Never Let Go

Chapter 1: Ghost of You And Me

~*Amanda's Point Of View*~

.::Two Months Later::.

"I really think that you should tell one of the guys." Stephanie said, bringing up my least favorite subject again.

"I can't."

"Then let me tell one of the guys."

"No, I don't want them to know."

"Manda, think about it, they're gonna be here in two days. I think they'll notice."

"I know but, I don't want any of them to know before they get here. I couldn't do that to him."

"Do what to who?"

"Let all of the other guys know that Ashley's gonna be a daddy before Ashley knows that he's gonna be a daddy."

"They're gonna know before him anyways."

"How do you figure?"

" Do you really think that he'll be with the guys when they come to visit?"

" Well, I, no, I guess not. I don't know what to do. I mean he might come right?" I said my voice cracking.

" Do you think that he hates me? He probably does. He probably never wants to see me again." I said, going into another one of my mood swings.

" I'm sure that he doesn't hate you Amanda. I know that he doesn't hate you. He loves you."

"How do you know huh? Or are you just lying to me to make me feel better huh? 'Cause if you are you can just stop. I don't need your pity 'I know he still loves you's." I yelled, my mood changing once again. Stephanie sighed and put her face in her hands.

" I know because I talked to Jacob. He told me how Ashley was doing and that Ashley still loves you."

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't m-mean to start y-yelling. I-I just...I-I don't know w-what's gotten into m-me lately." I said, now sobbing.

"It's ok, you're pregnant. They're called mood swings. Don't worry about it ok?" She asked pulling me into a much-needed hug.

~* Jacob's Point Of View*~

"Ash?"

"Yeah Jake?"

"Are you gonna come with us to go see Manda and Stephanie?"

"To be honest with you I haven't even thought about it yet. Do you think I should come?"

"Yeah, I do. I mean if nothing else, the two of you can at least be friends. You've been friends for what, twenty, twenty-one years now? You shouldn't throw all of that away just because you made one dumb mistake."

"Well, yeah I know, but do you think that she's even going to want me there?"

"I don't know. From what Stephanie said, yeah, but I don't really know. I mean if it's really just too awkward then you could always leave and go back to the hotel."

"Yeah, I guess I could do that."

"So you'll come then?"

"Yeah, I'll come."

"Good." With that I got up from the couch in the lounge and went up to the front of the bus to call Stephanie.

"Hey Jakeass, so what did Angel cake say?"

"He said that he'd come."

"This is good. Very, very good."

"Hey, Ms. Melanie?"

"Yeah, Jakeass?"

"You never told me why it was so important to get Ashley to come with us."

"I'm not at liberty to say."

"C'mon Steph. This is me, you can tell me."

"No I really can't. It's Amanda's secret and if she wants to keep it then I have to keep it."

"Fine then, don't tell me."

"Ok, I won't. Listen, I gotta go. Amanda's here. By Jakeass, see ya tomorrow."

"Bye Ms. Melanie. See ya at two ok?"

"All right. See ya then. Bye." I heard the click of her phone and then hung mine up as well. I was still confused as to why it was so important that Angel cake came tomorrow, but whatever. I'd find out tomorrow and that was good enough for me.

~*Ashley's Point Of View*~

I was lying in my bunk listening to my walkman, but hey what else is new? Images of my relationship playing in my mind. I'd never have that again. I would never fall in love again and I would never get to experience that stuff again. Unless of course by some miracle she decided to forgive me, but the chances of that happening are slim to none. There's no way that Manda would ever forgive me for what I did.

I sighed and turned so that I was lying on my side. I had a bunch of pictures of me and Manda taped to the wall of my bunk.

There were pictures of us from when we were really little. There was this one picture that was taken on our first day of kindergarten we were holding hands as we walked up to the door. Then there were pictures of us in middle school and high school. There were a couple of pictures of my 13^th birthday party. A couple of the musical we did in 10^th grade. Then there was my favorite picture of all. It was a picture of us on our last Christmas together, this past Christmas. I had my arms wrapped around her waist and she had her arms around my neck. We were kissing under the mistletoe. It was taken at my mom's annual Christmas party.

Just looking at the pictures made me teary-eyed. They reminded me of what I had and what I had lost. We were so happy together and then I had to go and screw it up.

How stupid could I be? I'd actually planned on proposing to her on Valentine's Day. I still had the ring with me. I couldn't let go. Maybe I needed to. Maybe I didn't.

I sighed again and turned over so that I was lying on my back again.

~*Amanda's Point Of View*~

The guys were coming tomorrow. I was so nervous. Stephanie told me that she talked to Jake and he said that Ashley was definitely coming. He was going to flip. I mean...argh. I hate this I really hate this. I'm gonna sue the condom company and the birth control pill company. Stupid ass mother...

Breathe Amanda. ARGH and now I'm talking to myself. This is just peachy. You know what I think? I think that being pregnant drives you to insanity. Yep, definitely going psycho over here.

Hmm...I think I'll go get a bowl of ice cream. Ice cream and pickles always make me feel better.

I got up off the bed and waddled down the stairs. Yep, that's right, waddled. I was four months pregnant and officially as big as a house, which surprised me. I had a sonogram in two days so I won't worry about it until then.

Mmm...Pickles and ice cream, definitely the best food on earth.

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