Chapter 21

            "Maria deserves any anger that you feel for her. It was wrong for her to do what she did to you," she said, angrily. Jacob smiled.

            "Thanks…I think," he said. Alex smiled and playfully pulled on one of his curls before she went back to her place on the couch next to Erik.

            "Guys? Dinner is…" Maria stopped when she saw Jacob, who turned to look at her.

            "Dinner is what?" he asked. Maria shook herself out of her sudden loss for words.

            "It’s ready, if you’re hungry," she answered, quickly turning and heading back toward the kitchen. Jacob waited until Erik and Alex got up, before following them to the dining room. The cameraman followed Jacob.

            The dining room was one of the smaller rooms, but it was still pretty big. Large windows looked out over the Utah landscape. The sun was just setting and it looked beautiful.

            "Have a seat everyone," Emily ordered as she placed a large bowl of spaghetti on the table. Everyone sat. Jacob waited for Maria to sit before he chose a seat far away from her. He wasn’t about to make things easy for her.

            Erik and Ashley kept the conversation light and fun. Everyone laughed as they ate, Trevor almost choking at one point, he was laughing so hard. Jacob and Maria stayed quiet through much of the dinner, but the others didn’t seem bothered by their silence.

            Sarah was also quiet. She didn’t look good and Maria had glanced over at her several times. Sarah looked sick. She was pale and her face was drawn and tired-looking. She had dark circles under her eyes and wouldn’t look at anyone. She barely ate anything, mostly picking at her food. Jacob tried to get her to talk to him, but Sarah only spoke a few words to him. He frowned and caught Maria’s eye. She looked at Sarah and then back at him. He just shrugged and resumed eating.

            "So, where are you gonna sleep, Maria? Have you decided?" Ashley asked as he ate. Maria looked at him and shrugged.

            "I told you that I wouldn’t mind sleeping in the sitting room with the fireplace. Those couches look comfortable," she said before biting into a slice of Italian bread.

            "It’s too cold for you there. You can have my bed," Trevor offered. Jacob glared at him. "And I’ll take the couch," Trevor added. Jacob relaxed.

            "No, really. This is your weekend. I’m not gonna take your bed," Maria told him.

            "You’re staying in my room," Jacob announced. Maria looked over at him.

            "No, I’m not," she said.

            "Yes, you are," Jacob shot back. Maria sighed.

            "This is mature," she mumbled.

            "Yeah, and so was that letter." He hadn’t meant to say it, it had just come out.

Maria placed her napkin on her empty plate and took a deep breath. "Why are you bringing that up now? Here at dinner, of all places?" she asked him, calmly.

            "I don’t know. Maybe because it bothered me," Jacob replied.

            "At least you got a letter. I didn’t know what was going on and Maria, you never even called me. You missed my birthday, did you know that?" Alex asked, angrily.

            "I’m sorry," Maria said.

            "And what about your sister? She looks like hell, but do you care? No, you’re too worried about you!" Alex was on a roll and Maria sat and took it.

            "Of course I care! She’s my sister, but she hates me, so what am I supposed to do?" Maria said now getting angry herself.

            Sarah stood up and quickly left the room. Emily frowned and ran after her. Maria sighed. Maybe it had been a mistake to come here after all.

            Dianna then spoke up, "Look, a lot went on at that party, but it was a long time ago. Why don’t we all just cool down and relax. This is a weekend to relax, remember? Jumping all over Maria isn’t going to solve anything."

            "She’s right, you guys," Trevor said. Jacob stood up, dropped his napkin onto the table and disappeared. Maria felt like crying, but she was too angry. She looked at Alex.

            "Alex, I understand why you’re mad and upset at me right now, but I felt…I can’t even describe it, but I hated how I felt after the party. Maybe I am self-absorbed, but I’m beginning to snap out of it. The things that happened, I hadn’t been able to control and that scared me," she said. Alex swallowed hard. Tears came to her eyes.

            "I just wanted my friend and it hurt when you didn’t even call me to let me know what was going on," she said. Erik put his hand on her arm.

            "I know and I’m sorry. I just got caught up with my baby brother and finding a job and…" Maria never finished her sentence.

            "A job? You’re moving to California?" Alex asked, shocked.

            "Yes. No. Maybe, I don’t know just yet. It depends," Maria said, playing with her fork.

            "On Jacob?" Alex asked. Maria didn’t answer, which was answer enough. She stood up and brought her plate to the kitchen. She then went into the sitting room, grabbed a fleece pullover and pulled it on over her sweater. She went to the doors that led out onto the deck. Maria stepped out and shut the door behind her. The air was frigid. It felt like it was going to snow. Maria stood at the railing, which was a thick log with white Christmas lights wrapped around it. She looked out over the trees and sighed. Her life wasn’t supposed to be this dramatic. She was supposed to be a photojournalist who traveled the world in search of interesting stories. She wasn’t supposed to be here trying to decide if she should take the job she had always dreamed of…or be with a guy that she was deeply… Deeply what? In love with? In lust with? Maria wished that she knew.

            An hour later, Emily was desperate. Sarah was crying on her bed, muttering how she hated life and that she wished that she were dead.

            Rushing through the cabin, Emily found Kristi, Dan, Dianna and Trevor in the sitting room playing Monopoly. "Guys, where’s Maria?" Emily asked.

            "I think she’s playing pool with Ashley," Trevor answered. Emily took off for the poolroom.

            "Maria, I need to talk to you," Emily said. Maria frowned when she saw the look on her cousin’s face.

            "What’s wrong?" she asked.

            "It’s Sarah. I’m really worried about her. She’s saying that she wants to die and it’s scaring me," Emily told her. Maria shook her head, rolling her eyes.

            "She always says that. It’s just an act," she said. Ashley nodded.

            "It doesn’t mean that she’s gonna do anything," he said.

            "How do you know? Have you ever known anyone who was suicidal?" Emily asked, her voice rising.

            "It’s just a teenage thing," Maria said. Emily walked over to her.

            "No, it’s not," she said. "It’s a serious thing and if anyone says that they want to die, you have to take them seriously or you’ll regret it if anything happens." Maria frowned. Emily had a frightened look in her eyes.

            "Did you know someone who committed suicide?" she asked, carefully. Emily looked at the pool table. She picked up the 8 ball and rolled it into the side pocket. She then looked at Maria.

            "Look," Emily said as she unbuttoned the first few buttons of her blouse. She pulled the blouse open so that a small tattoo was visible on her upper left breast. It was over her heart. The tattoo was an eye with a tear of blood. The initials TM were visible in the center of the eye. "The initials stand for ‘Travis Myers.’ He was my boyfriend in high school. I dated him for two years and I loved him. I found him hanging from the ceiling in his family room from a beam. He had told me that he had been feeling depressed and that he wanted to die, but I ignored him. I thought that my love would keep him from doing anything. I was wrong." Emily felt tears sliding down her face, but she ignored them. "He was everything to me. I should’ve known that something was wrong when he started giving away his things. He gave me his guitar. He loved his guitar, but I didn’t question it when he handed it to me and told me to keep it. I thought that he’d given it to me because he loved me. Travis knew what he was gonna do and I ignored him. I killed him! I could’ve saved him if I had taken him seriously. He was only sixteen." Emily started sobbing. Ashley walked over and pulled her to him, holding her close.

            "It wasn’t your fault," he said. Emily pulled away and looked up at him.

            "You look just like him. I look at you and I see Travis. He had spiky blonde hair, blue eyes and a sweet smile…just like you, Ashley. It hurts to look at you," she said, turning away from him. Ashley looked at Maria, who was fighting her own tears.

            "Emily, I’m sorry. I didn’t know," Maria said. "I’ll check on Sarah." Maria quickly left the room. Emily buttoned up her blouse and wiped her eyes.

            "I had a feeling that you couldn’t look at me for a reason. I just wish that it didn’t, like, hurt you so much. At least now I know it’s not because I’m ugly," Ashley said. Emily actually laughed.

            "No, Ashley, you are not ugly. The world is ugly. The fact that someone would take their own life is ugly. Life is a gift that you shouldn’t take for granted. Once you’re dead, that’s it," she said, sadly, her smile gone.

            "You live on in heaven," Ashley told her.

            "People who live life like God wants them to go to heaven, but if you kill yourself, that’s murder and it’s a sin. You don’t go to heaven if you take your own life. I don’t know where Travis is right now and that scares me," Emily said. Ashley didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t had any idea that Emily had been through so much at such a young age. "I hated Travis for the longest time. I didn’t even go to his funeral. When I realized that he was really gone, I started going to visit his grave and I played his guitar for him. He loved to hear me play," she said. Ashley smiled at her.

            "Play for me," he said. Emily looked at him.

            "Why?" she asked.

            "To make you feel better," Ashley said. "And I want to hear you play." Emily ran her hands through her hair. Playing always did make her feel better.

            "Okay," she said and she ran to get her guitar.

            "Sarah?" Maria entered Sarah and Emily’s room. Sarah was lying on the bottom bunk, crying softly. "Sarah, we need to talk."

            "Not now," Sarah’s muffled voice said. "I don’t want to see you now."

            "But…"

            "Not now!" Sarah shouted and started crying again. Maria sighed and left the room. She couldn’t push her. Sarah was troubled and Maria didn’t know how to help her.

            It was almost midnight when everyone gathered in the sitting room. Jacob was sitting on the ottoman that went with the chair that Kristi occupied. Maria sat between Dianna and Trevor on one side of the soft, sectional couch. Emily sat on the brick ledge in front of the fire, which had died down considerably. Dan was on the other side of the couch, his feet tucked beneath him, his eyes closing. Ashley sat on the coffee table playing his guitar. Emily and Jacob also had their guitars and the three of them had a short jam session before Ashley wanted to play something for everyone that he wrote.

            "This song is called All She Wrote and it’s a song about a love relationship that ends very abruptly because of a letter," he said before he started playing and singing. Jacob looked over at Maria, who looked truly miserable.

            After Ashley had finished the song, Maria couldn’t stop herself from commenting on it. "Rub it in, Ashley," she said, clearly upset by the song’s concept. Ashley frowned, then looked surprised, then apologetic.

            "No, no, no! It’s not about you, I swear!" he said quickly. Jacob watched as Maria wiped a tear from her eye. "Really, Maria, it’s not. I started writing this before the party. Ask Dan, he knows."

            "It’s true. Ash has been working on that hook for a long time," Dan said. Trevor gently put his hand on Maria’s arm.

            "Don’t," she said, pulling her arm away. She got up and left the room. Everyone looked at Jacob, who stood up and hesitated before following her.

            "Go, Jake. She needs you," Trevor said.

            "I don’t know. She said in that letter that she thought she was leaning on me too much and she didn’t like having to do that," he said. "It’s so messed up. I have no idea what to do. I want to go to her, but I don’t want to upset her more than she already is."

            "Go," Emily said. "If she’s upset, you have to help her." Jacob nodded. She was right. He placed his guitar on the ottoman and went after Maria.

            Ashley looked at Emily. "Hey, Emily, let’s play," he said. Emily looked at him and smiled. She had played some of her songs for him earlier and he had said that he liked them. She knew that she wasn’t the best musician, but Ashley saying that he thought she was good meant a lot…more than she thought it would.

            Alex was lying in the big bed in Erik’s bedroom. The room was huge. It had doors leading out onto its own deck, a big bathroom with a Jacuzzi, recess lighting that was now dimmed, a large entertainment center with a TV and a VCR/DVD system. There was even a mini-fridge in the corner. It was better than any hotel room.

            "Are you comfortable?" Erik asked. Alex turned to look at him. He had on a tee shirt and pajama bottoms. Alex nodded.

            "I’m fine. This is incredible," she said. Erik climbed onto the bed. He pushed Alex’s hair out of her eyes and smiled.

            "I’ve missed you so much," he said, leaning forward to kiss her forehead, her nose and finally her mouth. Alex smiled against his lips.

            "Do you want to see my scar?" she asked. Erik frowned.

            "How romantic," he said, sarcastically. He sat up a little. "Sure, if you want to show it." Alex turned so that Erik could see her right side. She pulled up her tank top. Right to the side of her breast was a three-inch scar. It was still red and looked painful. Erik tried not to wince.

            "I know. It looks bad, huh?" she asked. Erik pushed her shirt down and pulled her to him. Alex wrapped her arms around him. "It didn’t really hurt. I mean, there was pain, but I guess when my mind realized what was happening, my body went into shock and my mind didn’t register the pain."

            "I’m sorry that someone hurt you. He’ll be found. If only your brother would talk, the bastard who hurt you would probably be in jail already," he told her.

            "Carlos is still protecting me. If he ratted those bastards out, they could come after me again. He doesn’t want that," Alex said.

            "Alex, look what they did to you. Carlos didn’t really protect you that night, did he?" Erik asked, angrily.

            "Don’t blame Carlos."

            "How can I not blame him? It’s his fault that you got stabbed!" Erik exclaimed.

            "Let’s not talk about this. We’re in a cabin far away from my family, so let’s just enjoy being together," Alex suggested. Erik nodded and sighed.

            "Okay," he said. He turned to her. "Actually, let’s not talk at all." He smiled as he leaned down to capture her lips with his. Alex moaned as Erik lowered her to the bed. He kissed her thoroughly before moving his lips to her neck.

            "Erik, wait." Alex gently pushed him away.

            "What’s wrong?" he asked, his breathing labored. Alex ran a hand down his cheek and across his full lips.

            "I want you, but I’ve never done it before, it will be my first time," she said, not able to look directly at him. Erik put his finger under her chin and forced her to look at him. He smiled.

            "I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to," he said. Alex nodded.

            "I know. I want you so much, though. I love you," she said. Erik ran his hand down her arm, smiling as her skin broke out in goose bumps as he did so.

            "I love you, too. And I want you. I want to make love to my girl," he said softly. Alex’s heart felt like it would beat right out of her chest as Erik’s eyes bore into hers. He lowered his head again and kissed her tenderly, his lipscaressing hers lovingly. He deepened the kiss and slid his tongue over her bottom lip. Alex moaned as his tongue entered her mouth and touched her own. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

            "Erik," she moaned softly as his lips left hers and traveled downward. His hands found the hem of her shirt and began to slowly pull it up. Alex released Erik’s neck so that he could pull her top off. Erik smiled down at her and began kissing her chest, carefully avoiding the scar. Alex was feeling nothing but pleasure as Erik kissed her all over. She pulled at his tee shirt, needing to feel his bare chest against her own. Erik sat up and pulled the shirt over his head, throwing it to the floor.

            He smiled down at Alex, whose eyes were bright with desire. She hooked her thumbs in her pajama pants and pushed them down. Erik swallowed hard as he looked at her. She was beautiful and innocent. He smiled. "I’ll be gentle," he said as he covered her with his body, kissing her lips again. Alex wrapped her body around his, causing Erik to moan deep in his throat. He wasn’t going to last long if they kept this up.

            A few minutes later, Erik felt Alex pushing his pajama bottoms down. He looked into her eyes and sat up to pull them off. Alex now looked nervous. "It’s okay. I won’t hurt you," Erik assured her.

            "You have to," Alex said. "But I want to make love to you, so don’t worry about it." Erik smiled as he prepared himself and climbed into the bed with Alex again.

            "I love you," he said as he kissed her hard on the mouth. Alex winced as she felt Erik enter her slowly. He kept kissing her, swallowing her moans of discomfort. He stopped and let her calm down before he started moving slowly. Soon, there was no discomfort, only building pleasure as Erik made love to her slowly and carefully.

            "Erik, please." Alex wasn’t sure what she was asking for, but Erik began to speed up, causing Alex to feel the most intense pleasure she’d ever felt. She cried out as Erik kept moving. Not long after Alex peaked, Erik groaned as he, too, gave in to his release. Alex smiled. She’d be sore, but right now she felt extremely satisfied.

            "Are you okay?" Erik asked. Alex nodded. She kissed him and he rolled off of her, sliding out of the bed. Alex pulled on her tank top and after going to the bathroom to clean herself up, she pulled on her pajama pants and returned to the bed with Erik. They lay in each other’s arms.

            "I love you, Erik," Alex whispered.

            "I love you, too," Erik said, kissing Alex once more before they fell asleep.

            Jacob found Maria out on the deck of the upper level of the cabin. He’d been searching for her for ten minutes. The cabin was too damn big. He hesitated before going outside. It was cold and he only had on a tee shirt. He studied Maria closely from inside. She looked sad…sadder than he’d ever seen her. Even after the disaster, she hadn’t looked so forlorn, like she didn’t know what to do. She looked lost.

            ‘Here goes nothing,’ Jacob thought as he stepped out onto the deck. He closed the sliding door and stood there, waiting for her to say something.

            Maria turned slightly and saw Jacob standing by the door. "You’re gonna freeze," she said. He shrugged.

            "I can handle it," he said. Maria nodded. She didn’t feel like arguing with him.

            "What do you want?" she asked. ‘You,’ he thought, but didn’t say it.

            "I want to understand why you wrote me that letter. I thought that we were close enough to not have to play those games. You could’ve come and talked to me. A letter? That’s not like you," Jacob said.

            Maria folded her hands in front of her as she leaned over the railing. "It wasn’t a game, Jacob. I felt nothing that night. That’s the truth. I felt nothing for anyone. I was numb while I wrote that letter. Numb. Too much had happened all at once and I couldn’t control any of it. Not Jocelyn, not Sarah…and not you."

            "What did I do? Did I smother you? Did my allowing you to lean on me really make you feel weak because I know you and you’re anything but weak."

            "Why do you want to be with me?" Maria suddenly asked. She stood up straight and walked over to him. "Be honest with me."

Jacob looked straight into her beautiful eyes. "I just want you," he said softly.

            "You’re not being honest with me. Why can’t you just tell me the truth?" Maria asked, turning away from him again. Jacob pulled her back.

            "You weren’t honest with me either," he said. Maria frowned.

            "When wasn’t I honest with you?" she asked.

            "You know and you haven’t said anything. Why?"

            "What are you talking about?" Maria was confused. "What do I know?"

            "You know that I love you and you haven’t said anything," Jacob said, flatly. Maria closed her eyes. How had he found out? "What’s wrong? Does my loving you frighten you so much that you can’t even look at me?"

            Maria opened her eyes. She suddenly grabbed Jacob’s face, pulled him to her and kissed him hard on the mouth. His lips were cold and unyielding at first, but he eventually relaxed and returned her kiss. When they finally separated, Maria shivered…and it wasn’t from the cold.

            "Your loving me doesn’t frighten me, Jacob. What frightens me is how I feel about you. I feel too deeply for you and it’s scaring the shit out of me. It’s turning my life upside down. Everything I’d planned for my life, everything that I’d wanted to do, it all changed the minute I met you. I had to see how I’d handle being away from you."

            "How’d it go?" Jacob asked. Maria gave him a small smile.

            "It sucked," she said. "You’re all I thought about. You are constantly on my mind and I can’t ignore it or pretend that you’re just a passing crush. It’s more than that. Much more." Jacob smiled and pulled her to him again, kissing her, wrapping her in his arms, his mouth crushing hers as he kissed her passionately.

            "I missed you so much. I thought you were gone for good," he said as he held her. Maria gently pushed away from him.

            "Jacob, I’m still unsure of what’s going on and of my feelings for you. I’m not saying that it’s over because it’s anything but over. We still have so much to talk about, but I’m too tired and cold to do it right now," she said.

            "You’re not the only one who’s cold," Jacob said, shivering. Maria smiled. Together, they went inside. "Will you share my room?" Jacob asked softly.

            "Where else would I go?" Maria asked him. Jacob shrugged.

            "Trevor?" He smirked. Maria hit him. Jacob laughed as they walked to the stairs.

            "We did it!" Ashley said, happily, as he threw himself down on the couch. Only Emily, Trevor and Kristi remained in the sitting room, everyone else had gone to bed.

            "Did what?" Trevor asked, smiling at Ashley’s excitement.

            "We got Jacob and Maria back together. They were kissing on the deck," Ashley said, grinning from ear to ear. Emily hit him on the arm.

            "Were you spying on them?" she asked. Ashley pretended to look innocent.

            "No, well, sort of, okay, yes! I was spying on them. What?" he asked when Emily frowned. "I had something to do with Maria, like, being here, so I wanted to see what happened."

            "Did you like what you saw?" Maria asked when she suddenly appeared in the room. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him questioningly.

            Ashley blushed. "Uh, well, look, I wasn’t really, you know…"

            "Relax, Ashley. I just came to get my bags. I’ll be staying with Jacob, but don’t get too excited. We still have things that we need to discuss, but the kiss was a start. Goodnight, guys," Maria said. They all said ‘goodnight’ and Maria headed downstairs.

            "Man, I’m glad. I thought I’d ruined everything when I kissed Sarah. Well, actually she kissed me," Trevor said. Kristi looked at him.

            "Is that why you’re wearing a shirt that says ‘Drunk Girls Dig Me’?" she asked.

            Emily and Ashley started laughing hysterically. They laughed so hard that tears ran down their faces. Trevor shook his head.

            "Oh, man, shut up you guys," he said. Kristi smiled.

            "Trevor, don’t be so desperate and you’ll find the girl who’s right for you," she said. "Maria obviously isn’t that girl, but there are other fish in the sea."

            "Hey, are you dating anyone?" Ashley asked Kristi, as he wiped tears from his eyes. Kristi shook her head.

            "No. I don’t have time. I’m on call most of the time. I decided to stop dating since I was getting called to the hospital during every date. It really pisses guys off when that happens," she said, smiling.

            "I hear you about being too busy. That’s our problem, too," Trevor said. "Plus, we’re always away. It’s hard being with someone and never seeing them."

            Kristi nodded. Trevor smiled at her. She was cool…and pretty. She suddenly stood up. "I’m gonna turn in. See you in the morning," she said. Trevor yawned.

            "I’m wiped, too. I gotta get to my room before Jake and Maria make themselves too comfortable," he said as he ran downstairs.

            "Well, it looks like it’s just the two of us," Ashley said. Emily nodded. Ever since she’d told Ashley and Maria about Travis, it had become easier to look at him. "Are you okay now? I know that you were upset before…"

            "Yeah, I’m okay. I’ve acted like such a bitch to you and I’m sorry about that. Your resemblance to Travis is remarkable, though, and it was like looking at a ghost," she told him.

            "A ghost that you love," Ashley said. Emily nodded, looking at the couch.

            "It’s been three years, but it seems like yesterday," she said, sadly. Ashley gently took her hand in his. Emily looked at him, surprised by the contact. It was comforting.

            "You can talk to me anytime about him if you want. I don’t want you to feel sad when you see me. I may look like Travis, but I’m not. I’m Ashley and if it, like, helps for you to talk about Travis with me, I won’t mind," he said. Emily smiled.

            "Thank you, Ashley," she said. Ashley smiled and squeezed her hand.

            Maria entered Jacob’s room and looked around. The bathroom door was closed, so she guessed that he was in there. She looked at the huge bed. ‘Is this a good idea?’ she asked herself. Maria may be confused about her feelings for Jacob, but she knew that physically, she still wanted him in a big way. She had had more than her share of dreams about him during the month that they had been apart and she had woken up aroused each time. Now, she’d be with him in the same bed again. How would something not happen between them?

            "You can put your stuff wherever you want," Jacob said after he’d come out of the bathroom. Of course he wasn’t wearing a shirt---just pajama bottoms.

            Maria put her bag down on a chair that was in the corner of the room. She unzipped it and pulled out a long nightgown. "I didn’t have any warm clothes with me in San Francisco, so I had to, like, borrow everything from Marilyn," she said, holding up the frilly, flannel nightgown.

            "I’m glad you told me that or else I’d be worried. That is not you," Jacob said with a smile. Maria put the nightgown back in her bag.

            "Can I borrow a shirt?" she asked. Jacob smiled and rummaged through his things. He pulled out a long, long sleeve shirt and handed it to her. She reached out to grab it but instead of letting go, Jacob pulled the shirt and her to him. Maria looked into his eyes. She was still mad that she had hurt him so much and she couldn’t look at him without feeling guilty for what she had done.

            "What’s wrong?" he asked softly.

            "I feel bad," she replied.

            "How can I make you feel better?" Jacob asked, pulling her closer. Maria smiled as he leaned in to kiss her lightly. Maria deepened the kiss, her desire for him taking over immediately.

            "Don’t mind me. I’m not looking. I’m just passing through!" Jacob and Maria pulled apart as Trevor ran through the room. Jacob rolled his eyes and shook his head.

            "Our neighbor is gonna get annoying really fast," he said. Maria smiled as she pulled his shirt from his grasp and headed for the bathroom.

            "I’ll be out in a minute," she said. Jacob sighed as the door closed. He wanted her so much, but she wasn’t ready. He had no doubts that she wanted him, too, but he couldn’t let it happen…yet. Maria still felt too guilty about what had happened. They couldn’t be together intimately until she was sure of how she felt. And that could be a long time in coming.

            Jacob climbed up into the bed and lay down. A few minutes later, Maria emerged from the bathroom. She closed the door to the bathroom before walking over and closing the door to the bedroom. She turned and looked at the bed. Jacob was lying with his hands behind his head. He was looking at her. Maria bit her lip.

            "I won’t bite, I promise," Jacob said as she stood, watching him.

            "I’m not scared of you, I’m trying to figure out how the hell to climb up into the damn bed," Maria said, smirking. Jacob laughed and sat up, holding his hand out to her. Maria, inhaling deeply and letting it out slowly, took hold of his hand. He pulled her roughly onto the bed…and into his arms. "That’s a good move," she said, her lips mere inches from his. He smiled.

            "Works every time," he said and lay down, pulling Maria with him. "With great results, too." Maria was now lying on top of him, every inch of her body touching his.

            "Jacob, I don’t think…" Jacob put his finger to her lips.

            "I know. I don’t think it’s a good idea, either, although if I did what I wanted to right now, we would both be having a lot of fun," he told her with a smile. Maria smiled down at him as she propped herself up on her arms.

            "How can you want me after what I did? I wrote you a damn letter," she said, moaning. Jacob reached up and touched her lips with his finger.

            "I love you," he said. Maria felt her heart skip a beat as his eyes held hers.

            Jacob didn’t want her to run away, so he pulled her down and kissed her intensely. Maria responded, so he hadn’t frightened her, which was comforting. As soon as things started to get out of control, though, Jacob pulled away. Maria got the hint that things were headed in a passionate direction and rolled off of him. She was breathing heavily and her heart was beating rapidly. She lay down beside him as he pulled the sheet and blankets over them. Maria snuggled down in the bed. "Goodnight, Jacob. I’m glad that I’m here," she said, reaching over and touching his face.

            Jacob smiled. "I am, too," he said, grabbing her hand and kissing it. Maria smiled. Jacob turned off the lights and got comfortable. Maria was keeping her distance, so he didn’t attempt to hold her or pull her closer. He watched her as she settled down next to him. Her being there comforted him. Soon his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

            The next morning, Kristi entered the kitchen to see Trevor breaking eggs all over the counter. "You scramble them in a pan, not on the counter," she remarked. Trevor smiled, but he had a frustrated look on his face.

            "I can’t even break an egg! I don’t get it. It’s not hard and I didn’t think that I was really that stupid," he said.

            "You have to crack it gently. But, you’re a guy, so you immediately start pounding the eggs on the counter as hard as you possibly can," Kristi said. She demonstrated how to crack an egg the right way by taking an egg and cracking it lightly on the side of a bowl before pulling it apart and dropping it into the bowl---without any shells.

            "I’m impressed," Trevor said. "Fine. I’ll leave the cooking to you and the rest of the women. You know, I saw lobsters in the fridge. Maybe we can boil them tonight. You do boil lobsters, right?" Kristi laughed.

            "Yes, you do. You, my friend, better stay out of the kitchen, though," she said.

            "Hey, guys," Dan greeted them as he walked into the kitchen, the cameraman following him.

            "Dan, my man, we don’t get to cook," Trevor said.

            "Did you break every egg?" Dan asked, incredulously. Kristi smiled.

            "No, there’s one," she said, holding up the bowl. Dan frowned and shook his head at Trevor, who started to clean up his mess.

            "Guys, did you see the dining room?" Emily asked as she suddenly burst into the kitchen. "There are boxes of doughnuts and pastries!" Kristi and Dan went to look. Trevor sighed.

            "Okay, no hot breakfast, then. We’ll eat doughnuts and pastries," he said. He hurried after them to see what was there.

            "Where did this spread come from?" Dan asked. The cameraman smiled. Dan then realized that he production people must’ve set it up.

            "Holy…where did all of that come from?" Ashley asked. He smiled at Emily as he entered the dining room. He grabbed a powdered doughnut and bit into it.

            "The, um, pastry elves brought them," Dan said, winking at the cameraman, who frowned.

            "Oh…okay," Ashley said, confusedly. "So, Trev, what went on? Come on, I need details."

            "You mean with Jake and Maria?" Trevor asked, grabbing a jelly doughnut.

            "Yeah, what else?" Ashley asked.

            "You are way too concerned about their relationship," Emily said, before biting into a plain doughnut.

            "I saw them making out when I ran through Jake’s bedroom to get to my room, but I wasn’t gonna stand there and watch them like you would’ve done," he said to Ashley. Dan shook his head.

            "Guys, chill. Leave them alone. They need to work out their own problems without an audience," he said. He smiled when Dianna walked in.

            "Here you are. I thought I heard voices. Wow, that all looks so good. Where’s the fruit?" she asked, laughing.

            "Fruit? No way, this is better," Dan remarked. Dianna shook her head and turned to go into the kitchen. Dan followed her.

            "Let’s go wake them up," Ashley said, smiling. Emily frowned.

            "No, you guys. Don’t," she said and rolled her eyes as the two of them took off, the cameraman running to catch up.

            Alex opened her eyes and smiled. She was sore, but happy. Erik was still sleeping beside her. Alex sighed. Erik was really angry with Carlos, which wasn’t good. Alex loved Erik and her family meant a lot to her. If Erik didn’t like her family and vice versa, then their relationship wouldn’t be an easy one.

            Stretching, Alex sat up. It looked cloudy and cold outside. She got out of the bed, careful not to wake Erik, and walked into the bathroom. She looked at her reflection in the large mirror. ‘I wonder if I look different,’ she thought. Sex meant love to her and if she hadn’t been absolutely sure that Erik loved her, she wouldn’t have done it. Alex smiled. Erik loved her, so she was happy.

            After showering and dressing, Alex kissed Erik’s cheek lightly and left the room. Erik stirred, but didn’t wake up. Alex wanted to talk to Maria and tell her what had happened last night, but Maria probably wasn’t up yet. Alex wondered if she’d talked to Jacob. There was only one way to find out.

            "Shhhhh," Ashley said to Trevor. He quietly pushed open the door to Jacob’s room. Jacob and Maria were still sleeping. They were buried in the bedding, but Ashley could see Jacob’s messy hair poking out from beneath the covers. "Wake up!" Ashley yelled. He launched himself at the bed, missed, and fell to the floor with a loud ‘thump.’

            "Great job, Superman," Trevor said, shaking his head. Maria woke up and turned over. She rubbed her eyes and sat up.

            "What’s going on?" she asked.

            "Ashley is trying, unsuccessfully, to be your alarm clock," Trevor said. The camera was right behind him and moved to film Maria. Maria sighed and pulling the covers over her head, she turned over and lay back down.

            Trevor helped Ashley up. "Dude, that was dumb," Trevor told him.

            "Man, that bed is high," he said. Emily laughed from the doorway. Ashley turned to her. "You didn’t see that, right?" he asked. Emily frowned as she thought about it.

            "Yeah, actually I did," she said, laughing again.

            "Don’t laugh or you’re in trouble," Ashley warned.

            "Oh, I’m scared," Emily said, faking fright. She screamed when Ashley ran for her. Turning, she ran from the room and up the stairs, Ashley in pursuit.

            "Whoever is still here better leave…now!" Jacob’s voice sounded menacing, so Trevor made a quick retreat out of the room. The cameraman remained.

            Under the covers, Maria laughed softly. Jacob turned over and located her in the tangle of sheet and blankets. "What are you doing?" he asked. Maria smiled.

            "Hiding," she said. "It’s nice and warm under here." Jacob joined her and looked into her eyes.

            "What do you want to do today?" he asked.

            "I want to go for a walk and take some pictures," she replied. "I’m not usually into taking pictures of trees and squirrels, but the landscape here is so beautiful, I want to capture it on film."

            "Would you like some company?" he asked as his hand found hers and he laced his fingers with hers. Maria smiled.

            "Yes, I would---especially if you’re the ‘company,’" she said. "We have to talk some more." Jacob nodded.

            "I know." They were quiet for a few minutes. "It’s getting hot under here. I’m gonna go," Jacob told her.

            "Let me know when the coast is clear," Maria said. Jacob smiled as he pushed the covers down. He shook his head when he saw the camera in his face.

            "Now, why would you film this? We’re not even visible and we’re not hooked up with our microphones yet. No action here, pal. You can go," he said.

            "You can’t talk to me," the cameraman said. Jacob smiled as the guy left, an annoyed look on his face.

            "It’s clear," Jacob said. Maria poked her head out from under the covers and sat up. She pulled Jacob back to her when he started to slide out of the bed.

            "What if I want some action?" she asked. Jacob didn’t have time to object before Maria pulled him to her and kissed him hungrily. She was going to drive him crazy. Jacob responded by kissing her deeply, causing her to moan appreciatively.

            "You’re supposed to do that at night," Alex said when she walked into the room and saw them. Jacob broke away from Maria and turned to look at Alex. "The door wasn’t closed," Alex told him. He shook his head. Maria smiled and kissed his cheek before sliding off of the bed.

            "Did you sleep well?" she asked Alex, who smiled. Maria frowned. "What?" she asked. Alex just stood there smiling. "You did it, didn’t you? You and Erik?" Alex nodded slightly. Maria hugged her.

            "I’m going to go someplace that isn’t here because I don’t really want to hear this," Jacob said as he disappeared into the bathroom.

            "I’m so happy for you guys," Maria told Alex, who blushed a little.

            "It was incredible, Maria. I always imagined my first time and Erik was…it was perfect," she said. Maria hugged her again.

            "Are you glad that you waited?" she asked.

            "My family won’t be too happy, I mean, if they find out that is. I’m not gonna go announcing it, though. I was supposed to wait until I was married, but I love Erik and knew that it was the right time," Alex said.

            "That’s good, then. As long as you know that it was right, that’s all that counts. No regrets?" Maria asked.

            "None," Alex said, smiling. The bathroom door opened and Jacob came out wearing baggy jeans and nothing else.

            "I’m back. Are you done talking?" he asked as he searched for a long sleeve shirt.

            "Yes, Jacob, we’re done. I’ll see you guys later," Alex said as she turned and ran up the stairs. Maria yawned. She went over to her bag and pulled out jeans and a red, fuzzy sweater.

            "This is Marilyn’s, too. God, if I put this on, I’ll look like Elmo from Sesame Street," Maria said. Jacob laughed.

            "You’re much better looking than Elmo," he said, pulling a navy blue knit shirt over his head. Maria dug in her bag and finally found a white sweatshirt. It had ‘Orlando’ printed in fancy script writing across the front in orange and a sunset with palm trees behind the name of her hometown…her hometown for now anyway.

            "I’ll be up in a little while," Maria told him. Jacob nodded. Maria went into the bathroom and shut the door.

            On his way to the kitchen, Jacob ran into Sarah. She didn’t look good. "Hey, Sarah. Do you feel all right?" he asked. Sarah shrugged and attempted to walk past him. Jacob stopped her by gently grabbing her arm. "I just want to help."

            "Go help Maria. She’s all anyone cares about, so go help her," Sarah said, nastily. Jacob frowned.

            "That’s not true. If we didn’t care, you wouldn’t have been invited here," he said.

            "I wasn’t invited here, Jacob. Emily was and wouldn’t come if I didn’t, so in a way, I was forced to come. If I had known that Maria would be here, I wouldn’t have bothered," she said. Jacob was trying hard to stay calm.

            "Maria’s done a lot for you. How can you treat her the way you are?" he asked.

            "What about the way that she treats me? All she ever does is treat me like a child!" Sarah yelled.

            "Because you are! Or at least, you act like you are!" Jacob’s voice started to rise. "You made Trevor buy you drinks and you got drunk. Then you throw yourself at him, Maria sees you and you expect her to not be angry with that? And then you call her a ‘slut’ in front of everyone. Why should anyone feel sorry for you?"

            "She slapped me! Maria’s never hurt me that way before. She hit me," Sarah said and started to cry. Jacob didn’t know what to do. He was mad, though.

            "You deserved it," he said. Sarah frowned. She then slapped him hard on the cheek and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door. Jacob sighed.

            "Who’s yelling?" Emily asked as she came upon Jacob. Ashley and a camera were right behind her.

            "Sarah," Jacob said. "She hit me. I guess it runs in the family. ‘The Carpenter Family Defense System."

            "What did you say to her?" Emily asked. She had become protective of Sarah, even after Sarah’s inappropriate behavior at the party.

            "I just told her what I thought of her behavior at the party," Jacob replied.

            "Uh, oh. No wonder she hit you," Ashley said.

            "Jacob, just keep your distance from her, okay?" Emily said. Jacob nodded.

            "Sure. I don’t wanna get slapped again," he said as he rubbed his cheek.

            Not really hungry, Jacob made his way up to the master bedroom. He opened the door. The ‘master’ was still sleeping. Jacob smiled as he looked around the room. "Jesus, Erik, do you think you’re the President or something?" he asked. Erik rolled over and opened his eyes.

            "You’re not Alex," he said, yawning.

            "Not quite." Jacob sat down on the bed. "Congratulations are in order, I hear," Jacob said, smirking. Erik frowned, and then shook his head.

            "She’s telling everyone?" he asked.

            "Just Maria. I happened to be there," Jacob answered. Erik looked surprised.

            "Oh, really. So, Maria did end up in your room then?" Jacob nodded.

            "We talked and worked some things out, but there are still ‘issues’ as she calls them. I’m so confused, dude. One minute she’s telling me that we have to keep our distance because she’s too dependent on me, and then the next minute she’s all over me and I have to fight to not drag her to my bed and do what I want to do to her."

            Erik smiled. "Maybe she’s teasing you on purpose to see how much you really want her," he said.

            "She knows that I love her, but she has yet to tell me that she feels the same way."

            "Does she love you? Or is it lust?" Erik asked. "I’m not asking to upset you or anything, so don’t hurt me, but maybe Maria doesn’t know. It seems like she wants you, though."

            "I know she does, but it’s not enough," Jacob admitted.

            "You want all or nothing?" Erik asked with a smile. Jacob shrugged.

            "Something like that," he replied. "No, I don’t want nothing, but I just want her to feel the same way about me that I feel about her."

            "Jake, do you want my advice?" Erik asked him.

            "Sure, why not? You seem to be the one who’s lucky-in-love here."

            "I think that you should let Maria figure out her feelings on her own. If you force her or rush her to admit something that she doesn’t feel, she’ll be miserable and write another letter telling you that she’s confused, upset, whatever. Just be with her now like you are and don’t rush the ‘love’ thing. When I told Alex that I loved her, it was because I was confident that she loved me back. I would never have told her if I knew that she was confused."

            "I told Maria, though. She knows how I feel," Jacob said.

            "Right and she hasn’t run away screaming in fright, so that’s a good thing. Leave it, then. Unless she brings it up, don’t say anything," Erik suggested.

            "But she likes when I’m honest with her," Jacob told him.

            "If you just don’t say anything, that’s not being dishonest. You were honest with her when you told her that you loved her. Now, it’s her turn," Erik said.

            Jacob stood up and walked over to the doors that led to the deck. He looked out at the cloudy, sunless sky. "What if I wait too long and she never says it," he said. Erik got out of the bed and walked over to Jacob.

            "Jake, I don’t know what else to tell you. I think that she loves you but is fighting those feelings. Why she’s fighting them, I don’t know, but, and I know for you this will be hard, you need to be patient. When you least expect it, Maria will tell you how she really feels," Erik said. Jacob nodded.

            "I guess so. I should just chill out. I don’t know why I’m so anxious about this," he said.

            "Because you love her, man. That’s why," Erik told him.

            "Thanks, dude. I appreciate your listening to me," Jacob said. Erik smiled.

            "What are brothers for?" he asked as he gave Jacob a half-hug.

            Sarah stared at herself in the bathroom mirror. She hated what she saw. She hated her life. She hated living. She was tired of coming in second to Maria all the time: with her family, with Jacob, with everyone. Maria was the talented one, the one whom everyone wanted to know and love. Sarah? She was the ‘little sister.’ Sarah had had it with everyone loving Maria so much. Her sister could do not wrong and it pissed Sarah off in a big way.

            ‘I have to do something, but what?’ Sarah asked herself. She frowned at her reflection and then smiled. She had an idea…an idea that would finally get her the attention that she wanted.