Chapter 20

Kathleen put the note back in the envelope. She cried as Kevin held her in his strong arms. He comforted her as best he could.

"Is she coming back?" he asked, softly.

"She doesn’t know. It depends," Kathleen answered.

"Don’t worry, she’ll come back. Her life is here," he told her. Kathleen sighed. She hoped that Maria would be back…she really hoped so.

            It only took ten minutes for Kristi to arrive at O-Town’s estate. Erik led her to the guesthouse. He had told her what had happened, what Jacob had done. Kristi felt badly for Jacob. She entered the room to see Jacob sitting on the floor, Dan right by his side. Ashley was lying on the bed half-asleep.

            Kristi knelt down in front of Jacob. "Hi, Jacob. Can I see?" she asked, indicating his hand. Jacob nodded. Kristi carefully lifted the towel that was now blood splattered. Dan took the towel and brought it to the bathroom. "Let’s see," Kristi said as she examined Jacob’s hand. She pulled the letter from his hand. The paper was crumpled and soaked through with blood. She pulled over a wastebasket and dropped it in it. Jacob watched her, his expression not changing. She turned to her first aid kit that she had brought with her and got out some antiseptic. "Can someone please get me a wet washcloth?" she asked. Erik nodded and almost ran into Dan, who was returning to the room from the bathroom.

            "Will he need stitches?" Dan asked as he sat back down on the floor. Kristi didn’t answer as she continued to look at Jacob’s hand. She put the antiseptic down and got a pair of tweezers from her kit. Erik re-entered the room with a wet washcloth.

            "Thanks," Kristi said after he’d handed it to her. She gently wiped some of the blood away and then, with the tweezers, she began picking small pieces of glass from Jacob’s skin. A rather large piece had lodged itself between two of his knuckles. "This might hurt," she warned. Jacob just nodded. Kristi pulled the glass out. Jacob didn’t even wince. Kristi glanced at Dan, who shook his head. "I don’t think he’ll need stitches."

            "But, what about all of the blood," Erik remarked.

            "The blood is from the cuts. There are a lot of them, but they aren’t that deep. I just have to clean it up and wrap it. It will hurt, but he’ll be okay," she said. Erik and Dan watched as Kristi washed Jacob’s hand thoroughly with the antiseptic. Jacob did wince a few times from the stinging of the medicine. Kristi then wrapped his hand tightly with gauze and a white bandage. "If it starts bleeding again and soaks through the wrapping, just replace the gauze and the bandage," she instructed. Dan and Erik nodded. Jacob’s head dropped and he sighed.

            Kristi stood up. "Take some Tylenol for the pain," she said, looking down at Jacob, who nodded slightly. Erik led her out of the room.

            "Thank you so much for coming over," he said. Kristi nodded.

            "It’s okay. I’m guessing that Maria’s letter wasn’t good news," she said. Erik shrugged.

            "We don’t even know. I don’t think that Jake would punch his fist through a window if it was good news," he said.

            "That’s too bad. Well, if you need anything else, let me know," Kristi said.

            "Can we give you anything for this little house call?" Erik asked. Kristi shook her head.

            "No, that’s okay. Just let me know if Jacob experiences any flu-like symptoms, such as a fever. It may mean that he’s developed an infection. But, if he washes his hand with antiseptic everyday, it should heal just fine," she said.

            "That’s good. Thanks again," Erik told her. Kristi smiled and left the house. Erik secured the house before he returned to Jacob’s room.

            Ashley was now sleeping on Jacob’s bed. Dan and Jacob were gone. Erik heard them in the bathroom. He walked to the door and, looking in, he saw Jacob standing in just his boxers talking quietly with Dan.

            "I’m screwed," Jacob said. "How am I gonna play the guitar? And with the tour starting next week…I’m screwed."

            "You’ll be okay. You only play the guitar during a couple of songs, anyway," Dan told him. "It’ll heal in time."

            "The Mikes will be thrilled when they find out that I did this on purpose," Jacob said, examining his bandaged hand. Erik put his hand on Jacob’s back.

            "We’ll make something up. They’ll never know," he said. Jacob nodded. He smiled humorlessly.

            "You know, I should be with Maria right now. She made a big deal about booking that room at the hotel and she made me think that we’d be sharing it after the party." Jacob looked at the floor. "So much for that, right?" Dan and Erik exchanged a glance.

            "Jake, you’re gonna be fine, man," Erik said. "I bet that Maria will come back. She won’t stay away for long. Her life is here, as well as her friends and some of her family. Believe me, she will come back."

            "I don’t know," Jacob said. "What she said in that letter…it didn’t sound promising that she would. I don’t think she wants to see me again." Jacob turned and left the room. Ashley was still sleeping on Jacob’s bed. Jacob lay down next to him. He closed his eyes and saw Maria’s face. His hand throbbed. He sighed. Jacob didn’t think he’d be getting much sleep that night.

San Francisco

October 28th  10 a.m.

            Joseph Carpenter waited at the front door of his house, coffee mug in hand. He took a sip and smiled when he saw a limousine pull into his driveway. He put the mug down on the porch and watched as Maria stepped out of the limo. Joseph’s smile became a frown when he saw the tired, stressed look on her face. She thanked the limo driver, who had removed her luggage from the trunk. Sticking her head into the limo once more, Maria pulled a cat carrier from the car.

            The limo left and Maria turned to her father, who had walked over to her. That’s when she finally broke down. Joseph was shocked when Maria started sobbing uncontrollably. He pulled her into his arms as she cried. All of a sudden, she had become his ‘little girl’ again. Joseph shouldn’t have been surprised, really. When he had spoken to Maria last night, she had sounded upset, but he had no idea how upset she really was…or why she was so upset.

            "It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re here now. It’s okay," Joseph said, soothingly. Maria took a deep breath as she slowly calmed down. She pulled away and wiped her eyes.

            "I’m sorry, Dad. It’s just…I needed that," she said with a small laugh. Joseph put his arm around her and hugged her to him.

            "Don’t apologize. Here, let me help you with your things," he said as he picked up the couple of bags that she had had time to pack last night. Maria picked up Heathcliff’s carrier and headed inside, her father following.

            "Are you sure it’s okay if I stay here? I don’t want to be in the way or anything," Maria told him. Joseph frowned, shaking his head.

            "Of course not. You’re always welcome here," he said. Maria placed Heathcliff’s carrier down. The kitten was meowing loudly, protesting the whole trip.

            Marilyn came to greet Maria and hugged her lightly. Maria smiled.

            "Is he home?" she asked. Marilyn smiled and nodded.

            "Come meet your baby brother," she said. Maria quickly followed Marilyn up the stairs. Joseph went up after them.

            The baby’s room was a mixture of blue and yellow. There was a changing table, a rocking chair and a small toy chest covered with stuffed animals in the room. The crib had a mobile of popular athletes hanging over it. Marilyn went to the crib and picked up her son. Maria smiled. He was so small.

            "Look, sweetie, this is your big sister, Maria," Marilyn said as she carefully placed the baby in Maria’s arms.

            "Hi, baby," Maria cooed. "Please, tell me his name already!" she implored, looking at her father. Joseph put his arm around Marilyn’s shoulders.

            "Bradley Joseph Carpenter," he said. Maria smiled.

            "Hi, Braddy," she said to the baby. He had big green eyes and a patch of brownish-blonde hair. Marilyn had the exact same green eyes and light brown hair, so the baby resembled her more than Joseph. Maria smiled down at him. "Is he healing? I mean he’s not sick anymore, right?" she asked.

            "He goes for regular check-ups, but since he’s been home, he’s had no problems," Marilyn answered.

            "I’m so happy for you guys. He’s beautiful," Maria said.

            "I’m glad that you were able to come and see him," Joseph said. Maria nodded.

            "Yeah. It was unplanned, though. Marilyn, if I get on your nerves, just tell me to leave and I will," she said. Marilyn shook her head.

            "Are you kidding? I’m looking forward to you being here and helping me out," she said. Maria smiled and looked down at Bradley again.

            "Are you gonna call him ‘B.J.’ or ‘Brad’ or what?" she asked.

            "Both. He calls him ‘B.J.’ and I have a million nicknames, so the poor kid is going to be so confused," Marilyn said, laughing. Maria smiled.

            "I know what you mean. I always thought my name was ‘kiddo’ growing up," she said, looking at her father.

            "Sorry, it’s just a natural impulse," he said. Maria laughed. The baby looked sleepy. She handed him back to Marilyn.

            "I guess I’ll get settled, then. Heathcliff is okay? You don’t mind him here?" she asked.

            "Just as long as you take care of him. You can put him in the den. He can roam the house, but just keep him in there at night, please. You can also put his litter box in the den behind the door," Joseph instructed as he followed Maria from the room.

            "Okay, okay. I’ll keep things neat, don’t worry," she said. She got to the bottom of the stairs and opened Heathcliff’s carrier. The kitten flew out and took off toward the living room. Maria laughed.

            "He’s happy to be out," she said. Joseph looked at his daughter closely. Something was bothering her. She had a sad look in her eyes…they weren’t bright like they usually were. He didn’t want to question her now, though. He would wait until she got settled in.

Orlando

            Jacob woke up a little after noon. Ashley was gone. Jacob moaned. His hand was sore, but he noticed that, thankfully, it hadn’t bled anymore. He didn’t want to deal with cameras today. He just wanted to lie there in pain. His hand hurt…but so did his heart.

‘I have to get up sooner or later,’ he thought. Sighing, Jacob sat up and slid off of the bed. It was another cooler day. The hole in his window didn’t help, either. Jacob wandered over to his bureau and saw a CD that he knew wasn’t his lying on top of it. It was Savage Garden’s Affirmation CD. It was Maria’s CD. She must have left it when she had been staying there. Jacob noticed that one of the tracks was called Crash and Burn. He carried the CD over to his stereo and fed the disc into his player. He pushed track 5 and just listened:

When you feel all alone/ And the world has turned its back on you/ Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart/ I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you/ It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold/ When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore/ Let me be the one you call/ If you jump I’ll break your fall/ Lift you up and fly away with you into the night/ If you need to fall apart/ I can mend a broken heart/ If you need to crash then crash and burn/ You’re not alone/ When you feel all alone/ And a loyal friend is hard to find/ You’re caught in a one way street/ With the monsters in your head/ When hopes and dreams are far away and/ You feel like you can’t face the day/ Let me be the one you call/ If you jump I’ll break your fall/ Lift you up and fly away with you into the night/ If you need to fall apart/ I can mend a broken heart/ If you need to crash then crash and burn/ You’re not alone/ Because there has always been heartache and pain/ and when it’s over you’ll breathe again/ You’ll breathe again/ When you feel all alone/ And the world has turned its back on you/ Give me a moment please/ To tame your wild wild heart/ Let me be the one you call/ If you jump I’ll break your fall/ Lift you up and fly away with you into the night/ If you need to fall apart/ I can mend a broken heart/ If you need to crash then crash and burn/ You’re not alone (Crash and Burn written by Savage Garden)

            Jacob put his head against the bureau and closed his eyes tightly after the song had ended. That’s exactly how he felt. He just wished that he could tell Maria…to her face and not in a letter.

            "Jake?" Jacob turned to see Dan standing at the door.

            "I’m okay so don’t ask," Jacob told him. Dan nodded. Jacob took out the disc and returned it to its case. "Maria left this here. I don’t even know how to return it to her."

            "I’m sure that she told somebody where she was going," Dan told him. Jacob thought about that. Sure. Maria had to have told someone where she would be staying. She probably didn’t tell Sarah. Emily? Maybe. Or…

            "Kathleen," Dan and Jacob said at the same time. Of course, it made sense she’d tell her best friend who didn’t hang out with the band much. Jacob hurried to the bathroom to take a quick shower. He had to call Kathleen.

            Erik and Mike M. made their way to Alex’s room. The guard nodded as Erik went in. Carlos and Miguel were there. Erik took a deep breath and walked over to the bed. Carlos and Miguel turned to look at him. Alex smiled when she saw Erik.

            "Hi, Erik. I’m dying to know how the party went," she said. Erik gave her a half-smile.

            "I kinda need to talk to you about that…in private," he said, glancing at Carlos and Miguel.

            "We’re her brothers. We stay," Carlos said, firmly. Miguel shook his head.

            "No, it’s okay. We’ve been here most of the morning anyway. Come on, Carlos, let’s get some lunch," he told his older brother. Carlos frowned.

            "I won’t allow him to chase us out of here," he said. Alex sighed.

            "I need to talk to Erik. You guys can come back later," she told them.

            "Yeah, the band has rehearsal at two anyway, so I gotta book it out of here," Erik said. Alex nodded.

            "See? Go and get something to eat. Oh, and bring me a soda, too," she added, smiling. Carlos kissed her cheek before turning to leave. He glared at Erik on his way out. Erik approached the bed.

            "He doesn’t like me too much," he said.

            "Remember I told you that he doesn’t like any guys that I’ve dated?" she asked. Erik nodded. He leaned down to kiss her lightly. "That’s nice, but what happened at the party? You look upset about something." Erik sighed.

            "Maria’s gone." Alex frowned.

            "Gone? Where?" she asked. Erik shrugged.

            "No one knows. A lot went on last night and she took off. I can’t fill you in right now because it would take too long. I’ll just say that Jocelyn had a lot to do with it and Sarah did too. Maria was messed up and she just took off. She wrote Jacob a letter and broke up with him I think. I don’t know what the letter said, only that whatever she wrote made him punch a window and mess up his hand pretty good." Alex frowned and tears came to her eyes.

            "Why would Maria do that to Jacob?" she asked, sadly.

            "Like I said, a lot went on last night. Maria had every right to be upset. I don’t know why she did that to Jake, though," he told her.

            "Where did she go? Do you know?" Alex asked. Erik took her hand in his and shook his head.

            "I don’t know," he said. They sat in silence, Erik holding Alex’s hand. Alex was upset, but she was also mad. Why hadn’t Maria called her? And she felt helpless because she was stuck in the stupid hospital. Alex was torn. She wanted to help Maria, but she didn’t think it was right for Maria to just leave Jacob like she had. And on top of it, she had broken up with him via a letter? How unfair was that? Alex frowned. That wasn’t like Maria. Not like her at all.

            Ashley was walking at the park. Mike C. was with him, along with a cameraman. Like always, Ashley ignored the camera. Ashley had on a baseball cap and sunglasses. It was the best disguise that he could come up with, not that many fans hung out at the park. There were mostly older couples walking their dogs and elderly people sitting on the benches watching kids playing by the pond.

            Hearing the sound of a guitar, Ashley smiled. He looked up and saw her sitting under a tree, her legs crossed and the guitar in her lap. It was Emily. Ashley walked over to her.

            When a shadow fell over her, Emily looked up to see who was blocking her sun. "What are you doing here?" she asked. She ignored the camera that was filming them.

            "I’m walking. I also remembered something about you coming here to play for the birds," Ashley said, smiling.

            "Don’t you have rehearsal for your big tour?" Emily asked as she began to strum her guitar again.

            "Not until two," he answered. He sat down beside her. Mike C. was on the phone a few yards from where they were sitting.

            "I haven’t given my permission to be filmed," Emily said.

            "You can sign the papers later…or not. If you don’t, they’ll just fuzz out your face," Ashley told her.

            "Great. I can’t wait to see that," Emily said, rolling her eyes. Ashley laughed. Then, he became somewhat serious.

            "So, what did your letter from Maria say?" Emily looked at him. She was finding it easier to look at him, but he still looked too much like Travis for her to feel comfortable looking at him.

            "None of your business," she said. Ashley turned and looked at her.

            "Please. Jacob’s really upset and we want to do anything we can to help him."

            "Yeah, well, Maria was really upset last night. She’s doing what she has to do to help herself. If that means leaving Jacob, so be it. It’s her life," Emily said. Ashley frowned.

            "That’s, like, really unsympathetic. Jacob didn’t do anything, yet Maria takes out her anger on him? It’s not fair," he said.

            "Life’s not fair, Ashley. Things happen that we can’t control or take back." Emily continued to play her guitar.

            "So, if you, like, knew where Maria was, you wouldn’t tell?" Ashley asked.

            "Nope," she replied, without hesitating. Ashley stood up.

            "Well, thanks for nothing," he said as he walked away. Emily watched him go.

            "You’re welcome," she said as she continued to play.

            Jacob waited anxiously for Kathleen to arrive. He had called her earlier and she had reluctantly agreed to come to the house to see him. It was now 1:23 and the group had practice soon, so Jacob had to make his conversation with her short and fast.

            Trevor came down the stairs to see Jacob pacing by the front door, his left hand heavily bandaged. Trevor had heard about what had happened last night and he felt terrible about it. He couldn’t help but feel partly responsible for Maria’s leaving. He shouldn’t have let Sarah do what she had done. It had been his fault that she had gotten drunk causing her to say what she had said to Maria. So that meant that Maria’s leaving was partly his fault, too. Jacob looked up when Trevor reached the bottom of the stairs.

            "Jake, what’s going on?" Trevor asked, hesitantly.

            "Kathleen’s coming over. Hopefully, Maria told her where she went, although I have an idea, but maybe, just maybe Kathleen will tell me for sure," Jacob said.

            "Look, I’m really sorry about what I did last night. I tried keeping an eye on Sarah, but she just…she got out of control. I didn’t know what to do," Trevor said, looking at the floor.

"It’s okay, Trev. It’s over and done with. I think Maria was more upset about that cop’s brother showing up than anything," Jacob told him. He looked out the window. "She’s here." Jacob went to open the door for Kathleen.

Kathleen took a deep breath. She wasn’t really in the mood for Jacob’s questions. It was going to be hard not telling him where Maria was, but she couldn’t.

"Hi, Jacob," she said as she passed him to go into the house. He closed the door and led her into the sitting room. They stood behind the couch, Jacob with his arms crossed over his chest and Kathleen looking at anything but Jacob.

"You don’t have to be so nervous or uncomfortable," he said. "I’m not gonna make you tell me anything that you don’t want to."

"That’s good because I can’t tell you where Maria is," Kathleen said. She frowned when she saw his hand. "What happened?" Jacob shrugged.

"I read Maria’s letter," he said. Kathleen sighed.

"I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say," she said. Jacob began pacing.

"You know, if I’d told her how I felt about her, things would probably be different. She doesn’t know how deeply I care for her. I love her. Things would be different if she knew that." Jacob stopped pacing and noticed the guilty look on Kathleen’s face. "What?" he asked. Kathleen looked at him.

"She knows," she said softly. Jacob frowned.

"Knows what?" he asked.

"She knows how you feel."

"How? I never told her," Jacob said. Kathleen took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

"Yes, you did. You thought that she was asleep," she said, looking at him now. Jacob’s face fell. He swallowed hard, his frown deepening.

"You mean, all this time…? She’s known that I love her all this time and she hasn’t said anything?" he asked, incredulously. Kathleen nodded. Jacob felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. All of this time, Maria had known that he loved her and she’d never said a word.

"It doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you, Jacob. Maria’s been confused about her feelings for you and she hasn’t made that a secret," Kathleen told him.

"Don’t defend her! She had plenty of opportunities to tell me that she knew, but she chose to, what? Ignore it? Pretend I never said it? Well, at least now I know that she doesn’t love me or she would’ve said something," Jacob said, his voice rising.

"I don’t know what to say," Kathleen told him. Jacob leaned against the back of the couch.

"You can go. Oh, wait, there’s one thing I’d like you to do for me," Jacob said. He went over to the table andpicked up a small package with an envelope attached. The package was addressed to Maria, but the address was Maria’s father’s place in San Francisco. "See that she gets this. I’m guessing that that’s where she’s staying. If not, then re-address it. Money for shipping is in the envelope. Thanks." Jacob left the room. Kathleen looked at the package. She sighed and walked to the front door. She felt sorry for Jacob. Maria wasn’t really being fair to him, but she had to do what made her feel ‘right’ and if not being with him did that, then what could Kathleen do? ‘I can make sure she gets this package,’ Kathleen thought as she made her way to her car.

"Where were you and what happened to Jacob’s hand?" Mike M. asked Ashley as he came in the door ten minutes after Kathleen had left. He was followed by Mike C. and Gillian, who continued filming. Mike M. had just gotten back from the hospital with Erik, who was now changing to get ready for rehearsal.

"I was at the park and um, Jacob’s hand, um, ask him," Ashley said as he ran up the stairs. Mike M. shook his head.

"What’s wrong with Jake’s hand?" Mike C. asked. He had yet to see Jacob today.

"That’s what I’m trying to find out," Mike M. told him. He smiled when he saw Dan coming down the stairs.

"Dan, perhaps you can shed some light on what happened to Jacob’s hand," he said. Dan smiled back.

"Uh, you’ll have to ask him," he said, gesturing to Jacob, who had come in from the kitchen. The Mikes turned to him.

"Jacob, I’m only going to ask you this once: what happened to your hand?" Mike M. asked him. Jacob looked at Dan, and then at Mike again.

"I tripped over one of my guitars and my hand went through the window," Jacob said. Dan smiled. Good answer. Jacob continued, "It’s okay. Erik called Dr. Williams, you know, Alex’s intern, doctor, whatever, and she came over to fix it. I’ll be all right. I don’t even need stitches."

"Right. You tripped over a guitar. Why don’t I believe you?" Mike M. asked. Jacob shrugged. Erik, Trevor and Ashley joined them. They all headed out to the van, camera in tow. The Mikes looked at each other and sighed before following the group.

"We don’t get paid enough for this," Mike M. murmured as he closed the door behind him.

Wednesday November 7th

            The start of the tour had been postponed due to Britney’s having the flu. The guys hadn’t minded, that had just meant more rehearsal time for them, which is what they had needed. Four shows were now done and they had gone better than expected, but the group had yet to meet Ms. Spears herself. Trevor was foaming at the mouth he wanted to meet her so badly. Supposedly, they were scheduled to meet her tonight. Jacob could care less. He missed Maria badly. He wondered if Kathleen had sent the package like he’d asked her to. He really wanted Maria to read what he had written to her. Hopefully, it would change her mind about staying where she was instead of coming back. Jacob, however, was beginning to think that Maria had meant what she had said in her letter and that she really didn’t want to see him anymore.

            Jacob’s hand was slowly healing. It killed him to not be able to play the guitar on stage, but it was his own fault. The media was constantly asking him what had happened and he just told the same ‘I tripped and my hand went through a window’ story. It was getting annoying, though. The magazines were also wondering why Jacob’s ‘new girlfriend’ was never seen with him anymore. Apparently, Maria had been well known to the teen magazines that covered them and to the fans. Speculation was that Maria had her own work to do and couldn’t travel with the group. Jacob gave a firm ‘no comment’ whenever he was asked about Maria. A photographer had been found to take her place, but she was an artsy, older woman. She was nothing like Maria. She didn’t even travel with the band. She had her own travel arrangements and hadn’t even met the guys yet. Again, Jacob could care less. He just wanted to talk to Maria. It didn’t look like it was going to happen soon, though.

            Alex was getting better. She was scheduled for release from the hospital on Saturday, which sucked because today was her birthday. Just the thought of spending it in a hospital bed depressed her…more than she was already. Erik was gone. Maria was gone. She had no one except her family and Susan, Kyle and Kathleen, whohad been regular visitors. Alex just wanted to go home. She had made arrangements to stay with her parents until she felt well enough and safe enough to go back to her apartment. Safe enough might be a problem. She was scared. She was having nightmares about the stabbing/shooting and she wasn’t getting much sleep. Her doctor prescribed her a sedative, but she didn’t want to get dependent on them. The suspects were still at large and Carlos had yet to identify them. Alex, as well as the cops, knew that Carlos knew who they were. It was just a matter of getting Carlos to talk.

            Maria had been gone for almost two weeks now and she hadn’t called Alex yet. Alex was mad. She had tried calling Maria and had gotten her voice mail every time. Why wouldn’t Maria want to talk to her? It was pissing Alex off. She wondered what Maria had been up to…and whether or not she was coming back.

San Francisco

            Maria was sitting in the family room of her father’s house cradling Bradley. She didn’t like calling him ‘B.J.’ so it was ‘Braddy’ for her. The baby was very good and Maria felt useful. Joseph and Marilyn were able to go out for the first time since Bradley had been born. Maria was now their live-in babysitter. Maria didn’t mind at all.

            As for work, she had called Kyle and had been put on ‘temporary leave.’ Maria was mad that Kyle hadn’t fired Jocelyn---it was just another incentive for Maria to stay in San Francisco. There was no way she’d go back if that bitch was still there; so Maria had located Robert Gray Studios, which were stationed in San Francisco. She had met with Robert and they had talked a long time about photography and art, both of which Robert was extremely knowledgeable about. He showed her around his studio and then into his gallery that displayed his work, as well as, works by other well-known and up-and-coming photographers/artists.

            Robert had also brought her to his magazine’s offices. The offices at Front Page News Magazine were spacious and busy. Maria had smiled when she saw reporters and journalists running here and there, getting their stories ready for the deadline. It was the kind of environment that she had always dreamed of working in. She was seriously interested in a position at the magazine and she had planned on meeting with Robert again sometime in the next few weeks.

            Maria’s time was spent painting and drawing. She had a few pictures that she was working on and some already done. She felt badly that she hadn’t called anyone in Orlando except for Kyle, but right now, she wanted to separate herself from her life there…she especially wanted to separate herself from Jacob Underwood, but it was harder than she thought it’d be. He was constantly on her mind. She had become a frequent visitor to an amazing O-Town website, Destination O-Town, just to keep up-to-date on where the guys were and what they were doing. Maria got a kick out of the fans that ran the site and that posted messages there. They were so dedicated to the band and weren’t real crazy ‘fanatics’ at all. All of the information that Maria needed was there. It had become an everyday ritual for Maria to check in at DOT at least once a day. She had learned that Jacob had mysteriously hurt his hand and couldn’t play the guitar on the tour. Maria didn’t think that his excuse was true. He never left his guitars lying around on the floor. They were always hanging on the wall or he carefully leaned them against a firm object like his bed or the bureau. She hoped he hadn’t hurt himself because of her. Maria couldn’t help checking in at DOT on a daily basis to see what the guys were up to…she knew she shouldn’t because of the feelings that she still had for Jacob, but she couldn’t help it. She still wanted him.

            The baby started to cry and Maria carried him to his room where she changed him and put him in his crib. She smiled at him. He was already starting to fall asleep again. Maria turned on the baby monitor and left the room.

            She went to the guestroom. Sitting on the bed, she picked up the package that had arrived yesterday. It was from Jacob. Kathleen had taped a note to it saying that he had asked her to send it for him. The address was written in Jacob’s handwriting, but Kathleen had insisted that she hadn’t told him where Maria was. Maria guessed that he had known all along where she had gone. He knew her too well.

Maria sighed. She was dying to know what it was. ‘There’s only one way to find out,’ she thought as she began prying the duct tape that was holding the box closed off. Inside was her Savage Garden Affirmation CD. Attached to that was a letter. Maria pulled the letter off and unfolded the pages. She closed her eyes tightly before she opened them to read it.

Dear Maria,

            Why did you leave me without talking to me first? It’s not like you to run away from your problems. I’m hurt and sad, but I’ll get over it, I’m sure, when you come back to me. And I’m confident that you will come back.

            I’m sorry that you were hurt. What Jocelyn did was stupid and totally out of line. I don’t blame you for reacting the way that you did. Personally, I wanted to strangle her. And Sarah? She’s out of control for sure, but that’s not your fault or your problem. You should ship her back to your mom. After everything that you’ve done for her, she acts like that? Throw her out and let her see what it’s like to live in the ‘real world.’ She’ll go crying back to you for guidance. So, you see, it’s not all hopeless here. Your life is here. I’m here and I want you back with me. I miss you.

            I came across this CD and wanted to return it. Listen to track 5. It’s everything I would say if you were here. It’s okay to ‘crash and burn,’ you’re not alone. I wish I could be there for you now. I’m sorry if you felt trapped or weak when you were with me. I always saw you as strong and independent. It’s okay to have someone to lean on. That’s what two people who are together do. I wanted to be there for you. You weren’t weak at all.

            That’s all, I guess. I know we’ll see each other again. I hope you’re feeling better when we do. It’s inevitable. We’re inevitable. We belong together. You’re not getting away from me that easily so don’t even think that it’s over.

            Take care of yourself and we’ll meet again soon. That’s a promise.

Jacob

Maria wiped tears from her eyes when she finished reading the letter. She took the CD and fed it into her stereo. She pressed track 5 and closed her eyes as she listened to it.

St. Paul, Minnesota

            O-Town’s dressing room was a flurry of activity. The show was in two hours, but the guys had sound check, wardrobe and make-up, then their ‘lockdown’ until they were ready to go.

            Trevor was practically climbing up the walls he was so anxious/nervous. The band was about to meet Britney Spears. Ashley walked in with a towel draped over his shoulders. Erik and Jacob were sitting on a black leather couch. Dan was at the mirror messing around with his hair and Trevor was driving everyone crazy by pacing back and forth and jumping whenever someone entered the room.

            "Trevor, stop it already!" Jacob shouted.

            "Dude, I can’t help it. We’re about to meet Britney Spears. How can you not be excited?" Trevor asked, a huge grin on his face.

            "Easy," Jacob mumbled. Erik laughed. He then stopped laughing and frowned.

            "Man, I wish I was with Alex right now. It’s her birthday and I’m in Minnesota freezing my ass off," he said. "I should be with her."

            "But, you’re about to meet Britney Spears!" Ashley said, mocking Trevor’s excitement. Trevor pushed him hard, almost knocking him over.

            "Shut up, Ash. You want to meet her, too. Don’t deny it," he said. Dan laughed.

            "I can’t wait to meet her just so Trevor will calm down," he said. Trevor jumped when Mike M. entered the room.

            "Guys, Britney will be here in a minute," he said. Trevor sat down and then stood up again. He rubbed his hands together as he paced. Jacob closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to watch him.

            A few minutes later, Jacob heard commotion in the hallway and when he opened his eyes, he saw Mike C. followed by Britney Spears and her manager, Larry Rudolph. Introductions were made and Trevor proceeded to tell Britney that she was ‘fine.’ Jacob smiled like a good boy. He even laughed when they told her an embarrassing story involving Trevor and his failed attempt to call her on her cell phone.

            "It’s so nice to finally meet y’all," Britney said, smiling. Jacob sat on the edge of the couch, looking at the floor. He just wanted her to go. He had a sense that she had been told to come meet them for Making the Band. The camera was, of course, rolling. It never seemed to stop. "What’s it been like so far for you guys?"

            "It’s been awesome," Ashley gushed. "The crowds, the stage, it’s all, like, so amazing." Britney continued to smile too much.

            "That’s great. I hope we’ll get to hang out a little," she said. Jacob almost laughed. Almost.

            "That would be great," Erik told her. "But, we know that you’re busy, you know, just a little busy."

            "Just a little." Britney laughed. There were a few more minutes of small talk before Larry indicated that it was time to go. "Well, good luck tonight and I’m sure we’ll bump into each other once in a while. See y’all later." With that and a wave of her hand, she was gone. Trevor almost fainted. He lay down on the couch next to Erik.

            "I was doing so good until you guys told her that story!" he moaned, putting a hand over his face. "And I can’t believe I told Britney Spears to her face that she’s fine." Ashley smiled down at him.

            "It’s okay, Trev. She likes you," he said. Trevor looked up, smiling hopefully.

            "Really?" he asked, Ashley nodded.

            "She thinks you’re a stalker, but she likes you," Ashley said before he took off running out of the room. Trevor ran after him.

            "You’re quiet," Erik remarked to Jacob, who shrugged. "Are you still thinking about Maria?"

            "Yeah. I can’t help it. She should be here with us," Jacob said, sadly. Erik put his arm around him.

            "Look, man, you’ll see her when we go to San Francisco, if that’s where she is. You know we have a concert there. If she goes home before then, you’ll see her when we get home," he told him. Jacob looked at him as if he were crazy.

            "Dude, the tour ends for us in the middle of December. That’s too far away. I will see her again before then. I don’t know how or where, but I will," he said. He got up and went into the other room. Erik looked at Dan and they both shrugged.

Orlando

            "Happy birthday!" Kristi said as she entered Alex’s room, Miguel right behind her. Alex smiled.

            "Thanks," she said.

            "I brought you a gift," Kristi told her, handing her a gift bag with bright pink tissue paper sticking out the top.

            "You didn’t have to do that," Alex said. Kristi laughed.

            "I didn’t. It’s from Erik," she said. Alex’s smile faded somewhat. She missed Erik so much already and he’d only been gone for a week and a half. Reaching inside the bag, she pulled out a videotape. "I can put that in for you," Kristi said. Alex nodded and handed the tape to Kristi, who slid it into the VCR. "I’ll let you watch it in private." Kristi left the room, but Miguel stayed.

            "Is it okay if I stay?" he asked her. Alex nodded and took his hand. Alex grabbed the remote and pushed ‘play.’ Erik appeared on the tape. He was still at home, standing in front of the pool. He spoke to Alex through the camera.

            "Hey, Alex. Happy birthday! I wish I could spend it with you, but we’re touring. You know that already, so I don’t know why I’m telling you." Erik smiled, but appeared nervous. "I hope you’re feeling better on your special day and I’ll make it up to you when I get home. I care about you a lot even though we haven’t known each other that long. You’re special and I’m honored to call you ‘my girl.’ Now, I’ve asked your brother, Miguel, the one who likes me, to give you something for me." Erik laughed. "I hope you like it and remember, I love you and will definitely make up for lost time when I return. Adios!"

There was an edit and suddenly all five members of O-Town were there. They sang an a capella version of ‘Happy Birthday’ and blew kisses when they were done. After that, each member of the band gave her his own special birthday wish. Alex noticed that Jacob had a sad look in his eyes, even though he was smiling. She was still mad at Maria for hurting him so much.

When the tape ended, Alex turned to Miguel. "What did he ask you to give me?" she asked, impatiently.

"He loves you? That was kinda fast, wasn’t it?" Miguel asked. Alex frowned.

"No. We’ve known each other since April. It’s been long enough. We’re in love. Accept it," she said.

"I’m happy for you, but I don’t know if the rest of the family will feel the same," Miguel said, smiling. By ‘rest of the family,’ Alex knew that he meant Carlos in particular. She would handle them. They would just have to accept the fact that she loved Erik and that Erik loved her.

"Just don’t tell them yet. I will…in time," Alex said. Miguel nodded and headed out of the room. Alex smiled again. She couldn’t wait to see what else Erik had gotten for her.

Miguel returned to the room with a huge bouquet of two-dozen roses. Twelve were red and twelve were white. There was a card, too. Alex opened the card.

Alex,

            Here are 24 roses for your 24th birthday. Oh, look in the middle of the bouquet…there might be something else for you, too (wink wink).

            Happy Birthday!

Love,

            Erik-Michael

Alex reached into the center of the bouquet and pulled out a small, plum colored, velvet box. She opened it and gasped. Inside the box was a diamond ankle bracelet. Alex carefully lifted it from the box. Tears slid down her face as she examined her gift. She had never gotten anything like it.

"Wow. He went all out, huh?" Miguel said. Alex nodded. She didn’t deserve any of this. "He seems like a good guy." Alex nodded again.

"He’s the best," she said, happily, holding the ankle bracelet close to her heart.

November 29th (Thanksgiving)

San Francisco

            Maria helped Marilyn cook a big Thanksgiving dinner, even though it would just be the three of them, and the baby, of course. She found herself not missing Orlando as much---just her friends. She spoke with Kathleen, Emily, Susan and Kyle on a regular basis, but that was it. Everything was going well, as far as she knew.

            Marilyn had put on the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. O-Town had been there. Maria had smiled when she saw the guys, all bundled up, waving and then lip-synching to We Fit Together. She had tried not to look at Jacob, but it was hard. He had looked happy, so for that, she was thankful.

            Robert Gray had offered Maria a job, but she hadn’t decided what she was going to do just yet. She didn’t want to get too comfortable because part of her was still attached to Orlando. She couldn’t stay with her father and Marilyn forever, though. Maria felt that she had already overstayed her welcome even though they had said that they didn’t mind her being there. Maria wasn’t ready to relocate just yet. There were still too many loose ends in Orlando.

            Maria stood over Bradley’s crib watching him sleep. "How is he?" Joseph asked as he came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. Maria smiled.

            "He’s adorable," she told him. Joseph looked at his daughter.

            "Honey, we haven’t really talked since you’ve been here. Does your being here have anything to do with that boy, Jacob?" he asked, carefully. He didn’t want to upset her by bringing it up, but he wanted to help her, if he could.

            "A little. It’s a lot of things, Dad. I had to get away. I felt like I was in a room and the walls were closing in on me until I had no room to move or to breathe," Maria told him.

            "You can’t hide, Maria. I’ve always known you to be the kind of person who confronts her problems head on. You need to go back and do that. If you don’t, you’ll feel worse," he said. Maria sighed and played with the mobile.

            "You don’t want me getting too comfortable here, right?" she asked.

            "Something like that," he answered. "You know that you’re welcome here anytime for as long as you want, but if you’re here because you’re avoiding your life, that’s wrong. You’re strong. I’m sure whatever brought you here isn’t so bad that you can’t go back and make things right. Be smart, Maria. Don’t lose everything because you’re afraid to face your problems." Joseph kissed her forehead, made sure that Bradley was comfortable and left the baby’s room. Maria looked at her baby brother. He looked so innocent, so frail. Her father was right. She was getting too comfortable. She had to do something. She couldn’t run away anymore.

Orlando

            Alex got comfortable on the couch in her parent’s living room. She had been released from the hospital a week ago and was very happy to be out of there. Living with her family, though, was going to test her stress level. She fingered the diamond bracelet that was around her ankle and smiled. Alex missed Erik terribly, but he called almost every other night, so that made Alex feel a little closer to him. She wouldn’t be satisfied until they were together again, though.

Emily and Sarah had Thanksgiving dinner together at the loft.  It hadn’t been a huge spread, but it had been enough. Sarah had been depressed for a while now and Emily was beginning to worry about her. She had talked to Maria, but Sarah hardly ever came up in conversation, other than when Emily told Maria how she was doing. Emily hadn’t mentioned the depression, though…and she was worried it was getting worse.

November 30th

On the way to Boston, Massachusetts

            O-Town’s tour bus was headed for Boston, but they weren’t quite there yet. The guys had had a great time in New York and looked forward to going back for MTV’s New Year’s Eve bash. They would be performing live and they couldn’t wait.

            Ashley was in his bunk reading a book. Dan was on his cell phone in the back of the bus; Erik and Trevor were looking for something to eat at the front of the bus and Jacob was sitting at the front of the bus strumming his guitar. His hand was better and he could play, but not like he wanted to. Since his hand was still wrapped with a bandage, it was hard to get a good grip.

The Mikes were also in front at the table. "Everyone, come here!" Mike M. yelled. Ashley jumped down from his bunk and went to fetch Dan, while the others took seats in the front lounge area.

            "What’s going on?" Erik asked, opening a box of cereal.

            Dan and Ashley appeared and stood in the kitchen area. Mike M. nodded when everyone was accounted for, including the camera. "I have some good news. It looks like you guys will be getting a break. Since there isn’t a concert this weekend and the interview that was scheduled for tomorrow was cancelled, we’ve booked you a cabin in Utah for a few days of rest and relaxation." The guys didn’t think they’d heard correctly.

            "Are you serious?" Erik asked. Mike C. nodded.

            "No media, nothing. The cameras will be there, though," he said.

            "Will there be enough room to, like, bring a friend?" Dan asked.

            "Sure, bring your girlfriends, friends, whatever. It’s a pretty big place and it will be unsupervised, but we trust you guys to be on your best behavior," Mike M. told them, smiling. Ashley smiled, too.

            "This is gonna be so cool," he said.

            "Man, I hope Alex can travel," Erik said, running to go call her.

            Jacob hadn’t said anything. He just sat there, strumming his guitar, a blank expression on his face. Trevor frowned and pulled Ashley into the bunk area with him. "Ash, I’ve got an idea, but I don’t want to do it alone. Will you help me?" he asked.

            "Yeah, sure. What’s up?" he asked. Trevor smiled.

            "We’re gonna get Jake and Maria back together," he said.

            Erik called Alex. She was beyond thrilled to accept his invitation. She was feeling better and traveling wouldn’t be a problem---she would make sure of it. She asked if she could bring Kristi, too, though, just to be sure that she would be okay. Erik talked to the Mikes and they said that it would be all right for Kristi to go, too.

            Dan invited Dianna. She was in Boston again dealing with her ongoing divorce. Her husband just wasn’t letting go and she figured a weekend away would do her good.

            Ashley called Emily, who was skeptical about going…and being invited by Ashley. He wouldn’t give up. He finally got her to agree to go by saying that she could bring Sarah, who was still depressed about the party and what had happened with Maria.

            Jacob didn’t want to invite anyone. He decided that he’d rather use the weekend to write for the second album. He wanted quiet time alone.

            Trevor smiled as he picked up his phone. He took a deep breath and dialed.

San Francisco

            Maria was sitting in Robert Gray’s office. The position he had offered her was a senior position as a photojournalist for the magazine. She was still unsure of what to do though. Robert was offering her her dream job, but should she take it and leave her life in Orlando behind her forever? Suddenly, Maria’s cell phone rang.

            "Excuse me," she said to Robert as she got out her phone. "Hello?"

            "Hey, stranger." It was Trevor. Maria bit her lip.

            "Hi, Trevor. What’s going on?" she asked.

            "You don’t know how good it is to hear your voice. Listen, I would like to invite you to spend the weekend with us. Now, before you say no, listen. The Mikes have rented us a huge cabin in Utah for the weekend. Three days of nothing but relaxation. And did I mention the cabin is huge? We don’t even have to see each other if we don’t want to. We miss you, sweetheart, and I feel really bad about the party. Please, just come for a few days…no, you don’t even have to stay the whole time, you can leave whenever you want. We just really want to see you again," Trevor told her.

            "Who else is going to be there?" Maria asked. She got up and walked into the hallway where she would have more privacy.

            "The whole gang. Emily, Alex, Kristi, Dianna." He hesitated before he said, "And Sarah." Maria sighed. "Maria, please. We all want to see you again. If there are any problems, you can always leave." He had yet to mention Jacob’s name, but Maria was still unsure as to whether or not Jacob had put Trevor up to this to make up for what had happened at the party. She didn’t want to be tricked into anything.

            "I’m going to ask you straight out, Trevor: did Jacob have anything to do with your inviting me?" she asked. Trevor didn’t hesitate.

            "No. He doesn’t even know that I’m asking you," he said. Maria believed him. Still, seeing Jacob again was going to be awkward to say the least.

            She stood, leaning against the wall for a moment, thinking about it. She couldn’t ‘hide’ from Jacob forever. She had to face him sooner or later. "Trevor, is Jacob mad or acting indifferently? It’s been a month and I just don’t know what’s going to happen when I see him," she said.

            "He was really hurt when you left, but he’s been acting more normal lately. He just gets in these moods where he separates himself from us and is quiet for long periods of time," Trevor told her.

            "That’s normal for him, Trevor," Maria said, a smile coming to her lips.

            "That’s true," Trevor said, laughing.

            Maria wanted to go, but she was very nervous. "I don’t know."

            "Come on, Maria. What do you have to lose? I promise, Jake will be cool."

            "What about Sarah? I haven’t talked to her in over a month. Things weren’t exactly great between us when I left," Maria reminded him.

            "I know. This will give you guys a chance to work things out," Trevor told her. "What you saw that night, by the way, was a mistake. It was my fault that Sarah got drunk and I’m, like, so sorry that it upset you. I shouldn’t have kissed her, either. I was lonely and jealous. I really care about you and seeing you with Jacob hurt. I’ll be honest with you now. I think I’ve finally realized that you want him and he wants you, so I just have to step back and look elsewhere."

            "I’m glad. I hated you being hurt by my being with Jacob. You’re a great friend and a great guy."

            "So, will you come?" Trevor asked, hopefully.

            Maria closed her eyes. She had already made up her mind. She wanted to see them all again…and she wanted to see Jacob again. She hadn’t liked the way that things had been left. It had been unfair of her to have just written him off with a letter. Besides, she couldn’t run away anymore.

            "Okay, Trevor. Yeah. Sure. I’d love to spend the weekend at the cabin," Maria said, hoping that she wouldn’t regret her decision.

            "Awesome! I can’t wait to see you and either can the other guys, I’m sure," Trevor said, excitedly.

            "I’ll pack warm clothes, then?" she asked.

            "Yeah. Hopefully, it will snow. That would be great if it did," Trevor remarked. "We could go snowboarding or skiing and we can just hang out in front of the fireplace that I’m sure will be there." Maria laughed.

            "Okay, You’ve sold me. I’m going! I’ll talk to you soon and thanks for inviting me. Bye." Maria hung up and returned to Robert’s office.

            "Robert, I’m going away for the weekend. Can you hold off until then? I’ll have a decision for you when I return," Maria said. Robert smiled and nodded.

            "Sure. No problem. I do hope you consider my offer carefully. I would love to have you working for me," he said. Maria thanked him and left the office.

            ‘So, go for the job that I’ve always wanted or get back together with Jacob,’ she thought. Maria hated making such big decisions. She was actually looking forward to the weekend at the cabin…that’s when she would decide what she was going to do.

AN: I had to continue my Savage Garden obsession. LOL! Crash and Burn is, like, the perfect song for Maria and Jacob’s situation, though. So, forgive me if I seem a little obsessive. For those of you thinking, "I can’t believe she’s doing the cabin thing!" I plan on making it worthwhile. It’s a chance to get everyone back together again and it gives me a chance to progress some other storylines. It’s a perfect opportunity for drama!!!  So, until the next chapter…

~Maura