My Poems
Where are you now?
Now it’s nearing the time when you need that touch again
I want to touch you, breathe you,
Ohhh… I can’t stand the thought of your hand
Won’t you take my hand, drown in this sea with me,
Do you understand how it feels,
And where did I go wrong?
Look into your eyes, and I’ll find the answers,
Never thought I’d need you, breathe you,
Need to feel you like this, like this….
And as time goes by it’s getting harder for me to resist, resist…
And I don’t know how much longer I can pretend, pretend,
It’s harder to feel this sinking feeling I have inside,
Knowing that I can no longer hide.
I need you,
Somehow
It’s not like me too want you,
See me sinking further and further to the ground
I’m on my knees and begging please
Lay me down beside you tonight,
And hold me tight, please hold me tight
If you can’t be the man I need tonight
All our forevers, meaningless endeavors
Will be nothing if you can’t stay here with me, please say it’s alright.
If only for this one night…
Can’t stand the thought of forever
Lonely, lost without you,
I need to be with you…. tonight
Bleeding to the depths of your soul
I can’t believe I’ve lost my touch, and all control
I’d give up forever and it’s not much
But it’s the best that I can give, and it’s all I’ve got
So please, baby please just tell me the truth,
Do you need me,
Do you breathe me…
or we lost and lonely tonight?
You were my passion
You lose all thats familiar
Ocean deep devotion
Now dried up emerald seas
Mountains left in barren skies
Heartache hangs among the stars
No longer together
Bleeding, captivating memories
Lost in time
The battle long since over...
You die a little inside
Depression is consuming
It's a long, lonely ride
I can think of a million reasons why this it wrong...
But when I look into my heart,
You know,
I've set free and ocean of tears.
The reason I've done so many things is because I love you,
I've always considered myself strong,
I've always had fun,
Why can't there be some kind of pill you can take,
Why I shouldn't care about you like I do,
Why I shouldn't love you like I do.
I remember the religion,
The customs...
The many things that set us apart.
There's a love I can't turn off.
I try and resist...
But everytime I look into your eyes,
It sneaks up on me,
And forces me to feel things I know I shouldn't feel,
And it refueses to let go,
Even when it doesn't bring anything but pain...
Hurts a funny thing,
Because most people don't know what real pain is.
They think it's when you cry over a scraped knee on the sidewalk.
No,
Real pain is when the tears don't stream from your eyes,
But through you heart.
I've tried so many things to feel differently.
I've tried new friends,
I've tried other boyfriends,
I've thought about smoking pot,
And drinking,
As an escape from my thoughts.
I've tried cutting myself,
Letting the blood shed freely,
Wishing that like the blood,
I could be free...
Free of this hold you have over me.
And I know I shouldn't,
But I just can't seem to resist.
But I guess I've never been tested like this,
Neber fallen for anyone like this,
Though loves nothing to be ashamed of,
It's just hard sometimes to face facts,
When your heart stabs your mind in the back.
Fooling around in each relationship,
One meaningless one after another.
Figures when I finally fall for someone for real,
It's for a person I could never have.
That would make you love only the person who's right for you?
But I can't stop thinking to myself,
That maybe this is right.
I sit here, broken pieces on my bathroom floor,
I'd reach out for help, but my friends don't even recognize me anymore,
And they don't know my pain is worse then anything I've ever felt before.
I stare, gazing longingly at the razor on my sink.
Endless thoughts of suicide, but I pause to stop and think.
Maybe its better off this way, I'm sure I can't face one more single day.
What reason could I possibly have to stay?
Then I thought of the sunshine, the beaches and the spring, the laughter, the love,
The little joys life can bring.
Could I really give all that up just because life got rough?
I need to be strong, not weak because life is always tough.
Showing courage I held my head up high with a new found pride,
An inner strength I didn't know I had inside,
No longer feeling like I should hide.
I decided to be brave and I quickly left the room,
To give life everything I have and set aside the gloom.
No one else can change my vision.
A life without sadness, guilt and depression was my decision.
Don't act like you understand.
You have no idea how it feels to lose the touch of a loved ones hand.
As I sit here and cry,
I find myself asking God why...
Why did he have to die?
You sculpted me skillfully of clay,
When I look into your eyes,
A river of tears,
I crumble away.
I see something hidden,
Something buried,
Something more.
Something I've never seen before.
This love is so unreal,
I'm almost afraid to feel.
I'm terrified I'll fall,
And lose it all.
It's something I can't quite understand.
I just want to hold you close and never let go of your hand.
There's nothing anyone can say or do,
To keep me from loving you.
I love you now and for all of time,
Holding faith that someday you will be mine.
I could never let this go,
So I guess theres only one thing you should know...
"I love you"
One minute I was angry and wanted the world to know it.
The next, I was hurt and was too damn proud to show it.
How is one supposed to act when they lose all that is familiar?
The realization your all alone when your loved one leaves is quite peculiar.
We shared our hopes, our thoughts and our dreams.
Now that he's gone I feel like I've been ripped straight from the seams.
At first I was guilty that I was alive.
I lost my will, determination and drive.
I know now that he'd want me to be happy, not sad and depressed forever.
The thought of happiness without him is strange however.
Out in this big world I know there is someone waiting,
But the pain is so fresh I couldn't ever imagine dating.
But one day in the future I'll try,
And hold my head up high,
I'll find another guy,
But this I know is true,
I'll never forget how it felt to be with you,
And all the love we once knew.
"It's not whether win or lose, it's how you play the game."
Well I've often played the game,
Broken promises, lied, I showed absolutely no shame.
And each time it was the same.
I had a wildness it seemed no man could ever tame.
Totally independant, I was nobody's dame.
I was untouchable until the day you came.
Faithful for once, I became.
The games from before seemed suddenly so lame.
I saw how my player ways had ruined my good name.
I didn't even notice how you had started your own game...
The sun magically rises,
And I am peaceful.
The grass turns green,
And I am elated.
The trees arched peacfully,
And I am jaded.
The leaves turn colour,
And I am shattered.
The storm rages fiercly,
And I am frightened.
The wind blows lonely,
And I am hollow.
The sun softly sets,
And I am terrified.
The world keeps spinning,
And I am mistified.
The moon rises up and the stars revolt
Time for another vicious cycle
Another revolution alone...
Fearing the sun may never rise again
What would I do without you to brighten my world?
The universe is cold and bitter without your warmth
Without your heavenly star,
My world is nothing more then a grey, empty space.
So I'll remain here forlorn,
And hope tomorrow for sunlit skies,
and anxiously await your luminous solace.
Jaded, wearisome eyes
Chaotic stream of endless pain
Swim in the agony
And perish in the animosity
Recoil from the murky depths of your despair.
Nobody will grieve for you
Existence is futile
A sacred rose from an ancient time,
A treasured monument of a past existence.
Mourning, wilting petals,
A dejected, sorrowful flower.
It's enough to make one's heart bleed...
Reminise, bear in mind the love you once knew...
Didn't it appear undying too?
Lost without your smile
Baby you've been gone awhile
Alone without you kiss
All those treasured moments that I miss
Never felt the pain that I feel now...
Lost without your soul
A horrible situation beyond my control
Alone without your existence
Can't let you go without resistance
Never felt the pain that I feel now...
Lost without your touch
No one else could ever mean so much
Alone without your love
Tears fall as I gaze towards the empty skies above
Never felt the pain that I feel now...
In this world of make believe
Shadows play on your disease
Seeping into your veins
It's all a tumor now
Cancerous heart,
Buried in the dark
Does this sickness satisfy you?
Gaping open wounds,
Rotten to the core...
Pretending won't lead to your salvation.
A momentary loss of vision
Blinded by the pain
The darkness is a comfort
Sadly, awaken
Open the eyes and reflect
Whatever happens,
It will all fade away.
Is it me you discover?
Is it in me your happier?
Is it me you hunger?
Is it in me your darkness?
Is it me you disguise?
Is it in me your unhappiness?
Is it me you despise?
Strong and Joyful
Appreciating, treasuring, adoring,
No one above you
Love
Alone…
Never…
Desire…
Expose…
Reflecting…
Impact…
Never…
Gone…
That cost everything.
Jumbled pieces,
Scattered everywhere.
You watched the world suddenly explode,
No escape from the harsh realities.
A gentle grasp on sanity,
A tender, broken spirit.
Conscience of a million private terrors,
Filled with sorrow and regret,
Your dying in private agony.
Pushed to the limit,
Your to proud to admit,
Plans of an escape are made.
Your not sure your strong enough.
Use your last ounce of courage,
Then finally comfort,
As you walk hand in hand with God.
I remember what the fall was like.
The landing was rough...
I felt too fast and felt too much.
Terrified to lose you.
I made a mistake then you left without a backwards glance,
Scared to fall again you left me in a trance.
Now...
Listening to the rain pounding on my window,
Wondering what it would be like to fall freely from heaven,
Not caring where you land...
I never thought I’d return, but I quickly realized I was home again at last.
Walls I laid over the long, lonely years, ensuring no living creature could get in,
Yet enclosing myself completely within.
One day I climbed up the walls and curiously looked out at the sky,
"Must I live a life of loneliness?" I often wondered why.
Then in the distance I caught a glimpse of your face,
And all at once I wanted out of this dark unwelcoming place.
The walls started to crumble, that took so long to build,
I grew amazed by the effort and I was instantly thrilled.
You hit me with all the joys one could possibly send,
And once again, my broken heart began to mend.
I'm wondering what I could possibly do to make things right.
I can't remember ever feeling this empty.
The dark thoughts are all I have now.
Can't give in or I'll lose myself within,
Scrambled are my worthless dreams.
Why dare to dream when the hearts already broken?
Careless mistakes leave you beaten and shamed.
Glittering tears painted on by your fears,
Turn your back on your faith and walk alone.
Fate lies in God's cruel hands,
Slipping through the cracks of the earth like tiny grains of sand.
You took a part of me that I thought you never could have...
I’m chained to the cold uncomfortable ground,
Consumed by my own looming guilt.
I knew this was coming, so the hurts a funny thing,
I’m left to watch the pendulum gently swing,
I’m engulfed in my own private terrors.
The pains getting to be to much to bare,
Of the darkness ahead I’m well aware,
I’m losing the will to live.
Gone is the power to fight,
Ever slowly,
I’m being drawn towards the light,
And all that’s left of me is a lonely, broken shell.
My spirit is free, so maybe it’s better to lay broken,
To emerge stronger then before all the empty words have been spoken,
Forgotten promises of the jaded souls.
Now I’m just a memory,
You can see all that’s left of me,
Someone who dared to dream of things not meant to be.
You said you’d always take care of me.
But now you’ve got your hand on the door.
Saying harsh words I didn’t think you knew before.
Nothing is the same anymore…
You make me feel tired and ashamed,
But I know that I’m not the one who should be blamed.
An enchanted love that we used to hold,
Turns out you don’t feel quite the same after we grew old…
You’d rather have some younger chick in your life,
But don’t forget when you come home, that I’M your loving wife.
I shivered, but not from the cold, and I wrapped my jacket around me tight.
You didn’t answer my calls, I knew something wasn’t right.
As I knocked on your door, I tired not to shake with all my might.
When you answered, I instinctively knew, and I forced myself to stand my full height.
I briefly wondered, "Was she there, and did you fuck her tonight?"
"What did she have that I didn’t?" and then my eyes shown bright.
"Bastard!" I told you to go to hell and bid you goodnight,
But I half wished you’d follow me instead, and tell me everything would be alright.
But of course you didn’t, you’d rather have that slut, and you gave me up without a fight.
The realization hit, and suddenly I was all alone, in the darkness of the night…
How do you know whats real,
How do you know whats right?
Maybe we're just too weak.
Maybe we're just too afraid to understand.
Faith leads you blindly,
Casting you in a new direction,
With the change of the wind.
Clarity before your weary eyes.
A moment of peace before the opening of the dark skies.
Fires rage as the core twists and burns.
Unwillingly forced to the brink of insanity,
While buried in the silence of the memory.
Why bother when the reward is pain?
The sound of a choir echoing ancient prayer.
Broken wings unable to soar,
How do you keep going the distance when you've already reached the breaking point?
Shattered and abused you can't find the will to endure the agony...
After all the suffering the journey is finally over.
You were smiling back at me, in your usual loving way,
Then you, my dearest reflection, waiting to come out someday,
Started to vanish, and I began to panic and I begged of you to stay,
Feeling so helpless, "I love you. Don’t leave me", I heard myself say,
Tears streamed down my face as you slowly slipped away,
Beat my fists into the glass, I knew someone would have to pay,
But now in the end, you’re gone and I’m left alone to pray…
Now a fleeting distance past.
What can make me whole again?
How do I put the pieces back together and make them mean something again?
Here's a poem my ex-boyfriend Casey wrote...
While I'm here
I sit at the ledge
To end the guilt,
To end this anger
But I can't do this
I might be depressed
Why am I so mad?
Why leave my friends
I step back from the edge
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN - Robert Frost
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
NOTHING GOLD CAN STAY - Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
FIRE AND ICE - Robert Frost
Some say the world will end in fire,
PART 1: LIFE VI - Emily Dickenson
If I can stop one heart from breaking,
Wuthering Heights and Poems, 325 - Emily Bronte
...I cannot be more lonely,
Elizabeth Barrett Browning - My favourite poem on this Earth. It makes me cry everytime and I just think it's amazingly beautiful.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I only feel pain,
hatred now flows
like blood through my veins.
wanting to fall,
finding the courage
to end it all.
To end the pain.
To end all things,
that drive me insane.
To end the hurt.
To end this life
lay buried in dirt.
I can't leap below,
I'm only fourteen
I'm too young to go.
or maybe unstable,
But I just need to talk
I'm willing but not able.
Why am I so scared?
I know many people
That have always cared.
and family behind?
Why leave the people
that always were kind?
because I can't leap,
For this is the life
that I plan to keep.
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favour fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
More drear I cannot be!
My worn heart throbs so wildly
‘Twill break for thee...
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,-I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!-and if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death."
