totally alone when we weren’t together and I didn’t long to get home after work to see him. When we made love, it didn’t feel at all like how it feels when I’m with Jacob."

"You didn’t love Geoff," Marilyn stated.

"But I love Jacob?" Maria asked. Marilyn shook her head.

"That’s what you have to decide. It sounds like it to me, but I can’t tell you how you’re feeling."

"I’m feeling torn. I’m torn between my heart and my job. I don’t blame Jacob for being in a band, but I’m not the type of girl who’s going to sit around and be a ‘groupie.’ I’m not going to be someone who’s there to look good and to accompany him to awards shows or on tour or whatever. I want to work," Maria told her. "I need to work."

"Then work. That’s not going to stop Jacob from loving you or you from loving him. You’ll find a way to work through the distance thing. He won’t be on tour forever, you know. I think you’re over-thinking this, Maria. Just relax and things will work out," Marilyn said. Smiling, Marilyn leaned over and hugged Maria. She had never felt this close to her and at that moment, she truly felt like her friend.

Maria hugged her back. It felt good to talk to someone who was a little more removed from the situation and who could be objective. "Thank you, Marilyn."

"You’re welcome, honey. I’m happy for you. It sounds like you’ve found an amazing guy. Don’t let him get away," Marilyn said. Bradley could suddenly be heard crying through the baby monitor. Marilyn smiled as she left the kitchen.

Maria stared into her now-cold coffee. She didn’t want to lose Jacob, but if she waited too long to tell him how she felt, she just might. She sighed as she emptied her mug into the sink and went to her room to start packing. She was leaving tomorrow morning to go home. She was finally going back to Orlando.

Mechernich, Germany

7 p.m.

The band was warming up for their concert. They had vocal warm-ups before they went into their lockdown to prepare mentally for the show.

"How’s that song coming that you guys have been working on?" Mike C. asked Jacob, who was stretching. Jacob fixed the bandanna that was tied around his wrist.

"Which one?" he asked.

"The one with Dan," Mike said.

"American Game?" Jacob asked. Mike nodded. "It’s coming along. I’m hoping that we’ll be able to try performing it at a show or two as soon as it’s finished."

"It rocks!" Dan said, smiling, as he adjusted his head mic. "And I get to play guitar." Dan had really gotten into writing lately. He had asked Jacob to help him write his first song because Jacob had the most songwriting experience out of all of the guys. They were all working on their own songs, either alone or as part of a collaboration.

"Well, keep writing. Clive won’t just meet with anyone and he’s agreed to listen to whatever you guys want to throw at him. Your material’s gotta be good, though, because Clive is considering lots of stuff that’s being submitted by other songwriters," Mike told them.

"You mean good songwriters?" Erik asked. Mike smiled.

"You guys are good, too. It’s just new to you. As long as Clive sees that you’re writing, his respect for you will grow. You’ll see," he told them.

"Man, there’s nothing like a little pressure, huh Mike?" Trevor asked. He was the least experienced songwriter out of all of them. He had never written a song in his life and he was nervous.

"Okay, guys, let’s get ready," Jacob said. Mike left the room so the band could get ready for their performance.

Orlando

1 p.m.

Alex jumped when she heard a noise coming from upstairs. She relaxed as Carlos came running down.

"You’re finally awake? Now that it’s almost time to go to bed?" she asked as she continued to sift through her family’s box of Christmas decorations. She was still staying at her parents’ house. She could probably go back to her own apartment, but she still didn’t like being alone…especially at night.

"I got in late," he said. Alex nodded and pulled out an angel decoration that was missing a wing. "Hey, Al, you’ll never believe who I ran into over the weekend when you were away." Alex glanced at him.

"Who?" she asked.

"Luis Rivera. Remember him?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah. I dated him my junior year in high school. Wasn’t he one of the guys that you chased away?" she asked.

"Maybe, but he’s doing well now, you know? He’s managing a club not far from here and lives in Orlando," Carlos told her.

"Hooray for Luis," Alex said, unenthusiastically. "Why do I care again?"

"He asked about you. Maybe you two can hook up sometime, you know," Carlos said. Alex turned to him.

"Carlos, I’m with Erik. You know that," she said, frowning.

"All I’m saying is that you can see Luis just to talk to him."

"I love Erik, so yeah, I’ll talk to Luis, but that’s it," Alex said. Now Carlos frowned.

"Yeah, right, ‘love.’ The guy is never around. How the hell can you ‘love’ someone who’s never there?" he asked.

"He’s coming home from Germany on Wednesday and then he gets a break for Christmas. I was hoping that he could spend some time with the family," she said.

"Whose family? His or ours?" Carlos asked.

"Mine. Which means that you better be nice to him," Alex said, crossly.

"I’m not nice to anybody that I don’t like. And I don’t like him," Carlos said. "He’s probably banging some German chick right now." Alex stalked over to him and got in his face.

"Erik isn’t like that! He loves me, so don’t disrespect him, do you understand?" she yelled.

"What’s all the yelling?" Miguel asked as he came in the front door. "I can hear you outside." Carlos glared at him and left, slamming the door behind him.

"Ass," Alex muttered as she returned to the box of Christmas ornaments. Miguel followed her. "He’s disrespecting Erik to my face and I will not allow it!"

"He’s protective," Miguel said.

"Bullshit! He’s trying to run my life, but he’s not going to. He lost any right to ‘protect’ me when he was sent to jail. On top of it, he won’t say who attacked us, so they’re still running around loose and can come back at any time. I hate being afraid. The only time I’m not afraid is when I’m with Erik and he’s not here, so I’m scared!" Alex broke down and Miguel pulled her to him. She sobbed softly on his shoulder.

"You’re safe here. I won’t let anything happen to you," Miguel said.

"I wanted Erik to spend some of his Christmas break with me, but with Carlos the way he is, I’d rather just go and be with Erik," Alex said, wiping her eyes.

"But, Christmastime is for the family. You can’t not spend it with us," Miguel told her.

"If Carlos is going to make Erik feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, then forget it. Why would I do that to him?" Alex asked, angrily. "I won’t. And I’d rather spend the holiday with Erik rather than Carlos any day." With that, Alex walked angrily to the kitchen. Miguel sighed as he watched her go. He wasn’t enjoying being the go-between between his older siblings very much. It was much too stressful