True Love

Sometimes
I want to give up
Sometimes
I am jaded
and cynical
and forgetful
and I fail
to see the light inside.
Sometimes
my sparkle dulls
and I feel so tired
and weepy.
"My eyes decided on you"
Eyes are so foolish!
They can only measure
from frontal perception
and not from the test
of a true soul,
which is time.
Now I know I did not love you then
because I did not even know you.
Love should be accumulated,
not encountered.
It doesn't come from energy,
it is the culmination of memory
and moments shared.
A first smile,
the first kiss,
even words
cannot verify it.
The only thing that can
is looking back
on my screams
on your sobs
on our clenched jaws
and fiery eyes
and doors slammed
and cigarettes liposucked
in frosty 2am air
and scathing journal entries
and sad songs
and misunderstandings
and frustration
and being vulnerable
and feeling regret
and uncertainty
and dishonesty
and huge belly laughs
and giggles
and ahh's
and orgasms
and heated debates
and dinners
and long walks
and hot showers
and movies
and mending
and hands
and skin
and renewed comfort
not always exciting,
but always enticing,
and real.
This is what I know.
This is true love.

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For Matthew: love, Ashtaroth

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