undertow

intolerance
I don't want to be hostile
I don't want to be dismal
But I don't want to rot in an apathetic existence either
See I want to believe you, and I want to trust and I want to have faith to put away the dagger
But you lie, cheat, and steal
And yet I tolerate you
Veil of virtue hung to hide your method while I smile and laugh and dance and sing your praise and glory
Shroud of virtue hung to mask your stigma as I smile and laugh and dance and sing your glory while you lie, cheat, and steal
How can I tolerate you
Our guilt, our blame, I've been far too sympathetic
Our blood, our fault
I've been far too sympathetic
I am not innocent
You are not innocent
No one is innocent
I will no longer tolerate you
Even if I must go down beside you
Because, No one is innocent

Prison Sex
It took so long to remember just what happened
I was so young and vestal then, you know it hurt me, but I'm breathing so I guess I'm still alive even if signs seem to tell me otherwise
I've got my hands bound, my head down, my eyes closed, and my throat wide open
Do unto others what has been done to you
I'm treading water, I need to sleep a while
My lamb and martyr, you look so precious
Won't you come a bit closer, close enough so I can smell you
I need you to feel this, I can't stand to burn too long
Released in this sodomy
For one sweet moment I am whole
Do unto you now what has been done to me
You're breathing so I guess you're still alive even if signs seem to tell me otherwise
Won't you come just a bit closer, close enough so I can smell you
I need you to feel this
I need this to make me whole
There's release in this sodomy
For I am your witness that blood and flesh can be trusted
And only this one holy medium brings me piece of mind
Got your hands bound, your head down, your eyes closed
You look so precious now
I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this shit blood and cum on my hands
I've come round full circle
My lamb and martyr, this will be over soon
You look so precious

Sober
There's a shadow just behind me, shrouding every breath I take, making every promise empty, pointing every finger at me
Waiting like a stalking butler who upon the finger rests
Murder now the path called must we just before the son has come
Jesus, won't you fucking whistle something but the past and done? Why can't we not be sober? I just want to start this over
Why can't we drink forever
I just want to start things over
I am just a worthless liar
I am just an imbecile
I will only complicate you
Trust in me and fall as well
I will find a center in you
I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you just enough to bring you down
Trust me
Mother Mary won't you whisper something but what's past and done
Trust me
I want what I want

Bottom
My compassion is broken now
My will is eroded, and my desire stolen and it makes me feel ugly
I'm on my knees and burning
My piss and moans are the fuel that set my head on fire
So smell my soul burning
I'm broken, looking up to see the enemy
I have swallowed the poison you feed me
but I survive on it , and it leaves me guilt fed, hatred fed, weakness fed
and I feel ugly, and dead inside
Shit adds up at the bottom
You've left me no choice but to go inside and rebuild what's broken
Too much , too far , too late to lie down now
I must arm myself to fight you by making weapons out of my imperfections
It's all I have left
There's no other choice
I'm shameless, nameless, nothing, and no one now
But my soul must be iron for my fear is naked
I'm naked and fearless
But I'm dead inside
You see
shit adds up, now I'm dead inside
Hatred, weakness, and guilt keep me alive at the bottom

Crawl Away
You crawled away from me
Slipped away from me
I tried to keep a hold, but there was nothing I could say
You slid and crept away and there was nothing I could say
So what you're trying to say is you don't wanna play
But what you want and what you need doesn't mean fuck to me
Because I can see your back is turning
If I could I'd stick the knife in
This is love
This is my love for you
Get up
Now
Say you won't go

Swamp Song
My warning meant nothing
You're dancing in quicksand
Why don't you watch where you're wandering? Why don't you watch where you're stumbling? You're wading knee deep and going in
And you may never come back again
This bog is thick and easy to get lost in when you're a stupid, dumb ass, belligerent fucker
I hope it sucks you down
Wander in and wandering
No one even invited you in
But still you stumble in stumbling
So suffocate or get out while you can
No one told you to come
I hope it sucks you down

Undertow
gone under two times
I've been struck dumb by a voice that speaks from deep beneath the cold black water
It's twice as clear as heaven, and twice as loud as reason
It's deep and rich like silt on a riverbed and just as undisturbing
the currents mouth below me opens up around me
suggests and beckons all while swallowing
It surrounds and drowns and sweeps me away
But I'm so comfortable
Too comfortable
shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up you're saturating me
So how could I let this bring me back to my knees again again again under for the third time
I've been baptized by your voice
it screams from deep beneath the endless water
and it's half as high as heaven and half as clear as reason
it's cold and and black like silt on the riverbed
But I'm so comfortable
Far too comfortable
Why don't you kill me, I'm weak and numb and insignificant, and I'm back on my knees
lost in euphoria
I'm back down
I'm in the undertow
I'm helpless and awake in the undertow
I'll die within your undertow
It seems there's no other way out of this undertow
euphoria

4 Degrees
Get up and free yourself from yourself
Locked up inside you, like the calm beneath castles, is a cavern of treasures that no one has been to
Let's go digging
Bring it out to take you back in
You won't do what you'd like to do
Lay back and let me show you another way
I'll kill what you want me to, take what's left and eat it
Take all or nothing
Life's just too short to push it away
Take it all
Take it all in
All the way in
Let it go
Let it go in
You won't feel what you'd like to feel
Lay back and let me show you another way
If you knock me down I'll come back running, knock you down, it won't be long now All the way in
All the way
Take it up higher
4 degrees warmer
Give in now and let me in
You'll like this in Don't pull it out
It brings us closer than dying and cancer and crying
Come on
You can take it all
Just like that

Flood
Here comes the water
All I knew and all I believed are crumbling images that no longer comfort me
I scramble to reach higher ground, some order and sanity, or something to comfort me
So I take what is mine, and hold what is mine, suffocate what is mine, and bury what's mine
Soon the water will come and claim what is mine
I must leave it behind, and climb to a new place now
This ground is not the rock I thought it to be
Thought I was high, and free
I thought I was there divine destiny
I was wrong
This changes everything
The water is rising up on me
Thought the sun would come deliver me, but the truth has come to punish me instead
The ground is breaking down right under me
Cleanse and purge me in the water

Disgustipated
And the angel of the lord came unto me, snatching me up from my place of slumber
And took me on high, and higher still until we moved to the spaces betwixt the air itself
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest
And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil
One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear
And terror possessed me then
And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! You see, Reverend Maynard, tomorrow is harvest day and to them it is the holocaust
" And I sprang from my slumber drenched in sweat like the tears of one million terrified brothers and roared, "Hear me now, I have seen the light! They have a consciousness, they have a life, they have a soul! Damn you! Let the rabbits wear glasses! Save our brothers!" Can I get an amen? Can I get a hallelujah? Thank you Jesus
Life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on life feeds on
This is necessary
It was daylight when you woke up in your ditch
You looked up at your sky then
That made blue be your color
You had your knife there with you too
When you stood up there was goo all over your clothes
Your hands were sticky
You wiped them on your grass, so now your color was green
Oh Lord, why did everything always have to keep changing like this
You were already getting nervous again
Your head hurt and it rang when you stood up
Your head was almost empty
It always hurt you when you woke up like this
You crawled up out of your ditch onto your gravel road and began to walk, waiting for the rest of your mind to come back to you
You can see the car parked far down the road and you walked toward it
"If God is our Father," you thought, "then Satan must be our cousin
" Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? You got to your car and tried all the doors
They were locked
It was a red car and it was new
There was an expensive leather camera case laying on the seat
Out across your field, you could see two tiny people walking by your woods
You began to walk towards them
Now red was your color and, of course, those little people out there were yours too