Never Let Go

Chapter 4- It's The Hardest Thing

~*Ashley's Point Of View*~

"What time is your appointment tomorrow?" I asked, right before the five of us left to go home.

"One o'clock."

"Ok, that'll work out good. We've got rehearsal tomorrow morning from 8-12, so I should be able to meet you down there by one."

"Alright. You know where it is, right?"

"Yeah, don't worry, I'll be able to find you. Bye Manda, I love you." I said giving her a hug.

"Bye baby, I love you too." I said leaning down to kiss her stomach.

"Night Ashley, we love you too. See you tomorrow." She said, kissing me on the cheek.

After we'd left she closed the door. We all went over and down to the lobby in silence. We got into our respective cars and drove back to the house.

When I got the house the rest of the guys were already there. I got out of my car and walked up to the door, unlocking it with my key when I reached the door.

"Hey, we thought you were behind us, what happened?" Trevor asked as I walked into the living room.

"I took a small detour. I've got a lot on my mind and I just wanted a little more time to think is all."

"Yeah, I meant to ask you how you were taking all of this so far." Erik said, sitting down on the couch.

"I'm excited. I think it's gonna be cool to have a little rugrat."

"That's great man. We're really happy for you. You and Manda are gonna make great parents." Jacob said.

"What are you guys going to do about living arrangements, and when are you gonna tell the mikes?" Dan asked.

"Tell us what?" Mike C. asked coming from the office in the back of the house, Mike M. close behind.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know that you guys were still here."

"Yeah, we needed to have a meeting about the rest of the tour, so we decided to just stay here until you guys got home. Now, tell us what?"

"Well, me and Manda are back together."

"And? I know that that's not all you were going to tell us, so out with it." Mike M. said.

"Amanda is pregnant, four months pregnant."

"How could be so irresponsible? We're very disappointed in you Ashley. You’re the last one that we would expect this from. I mean have you even thought about what its going to do to this band? Not to mention that the two aren't even married! You can't raise a child and be in this band, nor can you have a pregnant girlfriend and be in this band." Mike M, replied, speaking for both of them.

" You're actually telling me that I can't be a part of my baby's life and still be in this band."

"Yes, we are. Did you even think of how the fans would react? They'll go ballistic, not to mention all of the bad publicity that the band will get from this. You're too young to have kids Ashley. You're only twenty-one years old. Do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into? You can forget about ever having a social life again. And how exactly do you plan on raising a child if you're always on the road and always recording? Huh? Have you even thought about that? No, you probably haven't. Christ Ashley, how could you be so irresponsible?"

"Look, I'm sorry. Amanda and I were always very careful. I didn't even know about it until today."

"If you were really being careful then this wouldn't have happened. You have a choice to make and you have until the end of the tour to make your decision. You can either stay in the band and forget that you have a kid, or you can leave this band and be with Amanda and the baby, it's up to you. But if you chose to be with Amanda, then you are finished, no more O-town."

"What do you mean, no more O-town?" Jacob asked speaking up.

"I mean that if Ashley decides to be with Amanda then he's out of the band and O-town is over. It's too late to get a fifth member and you can't be a quartette."

"So that's just it. Ashley has to decide between Amanda and the band, and if he picks Amanda then we're over? How could you do that to us, after all of our hard work?"

"Don't yell at me, yell at Ashley. He was the irresponsible one who got his girlfriend pregnant."

.::The Next Day::.

I got to the doctor's office at quarter till one. I walked over to the waiting room, which was down a little hall from where the receptionist's desk was.

"Ashley!" She exclaimed when she saw me, her whole face visibly lighting up.

"Hey hun." I said giving her a peck on the lips. How was I going to do this?

"Amanda Herzig?" The nurse asked.

"That's me." Amanda replied, taking my hand and walking over to the nurse.

"Follow me." The nurse led us down a short hallway and over to an examination room.

"Make yourself comfortable, the doctor will be in to see you shortly." The nurse said, as she left.

Amanda went over to what resembled a reclined dentist's chair. I went over to stand by her.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm ok. I'm a little nervous, but I'm ok. Just having you here helps a lot." I smiled at her and the doctor walked in.

"Hello Amanda. It's nice to see you."

"It's good to see you too. Dr. McLaughlin I'd like you to meet my boyfriend, Ashley. Ashley, Dr. McLaughlin."

"It's nice to meet you Ashley." Dr. McLaughlin said, shaking my hand.

"It's nice to meet you too."

"Well, shall we get started?" Amanda nodded so I went around to the chair that was on the other side of the dentist-like chair that Amanda was lying in.

The doctor lifted Amanda's shirt just over her stomach and squeezed a jelly-like substance onto her stomach. Then she picked up, what to me anyways, looked sort of like a miniature microphone.

She turned on the screen and typed something into the keyboard. Then she took the mini-microphone thing and put it in the jelly-like substance on Amanda's stomach. I felt her reach for my hand, so I took it in mine and squeezed it.

The doctor moved the mini-microphone thing around her stomach so more and then rested it when she got a clearer picture.

"There's your baby." She said turning the screen towards us. She turned a knob on the front and a small heartbeat was heard.

"Oh my god. Ashley, that's...we created that." She said, looking over at me, tears brimming her eyes.

"Wow...I can't...wow." The doctor smiled and stood up.

"I'll leave the two of you alone for a little while." We nodded, not breaking our gaze from the screen.

"I love you Amanda. No matter what happens, I want you to know that." I said turning towards her. She turned her head so that she was facing me too.

" I love you too Ashley, forever and always." I kissed her lightly and then squeezed her hand.

The doctor came in a few moments later.

"Here are pictures of your sonogram. She said, handing them to me. She then took a towel and wiped Amanda's stomach off. Amanda pulled her shirt down and sat up. She slowly got down from the chair, still holding my hand.

"So, I'll see you in two weeks?"

"Yes. Rose made the appointment for you." Dr. McLaughlin told Amanda.

"Tell her that I said thank you. I'll see you in two weeks. By Dr. M."

"Bye Amanda. It was nice to meet you Ashley."

"It was nice meeting you too."

.::Back At Her Apartment::.

"Amanda, honey, we need to talk." I said leading her over to the couch.

"Uh oh. I don't like the sound of that. Nothing good ever came from the words 'we need to talk'."

"I love you. I always will."

"Please don't do this. Just tell me what it is."

" I can't do this. I got home yesterday and realized that we were leaving to go on tour in two days. We're going to be on tour in Europe for three months and then when we get back, we have a month in Canada. I can't be here for you like you need me to be. I'll never be home and when I am I'll be recording. I just can't do this right now. I'm sorry that I got your hopes up, but I had to be honest with you."

"So you're leaving me? This is it. This is good-bye?" She asked, tears in her eyes. I nodded my head solemnly, ashamed of the things that I was saying.

"Do we even get to be friends or are you saying good-bye all together?" She asked, now crying.

"I think for right now it would be better if we weren't anything, not to say that I don't want to be friends, I just think that it would be too hard on both of us to try and be friends now." She nodded

"I understand." She whispered.

"I hope that you can find someone who can be there for you. That's what you deserve. Somebody who can be here all the time. Someone to be here to love you and the baby. Someone that I can't be right now." She nodded again, turning her head away from me.

"Well, then. I guess I'm gonna go. I'll see you around Amanda."

With that I got up and left her apartment, tears coming to my eyes the second I had her door shut.

I got in my car and drove back to the house. When I walked in everyone was in the living room, including Mike and Mike.

"Well, I did it. I chose. I chose the band. I couldn't do that to them. I hope all of you are very happy." I said, my voice rising as I spoke. I turned on my heel and ran up to my room, slamming the door behind me. I threw myself on my bed and began bawling.

This wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to be a dad and to have a family with Amanda.

Home

Chapter 5- Baby Love